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What a day

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  • #1

    What a day

    This is a true story. My last 24 hours has been a whirlwind.

    Last night I found out my wife had 6k of cc debt on a card in her name.
    Discussion ensued... we discussed a payoff plan
    Argument followed the next morning

    I checked the 4 credit cards I knew I had. She had changed the address on two of them to go to her mothers.

    One had a balance of 1.9k and the other had a balance of 1.7k.

    I am now liquidating the whole EF, paying fees to get access to CDs early to pay off.

    So we are now without an EF until we can build it back up.
    I also removed my wife's name from my cards (she has two accounts open in her name).

    Obviously many mixed emotions here. Trust, debt and confusion are among the top 3. Care to comment?

    If you think today was bad, it did get worse. DS1 was admitted to hospital for observation. I am just hoping the world stops spinning long enough for me to not be dizzy.
    Last edited by jIM_Ohio; 09-05-2008, 03:47 PM.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Umm.. I do not even know what to say as I am kind of surprised to hear this from you even though situations like this is a common occurrence. But it can happen to anybody. I am really sorry that you are going through this right now.

    I am sending prayers your way and to your whole family.
    Last edited by Gruntina; 09-06-2008, 08:20 AM.

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    • #3
      I'm sorry to hear about your son. I hope all goes well. Keep us updated.

      You have now join the club. And it's not a good club to be in.

      "I checked the 4 credit cards I knew I had. She had changed the address on two of them to go to her mothers.

      One had a balance of 1.9k and the other had a balance of 1.7k.

      I am now liquidating the whole EF, paying fees to get access to CDs early to pay off.

      So we are now without an EF until we can build it back up.
      I also removed my wife's name from my cards (she has two accounts open in her name).

      Obviously many mixed emotions here. Trust, debt and confusion are among the top 3. Care to comment?

      If you think today was bad, it did get worse. DS1 was admitted to hospital for observation. I am just hoping the world stops spinning long enough for me to not be dizzy"

      Comment

      • #4
        I'm really sorry ... About all of it. Hang in there.

        Comment

        • #5
          To a saver, this is a disaster. To your wife (If she is not on board so to speak) this is a backlash from frugality, IMO. My wife like yours, has not broke her addiction to consumerism.

          I, in no way am advising anyone on how to react to this. But my wife knows this to me is no different than an afair. Having to put a leash on my wife would not work for me. I hope the best for you.

          P.S. My children are gone, if they were still at home, I would work it out.

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          • #6
            Hope your son is doing well. Try to focus on that for now and get your feet grounded. I too would feel very betrayed. I don't know how I would react.

            It's not the money it's the feeling of betrayal.
            LivingAlmostLarge Blog

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            • #7
              Sorry to hear that about your son. But, it is good that they are observing him.

              Sorry about your wife's spending issues also. That is hard.

              Comment

              • #8
                I'm sorry Jim, I've been kidless for so long I ignored the most important trial you are having. I wish you and your son wellness.

                Comment

                • #9
                  First of all the most important thing is the health of your son and I wish him the best. I know how it is to feel powerless as a father and which it were you rather then your son.

                  In the meantime, I would tell my wife that we will talk about this at a later time. I would also state that what she did was break your trust and how serious this is. After all, it's not the money, it's the lack of communication.

                  It could also be a post partum depression or something like that. But, I would demand an answer after everything about your son is taken care of.

                  I wish you the best, but behavior like this needs to be confronted and the root cause known.

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    I think it was brave of you to share. Like someone said, I think this proves the point it can happen to anyone - and is important to share.

                    I hope DS1 is okay and out of the hospital soon.

                    You have a lot to work through with your wife. I am sure you both have been under a time of great stress. Could be the trigger. But, yeah, that is a lot to work through and take in.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Very sorry to hear of your troubles, Jim. I certainly hope your son is fine and home again very quickly.

                      As for the money issue, that's a tough one, something we've discussed here many times. We all think something like that can't happen to us, but clearly it can. I always wonder how stuff like that happens without the other partner noticing, but you are certainly very financially savvy and on top of things and still, she managed to elude your detection. It makes me wonder if the same thing could happen to me. Could my wife rack up thousands of dollars in debt with me totally unaware? Its a scary thought. I hope everything works out for the best for both of you and the kids.
                      Steve

                      * Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
                      * Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
                      * There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.

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                      • #12
                        Jim,
                        I hope your DS's stay in the hosptial is short and he is feeling better soon.

                        It is really confusing about the CC situation. No idea what to say other than if I were in a similar situation, I would be in shock. (Maybe it would be worthwhile to take a day or so to try to think of other options before you have to take penalties?) I wish you luck in getting it all sorted out.

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                        • #13
                          Best wishes that the baby is doing well, and perhaps even home by now.

                          Worry about your son for now, everything else can and will wait. After that, wait until you are feeling very, very calm before you hash this out. Figure out when her spending started and if it was triggered by another factor. She's doing this for a reason (whether it's a good reason or not), and you can't solve it until you get to the root of it.

                          GL.

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                          • #14
                            Wow.

                            So, I'm not worried about the money. You're an intelligent man who has already taken the proper precautions given the situation. And the debt is probably not huge or anything.

                            I guess the problem is the trust issue. Why is she financially cheating on you behind your back, and on what? Hopefully, it's not on anything serious.

                            As others have suggested, it would seem best to focus on your son right now while giving yourself some time to collect yourself?

                            I'm sorry about the situation. I hope that things will all work out in the end.

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                            • #15
                              Wife and I spoke.
                              She didn't think any of the bills were an "emergency".
                              Some of the money is business trips which she spent the reimbursement instead of paying off card.
                              Some of the bill is car repairs which were not paid in full
                              some of the bill is monthly expenses I charge and thought were paid in full each month

                              DS1 is being discharged today as well

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