Executor of parents will. I have an question.

[disneysteve]

being executor of an estate is very complex and requires a lot of paperwork

THIS!

Being an executor is a big job. If someone asks me to be their executor, I'm not agreeing to take on that responsibility without knowing what I'm signing up for. I don't want to agree and have it be utter chaos when the person passes away. If I'm taking on that job, I'm sitting down with the person and having them lay out their entire lives for me.

[breathemusic]

I'd definitely recommend having that convo. If you have parents that don't really want to share the details of their accounts in terms of amounts, then I think you can still have a conversation about HOW they want things managed when they pass and also just making sure you're on the same page about where they store the information so that you don't have to hunt. You can easily ask "as executor, since I'll have to manage all of the paperwork, can you please make sure that you have the account information to ALL of your accounts written down and stored in one place and let me know WHERE I would need to go to access that information when the time comes?" I think it can easily be brought up as a point of saying "look, I'm not asking because i care about the money, nor am I looking forward to anyone passing. I'm just aware that being executor of an estate is very complex and requires a lot of paperwork, so the more I can understand now, the easier it will be to make sure that I take care of your estate the way you actually WANT me to rather than having to figure it out and hope that I didn't miss anything because we didn't ever review it together."

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Apparently i am the executor of my parents joint will. I am the executor of my mom's will. I have no idea about anything because it's "INAPPROPRIATE" for me to ask or be told anything. Apparently asking is being greedy. So other than being told I'm the executor which is more recently I've been accused of being greedy for "investing" my money. Greedy for saving and investing in stocks. I am greedy for pointing out obvious things like you shouldn't money in a Roth IRA sitting in cash. YES that is what my dad's Roth IRA is in. Cash. Literally a money market.

[Snicks]

I think you may want to collect some information regarding accounts, stocks, bonds, life insurance and so forth. And, if possible, perhaps be named on one of their bank accounts.

And, you should see if they have named you as a POA? There are more than one kind of POA now i believe as well. Financial is one and Medical is another, so that is something that i would strongly recommend because if they are in a nursing home, etc and not deceased, unless you have those documents, you will have no control over anything in that time.

Also, if they have any "wishes" just understand that you will try to honor them but once someone passes, often you just need to do what is practical or expedient. Someone might want their ashes spread on Mount Kilimanjaro but that isn't necessarily a doable thing. Or maybe it's not practical to send the family hutch to Aunt Edna, perhaps she won't even want it, etc. My point is to not feel guilty if you cannot carry out all those kinds of things.

[srblanco7]

Assuming they are willing, I'd definitely recommend sitting down and reviewing the will, their bank accounts, investment accounts, location of house,& car titles, etc. I was executor of my father's estate, and since he passed suddenly, did not have an opportunity to have this type of conversation. Thankfully, he left a fairly solid road map for the majority of that information. I did not take a executor fee and (thankfully) was able to fund paying several bills on his behalf until we could make progress with working thru the estate. It is a lot of work and I would not begrudge anyone taking an executor fee.

[Drake3287]

Having lost my last parent last year I'm happy I did a little investigating before they actually passed away. Being the Executor isn't easy, even with everything predetermined by a Trust like in my case. I could literally write a book about what I've learned. If you have siblings and you have real estate to be sold it's even more difficult. It's been over a year for me so far and it's still not over. Originally I was even worried about "taking" an Executor fee, but believe me, you'll earn it so don't think twice about it. In my case it was $10,000 but at this point it wasn't worth it, your time and sanity is worth more. For me, it's more about doing what was right and to protect my parents wishes.

By all mean's ask your parents questions and ask to read the will or trust while they're still alive so that you can ask questions. It's also much easier if you happen to be a co-signer on their checking or savings accounts so you can immediately write checks if needed. Also, have your parents right down all their account information for any type of savings/investments they may have. The more they do ahead of time will pay huge dividends later. Another thing, don't think for a second that the estate attorney working for you will do a perfect job. Even at $400. an hour, mistakes are made and phones and emails are not always returned.

[Like2Plan]

I think it depends on your parents. My Mom is an open book when it comes to this. On the other hand, there are some folks who would take great offense to being asked about details. You know your parents best, what do you think their reaction would be?

In the case of my estate, most of the concerned parties are a little skid-dish about talking about such subjects.

What I have done instead is make a spread sheet (updated quarterly)--it's just one page titled, "Composition and Value of Estate" with 5 categories. (We had to do this when we updated our wills). I keep it in a fireproof box--DH, DS, and my sister all know where it is. If your parents don't want to go over all their assets, maybe you could get them to do something like this?

Composition and Value of Estate: (List Separate and jointly-owned property).
1. Please list your residential, timeshare and Investment real estate properties below.
Property Address Owners Market Value Mortgages Net Value

2. Please list your cash assets and bank accounts below
Account Type Owners Beneficiary Contingent Bnfy Net Value

3. Please list your TSP accounts, mutual funds and investment accounts below
Account Type Owners Beneficiary Contingent Bnfy Net Value

4. Please list your SGLI, Death Gratuity and other life insurance policies below.
Account Type Owners Beneficiary Contingent Bnfy Net Value

5. List all other valuable assets (cars, jewelry, coins and personal belongings) below
Account Type Owners Beneficiary Contingent Bnfy Net Value


I also have another section that covers long term insurance and health insurance in case I am incapacitated.

[disneysteve]

You should absolutely sit down with them and review everything in as much detail as possible while they are able to do so. If they want you to handle their affairs, they need to be 100% open with you about what their affairs are.

I am my cousin's executor. Two years ago, we sat down and went through every single account, the balances, the contact info, etc. He made sure I know where all important paperwork is stored, where keys for locked cabinets can be found, the name and number of his financial adviser, literally everything I could possibly need when the time comes. We also reviewed everything about the house and the cars. He gave me the contact info for a couple of local realtors he recommends. He showed me how to connect with people to sell his cars (he has 2 antique show cars). We did a walk through of the house so I knew everything that was in there, what it was, what should be done with it, etc.

Two weeks ago, I went back and we walked through that whole process again to update everything as his condition has worsened.

If your parents are trusting you to handle their affairs, they need to trust you with that information now while they're alive so that you aren't left with a huge mess when they die. I would present it as giving them peace of mind that all of their wishes will be carried out and eliminating the stress on the surviving spouse when the first one passes (especially if it happens to be the one who currently handles the finances).

[skives]

Can if you want, but the decisions aren't really yours until after death.
I wouldn't bother my parents with it.

Well my thought was I don’t know what they have like life insurance and where it’s all through.

[Fishindude77]

Can if you want, but the decisions aren't really yours until after death.
I wouldn't bother my parents with it.

[skives]

I’m the executor of my parents will. I haven’t gone over in detail everything they have in their will or anything really.

should I ask to go over it in detail and if so how do I bring that up?

my mom will be 76 this month and my dad will be 72 in June.