It’s no secret that everyone lies in relationships. Whether it’s a tiny fib meant to protect someone’s feelings or a deeper unspoken truth buried under fear or shame, lying isn’t always malicious. In fact, it can sometimes be a misguided attempt to preserve the relationship. But over time, even the smallest lies can add up, creating cracks in trust and intimacy.
The truth is, being fully honest with someone you love is hard. It requires vulnerability, courage, and a willingness to have difficult conversations. So, if you’ve ever told a lie in a relationship (or been on the receiving end of one), you’re not alone. In fact, we’re sharing the most common lies people tell in relationships—why they happen, what they really mean, and how to create space for more honesty moving forward.
Why We Lie in Relationships
Lying in relationships is more common than most people care to admit. While many of us aspire to build connections rooted in honesty and trust, the truth is that even in the healthiest relationships, lies can sneak in. Some are small, meant to protect a partner’s feelings, while others mask deeper issues like insecurity, fear, or unmet needs.
The key to navigating relationship lies isn’t necessarily striving for brutal honesty at all times. It’s about understanding the motives behind them and learning how to foster open, safe communication.
Common Relationship Lies
“I’m Fine” When You’re Clearly Not
This one tops the list for a reason. Saying “I’m fine” when you’re actually hurt, angry, or upset is something most people have done at some point. Whether it’s to avoid confrontation, prevent a bigger argument, or simply because we don’t feel ready to express what we’re really feeling, this lie is common—and often destructive. Over time, it creates emotional distance and encourages partners to guess at each other’s emotional states, which can lead to miscommunication and resentment.
“I Don’t Care” or “It Doesn’t Matter”
These phrases are often thrown out during disagreements when someone is trying to appear indifferent or unbothered. But in reality, it does matter. Saying you don’t care when you actually do is a form of emotional withdrawal. It might be a defense mechanism, but over time, it can erode the emotional intimacy in a relationship.
“I Forgot”
Forgetting can be genuine, but when it becomes a repeated excuse, it’s often a convenient lie. “I forgot” can cover everything from missing a partner’s birthday plans to not doing something you promised to do. It’s usually a way to avoid taking responsibility or admitting that something wasn’t a priority, which can leave the other person feeling undervalued.
“I’m Over It”
This lie is especially common after an argument or betrayal. Claiming to be “over it” when the hurt is still fresh might be an attempt to move forward, but without actually processing the pain, it only buries the issue. Healing takes time, and pretending you’re no longer affected can delay genuine emotional recovery and connection.
“It Was Just a Joke”
Sometimes, people use humor as a shield for passive-aggressive digs or uncomfortable truths. When a partner expresses hurt over a comment, brushing it off as “just a joke” minimizes their feelings. This kind of lie can undermine trust and make someone feel like they’re being overly sensitive rather than allowing space for open dialogue.
“I’ve Never Thought About Anyone Else”
While this one might seem sweet in theory, it’s rarely true. Humans are naturally curious beings. Thinking someone else is attractive or having fleeting thoughts doesn’t mean you’re not committed. It means you’re human. The danger isn’t in the thought itself but in hiding it or pretending it never happens. What matters most is how partners act on those thoughts and communicate their boundaries.
“I’m Not Jealous”
Jealousy is a normal emotion, but many people feel ashamed to admit it. Saying you’re not jealous when you clearly are can lead to bottled-up frustration. Worse, it can come out in unhealthy ways later. Being honest about jealousy can open the door to deeper conversations about trust, insecurities, and what each partner needs to feel secure.
“I’m Okay With That”
Whether it’s agreeing to something in the bedroom, going along with plans, or accepting a decision, saying “I’m okay with that” when you’re not is a subtle but powerful lie. Over time, it creates an imbalance. One partner might think everything is fine, while the other feels increasingly unseen or uncomfortable. Honesty in these moments helps both people feel safe expressing their true needs.
The Lies We Tell Ourselves
Not all relationship lies are spoken aloud. Some of the most harmful ones are the lies we tell ourselves: They’ll change eventually. I’m happy. This is what love is supposed to feel like. These internal narratives can keep us in unhealthy dynamics or prevent us from addressing problems head-on. Self-honesty is often the first step toward honest communication with someone else.
How to Create More Honesty in Your Relationship
Being honest doesn’t always mean saying exactly what’s on your mind without a filter. It’s about creating a relationship where both people feel safe to be vulnerable, even when it’s uncomfortable. Here are a few ways to build more openness:
Start with small truths.
Express your feelings without blame.
Acknowledge when you’ve lied or withheld.
Be curious, not accusatory, when you sense dishonesty.
It’s not about perfection—it’s about progress. Trust grows in the presence of compassion, not judgment.
Let’s Talk About It
Everyone tells a little lie now and then, but which ones do you think are the most damaging in relationships? Have you ever told a “harmless” lie that ended up causing more harm than good?
Read More:
12 Relationship Red Flags That Are Often Ignored Until It’s Too Late
15 Reasons Women Are Giving Up On Dating
Riley Schnepf is an Arizona native with over nine years of writing experience. From personal finance to travel to digital marketing to pop culture, she’s written about everything under the sun. When she’s not writing, she’s spending her time outside, reading, or cuddling with her two corgis.
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