Do you expect to receive an inheritance?

[MonkeyMama]

Yes, very substantial from my family. Most specifically because my family tends to hoard money (no matter how "poor") and I will likely be sole heir (unlike my parents who had to divide many ways). Our parents are very open with us because I have a finance background and so some of that is telling me infinite details in exchange for tax advice (I know everyone's financial business, generally, including a lot of details of what they have inherited). In addition to that, my parents had *no idea* how much money my "impoverished" grandparents had hoarded, and I think they just don't want to shock/surprise us.

My in-laws told us maybe 5+ years ago they will leave us $500k. I was skeptical because not sure how well they have planned for long-term care, etc. But fast forward some years and they are also inheriting money from more other relatives. Today, I'd guess it would probably end up being more. & they still have living parents, so no idea how much they will eventually inherit. (I'd overall say it could go any way. They don't seem to do well with market downturns and I don't know how well they have planned for other scenarios. It was just their plan to leave $500k/each to their kids).

I have two main takeaways from all this:
1 - Most my peers are financially taking care of their parents. I just feel extraordinarily blessed to *know* that our parents will never need our financial help. Anything beyond that is just gravy.
2 - I am completely over this "we hoard money in a crazy extreme way until we die" thing, from my side of the family. We have the same genetics, we are very financially cautious, and I am not counting on any of the above whatsoever. But if I do receive a very substantial sum from my parents, we plan to start a charitable foundation and to pass on some of this wealth to our kids while we are still alive. I'd like to be more pro-active and I'd like to dial down the hoarding a wee bit.

My in-laws have a much more modest nest egg because they have given away a lot of their money during their lifetime. They are probably a little too extreme in the other direction, for my husband and I, but we will find our middle ground.

[corn18]

MonkeyMama, your post got me thinking about an adjunct topic which is what do you plan to do with your estate? If everything goes as planned, my 2 kids should inherit at least $1M. If things don't go well, they will get nothing, But we will know by the time we are 70 which direction it might go.

So, do we start giving at that point or hold it all until we die? Haven't really thought about it, but I would be inclined to start giving/helping right away. Maybe fund grandkids college funds. Help with house downpayment. Annual gifting. That would all depend on the financial responsibility demonstrated by the recipients. If you gave me $20k as a gift back when we were being idiots, we would have used it as a down payment on something we couldn't afford.

[disneysteve]

my father.
I haven't seen his will

This is an interesting point, and perhaps a topic for another thread. I will never understand the point of secrecy in vital family financial matters. If you are named in the will, you should have a copy. In fact, even if you aren't named in the will you probably ought to have it so that when your parent dies, you know what his/her wishes were.

As an adult, I've always had a copy of my parents' wills. And my cousin gave me a copy of his when he had it made.

Do you know if anyone has a copy of your father's will? A trusted friend? The person he named as executor? His attorney?

Money has never been a taboo topic in our family. It's always been discussed openly and honestly, and my wife and I are the same way with our daughter. I just don't get the people who refuse to share such important information with their loved ones.

[disneysteve]

MonkeyMama, your post got me thinking about an adjunct topic which is what do you plan to do with your estate?

I haven't given that a thought at all personally. My focus is still on building our wealth and reaching a point where I can retire. Hopefully, I'll be around for a few more decades before I have to worry about where what's left after I'm gone will go.

[myrdale]

This is an interesting point, and perhaps a topic for another thread. I will never understand the point of secrecy in vital family financial matters.

I have heard so many stories over people arguing over property and stuff after someone dies. Having the will in place and a general discussion of "John is getting this, and Sue is getting that, and Bobby ain't getting nothing!" would remove so much frustration after the fact because everyone involved would have a general expectation of what to expect.

The current plan is I am getting 45 acres and a house from my Father's side, and my sister is getting about 55 acres from my Mothers side. There's supposed to be some amount of money left to be split both ways, we will see. If in the end I get nothing it's really not much of a matte to me.

I did think it was a bit funny though, when my great grandmother (my Mother's grandmother) died, that 55 acres was left to Mom for having taken care of them when she was younger. Later Mom's uncle's (my great grandmother's son) kids came around and demanded some portion of the property. My mother handed them the $5,000 receipt for her uncle's (their father's) funeral and burial. They immediate disappeared and we never heard from them again.

The will is something I need to go ahead and initiate for myself. At this point what I have would be split between my sister and Mother, but all the same.

[Scallywag]

Not a dime.

I was estranged from my own parents for a long time. They sold an enormous lot of land to a commercial real estate developer (they claim they were coerced inlo it !) and offered me $15K. I accepted gladly - my siblings and my parents divided the rest 4 ways. It did upset me for a few days but that's what happens when you stand up to bullies and control freaks (long story there that I will avoid going into).

My in-laws' will says that everything will be split equally between their two kids but my MIL's gold and silver goes to their daughter exclusively. Oh, well.

