spending now versus later

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Had a quick chat with an old collegue about college savings and spending. Years ago she told me not to put everything into a 529 and I decided to do just that. I split the difference. I put aside money in a 529 and taxable for the kids. Looks like the kids might need the taxable but that's another story and calculation. Anyway she says to me you spend a lot on travel, we chat so she knows how much we do travel. She said you'll be able to pay for college if when the kids go because you won't be traveling as much.

I said I hope to travel more. But I further said to her, actually I am traveling more because overall i've been loosening the purse strings. I said I believe we've hit this point a year or two ago where I realized that tracking every penny and worrying about our budget wasn't going to matter. That spending $5 on coffee was no longer the breaking point in my budget. That being conscientious for decades (because I used to track to the dollar) everything we spent wasn't going to end our retirement. That we could eat out or have a beer. That we could split the check and not be perfect. That we could go see a movie and not have it be a matinee (we still do). That having a coffee out isn't the end of the world.

That spending is checks and balances now. That we spend and we still save. That I fully understand that having X, I give up Y. Versus before it was giving up X and Y. Now I look at the steak at the store and I buy it because I want to eat it. Or fish. Whereas before I definitely looked at my checkbook and calculated if we could afford it.

I think part of it was saving carefully before. But also now it's getting older and thinking I don't know how long retirement will be. Do i want to die not having enjoyed anything? Do I want to die and realize i'm the richest man in the graveyard.

[disneysteve]

I'm totally on the same page. My wife and I have said that for years. We've known too many people over the years who said they'd do stuff "someday" only to have someday never arrive because they got sick or injured or died. Her dad died in his 50s. My dad died at 69. I have a college friend who developed ALS. We have another friend who was our age who died of breast cancer 11 years ago leaving behind 3 children. Another friend has had 2 benign brain tumors operated on. You never know what the future holds.

Citibank had a great ad campaign years ago. The slogan was something like, "Build a nest egg but don't forget to have a few omelettes along the way." In other words, save for the future but don't forget to live today. We have always followed this. We've traveled. We've gone to shows and concerts and fairs. We've bought things that bring us joy. We've spent money at times that probably could have been used more wisely from a financial standpoint, but who cares?

You can't take it to the other extreme, though. I also know far too many people who lived for today because "I might get hit by a bus tomorrow". They never saved anything for the future and were in a lot of trouble when that bus didn't take them out. There needs to be a healthy balance.

[QuarterMillionMan]

I'm trying to find that balance as well and not save like a mad-man. I like those sayings above, "richest person in the graveyard," and "build a nest egg but have a few omelettes along the way." On Friday I treated 10 coworkers to 2 tacos & 1 breakfast Jack each from Jack in the box. I'm no longer pinching every penny and eating those omelettes along the way.

[bjl584]

It's a balancing act. We've been remodeling our cabin, doing most of the work ourselves and cash flowing along the way. I could have opted to not buy a cabin and invest that money instead, but we already save and invest a healthy amount.
We enjoy our cabin and are contemplating retiring to there one day, so I don't mind making improvements on the place.

[Fishindude77]

My wife is always giving me the "can't take it with you" speech. Having been retired over seven years now I have no serious money concerns anymore, but old habits die hard. Don't mind spending for things like trips and experiences but refuse to do silly things like replace perfectly good automobiles, or boats with new ones just for the new and shiny effect.

[kork13]

I know that I always err on the side of frugality & spending less ... but I'm trying to slowly become more tolerant of spending money for many of the reasons already mentioned. Especially when I can trade money for time, or money for meaningful relationships/connection/experiences ... it's a no-brainer for me, and I'll readily shell out for it -- on Wednesday, I'm flying from Japan to the US to spend a week camping in Yellowstone with my family, then driving to Oregon for our young kids (3-9y/o) to spend a couple days with my aging/potentially declining (96y/o?) grandmother. For these 2.5 weeks, we're spending easily in excess of $5k just on direct travel costs, let alone food & other day-to-day costs .... and I barely even blink at it because that's what I value & I'm happy to spend money on those experiences.

Where I still struggle is in the little things ... shopping at the grocery store, I check unit prices for everything, and that frequently drives the decision on which items to buy. Going out to lunch or dinner more than 1-2x a month feels excessive. It feels neurotic sometimes -- I'll happily spend thousands on experiences or time together, but a $10-$15 lunch can turn my stomach.

Reflecting on it, especially in light of just posting about the influence of my parents on my money habits .... I guess I really am a mashup of both my parents' money habits.

[disneysteve]

Where I still struggle is in the little things ... shopping at the grocery store, I check unit prices for everything, and that frequently drives the decision on which items to buy. Going out to lunch or dinner more than 1-2x a month feels excessive. It feels neurotic sometimes -- I'll happily spend thousands on experiences or time together, but a $10-$15 lunch can turn my stomach.

I can definitely relate. We do eat out a lot and spend a bunch doing it, but I'll still drink water instead of paying $3 (+ tax and tip) for an iced tea and get a little annoyed when DW orders one. If we spent an extra $20-30 a month on soft drinks when dining out, it wouldn't even be a blip in our overall spending but it's little things like that that I guess I just feel are easy to control.

Both of us also have a tendency to choose our meals partially based on cost. For example, the other day we had lunch at Mission BBQ. I love their brisket ($13.99) but ordered chicken ($9.99) instead. Had they been the same price, I probably would have gone with brisket.

[myrdale]

To me it comes down to having a budget.

Savings is an important part of that budget. Maxing out the 401(k) employer match, maxing out the Roth IRA, and then saving as much extra as you can towards retirement till you hit the 15-20% mark. I put all of this in the pay yourself first category.

Next on the budget is housing, then utilities, food, gas, other (insurance / taxes / healthcare).

Finally the last of the budget is stuff / takeout / clothes / entertainment / hobby / luxury / bar. All of these being rather optional things that I didn't need, but I wanted. The total of all of these might be 10%, maybe a little (a lot) higher?

And none of these are set in stone. If it looks like over the quarter or year, you're blowing one of these out of the water, then cut back on the others and adjust.

[ua_guy]

It's a balance, and you never know.

Yesterday, during our Father's day gathering with my sister's family and our parents, my dad followed me outside while I was letting our dog out. I could tell he wanted to talk, so I made space and we pulled some chairs together. He shared some health news about him and mom. It's looking like she has early stage dementia, something we suspected, but was recently confirmed by some memory and cognitive tests she did with her doctor. And he's having heart trouble again. He said he doesn't know where the time went so fast, but they're going to continue enjoying and doing everything they can, while they still can. My anxiety meds helped me keep a face of stone in the moment and I offered some supporting words and of course let him know I was there for them.

Decompressing here in the following day, thinking and worrying about next steps for them, but also about my own life. I'm getting that feeling of needing to throw everything overboard that doesn't matter or isn't worth the squeeze. To spend time and resources on only the important things that bring joy or meaning. Take more risks. Do things now, while health and flexible joints are still somewhat on my side. I don't mean those things in a reckless sense, but a very methodical, intentional agenda of living fully and taking care of health, realizing that "someday" or "when I find time" should no longer be used as excuses.