Parents cause this?

[LivingAlmostLarge]

So would that be considered unsuccessful to not aspire to owning a home?

[ActYourWage]

I will measure their success in life by the following:

1. They are self sufficient, and don't need a man in their life. They will want a man of course, but not need him for financial reasons.
2. They will not become a burden to society through long or frequent utilizations of public assistence..
3. They will be their own persons, having all kinds of options that only money can provide.
4. They will be good citizens, vote, and volunteer their time to help less fortunate others.
5. They will raise their children in a similar way I raised them.
6. They will make their living without breaking laws, or cheating others.
7. They will not have any or very little consumer debt, no credit card debt.
8. They will not be driven by materialism, nor live beyond their means.
9. They will not care about peer pressure, so if their friend has a bigger house of nicer car, they will not care one way or the other.
10. They will have lots of joy, love, security and hope in their lives in ways that only fiscal responsability can bring to a family.
11. They will find mates just like them, raised like them, and they will work out their issues to avoid divorce.

These are few things that I will use to judge how successful they are.

If they become billionaires but have bad other area/s of their lives are messed up, then they are losers, plain in simple.

You have it all figured out, don't you!

[ea1776]

I never blame my parents for the status of life (financial, emotional, or anything else), because I am an adult and I take full responsibility for all my actions. There is a flip side to that also. I don't give them a ton of credit for MY accomplishments, because they are for the most part a direct consequence of MY efforts.

Having said that, my parents definitely played a part in both. My mom is pretty much financially ignorant, and encouraged me to "build my credit" and told me "I deserved a new car after graduation".

I'm just not a big fan of pity party's and I enjoy cleaning up my own mess, building my own wealth, and learning from my own mistakes.

[ea1776]

That's a great line. Kind of like saying you aren't growing seeds, you are growing plants. They start out as seeds (children) but the goal is to end up with full grown plants (adults).

Great job! I like analogies and quotes.

I'm sure you are both great parents. I hope I will be a great parent when my wife and I have children. I'm certainly going to try my best.

[cicy33]

I am totally amazed by what I am reading. Normally this group has no issue laying the line down clear and simple. Yet, everything I have read tells me that all the mistakes I have made are my parents fault. BALONEY!!!! they are mine. and they are every single person's out there, even the 20 something's. True, a parent guides a child the best they can but a parent can do the very best of guiding and providing a proper and intelligent upbringing and a "child" can still do everything wrong. does this mean that the kid has no fault? cause that is what I am reading here. What happened to people need to take responsibility for their own actions? This is no different than saying that if someone kills someone else it is the parents fault cuz well they didn't teach them right. give me a break. If a person totally screws up their credit and then either doesn't care or attempt to fix it then they are at fault. not their parents. I have made so many mistakes financially in my life. I know better and even while doing it I knew the better way to handle it but didn't due to my own fault. Maybe when we stop passing the blame and lay it squarely on the shoulders of whose it is that will help people to grow up. For the record, I have no intention of raising adults. My daughter moved out at 18. she has made mistakes but has learned from them and is a responsible mom now. My SO's son is 15 and we have made it very clear that he will get a job at 16 if he wants to drive places and have a cell phone. he will learn long before he is 18 that he will pay his own way in life. but that doesn't mean that he will learn anything. He has already said that he doesn't care if he lives in a bad neighborhood and lights get shut off. dont' you just love teenagers who know it all. and he will get his own place after graduation. I am not interested in dealing with a grown teenager that thinks he can do whatever he wants just because he is 18. I think as parents the greatest lesson we can teach is to be able to be independent and pay your bills. Whether or not they listen is another story. So I will go so far as to say when we make the initial mistakes it is due to the guidance or lack of we received. But at some point we must grow up and accept responsibility for our actions.

[Like2Plan]

I am totally amazed by what I am reading. Normally this group has no issue laying the line down clear and simple. Yet, everything I have read tells me that all the mistakes I have made are my parents fault. BALONEY!!!! they are mine. and they are every single person's out there, even the 20 something's....

cicy33,
Let me recap (maybe you missed my posts ).
1. I don't blame the parents.

2. I think it is natural for 20somethings to want more than they can afford as 20somethings now are no different now than when I was a 20something.

