loosening the purse strings

**kork13** · 12-05-2023, 10:20 PM

Great discussion topic, and I know we discuss this periodically around here. I definitely still struggle sometimes to not be so tight-fisted about how we spend our money.

But here are some of the things that we do often accept as frequent 'luxury' (or at least non-frugal) expenses:
- Hiring a bi-weekly cleaning service for the house.
- Hiring DW's sister as more or less a live-in nanny while I've been away from home almost constantly for the last 1.5 years
- Hiring a lawn service/neighbor kid (I hate mowing the lawn)
- In general, hiring help for stuff that we don't want to do, or can't easily do (repairs, installs, hauling stuff, etc.)
- Traveling more often & more conveniently/comfortably (flight times, preferred airlines/airports, seat upgrades, rental cars, etc.)
- Better lodging (hotel/AirBnB/VRBO) & more expensive entertainment while traveling
- Eating out more often (maybe 1-2x a week vs. 1-2x a month), and less price conscious when we do so.
- Less careful about random spending? Not sure how to convey this ... I don't nit-noid over every dollar we spend, and often barely even check CC statements. A decade ago, I tracked everything to the cent, but that fell off once we got married, had kids/got busy, and we were making an enormous* double-income (*at least based on our humble backgrounds as kids from teacher/military families ... >$200k-$250/yr came as a shock to us).
- Related to the above, we're more willing to pay more for higher quality stuff/experiences.
- More generous with charitable giving (with our church, preferred charities, local causes, etc.)

Those are the most readily-notable items that come to mind... Overall, I've started to adopt a mindset of "I'll throw money at my problems" when doing so makes sense. Trading money for more time & less stress is becoming an increasingly meaningful factor for us.

Of course, my internal compulsive saver still drives me to do other stuff like comparison shopping by unit price & hunting for deals/discounts. The story I tell myself is that I can always optimize, and sometimes I'll try to do that. But it just depends. Call me a recovering cheapwad.

**srblanco7** · 12-06-2023, 01:16 AM

Adding to the list....

- We struggle to find "things" to purchase ,so we focus on experiences.
- Assisted both kids with purchasing reasonable late model used vehicles and starting their Roth IRAs
- Paying for a gym membership ($150/mo) for HIIT classes. Had always worked out at home, but lost some motivation during the pandemic and needed a class setting & commitment for motivation
- Family membership to a golf club
- Ramped up our level of charitable giving (e.g., education scholarship funds, local charities)

We still take care of basic household chores (lawn mowing, snow clearing, cleaning) can't bring myself to outsource these (at least not yet).

**disneysteve** · 12-06-2023, 04:02 AM

I’m on my phone so I’ll give a longer response later. But I wanted to say that we’ve almost always done everything on your list except the hotel one. We did previously choose more on price than location but probably the last 10-15 years we switched to focusing more on location.

**myrdale** · 12-06-2023, 04:30 AM

Going down the lists you all have provided, some of these I've always done, others I'd never do. I can't say my stance on any of them have changed due to finance really.

-split the check down the middle instead of what we ordered with friends
Never. Either I pay for my part only, or I pay for everything. That I'll have a $10 item and you a $5 (or vise versa) and expect my bill to be $7.50 makes no sense to me.

-bought stuff at the grocery store not on sale
If I buy something on sale, it is only because it happened to be on sale when I purchased it.

-bought new clothes for kids, not used because they are growing slower now
No input on this one.

-picked flights based on time and not price (i don't fly red eyes anymore if I don't absolutely have too)
No input on this one.

-picked hotels in better locations rather than price
I might look at a list of available hotels, but $110 per night vs $150 for just a couple of nights is more or less irrelevant to me.

-travel where I want and not because i might have family and a free place to stay
I am not much on vacations / traveling.

-had car work done at a dealership
Always.

-chosen a contractor based on feeling than the price
Always.

-bought popcorn at a movie
Always (it is a scam).

-eaten food at an amusement park
I avoid these places.

-bought a book (i'm a huge library fan)
My book case is bursting at the seams.

-paid credit card annual fees
Never.
----------------------

- Hiring a bi-weekly cleaning service for the house.
Never.

- Hiring DW's sister as more or less a live-in nanny while I've been away from home almost constantly for the last 1.5 years
No input.

