Ah, visits by cheap relatives -- who wouldn't want that !

[COB_Speicher]

I also have the opposite problem, we live in Las Vegas and would love some visitors once in awhile. Our friends and relatives visit Las Vegas and don't even tell us they are here. We have no idea they are here until we start reading about their fun visit they had to Vegas on their Facebook.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Happens to me all the time. My in-laws do that all the time. Sigh. Of course they have to borrow the car and treat us like a hotel. Friends are amazed we tolerate it. My BIL does when he comes with a current girlfriend otherwise he's okay. What can you do? I just hold my breath and count the days. Now we've gotten to the point that it's no more than 10 days anymore. Longer I'd want to kill myself.

[disneysteve]

Of course they have to borrow the car and treat us like a hotel. Friends are amazed we tolerate it.

What can you do?

You can say NO!
NO, you can't borrow the car but I'd be happy to drive you over to the rental place.
NO, it really won't work for you to stay here for more than a night or two but I'd be happy to pick you up at your hotel.

This has never been, and will never be, a problem in our house because neither of us has any trouble saying NO.

[Fishindude77]

Along those same lines, I don't like staying at other people's houses either. Would much rather stay in a motel.

[disneysteve]

Along those same lines, I don't like staying at other people's houses either. Would much rather stay in a motel.

Same here. When I was younger, like post-college years, I had a group of friends and someone would host a party and we'd all stay over. That was fine. But now, as an adult with a wife and daughter, I have absolutely no desire to stay in someone else's home. I like the concept - waking up in the morning and having breakfast together or hanging out at night talking and stuff - but the reality is never that appealing. We want our own space and I am more than happy to pay for it.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Not really. Saying no is bad. Saying only 10 days was bad enough. Big fight. But FWIW just suck it up and pretend you have a hotel. I did years ago kick out my in-laws but they showed up without telling us and we already had friends staying with us and they were warned. I freaked out and slammed the door on them because who flies internationally and then just shows up? They've never changed.

[Petunia 100]

I find cheap people aren't usually cheap to themselves but are cheap to others around them (or just don't consider others much).

Arriving red eye and not renting a car means I'm driving to the airport at 3AM. I wanted them to take public transit but wife wanted me to pick them up because of the large amounts of luggage.

Borrowing our car for next week for their cruise trip, means I had to ask coworkers for rides to and back from the office for a few days and arrange car sharing with my wife for other days.

This puts a whole 'nother spin on it. I would say "no".

And if I were the visiting relative, there is NO WAY I would expect you to pick me up at 3am, or to bum rides for a week while I use your car.

Also, why is it your wife is the one who wants to tell them "yes", but you are the one who is actually being inconvenienced? Why don't you use her car while she manages without one? Why didn't your wife pick them up at 3am while you were home in bed asleep? Something seems amiss to me.

[Petunia 100]

Happens to me all the time. My in-laws do that all the time. Sigh. Of course they have to borrow the car and treat us like a hotel. Friends are amazed we tolerate it. My BIL does when he comes with a current girlfriend otherwise he's okay. What can you do? I just hold my breath and count the days. Now we've gotten to the point that it's no more than 10 days anymore. Longer I'd want to kill myself.

People can't take advantage of you if you refuse to co-operate. Just sayin'.

[Outdoorsygal]

Not really. Saying no is bad. Saying only 10 days was bad enough. Big fight. But FWIW just suck it up and pretend you have a hotel. I did years ago kick out my in-laws but they showed up without telling us and we already had friends staying with us and they were warned. I freaked out and slammed the door on them because who flies internationally and then just shows up? They've never changed.

Oh my. No doubt your In-laws have personality disorders. This is not normal ^^^

[sv2007]

Not really. Saying no is bad. Saying only 10 days was bad enough. Big fight. But FWIW just suck it up and pretend you have a hotel. I did years ago kick out my in-laws but they showed up without telling us and we already had friends staying with us and they were warned. I freaked out and slammed the door on them because who flies internationally and then just shows up? They've never changed.

Exactly !!! We used to fight about this (in-law visits are one of the very, very few things we fight about), but that was a long time ago.

Back in 2007, this same sister in law pre-planned to stay at our house for 1 night while flying to Hawaii with her husband and HIS MOTHER becaues they were flying standby and the HI flight was the next morning. This meant having us driving 2 round trips to the airport, not to mention hosting this very-very-distance-related MOTHER of my wife's sister's husband. Wife and I had a big fight; and the end result was they still get to stay. I was so pissed that I bought a new bike (which made wife mad because she thinks I have too many bikes).

