How to explain your budget to your friends?

[cschin4]

Sharing is OK to a point. We had a friend that used to "cry poor". We would go out and she wouldn't order and we would push our food, etc onto her and she gladly took it. Turns out she was about 10x ahead of all of us financially. So, that got a bit old.
I find people saying "I can't afford it", gets a bit old. Really most people can afford it, they just choose to afford other things instead. And, things cost money, go and enjoy your friends, order and entree and a glass of water or whatever. You can go out and have a good time. But, you should also have some alternative sites to enjoy one another such as having a BBQ at your home and board games, etc.

[nick__45]

Sharing is OK to a point. We had a friend that used to "cry poor". We would go out and she wouldn't order and we would push our food, etc onto her and she gladly took it. Turns out she was about 10x ahead of all of us financially. So, that got a bit old.
I find people saying "I can't afford it", gets a bit old. Really most people can afford it, they just choose to afford other things instead. And, things cost money, go and enjoy your friends, order and entree and a glass of water or whatever. You can go out and have a good time. But, you should also have some alternative sites to enjoy one another such as having a BBQ at your home and board games, etc.

I agree with you about these "cry poor" folks. The problem is that our American society doesn't promote true friendship anymore so people would mooch/leech on others if opportunity arrived. I personally don't initiate lunch out-tings request at work, our general manager always does that and he stops by to ask his inner circle to go. He does the same for the dinner out-tings and I go a little more than half of the time when schedule permits. If a person cry-poor when I ask them to go out, I wouldn't ask again and put them on a "cheapscake" list. The reason is that we make pretty good money here, significantly more than we could ever spend due to the nature of the surrounding areas with such a low cost of living. I believe mortgage and gas are the two big bills most people have but many people here tend to get a free ride from the company buses. These are the same folks who tend to cry poor. Imagine not having to pay a penny for gas and car for commuting (easily $700) and they still cry poor.

Some folks will straight out act and live poor (poor cars, clothes, always pack lunch, etc) and I can at least give them an A for being consistent. It's the ones that coming to work acting like high rollers but are nothing much selfish cheapscakes are the ones that urk me.

[cschin4]

Yes, there are times i simply don't want to go or do something because i just don't want to spend the money on that. I could afford it, but i would rather use my dollars elsewhere. To me, the simplest and easiest thing to do is to just say "no thank you, i cannot attend" and leave it at that. No further explanation is necessary. Nobody cares why you aren't going one way or the other. And, nobody cares if you "cant afford it". What is that supposed to be anyway other than a bit of a sympathy play? It is kind of annoying. Just say 'No thanks". I don't feel the need to explain myself to other people or why i do or don't buy or spend or save however i want.

[nick__45]

You ever stop and think maybe these guys just don't want to go out to dinner with you after work? I understand the concept of networking and keeping connections, especially in office politics. I have a few project managers I don't want to see outside of office, and have turned them down for invites. Unless its my manager or director asking, I', probably going out with my immediate co workers/friends. At the same time I understand for people to keep most co-workers/private life as separate entities.
Also you can't judge a person(s) by the car they drive, the clothes they wear. Assume all you want, but you should still respect their decision at the end of th day.

I did some checking with one of the fellow there and it turns out these guys never hang out with each other for the 5+ years they've been working together. I know for some areas, this is the norm and I never spent time after work with anyone I work with/for my first 7 years at my company but that was because no-one believe in going out. It is an old cheapscake workforce I got hired into. I went out with my office mate a lot and he wasn't working on anything I work on.

Currently, I am with a good crew that actually believe in spending the money they make. They are far from being frugal but they make good money and spend accordingly. It is perfectly alright to be frugal but the degree of frugality has be appropriate with the income level.

