getting over being frugal

**rennigade** · 12-21-2022, 04:18 PM

I don't plan on ever getting over the fact that I'm frugal. Wife is too. I'm not sure what the definition is but to me it's getting the best bang for your buck and or being smart with your money. Big difference than being cheap. Cheap is buying throw away garbage that doesn't last.

We will gladly spend a lot of money on quality things, but we will play the long game and wait until it's discounted or we can find a coupon, etc etc. If coupons or discounts aren't an option, we just buy it if it's something we really want or need.

Or for example, we just went to Disney and could have spent a lot of money to stay at a Disney resort. Would have cost north of $4k. Instead, we rented a condo outside of Disney that cost $1,100. To me, we were smart with our money.

**QuarterMillionMan** · 12-21-2022, 04:47 PM

LAL, I'm trying not to be so frugal and spend some of the money that I've been saving all these years knowing that at my age of 56 that I could die any day and never had the chance to enjoy it so I'm really trying hard not to be so frugal. In Las Vegas last week I treated myself to Caesar's bacchanal buffet at $79 when in the past I would not have paid $79 for a buffet. Got a new iPhone 14 plus w/a 6.7" screen for $899. Paying for toll road when traveling, bought a new laptop as a backup to another laptop, etc. I'm getting better at spending my money and not being so frugal like in the past.

**kork13** · 12-21-2022, 09:17 PM

I'm still almost neurotically frugal ... I tend to over-analyze ways to shop around or save an extra 5% on any random expense. Grocery shopping takes me twice the time because I'm always looking at & comparing unit costs (per oz, etc.). If I could ever "only" save 20% at some point, I'd probably start hyperventilating.

That said, I don't think spending is the polar opposite of saving. As long as I'm saving at a strong level (admittedly, that's 40-50% in my twisted mind), I can be perfectly comfortable with spending on expensive or even frivolous things/experiences if I know that there's a justifiable value or time/effort savings as a result. That line of thinking is generally how I overcome my reticence to spend more extravagantly than comes naturally to me.

**bjl584** · 12-22-2022, 05:04 AM

I'll probably never stop seeking out value in everything I do. I've envisioned a scenario where my investments eventually hit critical mass, and the money comes in faster than I could spend it. Maybe then I'll splurge here and there.

**crazyliblady** · 12-22-2022, 05:36 AM

I will not say that I have been frugal since birth and in fact, it took decades for me to come up with a system that works. When I was a child, we never lacked for meals and our utilities were never turned off, but I sometimes saw my mother paying bills and complaining about it, so I learned to be afraid and anxious about not having enough money. When she did weekly grocery shopping, she would often spend about $200 for two people. Even today, that astonishes me. As an adult, I sometimes struggled due to having lower paying jobs, but eventually came to learn that being frugal was something I could do all the time, not just when I struggled. I now make a lot more money, but more important than that, I learned to create a budget that I actually follow, as well as how to save money for emergencies, sinking funds, and retirement. So being frugal is not a disease or phase for me and I will not forget how to do it.

**crazyliblady** · 12-22-2022, 05:46 AM

Originally posted by LivingAlmostLarge View Post

How did you or did never get over being frugal? I feel like I've been frugal my entire life. Brought up that way, lived that way and just in general I look at things and cringe. The past few years I've been getting better about weighing the value of what I spend my money on. But there are some hard and fast lines in the sand about spending I can't get over.

But this holiday season I mentioned money is falling out of my wallet like water. I had a good saving year so it's not so bad. But overall I find myself struggling a little at saving "just" 20%. I know mentally it's fine. I know that we're hitting all goals and this was part of the spending plan. But I still cringe a little and think OMG i can't believe we spend or spent that much.

My DH tells me when I hesitate just do it. The fact I hesitate shows the thought put into the spending.

How do you guys do it?

I also struggle with saving enough. After getting my lawsuit settled and replenishing my emergency savings, I will be opening a Roth IRA. I hope this will happen early next year.

**disneysteve** · 12-22-2022, 06:33 AM

We're not nearly as frugal as we used to be but we still have that frugal mindset, so even if we're making a luxury purchase, we'll find the most affordable way to do it. There is a good reason why we are where we are in life financially and I'm able to be mostly retired at 58 years old so frugality has served us well. We still do cash-back credit cards, Rakuten, Retail Me Not, Fetch, and other savings programs. We literally just got home from Aldi where we went to buy a few items that are cheaper there than at Wegmans. We do mostly home cooking and limit our dining out, especially now that prices have gotten so crazy.

No need to get over being frugal.

**ua_guy** · 12-22-2022, 08:19 AM

For us, being frugal is less of a necessity now than it was in our younger years, but I still find myself being oddly frugal - some old habits just stuck with me. I still balk at high prices and weigh opportunity costs. My husband likes to joke that I'm the "cheapest man alive", and I always correct him - I save money where I think it makes sense and is easy to do so, and I'm never cheap with people. There's a difference. Also, he is not frugal. So it's something I'll never really "get over", personally, if nothing else than to be the balancing factor when it comes to household finances.

