Prenup Advice!

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Nope I'm for a prenup if it makes OP comfortable, I just want to know how the hell it works. When if ever does it become joint? I know people married 40 years and getting divorced (my-laws). I know people getting divorced after 25 years (my dad's first marriage), so length and duration of the marriage does that affect the need of a prenup?

If you are wed say 20 years does that nullify the prenup and the spouse should get part of the pre-marital assets? Does it change because you have endured a lot together versus a 2 year marriage? I think it's something to consider.

Will the OP put his wife on a vesting schedule? Every 10 years you get 25% of the premarital assets? What happens upon death? Does it automatically revert to her?

I think pre-nups can be great. Think about everyone with second marriages and kids co-mingling finances. Prenups probably outline everything. After all people once divorced are more likely to divorce.

As for common-law marriage? It does make a difference how you are mingling money. If I were to get divorced now I would count our 12 years together including our 5 years of living together "pre-marriage" in the settlement. He covered me as a domestic partner on his health insurance. We jointly bought a house during that time, we had joint accounts, etc. And the duration of such a relationship will affect our settlement if we divorced I believe. So I think it can make a difference depending on how the couple live together as roommates or married without the paper.

[disneysteve]

I just want to know how the hell it works. When if ever does it become joint?

I was wondering that too. Do the pre-marital assets ever become joint assets or does it depend on how the pre-nup is written? I guess if it is a second marriage and you want to provide for children from the previous marriage, it wouldn't become joint. But what if it is the first marriage for each person? At some point, the money ought to become joint.

[Petunia 100]

4) Marriage is “Till death do us part” and “For richer for poorer”. If you can’t see yourself abiding by those simple clauses, again I ask why get married at all? Prenups are all about saving your money, well then don’t get married and you additionally save on the cost of the ceremony/honey moon.

"Marriage" means different things to different people. Not everyone makes those exact vows.

Regardless, you are only one-half of the marriage. If the other half decides they don't want to be in the marriage any longer, there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. If the other half decides to indulge in behaviours which are unacceptable to you, you may decide to end the marriage yourself. (Ask me how I know. ) Taking steps to protect yourself financially is merely good planning.

[mom-from-missouri]

I'd agree with Disney Steve. Focus on your relationship and discuss the finances, budgets, future children.....

You have saved 450,000 vs her 30,000. You make 3 times the money. Since you make 3 x the money, of course you would have saved more. She can't save it if she isn't earning it.

Have you had the same education? Have you been in the workforce longer? Has she had outflow you didn't have? Such as medical bills, or student loan or auto loan? Did you start your adult life with a car your parents paid for and she had to pay for hers?? All these things come into play with why one person may have more than another. That doesn't necessary mean she is a poor saver or lazy--depending on where she came from in her background, her $30,000 may be outstanding for her.

I have a friend who only has $150,000 in savings--but, for her it is remarkable as she is the first in her family NOT to be on public welfare. But people don't realize her background to know that is very good for her. She entered her adult life as a high school drop out and has come a long way.

Marriage isn't 50 50. Its a 100 100. If you are that worried about the money, perhaps she isn't the one for you.

I came into this marriage with a home and some savings. However my husband is the breadwinner for the most part. I pretty much am a stay at home mom, with a small business on the side plus my rental house and some childcare earnings. He earns 4 times what I do. But, he comes home to a clean house, mowed yard, I do the farming, errands, shopping, gardening, cooking, cleaning, kid raising, finances and such. Before we married he paid to have the yard mowed, paid for a farm hand, had a housecleaner....

He does his part and I do my part. It isn't all about the money. Its about the love and committment.

Now if she blows money on unnecessary items and runs up huge debts, has hundreds of pairs of shoes and has her electric turned off because she can't afford it, thats an issue.

I am sure I am old fashioned, but why enter into a marriage if you feel you have to have a paper telling how you are dividing things when you split?? Marriage is a lifelong committment for better and worse. Usually (not always) for many young couples the worse comes the first few years as they struggle making ends meet and raising children. They give up too soon. I view a prenup as having a huge amount of doubt about the relationship.

[Jon991]

... Usually (not always) for many young couples the worse comes the first few years as they struggle making ends meet and raising children. They give up too soon. I view a prenup as having a huge amount of doubt about the relationship

This entire last sentense is EXACTLY why pre-nups are neccessary for people who enter marriages with disproportionate saviungs/assets.

Love can be blind.