The guy that told me that this group doesn't hang out with each other and are mostly show-off went for a drink with me on the last work day there. He had MRI appointment right before that and head over a some beer and left in 15 mins because he wanted to take his wife out. That's a good excuse of not hanging out with people but he made an effort to at least try. THose other guys are just show-off and too wimpy to go out. A common excuse at this work site is they don't have "hall pass" from their wife. It's Texas, put some pants on and act like a man.

This was my first time doing work at this site and will be coming back several times a year. The next times I come back, I get to stay at this guy's Texas rach for free, 800-1000 dollars saving each week for my company.

[wincrasher]

I would never think less of someone because they didn't want to piss their money away in restaurants or bars. Especially family men. They have other priorities, obviously. You probably should attend social functions every once in awhile, that can be smart office politics. Just spend what you are comfortable with spending. But don't mooch off others.

I often turn down invites at work. Usually it's because I don't want to spend another evening exposed to cigarette smoke, unhealthy foods and drinks, not the cost. But every so often, I feel I must go, so I limit to a couple beers and something light on the menu.

[rob62521]

Just like that.

Your friends will understand.
The ones who don't understand aren't your friends.

Well put!

[rob62521]

I am amazed (shocked?) at that people are too ashamed to admit they cannot afford something. We have friends who continue to spend although they can't really afford it and do for their family because they want to keep up appearances. It is beginning to catch up with them. We have another friend who won't admit he needs to cut back and does the same thing. There is no shame in being realistic with one's spending.

I turned down going out to lunch a lot of time this year. My partner was too busy to get to the store and wanted to go out. It wasn't for socialization -- it was she was too lazy to plan ahead. I sat and visited in the teacher's lounge at lunch with the other staff members and ate a far healthier and reasonably priced lunch to boot.

[disneysteve]

I don't want to spend another evening exposed to cigarette smoke

Are you in one of those states that still hasn't banned smoking indoors? We eat out so much more since our smoking ban went into effect. Prior to that, we went out rarely for just that reason.

[disneysteve]

I would never go to another person's house for a pizza. That is just stupid.

What is stupid about sharing a meal with friends? I can't tell you how many times we have had people over for pizza dinner. One of our daughter's friends loves coming over on Thursday night because she knows that is pizza night at our house. When we had a meeting/party for about 20 people from a club we belong to a couple of months ago, we served a variety of pizzas (plain, veggie, barbecue chicken, pesto, etc.) and everyone raved about them.

[wincrasher]

Alot of time they want to go to bars that also serve food. They'll serve you sitting at the bar, which still allows smoking in many cases.

Pizza at somebodies house is great fun! But only if you are making the pizza. Ordering take-out pizza is just disgusting. We discovered how good and easy it is to make your own not too long ago. Home-made can be so much better.

We've also come to discover that pasta sauce in a jar is also another disgusting proposition. You can make your own in about 15 mins for far less money, less chemicals and have left over to store for another meal.

[disneysteve]

Alot of time they want to go to bars that also serve food. They'll serve you sitting at the bar, which still allows smoking in many cases.

That's lousy. Thankfully, our state and all of the surrounding states all have bans in place. We can go out anywhere we'd like without worrying about that. The only place we frequent that still has an exemption from the law is the casinos. They have put in non-smoking sections but most of those are a joke. You can't have a non-smoking section when the place is just one big room (which was always the problem in restaurants).

I totally agree about homemade pizza and pasta sauce. We do order in pizza on occasion but there are a couple of independent places near us that make pretty good pizza. Not as good as homemade but acceptable, but we never order in if we are having other people join us. Then it is homemade all the way.

[nick__45]

What is stupid about sharing a meal with friends? I can't tell you how many times we have had people over for pizza dinner. One of our daughter's friends loves coming over on Thursday night because she knows that is pizza night at our house. When we had a meeting/party for about 20 people from a club we belong to a couple of months ago, we served a variety of pizzas (plain, veggie, barbecue chicken, pesto, etc.) and everyone raved about them.