**plodding_investor** · 12-22-2022, 12:14 PM

I would consider our household to be frugal, but not necessarily according to the typical definition for it. We don't buy the cheapest of everything out there (though my wife is pretty good at buying groceries at reasonable prices). We tend to go mid-route with things -- mid-cost phones (like the Pixel), mid-cost PC/laptop, budget audiophile system, < $300 53" TV ... and so on. But we don't really need a lot of things, we just buy the few things we want or need and try to take care of it so that it lasts longer. I had a UPS battery die on me after 6 years -- I just bought a new battery instead of replacing the UPS since the unit has worked well all this time. I do tend to spend a little more for something like a wireless router, I found the cheaper ones just didn't work well (or very long) for me. Not wanting to have a lot of stuff, and not needing to have the best of things, seems to work well for us. This way we aren't splurging for a lot nor are we obsessing about getting the cheapest stuff out there.

**disneysteve** · 12-22-2022, 01:02 PM

Originally posted by plodding_investor View Post

I would consider our household to be frugal, but not necessarily according to the typical definition for it. We don't buy the cheapest of everything out there

I don't think frugal means buying the cheapest. I think it means finding the best value. Those are not the same thing. I could buy crap at the dollar store that wouldn't do the job and wouldn't last so I'd have to keep replacing it. That isn't frugal at all. Frugal is finding the option that is good quality at the best price. That might mean buying something fairly expensive but never having to replace it.

One of my standard examples is that when we first got married, we had a cheap set of cookware. It lasted a few years and then we bought another cheap set of cookware, and then a 3rd set after that. Finally, we splurged and bought a pretty pricey set. That was about 20 years ago and we still use that set every day and it is in perfect condition. That was ultimately the more frugal choice even though it cost a lot more up front.

**plodding_investor** · 12-22-2022, 01:35 PM

Originally posted by disneysteve View Post

I don't think frugal means buying the cheapest. I think it means finding the best value. Those are not the same thing. I could buy crap at the dollar store that wouldn't do the job and wouldn't last so I'd have to keep replacing it. That isn't frugal at all. Frugal is finding the option that is good quality at the best price. That might mean buying something fairly expensive but never having to replace it.

One of my standard examples is that when we first got married, we had a cheap set of cookware. It lasted a few years and then we bought another cheap set of cookware, and then a 3rd set after that. Finally, we splurged and bought a pretty pricey set. That was about 20 years ago and we still use that set every day and it is in perfect condition. That was ultimately the more frugal choice even though it cost a lot more up front.

Yep, that's true, but depending on one's financial situation the intensity or definition of frugality can be different. Years ago when I lived paycheck to paycheck I really would try to go for the absolute cheapest (but sometimes even then it still had to be within reason, like with your example). Back then I rented a furnished room in an old trailer, drove a used Ford Escort and had to use free dial-up internet and just deal with the slow connection. I wouldn't do that now given my current situation, but I don't see that as being non-frugal. But even in that setting I was able to put a little aside and had very little debt -- I was really excited to get my $25/month in Vanguard Prime MM with what little I had in it.

But my point really is that you don't necessarily have to maintain THAT level of frugality to still be frugal depending on your financial situation, as it improves -- since the OP's original question was about how to get over being frugal and overcoming some hard and fast lines. There is flexibility to adjust the lines so they make sense given your situation.

**disneysteve** · 12-22-2022, 03:34 PM

Originally posted by plodding_investor View Post

But my point really is that you don't necessarily have to maintain THAT level of frugality to still be frugal depending on your financial situation, as it improves -- since the OP's original question was about how to get over being frugal and overcoming some hard and fast lines. There is flexibility to adjust the lines so they make sense given your situation.

Agreed. I think we are relatively frugal given our income and portfolio size, but when we were young and broke, we were far more frugal out of necessity. We've gone from finding the cheapest hotel room to finding the best price for the nice hotel room, for example.

**Drake3287** · 12-22-2022, 05:33 PM

I could have written almost all of these responses. I'm another who's financially comfortable but we still find ourselves trying to save that endless dollar even though we don't need too. Grocery shopping at Safeway, you'd think we're poor by the amount of on-sale items we buy. We're always chasing deals and what's on sale and needless to say, when we find that we're over charged on products we go out of our way to make sure they correct it and refund us the difference. I think this all comes from being "frugal" all our lives just so we'd be comfortable come retirement.

I'd also guess that most of us here are near the same age and get this sense of spending and saving from our parents who probably grew up in a different era. I know that's where I get it.

**srblanco7** · 12-26-2022, 02:10 AM

Our mindset is similar to most who have posted. We rarely if ever "splurge" and have more of a "value-based" mindset. We live in a modest home, drive nice, reasonable "new to us" cars (which were not inexpensive but are not unreasonable), primarily shop at Aldi (vs Wegmans) and BJs wholesale club, etc.

If there's anything of substance we "splurge" on, it's vacations/experiences.

getting over being frugal