3. For some, it takes a while to come to the realization that you don't start out at the same level as your parents who most likely have built a comfortable life style for themselves.

4. Some 20somethings will stumble with overutilization of credit and bad money management even though their parents have given them plenty of traing, coaching and advice over the years because they think they have found a better way of doing things or they think their parents are full of (beep).

5. In general, it's a bad time to be starting out with a new career.

6. In general, parents have always helped their kids out (to the best of their ability) when they are starting out.

7. Some 20somethings will get more help than others because their parents are able to help more. Help is not bad. Shucks, I still have old cookie sheets and cake pans my Mom handed down to me when I was starting out over 30 years ago. (That is just one example of help she gave me for which I was very grateful.)

8. And, I totally agree with this:

Originally Posted by PrincessPerky
I also hold to 'train a child up in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it'..doesn't say a thing about the 'middle years'. So good parenting doesn't mean a kid/young adult wont make mistakes, it just means in the end good habits will prevail, most of the time.

[MonkeyMama]

Nevermind - I didn't see I already posted - I forgot I already chimed in. Nothing new to add.

[cicy33]

cicy33,
Let me recap (maybe you missed my posts ).
1. I don't blame the parents.

2. I think it is natural for 20somethings to want more than they can afford as 20somethings now are no different now than when I was a 20something.

3. For some, it takes a while to come to the realization that you don't start out at the same level as your parents who most likely have built a comfortable life style for themselves.

4. Some 20somethings will stumble with overutilization of credit and bad money management even though their parents have given them plenty of traing, coaching and advice over the years because they think they have found a better way of doing things or they think their parents are full of (beep).

5. In general, it's a bad time to be starting out with a new career.

6. In general, parents have always helped their kids out (to the best of their ability) when they are starting out.

7. Some 20somethings will get more help than others because their parents are able to help more. Help is not bad. Shucks, I still have old cookie sheets and cake pans my Mom handed down to me when I was starting out over 30 years ago. (That is just one example of help she gave me for which I was very grateful.)

8. And, I totally agree with this:

Please keep in mind I was not picking one person out of the group. Overall the consensus seems to be however, that the young adults are not at fault the parents are. I just think that is crap. Sure everyone has a general formation about what we have learned but somewhere the person has to accept total responsibility. Just because a person is not taught the proper bill paying, money saving techniques growing up is not an excuse for screwing up over and over and over and over again. They do know better. I know I do. I still mess up but it is all on me. And I am an "old" woman of 42. I think the more important thing to learn or remember would be it's okay to make mistakes, just keep trying to do the right thing. and when you do screw up, just start over again.

[PetMom]

Lots of great points made, as always.

Some random observations:

Hard work: used to you could find a neighborhood kid to mow the lawn for a reasonale price - now you can't - this is taken over by adults incorporated.
Kids seem to not do the hard work thing so easily and eagerly like they did in the past.

Kids usually have two parents working which tends to give them advantages of computer games (instant entertainment graftification - kids cannot even be bothered with reading the 'classics' - even some schools are putting popular best seller books as required reading), cell phones, no part time jobs (Mommy and Daddy take care of any expenses).

Easy, accessible even-for-kids credit (although this has quickly gone by the wayside) - many teens were getting credit cards for their clothing/mall/shopping habit.

Watching Mommy and Daddy get into homes that really they could not afford. As a real estate agent we were told about an technique in a seminar with a little wink and a nod to take people to their 'affordable low price range' home and show them a less than desireable home deliberately, then to take them to a really good home in a bit higher price range - the effect would be quite obvious. Realtors and mortgage lenders got even more greedy and really dangled unaffordable fruit. The more expensive the fruit - the higher the commission.

Commercials bombarding everyone with created wants and excessive needs to be filled. The average kid now has to have a cell phone and by now the new 'need' is a laptop or notebook computer at school and a home computer usually in their bedrooms.

The whole instant culture. Fast food/microwave packaged meals really is an example of this in my opinion. Kids think home baking consists of taking prepared cookie dough roll and slicing (some even have started being pre-sliced) and putting on a baking sheet.

And an interesting thing going on in Japan (inflation ridden and hard to get jobs Japan): adult sons becoming shut ins and avoiding contact with society - well into their adult years. Seems this is literally a shameful thing as the adult eldest male is expected to achieve much in an achievement glorifying culture.