- Hiring a lawn service/neighbor kid (I hate mowing the lawn)
Never, I love mowing MY grass.

- In general, hiring help for stuff that we don't want to do, or can't easily do (repairs, installs, hauling stuff, etc.)
Almost never. Contractors to do major home repairs.

- Traveling more often & more conveniently/comfortably (flight times, preferred airlines/airports, seat upgrades, rental cars, etc.)
I am into caving now. There is alot of travel for that.

- Better lodging (hotel/AirBnB/VRBO) & more expensive entertainment while traveling
Not really.

- Eating out more often (maybe 1-2x a week vs. 1-2x a month), and less price conscious when we do so.
More often than I should.

- Less careful about random spending? Not sure how to convey this ... I don't nit-noid over every dollar we spend, and often barely even check CC statements. A decade ago, I tracked everything to the cent, but that fell off once we got married, had kids/got busy, and we were making an enormous* double-income (*at least based on our humble backgrounds as kids from teacher/military families ... >$200k-$250/yr came as a shock to us).
Same.

- Related to the above, we're more willing to pay more for higher quality stuff/experiences.
Always.

- More generous with charitable giving (with our church, preferred charities, local causes, etc.)
No significant change.

---------------

- We struggle to find "things" to purchase ,so we focus on experiences.
That is a good thing.

- Assisted both kids with purchasing reasonable late model used vehicles and starting their Roth IRAs
Doesn't apply to me, but this is a good thing to do.

- Paying for a gym membership ($150/mo) for HIIT classes. Had always worked out at home, but lost some motivation during the pandemic and needed a class setting & commitment for motivation
Gym membership is about $300 per year. I am cool with that. So long as the HIIT classes are giving you results and they are in your budget no issues, but they are an expensive luxury in my opinion.

- Family membership to a golf club
This category is wide open. $50 per month or $500. I like golf but I play once a year myself at the most. Depending on the price I'd say entertainment -> luxuary

- Ramped up our level of charitable giving (e.g., education scholarship funds, local charities)
No change as stated above.

**ua_guy** · 12-06-2023, 05:50 AM

To sum up our loosening of the belt, additional spending has become intentional and commensurate with things that benefit our health, comfort, time. And also, giving.

Many good examples of that have been mentioned above.

Every now and then, I'll have an episode of extreme frugality out of principle. Never being cheap with people... Mostly things like wearing favorite clothes until they develop holes. Tackling routine maintenance myself. Repairing something so that it keeps working, even if it's past its prime, and most reasonable people would just buy a new one.

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 12-06-2023, 10:01 AM

Definitely i am buying better quality of things as well. Just stuff for the home or what I wear. I definitely see spending more on what seems to be better quality. Price deosn't always equal quality.

Yes we hire out cleaning and lawn care. That's been a long time. I also get our dog groomed more so less maintenance for me but more time and money at the groomers.

**jenn_jenn** · 12-07-2023, 04:25 PM

We do pretty much all of the items listed. Our three big things this year:

• Spending solely for the purpose of networking opportunities

• Weekly house cleaning (vs. just monthly…and honestly it’s not that much more expensive and it has made life so much better)

• My dog is on a strict 6 week grooming schedule. 22 year old me had him groomed maybe twice a year and it was a budget buster.

• Bonus: Treating my parents is one of my most favorite things to do and it’s not something I had the funds to do before. They now know if they do anything with us, there is no way we’re letting them get the check. It’s on us, always.

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 12-07-2023, 09:10 PM

Originally posted by jenn_jenn View Post

We do pretty much all of the items listed. Our three big things this year:

• Spending solely for the purpose of networking opportunities

• Weekly house cleaning (vs. just monthly…and honestly it’s not that much more expensive and it has made life so much better)

• My dog is on a strict 6 week grooming schedule. 22 year old me had him groomed maybe twice a year and it was a budget buster.

• Bonus: Treating my parents is one of my most favorite things to do and it’s not something I had the funds to do before. They now know if they do anything with us, there is no way we’re letting them get the check. It’s on us, always.

I would pay for weekly housekeeping if my house was bigger and I could put stuff away. During the pandemic we did but my DH said to me "do we have to clean every week?"

Dog grooming is awesome. Me too. We used to do it maybe 2-3x a year and now it's like every 8 weeks

loosening the purse strings