What do you think of no gift birthday parties?

[theoracle]

DD is turning 6. While visiting family this weekend everyone was asking for gift ideas for her upcoming birthday. She has more than enough "stuff" and we constantly work to clear out the clutter in her room in order to keep it manageable. We throw out more stuff every year than I'm really comfortable admitting -- we don't buy her much ourselves and definitely don't go overboard for birthdays and Christmas... Honestly I sometimes feel like I don't even know where all the toys come from. Anyway, family got me thinking about alternatives to acquiring more stuff but I don't necessarily feel comfortable asking family to contribute to college or charity or whatever in lieu of gifts. I also don't think they would accept that and they'd probably buy her gifts anyway. Curious of others have dealt with this and if you've found gift alternative solutions or maybe even just ideas for more valuable or practical gifts besides more little toys with 100 pieces?

Secondarily, this will be the first year we have done a party with her friends. We are considering doing it at the local animal shelter and I was thinking maybe that would be a good opportunity to encourage the kids to bring something to donate to the animals instead of buying a gift but I wasn't sure how people would feel about it or what ideas we could give them? Alternatively, every year her party is book themed and I thought instead about asking everyone to bring a book (new or used) and we could do a book exchange. Seemed like a fun way to encourage reading and then all the kids go home with something. Any downsides to either of these ideas? I was googling for ideas and was surprised at all the negative comments about suggesting a no gift party for kids... I thought the point was to have fun with their friends, not get new things! Was thinking there might be a different perspective on this board!

Interesting concept! I have three kids of my own and 6 nephews (then there's 3 nieces and 2 nephews on my wifes side)... so totally get what you mean about the unwanted/needed toys as gifts. As a family, we celebrate and give gifts on birthdays, Christmas and 2 x Eid every year. So there are a lot of toys and gifts changing hands and over the past 12-18months i've started to feel that it's a bit of a waste. Especially as the older kids don't even look at the toys an hour after opening the presents!

My wife has started asking beforehand if the kids need anything and this has worked out much better e.g. a pair of soccer shoes for my nephew on his birthday, or a new summer jacket for her niece.

The book exchange idea is great too. Will try that next time around!

[riverwed070707]

Since last year when DK2 turned 1, I tried to do a gift exchange. Bring a gift, take a gift. It went HORRIBLY! OMG I don't know who ****ed up the process but obviously people came with one gift and were leaving with 2 (one for each of their kids). So I said forget it. I wasn't about to start buying extra gifts to deal with the hassle.

So DK1 turned 4 I said No gifts needed! If you want to give her something, share your favorite book. So people did.

I did it again with DK2 Second birthday last month and again said no gifts and books only. I got books and a couple of people gave no gifts. I meant it. It was great.

We had a great day, books and only a little crap, because there still were some friends giving gifts...arrgh. but I managed to minimize it.

I personally feel weird saying please donate to her 529. Probably because a lot of people will give a $5 book or a $10 gift on "sale" or with a gift card they got and bought a gift or an exchange or something. So they didn't necessarily spend $5, $10, or even $20 on a gift for my kid.

And if I said please donate to their college fund I know they'd feel obligated to give us $20 at least if not more. At least that's how I would feel, obligated to give $20.

We went to a few parties and gave a $12.99 Elsa Wand. I thought it a nice gift since the girls are all Frozen Crazy. Was it $20? No but it wasn't a horrible gift. And a nice card homemade. I guess that's why I would feel pressured to give more if someone said "please give money you'd have spent on a gift into the 529". Especially if it were a classmate or not as close friend.

Also I sometimes give hardback books I get for $12 or $13 from Amazon like Henny, the day the crayons quit, etc. And that's the gift.

Perhaps I'm cheap, but for closer friends we do spend more and there is a lot more thought and personalization.

I don't think this makes you cheap. With DD attending 1-2 birthdays a month for friends at school, I shop at the dollar store and put together a little basket of goodies that costs $10 max. Its fun stuff for them to do but doesn't matter when the parents toss it. I'm sure this won't work forever, but for 5-6 year olds its perfect. I'm kind of the grinch when it comes to gift giving - I don't really like gift giving for anyone I'm not exceptionally close with (especially when it feels like an obligation - ie they give us a gift every year so we have to get them something. Doesn't that defeat the purpose of a gift??) and I don't really care to receive gifts. I hate clutter and I don't like nick-nacky things and I'd rather just have the gift of your company and enjoy spending time together than to make it a financial obligation. Or wine, I think thats a great gift My dad and grandma still force me to give them a Christmas list every year and I always ask for something practical like new tires for my car haha.

[Eagle]

It seems $10-20 is kind of the standard for gifts. We had our 2 year old's birthday and I think we way over did it. We planned for 100 people and about 60 showed up. We got a lot of stuff free from a friend who had a b-day party for her kid 2 weeks prior with the same theme (farm). But we got a bounce house for $100, the food was another $150, and the decorations were probably $100. So we probably spent about $350+ on the party. Not to mention the people who brought gifts for the little guy probably spent $300-500 between all the gifts. All for something the 2 year old will not remember except through pictures or videos.

We agreed we're not doing the same thing next year.

[ua_guy]

It seems $10-20 is kind of the standard for gifts. We had our 2 year old's birthday and I think we way over did it. We planned for 100 people and about 60 showed up. We got a lot of stuff free from a friend who had a b-day party for her kid 2 weeks prior with the same theme (farm). But we got a bounce house for $100, the food was another $150, and the decorations were probably $100. So we probably spent about $350+ on the party. Not to mention the people who brought gifts for the little guy probably spent $300-500 between all the gifts. All for something the 2 year old will not remember except through pictures or videos.

