Despite my sister insisting that going out for coffee isn’t a real date, I had plans to meet a friend of a friend who was supposedly “perfect” for me at a local coffee shop. I had a few reservations about this, but decided that there was no harm in trying to prove my sister wrong while having a good time on this minimum wage challenge.
We decided to meet at a coffee shop in the general area where she lived. I arrived about 15 minutes early (I have always been one of those on time type of people), ordered a cup of iced tea ($2.25) and found a table to sit at. I didn’t bring my computer since I figured that wouldn’t make the best impression, so I just people watched for those fifteen minutes. As the meeting time approached, I started to make eye contact with every woman who entered the door with a smile (which really sounds kind of creepy as I write this, but it wasn’t meant that way) in case it was her. The time of the date arrives, but she still hasn’t. Not a bit deal since a lot of people run late.
Half an hour after the time we are supposed to meet arrives and still no sign of her. I start second guessing myself. “Did I go to the right coffee shop? Did I have the time right?” An hour passes with still no sign, and I begin to wonder if something bad has happened to her on the way here — a car accident? I don’t have my computer (and I don’t own a phone) so there is no way to check. Do I stay in case she still makes it, or do I go back to get my computer to try to find out what has happened? I decide to give it a little more time.
Two hours pass and still nobody. I decide to get another drink (another $2.25) and give it one more hour. My reasoning (which isn’t always sound in situations like this) was that if I was super-late trying to get somewhere and I finally got there and the person had left, I would be disappointed (not surprised, but disappointed). I slowly sipped my drink and about 15 minutes before I had decided I’d leave, a woman walks up to me. She had been sitting for some time at a table across the room. She asks, “Are you waiting for someone? and when I nod, she says, “Honey, she isn’t going to show up” (it’s at this point I realize I probably waited to long).
So, I drive back and immediately get onto my computer to try to find out what happened. I’m surprised (and a little concerned) to see there are no email messages from her. I send an email explaining that I was sorry that I had missed her and that I hoped I hadn’t gone to the wrong place and that nothing terrible had happened. About a half hour later I received the following:
“I’m so sorry. I got invited to a 49ers party with some really good friends and I decided to go to that instead. I sent an email to you last night telling you. Didn’t you get it?”
I thought that maybe the email had gotten stuck in the spam folder, but did a search and there was never an email sent to me. What do you think? Did she think that she really sent me an email or was that just a polite excuse to let me know she had totally blown me off? I try to give people the benefit of the doubt when mistakes happen because I have made far more than my fair share of them, but I also try not to look like a complete sucker at the same time. I wrote back:
“I must have missed the email, but it’s not a problem. I’m just glad that it wasn’t something serious. I hope you had a wonderful time with your friends — it was a great game.”
And left it at that. I figure that if it really was a mistake and she wants to try to go out again, she’ll get back to me to set up a new time to meet. If not, then she has an easy way out without me asking and her having to make up an excuse why she can’t go.
The worst part was that I ended up wasting 4 hours of the day (when I include travel time) which I could have used to do some fun exploring outside, and I spent $4.50 that I really didn’t need to spend. I know it the scheme of things it really isn’t that costly, but under this challenge budget, it’s one day’s worth of food. Luckily, that was the only spending that I needed to do for the day.
For future reference if something like this happens again, how long is it appropriate to wait before it’s okay to leave when someone doesn’t show up? Let’s hope that this isn’t an indication of what dating on a budget is going to be like this year.
Today’s Spending
Food: $4.50
Car: $0.00
Housing: $0.00
Travel: $0.00
Misc: $0.00
Total: $4.50
Total Spending
Food: $18.52
Car: $0.00
Housing: $0.00
Travel: $0.00
Misc: $17.50
Total: $36.02
Next article: Day 21: Clicking Clutch and Ghost Redwoods
(Photo courtesy of TheeErin)
Sorry that happened, If you don’t have the email, she didn’t send it. Unless she typed your email address wrong…? :/ She most likely wanted to go to the party at the last minute but didn’t have a way to call you. That’s what I think. As for waiting time I would go with 30-40 mins top. Next time bring a little something to do. I think in this day and age you can do that as long as you put it away the second your guest arrives.
1 hour is all I would wait. Especially if I didn’t have a phone or way to contact her while waiting.
