Why can't my wife understand?

[Broken Arrow]

Would be interesting to have the tell her side of the story.

I believe the OP was referred to here by the wife, meaning she knows of this place as well.

[Inkstain82]

I tend to be a little more sympathetic to the wife than most. She was clear about what she wanted going into the marriage, and there's a lot of financial value that can be added staying at home.

[FrugalFish]

Not to get too far into a different train of thought, but if the wife has not worked for a while, what are the chances that she can just head out and pick up a job in this economy? With so many people unemployed and underemployed, even the lowliest jobs are being heavily sought after in some areas.

It would be great if he could convince her to look for a job, but looking and finding are two different things right now. OP's finances are what they are, and they are the confines that must be worked within whether she's got a job or not in this moment.

Is it possible that your wife's refusal to work is based on some type of anxiety disorder? Just because someone is not physically unable to work doesn't mean there's not a reason. If any such thing exists, perhaps you could encourage her to start a home based business? Even if she doesn't earn much, you both might feel better about things in general.

I, too, would be curious what % of income you spend on golf each month. Sometimes percentages give a better perspective.

[Broken Arrow]

What is the exact arrangement? Some wives work, and some are stay-at-home moms. Nothing wrong with either way, just a matter of what is agreed upon to be?

Or perhaps there wasn't much of an agreement? I guess not if it's an issue....

I don't know if the wife is willing to come forward here and tell her side of the story, but perhaps that would strain their relationship even more? Or is it already strained? It would at least help us get a better picture of things.

I personally take no sides. I'm just wondering what this jigsaw puzzle looks like.

[disneysteve]

What is the exact arrangement? Some wives work, and some are stay-at-home moms. Nothing wrong with either way, just a matter of what is agreed upon to be?

It is very interesting to me how much people's perception has changed over the years. When I was growing up, it was quite strange for a woman to be out working. That usually only happened in families that were struggling financially or the husband was disabled. It didn't matter if there were children or not. The husband worked. The wife was a homemaker or housewife, words we just don't hear anymore today. Now here we are arguing that there must be something wrong with this woman because she doesn't work. It is a total reversal of the way things were not all that long ago, like in the 1970s.

My wife works part-time but would really rather not. I don't expect her to keep working indefinitely. We've been married for almost 17 years and she has only been in the workforce for about 5 of those years. Part of that was due to raising our daughter, but most was by choice.

[pikey412]

LOL at the OP's sense of entitlement. Typical american attitude.


I was disappointed to read that his hobby is golf. I totally thought his hobby was online porn site subscriptions.

[DebbieL]

There are many married couples that separate their finances.

You betcha! I'm half of one of those couples. It is great - and we have no arguments about money - ever.

[KTP]

LOL at the OP's sense of entitlement. Typical american attitude.


I was disappointed to read that his hobby is golf. I totally thought his hobby was online porn site subscriptions.

I hate golf. I dont' remember the author, but the quote is something like "A nice walk ruined by a little white ball". But if he enjoys it there should be a way for him to keep his hobby.

I rather find it quite LOL that people spend 10% of their income on another hobby, but nobody dares to poke fun at that, or suggest that they have a sense of entitlement. I guess everyone feels there is something they MUST have or do in life...

[DebbieL]

It is very interesting to me how much people's perception has changed over the years. When I was growing up, it was quite strange for a woman to be out working. That usually only happened in families that were struggling financially or the husband was disabled. It didn't matter if there were children or not. The husband worked. The wife was a homemaker or housewife, words we just don't hear anymore today. Now here we are arguing that there must be something wrong with this woman because she doesn't work. It is a total reversal of the way things were not all that long ago, like in the 1970s.

My wife works part-time but would really rather not. I don't expect her to keep working indefinitely. We've been married for almost 17 years and she has only been in the workforce for about 5 of those years. Part of that was due to raising our daughter, but most was by choice.

It has worked well for you two, but most women today are not in that position. I really would never recommend to a woman to put herself in that position either. I think it is dangerous to depend on someone else for your upkeep - especially with divorce rates what they are. You will be at a severe disadvantage without a career or work history if you suddenly "have" to work. I cannot even imagine being financially supported by a man. The last time that happened was my father, lol.

PS - My parents have been married 55 years now, and my mom worked from the time I was about 4 (I was the youngest of their 5 kids - I'm the 38 year old "baby" now). She didn't have to, but she did like earning a living.

[Well Spent]

Women who don't work are backing themselves into a corner. They are very vulnerable. With 50% of marriages ending in divorce, and many of the marriages that stay together unhappy and even abusive for one of the spouses, i would not advocate making yourself dependent on a partner.

[Inkstain82]

Women who don't work are backing themselves into a corner. They are very vulnerable. With 50% of marriages ending in divorce, and many of the marriages that stay together unhappy and even abusive for one of the spouses, i would not advocate making yourself dependent on a partner.

That's what alimony laws are for.

[zetta]

It occurs to me that perhaps this couple is late-middle age. I can certainly imagine someone my mother's age who was a homemaker (with or without kids) throughout her first marriage, was widowed, and then remarried with the clear expectation on both sides that she would continue to be a homemaker. In such a situation I would not expect her to go find a job when the budget could be met by cutting golf.

[DebbieL]

Women who don't work are backing themselves into a corner. They are very vulnerable. With 50% of marriages ending in divorce, and many of the marriages that stay together unhappy and even abusive for one of the spouses, i would not advocate making yourself dependent on a partner.

Amen!

Also, as the man (or woman if she is the breadwinner) in this situation, I would not ever allow myself to be put into that position - because he or she could end up paying to support that person if they do split.

[disneysteve]

Women who don't work are backing themselves into a corner. They are very vulnerable. With 50% of marriages ending in divorce, and many of the marriages that stay together unhappy and even abusive for one of the spouses, i would not advocate making yourself dependent on a partner.

Sorry, but I find this to be a very depressing view of marriage.

I think a lot of people get married to the wrong person for the wrong reasons with the wrong expectations and that leads to a lot of divorces.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I think that there are many people who have trouble holding jobs because of emotional or physical issues. Not visable but still present.

So yes it's not a great idea to not work. But hopefully there's a reason for it.

Plus yes marriages end in divorce. But how many people know what they are really getting into before marriage?

By the way, if you wife doesn't work, are you middle age and had children and she stayed at home the whole time?