It is stupid because it is a clear sign that someone is being cheapscake. I am very frugal myself and that is how I was able to have the biggest house in my neighborhood while being the youngest person there. In addition, I am the only person working while paying for my wife's expensive school fees. It is one thing to cook pizza for one's self, it is quite different when such presentation is used for a group gathering. In my opinion, it is very cheap and I wouldn't want to waste my time going over someone's house for pizza gathering. Actually, it is cheap and laziness and classless. That makes it stupid. I work with people who are very busy and we have very little time outside of work for family and social gathering. I am not going to try to save a few bucks and ruin and event with pizza.

Keep it mind, I still drive a 1992 Corolla with more than 300k miles and I wear jeans and boots to work. We also don't have TV programing at home and use our old TV for DVD only. There isn't anything worth watching so we do Netflix or local libraries for things we want to watch. We cook at home but never the frozen TV-dinner craps that I wouldn't feed a dog if I own one. I would never invite people over for pizza or attend a pizza party. Nor would I want to be associate with people that operate that way. Meals are important to me and I want to eat food prepared correctly and served at a formal table at home. Either that or we go to somewhere decent and bring a 30% coupon.

Kids can do pizza because they are kids. Working professionals aren't kids and should operate like working professionals. People are busy and time is money. Therefore, unless at home gathering consists of real food (bbq, steaks, wings of various styles and flavor, veggi tray, shrimp tray, etc) and drinks (no home made lemonade or fruit punch or something cheap and cheesy) I wouldn't want to be involved with it. The last big gathering I attended cost me 30 dollars to bring everything over to my boss's house. I am sure he spent over $200 on drinks and $100 on cigars. Everyone, except one couple, brought something very good that took some effort in making or bought something like I did. That couple show up with a big bag of chips and I remember to write their name down and mark them off a list of who I would invite over my place. By the way, the left over I had to take back worth more than what I brought there so it is not about money but rather about having a proper class. If I was a family doctor like yourself, I wouldn't bother with cooking and have a cater take care of it for big work and family function. It comes down to how one values money and a doctor's hourly wage is high enough that it is better to work a little harder and pay for things to be done verses wasting time doing it.

[cypher1]

It is stupid because it is a clear sign that someone is being cheapscake. I am very frugal myself and that is how I was able to have the biggest house in my neighborhood while being the youngest person there. In addition, I am the only person working while paying for my wife's expensive school fees. It is one thing to cook pizza for one's self, it is quite different when such presentation is used for a group gathering. In my opinion, it is very cheap and I wouldn't want to waste my time going over someone's house for pizza gathering. Actually, it is cheap and laziness and classless. That makes it stupid. I work with people who are very busy and we have very little time outside of work for family and social gathering. I am not going to try to save a few bucks and ruin and event with pizza.

Keep it mind, I still drive a 1992 Corolla with more than 300k miles and I wear jeans and boots to work. We also don't have TV programing at home and use our old TV for DVD only. There isn't anything worth watching so we do Netflix or local libraries for things we want to watch. We cook at home but never the frozen TV-dinner craps that I wouldn't feed a dog if I own one. I would never invite people over for pizza or attend a pizza party. Nor would I want to be associate with people that operate that way. Meals are important to me and I want to eat food prepared correctly and served at a formal table at home. Either that or we go to somewhere decent and bring a 30% coupon.

Kids can do pizza because they are kids. Working professionals aren't kids and should operate like working professionals. People are busy and time is money. Therefore, unless at home gathering consists of real food (bbq, steaks, wings of various styles and flavor, veggi tray, shrimp tray, etc) and drinks (no home made lemonade or fruit punch or something cheap and cheesy) I wouldn't want to be involved with it. The last big gathering I attended cost me 30 dollars to bring everything over to my boss's house. I am sure he spent over $200 on drinks and $100 on cigars. Everyone, except one couple, brought something very good that took some effort in making or bought something like I did. That couple show up with a big bag of chips and I remember to write their name down and mark them off a list of who I would invite over my place. By the way, the left over I had to take back worth more than what I brought there so it is not about money but rather about having a proper class. If I was a family doctor like yourself, I wouldn't bother with cooking and have a cater take care of it for big work and family function. It comes down to how one values money and a doctor's hourly wage is high enough that it is better to work a little harder and pay for things to be done verses wasting time doing it.