I am happy to be utterly self made though as long as I am able to leave enough for my son to live on for the rest of his life. That's all I care about - leaving him a sizeable inheritance even if I get very little from my own parents.

[Gailete]

An interesting thread. In October my mom wanted us all for a visit to her house - 8 kids, 5 of hers and 3 of my step-dads'. I couldn't go as I haven't been able to tolerate being in a car for an hour then family or not being with people for a couple of hours and then the trip home in years. Considering that for a good 6-7 years, my mom and siblings weren't talking to me and that would have been my first visit since mom finally apologized so we are talking huge stress that I don't need. My son more or less went in my place and when he next came over he had an envelope for me. In it were 10 $100 bills. Apparently, each adult got identical. They are scared that somewhere along the way that they, one or both will need to go into a nursing home that will entirely consume all their assets and they wanted us to each have something. I have spent part of it on some things that will either make my life better, such as having $10 bills set aside for the guy who shovels snow for us and my stair climber needed to be fixed (the stair climber gets me up to the second floor of the house it isn't for exercise!). But one of my favorite things I did was to get a $50 gift card to Walmart for two dear friends who have been helping me for years now. One for the lady that faithfully takes me to get my Remicade IV every six weeks and has been doing it for years - I finally called uncle when I noticed I was drifting off while traveling the interstate on my way home I would be so exhausted. Her hubby is a doctor and had to give up his practice due to poor health almost 10 years ago and I know their income is down, but she doesn't take a penny for gas. The other for my cleaning lady that has become a friend and faithfully comes every two weeks. She is Mennonite (old school) and barely talked the first year, then started opening up more and more and now we are just good friends, but I know with her big family money is not always the easiest thing to come upon. It may not seem like much but I felt good about being able to do something special for them. We aren't celebrating Christmas as such today and will try to sometime in the spring when there isn't so much of a chance of bad weather when my precious pumpkin is coming to visit.

But getting an inheritance that has let me do something that I had wished I could do over the last several years meant a lot to me. I still have some left and it is tucked away for me. Almost every penny that comes in the house is from my past labor (SS) or current (my online store) or my gift for putting up with my ex for 13 years (part of his pension). I figure this money is MINE!

As long as we can make ends meet, I really don't need a thing! I am genuinely blessed!

[Gailete]

I have heard so many stories over people arguing over property and stuff after someone dies. Having the will in place and a general discussion of "John is getting this, and Sue is getting that, and Bobby ain't getting nothing!" would remove so much frustration after the fact because everyone involved would have a general expectation of what to expect.

The joy of coming from a poor family. No expectations. LOL! I made many gifts for my mom throughout the years and had talked to her about getting them back after they were gone as I really didn't want to see something I had spent many hours on, being sold for a quarter at a yard sale. When things fell apart with our relationship (I had no clue way) she came and gave me all her quilting stuff and just about everything I had made her. so I guess I got my stuff back. Other than that, I need nothing. My husband was given the three acres our home is on and that is his inheritance we assume. His parents have always cried poor, blah blah blah, but I think they are still stashing money away so they can leave their kids an inheritance. We don't have any need for anything more. I think we would always feel like they would come back and haunt us as any gift comes with attachments. And not fun ones!

I will not being retired with a million bucks, that is a given. But what we will have, I can hold my head up high because I have earned what I have.

[disneysteve]

It's very timely that this thread got bumped up today.

My cousin who I referenced in the initial post is now in the final stages of his disease. We got him on hospice care last week. Chances are he will die in the next 2-3 months so that "someday" inheritance is now something that will be happening later this year most likely.

I said earlier we were on track to retire at 62. Thanks to the strong market performance the past few years, I had already started looking at 60. Assuming the inheritance works out as expected, I may even look to at least cut back to part time work even sooner than that, but definitely by then.

corn18 You mentioned in this thread that you were on track to retire in March 2021 and here we are. Good call.

[Fishindude77]

My dad has a pretty healthy net worth and some nice real estate, but he and step mom are still alive and doing fine. Who knows how long they will live and what kind of late life expenses they might encounter?
Also, there are seven immediate heirs, plus a bunch of grand kids behind us. I really don't want or anticipate much of anything. Would rather they give it to grandkids who have greater needs.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

MonkeyMama, your post got me thinking about an adjunct topic which is what do you plan to do with your estate? If everything goes as planned, my 2 kids should inherit at least $1M. If things don't go well, they will get nothing, But we will know by the time we are 70 which direction it might go.

So, do we start giving at that point or hold it all until we die? Haven't really thought about it, but I would be inclined to start giving/helping right away. Maybe fund grandkids college funds. Help with house downpayment. Annual gifting. That would all depend on the financial responsibility demonstrated by the recipients. If you gave me $20k as a gift back when we were being idiots, we would have used it as a down payment on something we couldn't afford.