Since then, I've mellowed a lot. I just let it happen figuring it is just her family's way of life. My family would certainly have just stayed at an airport hotel for that 1 night or not travel to HI during peak season on standby.

I used to miss so much work because wife's relatives get trapped at SFO due to standby situation. This means going to the airport, fetch them, then drop them off the next day. I never complained much as I can see that they are stuck BUT the above was PRE_PLANNED !!!

Now, I don't fight about these visits any more. We don't really have much to fight about, and once I stopped insisting that nobody stays with us -- I don't think we've fought in a long while.

[Outdoorsygal]

One thing I don't like a whole lot is people come for the purpose of "visiting" you but actually spend very little time with you.

For this Christmas, my sister in-law's family of 4 is here (but, in reality, not here ! ). How? you ask? Well, let's see, they arrived yesterday mroning on the red eye, after resting, borrowed our car to visit friends, came back at night at 10PM. Today we'll take them to see some sights, tomorrow, they plan to visit more relatives in Fresno (3.5hrs drive) and will come back very late. Tomorrow, they plan to meet up with some friends for the whole day. Monday morning, they will take our car for a week to go to LA for a cruise, planning to come back to our house on Friday (after the cruise), then leave Sat morning.

I just don't get them. Wouldn't a hotel and rental car be much easier on their itinerary? This isn't the first time they did this; they visit us at least once each year since we moved back to CA but I still hardly know them : )

Guess I shouldn't complain, as they aren't really staying with us that long esp since our house is pretty small. When we were in TX and had a large house, this sister in-law visited only once (and we lived there many years).

Ah, what can you do right? Start a fight with the wife? I don't even know how; it's been a while since we fought. I did suggest that maybe they should fly into LA and visit us from there (can even save cruise parking $) to wife, who rejected that idea : (

Oh long post, but I'm sure everybody has experience this type of visitors.

I can see them borrowing your car for a short trip for a day, maybe two at the most. A week? I'd be pissed they even asked me unless they plan to compensate me a somewhat reasonable amount of money.

[sv2007]

Also, why is it your wife is the one who wants to tell them "yes", but you are the one who is actually being inconvenienced? Why don't you use her car while she manages without one? Why didn't your wife pick them up at 3am while you were home in bed asleep? Something seems amiss to me.

I don't know if you have ever been in a marriage and have dealt much with some in laws. On the surface we are all smiles when they visit, but really we both dislike the visits. Wife feels that she has no choice in the matter, and I try to understand as much as I can. Marriage is a unit so we both try to make the best out of the situation. I had wanted to rent a car for them, but it would just made a bad situation worse.

[Outdoorsygal]

I don't know if you have ever been in a marriage and have dealt much with some in laws. On the surface we are all smiles when they visit, but really we both dislike the visits. Wife feels that she has no choice in the matter, and I try to understand as much as I can. Marriage is a unit so we both try to make the best out of the situation. I had wanted to rent a car for them, but it would just made a bad situation worse.

As the man of the house, you need to sit your inlaws down and tell them they will not be dis-respecting your wife in this manner again intimidating and pressuring her into pressuring you. What his happening to your wife is wrong, and it's time to stand up to them without your wife being involved. If they ratt on you, make any waves whatsoever, do not allow them back. It's your car, there is no reason they wouldn't be asking you directly except to be sneaky. They know you might refuse. I doubt they dislike the visits as much as you do considering their behavior. Sorry but this is bad. Rant over

.

[Petunia 100]

I don't know if you have ever been in a marriage and have dealt much with some in laws. On the surface we are all smiles when they visit, but really we both dislike the visits. Wife feels that she has no choice in the matter, and I try to understand as much as I can. Marriage is a unit so we both try to make the best out of the situation. I had wanted to rent a car for them, but it would just made a bad situation worse.

Yes, I was married for 18 years and did enjoy some in-law issues. I understand wanting to keep your spouse happy. Your wife is wrong on this point; she absolutely has a choice. We all do.

[disneysteve]

I don't know if you have ever been in a marriage and have dealt much with some in laws. On the surface we are all smiles when they visit, but really we both dislike the visits. Wife feels that she has no choice in the matter

I've been married for 24 years. We both have issues with her mother. When something unreasonable comes up, we BOTH say NO. Yes, my wife sometimes feels obligated to do certain things, but she ALWAYS puts OUR family first. ALWAYS.

You always have a choice.