What do you think of no gift birthday parties?

**creditcardfree** · 08-10-2014, 11:43 AM

I think both of your ideas are wonderful! I would fully support my child going to this type of party. We did say no gifts last year when my daughter was 13. As part of her gift, we invited a few girls to stop by while we were in town (we had just moved the year before) and swim at our hotel pool. I really didn't think it right to ask for gifts after having limited interaction over the previous year. One girl did bring a small gift. Otherwise, everyone followed our wishes and I never heard a thing about it.

**ktmarvels** · 08-10-2014, 11:51 AM

I love your ideas of a book exchange or donating to the animal shelter! I think it is perfectly acceptable to request that gifts not be given, or to suggest an alternative (money for college, give to charity, etc) when someone asks. Some people will still want to bring gifts, and that's ok. Just say thank you and either use it/play with it, return it for something you will use/want, or pass it along to someone who will. Gifts should be a way of expressing love to the receiver, not a burden (for either giver or receiver).

**My English Castle** · 08-10-2014, 06:40 PM

me too

My DD has been invited to an increasing number of no-gift birthdays. We indeed had one ourselves a few years ago at our local humane society. The guests were asked to bring something from the humane society's wish list like bird seed or dog treats or paper towels. Indeed yesterday at our garage sale, I sold three girl's scrapbooking kits that DD never opened from another year.
For me, the best alternative was something my great aunt did for us: She bought single shares of stock to get us interested in the market. I could never ask someone to do that, but by the time I was 10 or so, I loved it. I sold them to go to university, but it indeed sparked a lifelong interest in finance--and she was an extremely cool and frugal woman herself.

**creditcardfree** · 08-10-2014, 07:12 PM

For those relatives and friends that just have to give a gift suggest something that you know will be used up in the next year. Bubble bath, lotion, food gifts, art supplies, socks, pajamas, playdoh, and so forth. And definitely consider returning an item if needed...I have had many duplicates of items from Target over the years, and we have been able to return without a receipt for a merchandise credit. Also don't feel bad if you need to pull a few things aside to donate or repurpose to another child.

**Eagle** · 08-10-2014, 08:09 PM

We haven't done this yet with Birthdays. We did ask for family to give towards college though. Most everyone was happy to comply.

Friends is another matter. We had our 2 year old's birthday a couple months back. I wish we'd thought of something like this. We have enough stuff and like to keep our clutter to a minimum. There are consignment stores (Just Between Friends for example) and donation opportunities in the area so we try to stay on top of the clutter.

We have asked this Christmas that family consider giving towards the kids college or to a charity (we like Compassion for example).

**marvholly** · 08-10-2014, 11:19 PM

My oldest daughter has done the no gifts thing for years for her now 9 y/o and 5 y/o twins. They ask that a donation be made to a speciic charity. For the 9 y/o it has always been somethng to do w/animals. For the twins it was March of Dimes for several years since they were born WAAAY underweight.

The immediate family generally does both - somthing fun for the kid(s) and a donation to the charity.

**riverwed070707** · 08-11-2014, 05:37 AM

Glad to see all the positive responses! LOVE the stock market idea. Our family tends to go way overboard with gifts so maybe I will suggest something toward college and offer some gift ideas as an alternative and perhaps they will make a donation and go less overboard on gifts

**ua_guy** · 08-11-2014, 06:48 AM

I would definitely support your idea. Without getting into dirty laundry, I have two young nieces and their birthday parties are begrudging experiences for me. Between the overspend, the pissing matches between family for the best gifts, the fact that the kids have SO much already, it's like, what's the point? The kids have been taught to expect it.

The only thing about your animal shelter idea...those are kind of sad places. I don't know that I'd have a kid's birthday party there (check the cleanliness before you go, too). Do a reality check on that one. Then again, you might have a really awesome shelter that resembles a petting zoo more than the dismal, smelly, and understaffed places that they tend to be.

**bjl584** · 08-11-2014, 06:53 AM

Gift Cards, cash, or savings bonds, would all be fine alternatives to "stuff."

**riverwed070707** · 08-11-2014, 06:58 AM

Originally posted by ua_guy View Post

I would definitely support your idea. Without getting into dirty laundry, I have two young nieces and their birthday parties are begrudging experiences for me. Between the overspend, the pissing matches between family for the best gifts, the fact that the kids have SO much already, it's like, what's the point? The kids have been taught to expect it.

The only thing about your animal shelter idea...those are kind of sad places. I don't know that I'd have a kid's birthday party there (check the cleanliness before you go, too). Do a reality check on that one. Then again, you might have a really awesome shelter that resembles a petting zoo more than the dismal, smelly, and understaffed places that they tend to be.

Great point. We live in a decent sized metro with a large organization with several locations that are very clean. THey actually advertise parties on their site and give a list of what it includes, which is a tour, mock adoption and plush toy for kids to take home, plus you can add face painting for a little more and they have a room for you to do cake, etc. I think my biggest concern is the parents hating me because all the kids want to take home a new pet

**fruitbowlk** · 08-11-2014, 07:51 AM

I prefer to have someone invest in my daughter future. But it is so hard to get people to put the money that they would used on presents to put it in her 529, saving account or to shop using upromise.com so that she can get money that way. They prefer to buy material things.

**marvholly** · 08-12-2014, 12:59 AM

If you go w/the animal shelter idea some things they ALWAYS need are

food
treats
toys
old blankets & quilts
old towels
paper towels

This way a party goer could spend as much as they want or even nothing.

**snafu** · 08-13-2014, 08:49 AM

I think it's brilliant to have a 'no gift' birthday party. Our DKs have a lot of stuff and small gifts merely add to the clutter. If relatives/family need to gift, I suggest they support your DD's college plan. My dad started a college plan for DS1 the day he was born and subsequently every significant occasion grandparents, relatives, close friends, DH all added to the Mutual Fund. DSs also contributed 1/2 of earned income. By the time both DSs went to university there was sufficient funds for most of their undergrad program costs.

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 08-13-2014, 06:18 PM

Since last year when DK2 turned 1, I tried to do a gift exchange. Bring a gift, take a gift. It went HORRIBLY! OMG I don't know who ****ed up the process but obviously people came with one gift and were leaving with 2 (one for each of their kids). So I said forget it. I wasn't about to start buying extra gifts to deal with the hassle.

So DK1 turned 4 I said No gifts needed! If you want to give her something, share your favorite book. So people did.

I did it again with DK2 Second birthday last month and again said no gifts and books only. I got books and a couple of people gave no gifts. I meant it. It was great.

We had a great day, books and only a little crap, because there still were some friends giving gifts...arrgh. but I managed to minimize it.

I personally feel weird saying please donate to her 529. Probably because a lot of people will give a $5 book or a $10 gift on "sale" or with a gift card they got and bought a gift or an exchange or something. So they didn't necessarily spend $5, $10, or even $20 on a gift for my kid.

And if I said please donate to their college fund I know they'd feel obligated to give us $20 at least if not more. At least that's how I would feel, obligated to give $20.

We went to a few parties and gave a $12.99 Elsa Wand. I thought it a nice gift since the girls are all Frozen Crazy. Was it $20? No but it wasn't a horrible gift. And a nice card homemade. I guess that's why I would feel pressured to give more if someone said "please give money you'd have spent on a gift into the 529". Especially if it were a classmate or not as close friend.

Also I sometimes give hardback books I get for $12 or $13 from Amazon like Henny, the day the crayons quit, etc. And that's the gift.

Perhaps I'm cheap, but for closer friends we do spend more and there is a lot more thought and personalization.

What do you think of no gift birthday parties?