Can I come back from this?

[Petunia 100]

this would all be true and fine and easily done except I am obligated to the separation agreement that says we will split the costs (tuition and room/board) of a State school. Me getting disabled doesn't change my obligation because in the court's eyes, I should have been saving for college since day 1. That way disability wouldn't have affected the college fund. I did have 24k in a fund that was earmarked for college but it was needed for medical expenses. I agreed to the separation agreement and am bound by it unless a court chooses to act differently.

I agree college is a luxury now and she should have to take loans. When I signed the sep agreement, she was 3 and her father is 15 yrs older than me. My lawyer and I were afraid he'd retire during the college years and say he couldn't possibly afford college, leaving DD with lots of loans. So we agreed to the 50/50 deal, which would've been no problem on our two incomes. So I made my own bed. I never anticipated a disability.

Are you certain? Did your lawyer tell you this?

I only ask because when I divorced, I was told that the marital settlement and alimony agreement once court approved are final, but child support and custody are always renegotiable.

[FLA]

she said it would be up to the judge but most likely I will be on the hook because I only became disabled 2 yrs ago, I should've been saving for college all along. So it will be up to the judge to decide if any variances to the agreement can occur.

[MonkeyMama]

she said it would be up to the judge but most likely I will be on the hook because I only became disabled 2 yrs ago, I should've been saving for college all along. So it will be up to the judge to decide if any variances to the agreement can occur.

Unfortunately, this doesn't surprise me at all. (Judges don't need to have much of a grasp on business or finance. I see crazy things when it comes to divorce).

[DaveInPgh]

FLA, I am sorry for what you are going through.

Even if your daughter is a bit on the spoiled side, I think the thing that many are missing here is the parental manipulation that may be in play. If your ex is willing to stoop to the point of suing his disabled ex-wife, then I suspect he will do whatever he can to sabotage your relationship with DD in the event you try to renegotiate the agreement.

Even if your lawyer thought it was a good idea legally, I don't think it would be a good idea for your relationship with your daughter.

[rennigade]

What the hell kind of lawyer would agree to write up a contract stating that you are required to pay for your kids college? I cant wrap my head around that. Many of my friends who's parents are married and divorced didnt pay for their kids tuition.

You may want to find a new lawyer.

Guys let me tell you something about divorce lawyers. My sister went through a divorce. Theres a reason divorces get ugly and drag out. There is absolutely no incentive for the lawyer to find a resolution anytime soon. The longer it drags out the more money they make. Its very straight forward. Its a disgusting practice they all do.

[DaveInPgh]

What the hell kind of lawyer would agree to write up a contract stating that you are required to pay for your kids college? I cant wrap my head around that. Many of my friends who's parents are married and divorced didnt pay for their kids tuition.

You may want to find a new lawyer.

Guys let me tell you something about divorce lawyers. My sister went through a divorce. Theres a reason divorces get ugly and drag out. There is absolutely no incentive for the lawyer to find a resolution anytime soon. The longer it drags out the more money they make. Its very straight forward. Its a disgusting practice they all do.

I am certainly not a big fan of lawyers, but it is certainly possible that paying for college education was put into play by one or both of the parents here.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Have you consulted another lawyer about renegotiating? I get that you should have been saving. but at the same time it's also arguable even if you had saved and you did save $24k, becoming disabled lead to you needing to tap funds you had been saving. Being disabled is not the same as being unemployed or underemployed. It lead to not being able to work and save.

Do you have disability insurance? Have you considered loans? Loans while they have interest would at least also allow you to stretch payments.

[FLA]

my lawyer will certainly try to re-negotiate the college part of the agreement and explain that I did have some money saved. She really is a good lawyer and has won almost every case my ex has tried to bring yearly since 2002. The Family Court judge knows us and tends to side with her because my ex brings these ridiculous claims. But now we will have a new judge since it's dealing with support and college. She's just telling me worst case scenario, that I will be on the hook for my share.

We purposely put college in the agreement because the ex is old enough now to retire and say, "I'm not paying anything," and he was so vindictive back then my lawyer and I could totally see him doing this. And as young parents before the divorce, one of our goals was to at least be able to pay for State school. I wanted both of us paying for a State school education so DD wouldn't have to take loans until grad school. It's my own fault for not remembering that we agreed to pay more than just State school tuition, I forgot about room and board.

My relationship with DD would be affected if I paid nothing and she had to take all her loans now because she has been told, "look, get good grades, work your hardest and this is the plan we have in place for you." Even though it's not my fault I got sick, she would be upset, she more than upheld her end of the bargain. It is my greatest fear to touch my retirement but I would do it if I had to. The best scenario? A judge makes me pay, just not the whole shebang and DD gets scholarships and grants to make up the difference.

My main concern in this thread was could I come back from a $40,000 hit to my retirement funds.

[FLA]

I've been thinking about the 40k I may need to come up with for DD's college.

One option is to use 10k from my 13k emergency fund and pay next year's tuition free and clear. I am leaning towards that as a first move.

For the rest I have a few options:

1) I have IRAs totaling 500k. I would take the next 20k from my Roth IRA contributions, no penalty, no tax consequences. However, because I am disabled I'm allowed to access retirement funds with no penalty. Then take the last 10k from the earnings of the Roth IRA

2) I have a small pension from my 23 yrs at my employer. Cash value is 46k. Or at 55 I could draw $221 a month, $389 a month at 62. I could just cash this pension out and have college done with. Again, I can access it without penalty because of the disability.

Which scenario is best from a retirement standpoint? The pension earns maybe a measly 3% a yr if that.

[msomnipotent]

I would definitely try to renegotiate if I were you, and I would change lawyers if the negotiations did not go in my favor. I would reconsider having all of your money in aggressive funds as well. Not only do you plan to use them within a short time frame (less than 10 years), but you HAVE to have that money available. I don't think you have a lot of options if the market tanks.

Do you have to pay her college costs up-front? Depending on the rates, it might be better to get a loan and pay monthly. You might be able to earn the same or more interest on your investments to pay the loan. If things go really bad, it isn't like they can repossess her diploma, but your credit score will suffer. Not that I advocate not paying bills...

[FLA]

I don't know, do they give 10k loans a year to someone who is only making 24,500 and the money is not from employment?

I don't have to pay all her costs up front, just the first semester in August

my lawyer is pretty aggressive, I think she will represent my situation well, she was just warning me not to get my hopes up because I agreed to pay half of school and I had many years to save. My ex is sure to bring up the fact that I took the kids on trips like Disney when I could've saved that money so it's my own fault I don't have it now.

also, DD is a very good student, taking almost all AP classes so she should get some grants and scholarships, plus financial aid. I'm just trying to prepare myself for a hard judge and a worst case scenario.

[msomnipotent]

Have you looked into PLUS loans? Not sure of the specifics because it looks like you have to fill out the FAFSA to get any real answers, but my parents got PLUS loans for two of my sisters, and I was pretty surprised anyone would loan them money with my father's income. We really didn't have much.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

If you have to come up with the money the pension might be the best answer. I like the idea of loans then cashing out the pension, giving it time to grow more.

[disneysteve]

Have you looked into PLUS loans? Not sure of the specifics because it looks like you have to fill out the FAFSA to get any real answers

Yes, you definitely have to file the FAFSA in order to be eligible for PLUS loans. We took one out this semester for the first time. The rate is high (over 6%) but you can borrow up to the amount that you need to cover costs assuming your credit is okay.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

If you don't qualify for a loan for school would that affect the judges decision as to whether you should even be on the hook for college?