I don't know where my money goes

[DaveInPgh]

GoodSteward, you still have a stigma. Just a different one now.

[disneysteve]

And this is the point where they look at me like I'm insane. Because they want to complain and justify why they're a victim, not fix the problem.

We see this here on the boards from time to time. Someone starts a thread crying about their poor finances and then shoots down every single suggestion we make to improve their situation. We all quickly realize that they don't really want help. They want people to agree with them that the world is terrible and they won't ever get ahead. Sorry, but this is the wrong place to come if that's what you're looking for.

[DaveInPgh]

We see this here on the boards from time to time. Someone starts a thread crying about their poor finances and then shoots down every single suggestion we make to improve their situation. We all quickly realize that they don't really want help. They want people to agree with them that the world is terrible and they won't ever get ahead. Sorry, but this is the wrong place to come if that's what you're looking for.

[GoodSteward]

We see this here on the boards from time to time. Someone starts a thread crying about their poor finances and then shoots down every single suggestion we make to improve their situation. We all quickly realize that they don't really want help. They want people to agree with them that the world is terrible and they won't ever get ahead. Sorry, but this is the wrong place to come if that's what you're looking for.

[DaveInPgh]

[HundredK]

We see this here on the boards from time to time. Someone starts a thread crying about their poor finances and then shoots down every single suggestion we make to improve their situation. We all quickly realize that they don't really want help. They want people to agree with them that the world is terrible and they won't ever get ahead. Sorry, but this is the wrong place to come if that's what you're looking for.

Well, to give a different perspective, I did reach out for help initially and provided a ton of info, and I did get a lot of good help from many of you... but... there were also people who were not so pleasant and made me feel bad/angry/awful enough that I asked for the post to be deleted. I still hang around and find the advice generally useful, but the internet can be mean.

[FLA]

You should invent a measuring cup or spoon that shows oz to be able to measure with. That would be epic!

the cup that comes with some liquid medicines, shows measurements in ounces

[FLA]

as for some people who just don't know where their money goes and make an honest effort to cut back but can't seem to, I wonder if brain chemistry is involved.

I had to take a neuro med for a while and the doc offhandedly said, "if you have a gambling or shopping problem, let me know, this is not the drug for you." Being the cheapest person I know, I figured I was safe. All of a sudden I became a shopper. It started innocuously, someone gave me a Vera Bradley purse. I started bidding on second hand ones on eBay. And I couldn't stop, the rush of a package coming in the mail thrilled me. The worst part is it took 3 bins of pocketbooks of a brand I don't even like before I realized something was going on with me. I called the doc, he stopped the med and I can't remember the last time I bought a purse, thank God.

But it made me think, if a drug can change my brain chemistry so much that I do something so out of character that no one around me believes it, maybe some people are just born that way, born spenders. Who need the high of making a purchase even when they can acknowledge they are in debt or have nothing in retirement. I just wonder.

[GoodSteward]

Well, to give a different perspective, I did reach out for help initially and provided a ton of info, and I did get a lot of good help from many of you... but... there were also people who were not so pleasant and made me feel bad/angry/awful enough that I asked for the post to be deleted. I still hang around and find the advice generally useful, but the internet can be mean.

I am beginning to feel the reactions we give on the internet when sharing advice has more to do with someone following it than the value of the advice itself. Between my own experience being on the asking end of this kind of site as well as the giving side, I think in general we push too hard too fast(possibly share too much too soon also).

While I think it is true a lot of people are looking for excuses to justify not having to change (change means you are not doing it right to most people and that gets personal) there are many who would actually embrace the change advised if it didn’t come across as attacking every number they put down. I mean, we are adults (I assume? Lol), but let’s look at it like this. You draw out what you have and ask for feedback. Then you have people you have never met and have no idea their personality, tone they really intend, intentions(are they trying to help or just be mean?), or value of information (how good/right the advice is) break it down for you in replies. In most cases, it feels like someone is taking your hard work and throwing it on the ground, then stomping on it. You are reading into everything with assumptions, and it’s hard to read them right when you are new and usually pretty emotional as you are realizing you need help and asking. When everything mentioned is some kind of “Your doing it wrong” comment, you typically get the impression you suck and they don’t like you. I know people need to “grow a pair” but honestly with finances, there are usually few absolutes and when we reply we should be careful not to imply the opposite. I want to see more people helped and I believe the information here is great. We just need to not be so eager to show how great we think we are with it, and push people off.