We agreed we're not doing the same thing next year.

!!!

Wow!

[snafu]

I can't imagine 100 guests for a 2 y/o's BD party. We had family and close friends for DSs birthdays until they were school aged. Back then it was popular to take their half dozen best friends to some type of activity like bowling, the zoo, bike path cruise + park cook-out, and when it coincided our city's annual doggie walk. Friends who didn't have dogs got one of ours and we borrowed neighbours dogs for our DSs.

My dad thought it was important to build DSs college fund. Now I wonder if he suggested it to relatives and family friends who always included cash or cheques in the birthday, Christmas, special occasion cards. I always thought of it as my grandparents European tradition to look to the future.

[Danawolmer]

There's been really great ideas so far! I've never thought birthdays this way but I'm starting to like the idea.

[Drake3287]

I can relate to your child already having plenty of toys, etc but I think your over doing it a bit because of political correctness these days. Giving back, donating to needy kids and that sort of thing. Some of my best memories of growing up was having a Birthday party with a half dozen or so kids. Presents were always very basic, nothing ever over the top and my parents never spent much money on taking us to fancy places like parents do now.

Let your kid be a kid and don't over think it. Just don't be one of those parents that invite the entire class of 25 in order to get a lot of gifts. I see that a lot and it bothers me sick to see it. I just retired from a wealthy community that had tons of parents wanting to use us for there kids party and the stuff I would see was sickening. 20 to 25 rich kids each giving a gift to a kid that didn't need anything.

[riverwed070707]

I can relate to your child already having plenty of toys, etc but I think your over doing it a bit because of political correctness these days. Giving back, donating to needy kids and that sort of thing. Some of my best memories of growing up was having a Birthday party with a half dozen or so kids. Presents were always very basic, nothing ever over the top and my parents never spent much money on taking us to fancy places like parents do now.

Let your kid be a kid and don't over think it. Just don't be one of those parents that invite the entire class of 25 in order to get a lot of gifts. I see that a lot and it bothers me sick to see it. I just retired from a wealthy community that had tons of parents wanting to use us for there kids party and the stuff I would see was sickening. 20 to 25 rich kids each giving a gift to a kid that didn't need anything.

Well that's the thing though, she's just starting kindergarten and only has one friend that I really know but gets along with all the kids in her class. I'd rather invite all 25 and ask for no gifts than to choose only her "best friends" to come to a special party. I (and she) would rather be able to include anyone that is available to attend. Its not about being PC, I think its important to teach kids about giving and sharing and that a party can really just be about getting some friends together, not about the gifts you will receive.

Not saying gift giving is bad, but it feels to me (and especially in our family) that its gotten out of hand. As a kid I remember beign excited to wake up Christmas morning and see how big of a pile of presents santa left. In years my parents found it necessary to cut back, I actually found myself disappointed that I got fewer gifts. That's not how I want my daughter to remember her holidays. I don't want them measured by the number of gifts she receives. Certainly that wasn't my parents' intention for us either, but that's what happened and so I've made it a priority to rethink how we give with my own child.

[Goldy1]

I have a five year old. For some reasons birthday parties really stress me out. I've had two and been to many. I prefer to take a vacation in honor of the birthday.
We have a small family(one child and one on the way, our last)
The only family nearby is one set of parents and one aunt and uncle. Son has no cousins.

We have a network of 3 to 4 friends with kids we see regularly. I never know who to invite. I had a bday for his fourth with just a few closer friends invited and the above mentioned family. well 2 of the close friends couldn't come so I ended up inviting acquaintances to fill the void.

I'm a super super hands on mom. I just played soccer 30 weeks pregnant today, teach my kid at home often, do crafts etc. but planning birthday parties just sucks.

I feel like I have to accommodate the siblings an parents.

His preschool class had only 6 kids last year. Most familes had 3 kids so paying for all of them to attend a party somewhere would have cost a fortune. saying no siblings is controversial but an option.

I worry about close friends not making it.
I had one party at my house, just a few kids. It took sooooo much planning. I made huge paper mache dinosaur eggs with big toy dinosaurs to crack open, made my own cake(not worth it) hid all the toys so it wasn't a big mess etc. planned two crafts. it went fine but no thanks.

for his sixth? indoor waterpark for a couple nights maybe
I love to attend parties and gift well though

[Eagle]

One of the things for birthdays and more specifically Christmas we've been contemplating doing is adopting another kid with Compassion International. The cost is $38 a month. So we're considering giving people an envelope saying something to the effect of:

"We have sponsored {name} in your honor. Sponsorship for January 2015 is the gift for you."

[ladonnarosso]

I love both of your ideas and will keep them in mind for the future! We had my son's first birthday yesterday and holy crap! The amount of stuff he got was ridiculous. I didn't know any better because it was the first kids' party that we've had, but I will know for the future! Honestly, we did ask family members to contribute to the college fund, and they were more than happy to oblige, but friends are a little bit of a different story.

[riverwed070707]

I love the book exchange and animal shelter idea,but u might want to consider your child's feeling when no gifts for her birthday

But she has gotten gifts. She got gifts from family and she will get gifts from us. If her feelings are hurt because she didn't get more from her friends, then I haven't raised her with the values I want her to have.

As an update, we decided to do the book exchange and we're doing the party at the park across the street from our house. I love the animal shelter idea (and so did she!) but I was a bit nervous about how it would be received by others, especially if there were kids with allergies, etc. I'll report back on whether it goes as smooth as planned

[YolandoAmaya]

Hey, I think it is a very good idea to arrange a party for kids and have fun with them. Books are a source of knowledge. I don't think there is any negative thought if you want to enjoy partying with kids, and give gifts to them.