I agree – if she doesn’t reply back about rescheduling, then it was a blow off.
If the coffee shop was near where she would be coming from (her home or her workplace), then 30 minutes tops. If the coffee shop was out of town for her, then 60 minutes is reasonable. (You never know, she may have encountered some sort of trouble.)
At any rate, blowing off a date because something better came up does not make a good impression.
In the future, I think you should take your laptop along. Since your date cannot call or text you, she could send an email if something unavoidable happens. If she is running late, you could then check your e-mail. (I agree though that it is probably better you don’t sit there on your laptop the entire time.)
I had an out-of-town blind first date once. I was about 30 minutes late. I hadn’t allowed myself enough travel time, and I was further delayed by road construction. I had given the gentleman my cell number, but he did not have a cell. I called the restaurant where we were supposed to be meeting and they paged him, but he did not answer. There was literally nothing else I could do. When I arrived, he had gone. The next day he phoned (from his home). I told him what had happened on my end, and he said he did not hear the page. I asked why he had not called my cell, and he said he didn’t think about doing that. He suggested we try again, but I declined.
I’m with Petunia. An hour is plenty of time to wait. She got a second offer and took the “better” offer? If someone did that to me I wouldn’t waste my time with them.
30 minutes, tops. Maybe she lied or maybe she just chickened out about the date and really thought she’d sent it. Or maybe she felt pressured into the date by her friend the same way you were pressured into it by your sister and this was a good way for her to get out of it and send a clear message she didn’t want to go. Either way, I think this gives you a good out for not dating for the rest of the challenge if you don’t want to and gives you ammunition against your sister if she tries to push you into it again. And honestly, if your sister insists on you dating after this, it should be someone she knows directly and has vetted herself, so she has some skin in the game if they flake out on you. If it’s a friend of your sister’s, instead of a friend of a friend, I have a feeling your sister would make sure this doesn’t happen again. Family honor or a “no one screws with my brother’s head but me” sort of thing.
Methinks you are way too classy for this gal.
I’m in agreement with your comment, CB in the City!
I don’t think I would wait longer than 30 minutes for someone after the agreed upon time, unless they made contact with me in some way.
It ONCE happened to me to send an email to the wrong address and get the notification of failure 24 hours after. Once. And I was confirming a $200 trip that the travel agency never showed to pick us up. I was still wondering why when I got the failure email. They took us on the next trip fortunately. But it is more likely that she didn’t send anything.
Well, you ‘dodged a bullet’! Count your lucky stars that she was a no show, as she clearly has a lack of character. She blew you off. She had her chance, and she will never know what she missed out on! Don’t give her a second thought or a second chance! When the time is right, the right person will find you. I never thought I would find someone special, but my husband and I stumbled upon each other via the Internet (online game).
As to how long to wait…half an hour, maybe an hour to be super nice – that’s tops.
She blew you off, and she’s not worthy. I agree that you dodged a bullet.
Definitely a good thing that she didn’t show up! You wasted $5 and some time, but it could have been a lot worse.
Wasted $5? I don’t think so! This was a great opportunity to realize that someone that is as thoughtless as she was (no confirmation that you received the e-mail?) is not worthy of you investing your future!
One time I was meeting someone at the mall for the first time. Being directionally challenged, I ended up going the wrong direction on 1604 (San Antonio) and was more than an hour late. This was before I had a cell phone. I was sure the guy would be long gone … but he was still there sitting in his car waiting for me. 🙂 He told me that there was a Led Zepplin marathon on the radio, so he just sat and listened to that. 🙂 We’d missed our movie, so went and had dinner. Six months later we went our separate ways, but that situation goes to show that it isn’t always a matter of someone blowing another one off.
However, in this case … I agree with the others. You were lucky she didn’t show up.
Today, on wisebread.com, there is an article entitled: “You Can’t Put a Price on Love-99 Free/Cheap Dates”. I thought you might enjoy reading the author’s ideas on dating frugally!
Good riddance !!! Nobody needs to be stuck with these type of people. I’d suggest using any and all coupons/discounts available to you when going on a date. If the female doesn’t appreciate a frugal/inventive type of person, they are probably not the person for you. Pairing up with someone who’s money slips through their fingers, doesn’t sound like your personality type.