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OK, I think I have figured out a system for budgeting discretionary spending that will keep us both happy. Instead of having separate budget categories we will have a single "pool" for most of these things. We'll start with $1000 a month and see how that goes. This has to cover groceries, clothing, haircuts, stops at the convenience store, taxis, movies, pet stuff, gifts, laundry, etc. The less frequent budget items, like my licensing fees and my daughter's plane tickets, I will still set aside money for each month and keep track of those myself. Instead of recording purchases at the time they happen I will check the CC statement daily to add any new ones. That way he only has to enter something, or let me know to enter it, if he uses a different CC, or cash, which is fairly rare. The downside is we will always be a day or two behind, but it shouldn't be too hard to estimate what we have left to work with.
I think this will work better for me too, because it allows us to plan our spending more organically. Some months we spend more on certain things and less on others, and using "envelopes" felt a little too rigid to me. We also have stopped having a set budget for medical expenses. It made no sense really, since we kind of just have to pay things as they come up. The idea was to eventually build a surplus, but instead we were constantly behind in that category, and it was stressful. Instead we are just going to put everything extra into savings and use that for medical if we need to. Like everything else, we use the rewards CC for all the copays, deposit the same amount to the HSA, and then write a check to our checking account to pay the bill. That way we do not have to worry about keeping tons of money locked up in the HSA, because it takes a few days for it to become available. I can handle this whole transaction myself easily as well. DH's doctor visit are finally slowing down some too, which should take a little pressure off financially. The wounds on his foot are all closed and they are removing the midline in about a week.
Something kork13 said really resonated with me. That my anxiety and DH's disengagement were two sides of the same coin. You can't squeeze a coin in the middle and touch the other side. If you push hard enough in the middle of a coin it will just make the other side push out farther. I've been pushing too much. I have made my best effort to stop pushing, and already he is being more cooperative. Things are a bit happier and more relaxed. It takes a lot of trust on my end, but things are starting to get done, and he is starting to once again share things with me. So I am feeling good about it.
I think this will work better for me too, because it allows us to plan our spending more organically. Some months we spend more on certain things and less on others, and using "envelopes" felt a little too rigid to me. We also have stopped having a set budget for medical expenses. It made no sense really, since we kind of just have to pay things as they come up. The idea was to eventually build a surplus, but instead we were constantly behind in that category, and it was stressful. Instead we are just going to put everything extra into savings and use that for medical if we need to. Like everything else, we use the rewards CC for all the copays, deposit the same amount to the HSA, and then write a check to our checking account to pay the bill. That way we do not have to worry about keeping tons of money locked up in the HSA, because it takes a few days for it to become available. I can handle this whole transaction myself easily as well. DH's doctor visit are finally slowing down some too, which should take a little pressure off financially. The wounds on his foot are all closed and they are removing the midline in about a week.
Something kork13 said really resonated with me. That my anxiety and DH's disengagement were two sides of the same coin. You can't squeeze a coin in the middle and touch the other side. If you push hard enough in the middle of a coin it will just make the other side push out farther. I've been pushing too much. I have made my best effort to stop pushing, and already he is being more cooperative. Things are a bit happier and more relaxed. It takes a lot of trust on my end, but things are starting to get done, and he is starting to once again share things with me. So I am feeling good about it.
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