So I've been thinking and much like Monkeymama, I don't want to hoard moeny. I think I want to help my kids. I think I want to help my grandchildren early. My parents and in-laws have really scrimped and saved thus we've literally paid our own way 100% for everything. But I think it might have been nice if they had loosened the purse strings and spent some of the money and enjoyed it with us. Perhaps my parents would have been nice to pay for a family "reunion" vacation with 4 kids and their families. NEVER happened. Can they afford it? Yes. But I'm not sure they want to do it. My mom talks about "gifting" each of us $25k when my dad dies, but she's terrified of running out of money and doesn't want to give anything to any of the kids before she passes. I said I don't need it, so whatever she wants, but I do sort of feel like my parents can afford it and my mom should give my step-siblings something upon my dad's death. But I don't want to tell her because it would upset her and because I think it would make sense. Not out of greed because I'd more if she doesn't give any away. But rather because i think it would be nice. But nicer than $25k, which she freaks out and says "I can't give away $100k to the 4 of you". "i might need it. But she won't. She just refuses to be logical and do the smart thing.

Normal people do not have multiple homes and attempt to jet set and live 1 person in 4000 sq ft. I have suggested also downsizing and moving also into an easier house to live in as someone older. She hates the idea. So that's a moot point. Then I pointed out selling their condo. She won't do that. So any ideas I suggest that may make her feel more financially secure are shot down. Also why when she says "the lawyer seems to think I'm wrong saying none of the kids get anything when your dad dies." I bite my tongue. Probably because the lawyer knows if they were the littlest bit of financially savvy they would be completely able to live on their nest egg throwing off dividends and growing it. But instead poor financial management and poor decision making means that they are losing money and drawing on money sitting literally in cash because they have really bad financial planner.

[corn18]

Interesting turn to the discussion. My MIL has $2M+ in savings. She's 78 and in poor health. She lives in a spiffy continuing care facility which costs her $5k / month. Her COLA pension and SS covers that and all her expenses. So her investments have been growing like crazy the last 10 years. She has never offered any of her money to anyone. She's scared to death that she will run out of money. I'm ok with that, because it's her money and her heirs don't need it. In a way, she is investing for us.

I have talked to my wife about our estate planning and I am a big fan of giving away any truly extra money as we go. That probably means no money for the first 15 years as we work our way past the sequence of returns risk. But once we hit 70 and SS kicks in, we won't need any savings except for contingencies (LTC). So I want to start giving it away then. But then I think about us back when we were broke. We would have just wasted the gift(s) on buying more things we didn't need, so I am so glad they never gave us any money. We did agree that we should maximize our memories with the kids/grandkids, so family vacations are a high priority. Maybe helping with a house downpayment. Maybe paying for grandkid's college. We'll have to see how the kids are doing with managing their money.

If and when we get an inheritance from my MIL, it will be generational, although my wife says she plans to spend it all on family stuff. That's ok with me. I think we should start a foundation in her name so they can say her name on PBS before Cosmos or Motorweek airs. Maybe This Old House, too.

[disneysteve]

I have talked to my wife about our estate planning and I am a big fan of giving away any truly extra money as we go. That probably means no money for the first 15 years as we work our way past the sequence of returns risk. But once we hit 70 and SS kicks in, we won't need any savings except for contingencies (LTC).

Yeah, pretty much my thinking too. FIRECalc has us at 100% or close to it before adding in SS. Once that kicks in, along with the fact that our portfolio will have another 13 years to grow between now and then, we should have way more money than we will ever need. That's the time for the charitable stuff to really ramp up. We should be able to support causes we care about and still leave DD a nice amount when we're gone.

[srblanco7]

Yeah, pretty much my thinking too. FIRECalc has us at 100% or close to it before adding in SS. Once that kicks in, along with the fact that our portfolio will have another 13 years to grow between now and then, we should have way more money than we will ever need. That's the time for the charitable stuff to really ramp up. We should be able to support causes we care about and still leave DD a nice amount when we're gone.

Both of my parents passed at relatively young ages and we received roughly $200k in 2003 when my father passed. Was certainly helpful at the time with a new house and 1-year old daughter, though obviously we'd have preferred the time with DD grandpa. Perhaps this has driven my heavy focus on getting to ER - which should be in the next couple of years. Once we're past our sequence of returns risk period (thinking this is 5-years), would certainly consider charitable giving. I personally am also hopeful to help both of our kids get their "adult" (meaning post-college) lives off to a good start and leave them something reasonably significant (million plus) when we pass.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Both of my parents passed at relatively young ages and we received roughly $200k in 2003 when my father passed. Was certainly helpful at the time with a new house and 1-year old daughter, though obviously we'd have preferred the time with DD grandpa. Perhaps this has driven my heavy focus on getting to ER - which should be in the next couple of years. Once we're past our sequence of returns risk period (thinking this is 5-years), would certainly consider charitable giving. I personally am also hopeful to help both of our kids get their "adult" (meaning post-college) lives off to a good start and leave them something reasonably significant (million plus) when we pass.

Will you give your kids the money earlier to help them along or later? I see corn's point but what if kids are responsible?