I suppose I should have you lecture my friends for serving pizza to us when we all helped them move into their first home. Or my friend's kids 5yr old birthday party, where us adults had to eat pizza too. I'll have you track down the culprit who brought cheap domestic beer at my place for Memorial Day, to be blacklisted.
Good for you being the youngest person on the block with the biggest house. I'll stick to being the youngest on the block, with the smallest house, having friends pay a chunk of the mortgage. I don't know what that proves, but I'll go with it.

[dawnwes]

WOW!

We go to get togethers for the social interaction. I can eat PB&J and be happy if the company is good.

I can't imagine writing people off my list for *only* bringing chips. I don't keep score at all.

Now, if we are talking about people who don't pay a dime and expect to eat half my food in a restaurant all the time, I could see finally saying something.

I had a friend who always wanted to get two meals and share so that we both got half of each meal. It was fine until I realized she ate twice the food I ate. I typically order a meal and take half home.....not when I went out with her! But I finally just said, "You know, I prefer to just get my own meal," and it was fine.

Dawn

It is stupid because it is a clear sign that someone is being cheapscake. I am very frugal myself and that is how I was able to have the biggest house in my neighborhood while being the youngest person there. In addition, I am the only person working while paying for my wife's expensive school fees. It is one thing to cook pizza for one's self, it is quite different when such presentation is used for a group gathering. In my opinion, it is very cheap and I wouldn't want to waste my time going over someone's house for pizza gathering. Actually, it is cheap and laziness and classless. That makes it stupid. I work with people who are very busy and we have very little time outside of work for family and social gathering. I am not going to try to save a few bucks and ruin and event with pizza.

Keep it mind, I still drive a 1992 Corolla with more than 300k miles and I wear jeans and boots to work. We also don't have TV programing at home and use our old TV for DVD only. There isn't anything worth watching so we do Netflix or local libraries for things we want to watch. We cook at home but never the frozen TV-dinner craps that I wouldn't feed a dog if I own one. I would never invite people over for pizza or attend a pizza party. Nor would I want to be associate with people that operate that way. Meals are important to me and I want to eat food prepared correctly and served at a formal table at home. Either that or we go to somewhere decent and bring a 30% coupon.

Kids can do pizza because they are kids. Working professionals aren't kids and should operate like working professionals. People are busy and time is money. Therefore, unless at home gathering consists of real food (bbq, steaks, wings of various styles and flavor, veggi tray, shrimp tray, etc) and drinks (no home made lemonade or fruit punch or something cheap and cheesy) I wouldn't want to be involved with it. The last big gathering I attended cost me 30 dollars to bring everything over to my boss's house. I am sure he spent over $200 on drinks and $100 on cigars. Everyone, except one couple, brought something very good that took some effort in making or bought something like I did. That couple show up with a big bag of chips and I remember to write their name down and mark them off a list of who I would invite over my place. By the way, the left over I had to take back worth more than what I brought there so it is not about money but rather about having a proper class. If I was a family doctor like yourself, I wouldn't bother with cooking and have a cater take care of it for big work and family function. It comes down to how one values money and a doctor's hourly wage is high enough that it is better to work a little harder and pay for things to be done verses wasting time doing it.

[disneysteve]

I wouldn't want to waste my time going over someone's house for pizza gathering. Actually, it is cheap and laziness and classless.

Don't worry about wasting your time. You're not invited.

It is your loss to have such an incredibly poor attitude in life.

I am quite sure I have never had friends over who left wishing that I had hired a caterer rather than cooking for them. I have no idea what your personal background is but from much of what you post, your view of the world is one I simply can't relate to.