As a minister, I try to evaluate my responses all the time in my mind trying to make sure I relay information in a way that gets the point across without sounding like a self-righteous know-it-all. I am not perfect at it, but I think that same process is useful on sites like this as well. This is all just my .02$

Dave Ramsey always says finances are 80% behavioral, which means they are driven by our emotions(we typically behave based on how we feel until we mature up in that area). When someone calls us out on the numbers from an analytical standpoint it is really going to hit someone personally because it is attached to their emotions. So it makes sense that people get offended easily and feel attacked when we start breaking it all down before they trust that we are really trying to help. I say linger on the site for a while, learn a few things that might help clean up your situation and then post as you feel you still need help instead of dumping it all at once.

[Jluke]

Well, to give a different perspective, I did reach out for help initially and provided a ton of info, and I did get a lot of good help from many of you... but... there were also people who were not so pleasant and made me feel bad/angry/awful enough that I asked for the post to be deleted. I still hang around and find the advice generally useful, but the internet can be mean.

that was me, I'm sorry.

seemed like a good thread, but if I remember right (and in hindsight) I may have misinterpreted that all suggestions were being rejected like we usually see here.

[DaveInPgh]

I am beginning to feel the reactions we give on the internet when sharing advice has more to do with someone following it than the value of the advice itself. Between my own experience being on the asking end of this kind of site as well as the giving side, I think in general we push too hard too fast(possibly share too much too soon also).

While I think it is true a lot of people are looking for excuses to justify not having to change (change means you are not doing it right to most people and that gets personal) there are many who would actually embrace the change advised if it didn’t come across as attacking every number they put down. I mean, we are adults (I assume? Lol), but let’s look at it like this. You draw out what you have and ask for feedback. Then you have people you have never met and have no idea their personality, tone they really intend, intentions(are they trying to help or just be mean?), or value of information (how good/right the advice is) break it down for you in replies. In most cases, it feels like someone is taking your hard work and throwing it on the ground, then stomping on it. You are reading into everything with assumptions, and it’s hard to read them right when you are new and usually pretty emotional as you are realizing you need help and asking. When everything mentioned is some kind of “Your doing it wrong” comment, you typically get the impression you suck and they don’t like you. I know people need to “grow a pair” but honestly with finances, there are usually few absolutes and when we reply we should be careful not to imply the opposite. I want to see more people helped and I believe the information here is great. We just need to not be so eager to show how great we think we are with it, and push people off.

As a minister, I try to evaluate my responses all the time in my mind trying to make sure I relay information in a way that gets the point across without sounding like a self-righteous know-it-all. I am not perfect at it, but I think that same process is useful on sites like this as well. This is all just my .02$

Dave Ramsey always says finances are 80% behavioral, which means they are driven by our emotions(we typically behave based on how we feel until we mature up in that area). When someone calls us out on the numbers from an analytical standpoint it is really going to hit someone personally because it is attached to their emotions. So it makes sense that people get offended easily and feel attacked when we start breaking it all down before they trust that we are really trying to help. I say linger on the site for a while, learn a few things that might help clean up your situation and then post as you feel you still need help instead of dumping it all at once.

[GoodSteward]

[rennigade]

Hit the tanning bed a few times and you might land yourself a job with the NAACP.

Why even bother with the tanning bed? We now live in a time where anyone can identify as anything and if you do not show them respect you're the bad guy! My god...the fact that I used the word "guy" can get me in trouble. Thats a trigger word.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

The reasons why goodsteward listed is why I never tell people about finances. Only on here. It is easier online to be critical but in real life you want friends? Say nothing.

I will say when they say they don't know where their money is going I can't say "oh your fancy car or house." A lot of times they are driving boring car, but I guess it's all the hidden stuff like eating out, going out, shopping, etc.

[disneysteve]

A lot of times they are driving boring car

Even a "boring" car can often be a source of trouble. I've learned that over the years watching people around me do stupid things. Most commonly is buying a car with a ridiculous loan, and then a year or two later deciding they didn't really like that car so they trade it in and roll over the loan balance into a new loan. That puts them even deeper in the hole plus they then owe way more than the car is worth so they're really stuck.