Parents cause this?

[wincrasher]

Screwing up our kids seems to be the national pastime these days.

Turn on a TV and you'll see that you should want everything and it can all be had for easy payments. Seventy percent of our economy is dependant on people wanting the lastest and greatest of one thing or another. Does your livelihood depend on such thinking?

We act surprised that they grow up in a relatively affluent lifestyle and then they expect to continue living that way?

We never save a penny for their education (so we can live our faux middle-class lifestyles), and when they have to take out massive loans to pay for it, we are surprised that they have to live at home?

We act surprised when they discover that they've spent $100k on an education, but can't afford the rent or living expenses because wages in our "global economy" are so low? Can't buy a house because you have college loans. Can't start a family because of all the debt.

Life is full of surprises, ain't it?

[disneysteve]

Scanner, I respectfully disagree. I think in the past generation, there has been a growing shift in what had been the norm in this country for ages. People give all kinds of excuses but I think most of them are just that, excuses. I don't think comparing the US to China is meaningful since the cultures and traditions are so different between the two.

Not only is this trend here stunting the personal growth of the kid, it is also having devastating effects on the parents. Rather than being in the phase of life where they are pretty much free of parental support costs and socking away money for retirement and paying off mortgages, they instead find themselves still supporting their adult children and suffering the financial and emotional burden that carries.

I'll agree to disagree on this one. I think it is a very negative trend with long-lasting repercussion to all involved.

[PrincessPerky]

Just cause most folk letting kids stay home are 'doing it wrong' doesn't mean kicking your kid out at 18 is any more right....

Parents do not want to take responsibility for their own kids. There is a movement for 'mothers against Nickelodeon'....why? mom and dad should just turn it off if you don't like it.

There is a campaign to complain about advertising in kids television...why not turn the TV off? use Tivo, or better yet TALK to your kids about what an ad is trying to do. (even hulu and youtube have ads, so my kids get plenty of exposure, perfect time for a chat)

There are folk who say 'I can't get my kids to eat healthy'...who bought the junk food? Not that mine are perfect, but our house doesn't contain much that isn't healthy, kids will not starve themselves, buy what is healthy and let them eat it. But parents don't want to admit they have control.

They blame to govt schools, the govt controls on TV, and anything else they can. Never stopping to consider that being a parent MEANS taking responsibility for another life, from what they eat to what they watch to what they wear. (though do of course pick your battles, trade the asparagus for broccoli, or whatever)

There are no guarantees in life, not even that the 'best' parenting will turn out a worthy adult. But it seems certain that abdicating responsibility is the wrong method.

[disneysteve]

PP, excellent points. I think what you are referring to actually ties in closely to what I am talking about. It all comes down to control. Parents, more and more, put their children in control - control of what they eat, control of what they wear, control of what they watch, control of where and how they live.

I was just watching an episode of Bank of Mom and Dad while I ate lunch. The girl is living on her brother's sofa and the mother has been using her pension to pay the daughter's bills. It is insane. Why not tell the girl she needs to get off her butt and get another job and stop spending money she doesn't have? Nope. Can't do that. The kid is in charge.

[Scanner]

DisneySteve,

I only compared the US to China to just demonstrate a contrasting culture. The kids stay at home. . .they live in the same house for generations, but you could hardly characterize them as "mooching" off of Mom and Dad. In fact, I think their culture is very "successful" mindset.

Then we wonder why our kids tell us to "screw off" when we need some assistance in our 80's and 90's.

I think there's a happy medium to be reached between "Homesteading" and "Staying Under One Roof."

In fact, I think the "push" for Junior to go out and buy his/her own house and that cultural expectation partially fueled the Housing Bubble. . .it created artificial competition for lower priced houses (starter), which propelled artificial money up the bubble. When easy credit got injected into it, it created a disaster we are still reeling from. Some of it was financial but some of it is cultural as we are discussing in this thread here.

I think it's unfair to say to your kid, "Whatsa matta? You can't make it as a clerk at Borders?"

Now. . .I don't think they should get too comfortable at home either, even though they are always welcome. There's a small 8 by 10 bedroom, twin bed available kinda thing for crashing until you get on your feet. Pay $200/month for food/utilities. . .something.

Oh, you want to sleep with your girlfriend? Well, there's a cheap motel room down the road.

In other words, offer sanctuary to the cruel world but apply pressure to get back out there and take risks and grow as you are worried about.

[Like2Plan]

I don't think parents cause this (in all cases). I do not think 20 somethings are any different now than when I was 20 something or when my parents were young. (Yup, they said the same things 40 years ago...). When you grow up in a household where your parents have established a comfortable living, you want to continue with the same standard of living. It takes a while for it to sink in that it takes years to build yourself up to that point.

