4 Signs You're Financially Incompatible With Your Partner

According to a recent survey, nearly 65% of couples admit to being financially incompatible. Money is one of the biggest stressors for couples. So having different views on finances can strain your relationship if you can’t compromise, speaking from experience.

I’m a saver and my spouse is more of a spender, which used to cause some issues and resentment between us. However, we’ve always shared the same long-term goal of early retirement. Focusing on this mutual dream has allowed us to build a united front when it comes to our finances and resolve our spending differences.

If you argue about money with your partner frequently, you may be wondering if you’re financially incompatible. Here are some signs that you’re not on the same page about money and tips to get things back on track.

You’re Afraid To Check Your Account Balances

There was a time when my spouse and I were so out-of-sync financially that I was afraid to check our bank accounts and the balances on our credit cards. My spouse had a “treat yourself” mentality after getting a better job in sales and would make lots of little impulse purchases throughout the week. Since these treats were usually $50 or less, it didn’t violate our rule about discussing big purchases with each other ahead of time.

Many financial experts recommend that spouses give each other the freedom to make purchases under a certain dollar amount without consulting the other person. However, this advice doesn’t account for the fact that spending $20 here or there throughout the week can add up fast. Following this guideline was costing us hundreds of dollars per month or more and limiting our ability to save. We never took on debt, but it felt like we were always playing catch up with our finances, which stressed me out.

Instead of raising my concerns about my partner’s impulse spending, I suppressed my feelings of frustration and resentment. At the time, I felt like it would be controlling of me to suggest that my spouse tone the spending down, which leads me to my next point.

You’re Hesitant To Talk About Money

Another sign of financial incompatibility is that you’re hesitant to talk about money with your partner. You may worry that discussing finances will stress both of you out and cause an argument, so you avoid the topic. Or you might dodge discussing finances because the conversations don’t lead to a resolution. If you and your partner have different views on spending and saving, it can be difficult to reach a financial compromise.

In my case, I was worried about coming across as financially controlling by asking my spouse to back off on spending. However, I eventually realized that relationships are all about compromise. In my opinion, it’s not crossing a line to remind your spouse of your shared goals. Gently point out behaviors that are getting in the way of achieving them. My spouse and I both want to retire early, and the impulse spending was significantly reducing our savings rate and making that shared dream impossible.

It took multiple conversations to hash things out and come up with a new set of money guidelines that worked for us. But it was worth putting in the time to devise a spending and saving plan that aligned with our shared goals and didn’t make us feel deprived of creature comforts.

If we were unable to get to this place on our own, we probably would’ve hired experts to help us figure things out. Working with a neutral third party such as a therapist or financial advisor can help you discuss money openly, find common ground, and overcome any financial incompatibilities you may have.

Your Spending Habits Have Changed

Another potential sign of financial incompatibility is that your spending habits have changed to accommodate your partner in a way that you’re uncomfortable with.

Dating a partner who enjoys more lavish experiences than you can make you feel unwanted pressure to overspend. A good partner will be mindful of your income (especially if there’s a big gap between your salaries) and supportive of your financial goals. If your significant other isn’t willing to economize on dates so you can stay on track, that could be a bad sign.

In my relationship, I had the opposite problem—pressure to spend less. When my spouse and I combined our finances, I felt like I had to be more frugal than usual to offset the impulse spending. If your spouse is overspending and dragging you down financially or getting you into debt, it’s time for a discussion about your finances.

However, not all changes in spending habits brought about by relationships are negative. If you’re frugal to a fault and have trouble spending money, dating a spender could help you loosen up and enjoy life more. Likewise, dating savers can help spenders develop frugal habits and save more money.

One Of You Is Lying About Money

At the beginning of a relationship, it’s normal not to divulge all the details of your finances. However, as things get more serious, the level of financial transparency between you should increase.

If your long-term partner isn’t open about their finances and debt load, it may be a red flag. Having open, honest conversations about money is a crucial part of a successful long-term relationship. So if you want to have a future together, you’ll both have to get candid about money, even if it’s uncomfortable at first.

Financial infidelity is another problem many married couples face. It occurs when spouses lie to each other about money in big or small ways. It affects as many as one in three couples. If you find yourself hiding purchases from your spouse or lying about credit card balances, it could be a sign that you’re financially incompatible.

Married people usually lie about money when they spend it in a way their spouse wouldn’t like. They may feel shame and have trouble owning up to what they spent, or lie to avoid an argument. However, it’s important to resolve these financial differences in a healthy, respectful way instead of ignoring them or lying about them. If you can’t open up to your partner about your financial preferences, goals, and even mistakes, you won’t be able to resolve your money-related differences and make financial progress together.

Wrapping Up

How do you think couples should go about resolving financial incompatibility? Are there any other signs of financial incompatibility in relationships that you’ve noticed? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

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Vicky Monroe

Vicky Monroe is a freelance personal finance and lifestyle writer. When she’s not busy writing about her favorite money saving hacks or tinkering with her budget spreadsheets, she likes to travel, garden, and cook healthy vegetarian meals.