What is different is easy credit and credit cards out to wazou. It makes it seem easy to get everything all at once. (Until the bill comes due)

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Scanner, I bet you have heard that nowadays in China there is discussion and concern about even adult children being spoiled and never being able to completely grow up. Some say this is an artefact of the one-baby-per-couple policy.

My friend who came to the US from China has told me that two and three generations living in the same household is not always considered ideal. She said that some adults even with well paid, professional jobs do continue to live with their parents in a mooching way! She has a relative who is mooching off parents like that and she is mad at everyone involved.

I don't have anything against adult children and their parents living together, but I do have a problem with one sponging off the other. Mutually helping each other is another matter. Pulling together in a crisis is different. I do have a problem with chronological adults who are in some ways stunted at about age 17 or 18 and also with parents who do not respect their adult offspring as adults.

[lovcom]

Parents are the #1 fault, then the media and popular culture. Also a huge source of fault are the friends of must young people...they influence each other and in terrible ways.

Young people lack impulse-control, and don't often count the cost of their actions....they may have lots of intelligence, but lack wisdom.

[lovcom]

I don't think parents cause this (in all cases). I do not think 20 somethings are any different now than when I was 20 something or when my parents were young. (Yup, they said the same things 40 years ago...). When you grow up in a household where your parents have established a comfortable living, you want to continue with the same standard of living. It takes a while for it to sink in that it takes years to build yourself up to that point.

What is different is easy credit and credit cards out to wazou. It makes it seem easy to get everything all at once. (Until the bill comes due)

You think today's youth is no different from prior generations?

You have to be kidding! ;-)

Today's youth live with mommy and daddy far longer, are less likely to finish college, are less likely to get a a high paying job, and they're getting married later and later in life (not a bad thing). By enlarge, this generation does not read books, nor the newspaper...

Today's youth are lazy, lack aspirations, lack desire for wealth, material goods, and a defeatus attitude in that age group is prevelent.

The depression-era babies that raised most of us (our parents) did a better job of instilling the ethos of hard work, diligence, and delayed gratification they later generation parents.

[pagina99]

I'm 26 and still live with my parents. They have a big house with a pool in a nice area. I do my own laundry, pay my own bills, go out and bring over friends whenever I want. I was also able to save over $100k in this time and paid off all my student loans. I'm now in a position to buy a nice house or condo and move out if I choose to. I have financial freedom.

My friends that decided they needed to be "independent" at 18 are all living in nasty roach infested apartments and are living pay check to pay check.

[Like2Plan]

You think today's youth is no different from prior generations?

You have to be kidding! ;-)

Today's youth are lazy, lack aspirations, lack desire for wealth, material goods, and a defeatus attitude in that age group is prevelent.....

Lovcom,

All the types of things you are saying could have been cut and pasted from a previous generation. It never changes. Goodness gracious--there is no way you could have been around in the '60s and the "hippie, flower-power" generation.

But that is not my point. My point is when young people start out, they don't always catch on that it generally takes quite a bit of time to catch up to the same comfortable life style that their parents have.

[disneysteve]

My point is when young people start out, they don't always catch on that it generally takes quite a bit of time to catch up to the same comfortable life style that their parents have.

If that's the case, I blame the parents for not educating the kids on that issue. As I've said, we often tell our daughter about our lives before she came along, when we first got married and before that. We do our best to make sure she understands that what we have today is not what we had when we first finished school or first got married. My daughter has more money in her own savings account today than my wife and I had combined in our accounts when we got married (plus she has no debt and we had a ton of it). Those are the kinds of things parents need to be explaining to their children at all ages, especially as they approach adulthood, so that they can leave the nest and fly on their own.

[Like2Plan]

If that's the case, I blame the parents for not educating the kids on that issue.....

I am sure you are doing things just right with your daughter and you don't have a thing to worry about.
However, it is almost a rite of passage and I believe there are few that catch on to this message when they are just starting out. Just like the other day when I heard my son say he was going do things differently with his kids... (hmm, it sounded vaugely familiar.... . )

[disneysteve]

One problem that I've seen in recent years is that colleges are escalating the problem. In my college days (1982-86), dorms and campuses were pretty spartan arrangements with pretty much nothing in the way of luxuries. Today, the marketing departments have taken over and loaded dorms and campuses with luxuries that we don't even have at home. Wi-fi everywhere, coffee and juice bars, keyless entry systems, flat-screen high-def TV in all the lounges and lots more. Kids come out of college expecting to have those same amenities in their homes but the colleges didn't bother to tell them how much all of that stuff cost.

[maat55]

Seems like I've read this somewhere before, I think it was The Millionaire Next Door.

I don't necessarily think the parents caused this. I think loose credit and lack of financial skills among the populous are more to blame.