How to explain your budget to your friends?

[DebbieL]

Sorry, it's not in my budget right now. That's all you need to say. I might also follow up by inviting them over to my place to watch a video, play cards, etc and have a few drinks (or whatever you like to do).

[jerrycates]

It is best to tell them up front. Never pretend that you can go with the flow of a lifestyle that's beyond your means. It will only lead you to disaster. Disaster spells DEBT.

[Cassius King]

I flat out tell them I can't afford it if I can't. If they persist, I tell them that I'm funding my Roth, prepaying the mortgage, adding to the EF, saving for vacation, etc.

Knowing that not many of them are doing the same, hopefully it will get them thinking about it and moving in the right direction.

[moneyclass]

how do you guys explain to your friends that you can't do something because it's not in your budget? Like if they ask to go out to dinner and it's not in your budget? Thanks

just say your busy or something came up or your not feeling good right now or you have to be up super early for work tomorrow.

things are sometimes not in my budget and i just come up with something like i just said even if im just sittin at home doing nothing

[crazyskunk82]

I've found that my real friends are inspired by my plan to be debt free and want in too! So share your story with them and you might help them out!

[cypher1]

My friends will flat out say if an activity is outside their budget that month. None of us can argue, and leave it as is. I learned to not give out financial info/advice unless others ask. However I never stop mentioning to always have an EF for what ifs.

[nick__45]

I agree with KTP. My best frugal experience was in college, when me and my roomates had no money. Grab your friends, pitch in $5 and go buy some Little Caesar's Hot N Ready pizzas and cheap beer and stay home. That was how we lived in college, doesn't sound bad to me.

If you're not in college anymore and are making money, there is no reason to continuing to punish yourself. Being frugal doesn't necessary mean being cheap on oneself. And I would never go to another person's house for a pizza. That is just stupid. There was a reason for attending college and that is to make money and live comfortably.

I go out for lunch with co-workers once a week and the tap comes out to be 10 dollars. If I go out to a bar then I expect my tab comes out to 30-75 dollars and it has always been under 50 dollars for me. However, I work with these people and spending time outside of work with them is both a social and professional investment. When things get rough at work and decide who to cut out of the project(s), these little out-tings worth every penny.

I put 200 dollars away for out-tings each money. That is extremely low for someone in my salary range. Anyone spend less than 200 dollars going out with friends is way to stingy for me to be around. The people I associate with spend much more but they also make much more on a two-income household. Two hundreds dollars equal to 2-3 dinners and about 5-10 lunches with people I like. I have to eat anyway so why not eat with people that my career can benefit from.

By the way, I owes no one beside my mortgage company. In fact, my utility companies owe me money as I pre-paid one month in advance as to never be late; therefore, I always have a credit on my account.

[nick__45]

how do you guys explain to your friends that you can't do something because it's not in your budget? Like if they ask to go out to dinner and it's not in your budget? Thanks

"I am broke dudes. I can't swing it because I am an idiot with my finance." is what I would say if someone invite to dinner and I want to go but can't afford it even though it is not an expensive place. This never happens to me.

" I don't want to pay for it. It should be free to do that crap." is what I would say if someone invite me somewhere that I am somewhat interested in going and can't see paying for it.

"There ain't no way I'll pay that much. Count me out." is what I would say if someone invite me to an event that I know I can't responsibly afford. A restaurant dinner costing 100 dollars a person is a god example. I'll spend 50 dollars max, tip included, for a good dining out and no more than 75 dollars for a bar since drinks always cost more.

There is no shame in saying you can't afford something. If you say it enough, you'll find a way to afford it. Personally, I think most people in America overspend and that is our wasteful nature. Even the people claiming to be super frugal, they just saying that to have things to say. Naturally, American society promote wastefulness and overspending. That is the core of our economy since after WWII.

[nick__45]

True. If you are always saying no, I'd suggest taking another look at your budget. You may be going too far in one direction and need to loosen the reins just a bit.

That is correct. Either the person is too broke or too reckless with his budget that he "can't" afford to go out. I know people who don't spend much on themselves but they are always behind or in a hole each month even though they make very good money. It turns out they rely on their spouse to take care of the spending for the family (food, clothes, etc.) and the spouse also is in charge of paying for the bills; therefore, they don't see the overspending until checks get bounced or they can't take money out of the ATM to go out with me.

[nick__45]

I flat out tell them I can't afford it if I can't. If they persist, I tell them that I'm funding my Roth, prepaying the mortgage, adding to the EF, saving for vacation, etc.

Knowing that not many of them are doing the same, hopefully it will get them thinking about it and moving in the right direction.

The comment below is not direct toward you. It is my general observation and view.

That's one way to be laughed at in the work place. Those things you mention are what I would call "bare essentials" and you suppose to do that automatically each paycheck. Therefore, if you can't financially afford to go out just say you are too broke to go out but don't make up excuse to make you look nerdy responsible because it doesn't impress anyone.

It is perfectly alright to be broke after taking care of your financial essentials but know where your priorities are and stick with it. Just don't make excuses because you owe no one anything and only make yourself look lessor trying to convince someone to let up on you. I got guys at this off-site place that refuse to go out to dinner with me after a two long weeks working in the desert. They make up all kind of excuse about spouse not giving them money or they can't afford this or that. I told them to "man up." and do what they want and if they don't want to go out and have a good time then they should consider dressing and driving cars to reflect that. These guys drive new German cars and dress very well for desert work and claiming to have no money for out-ting while talking about being players and pimps in their days.

[nick__45]

just say your busy or something came up or your not feeling good right now or you have to be up super early for work tomorrow.

things are sometimes not in my budget and i just come up with something like i just said even if im just sittin at home doing nothing

Just say you don't want to go or can't swing it financially. Don't make things up.

[cypher1]

I got guys at this off-site place that refuse to go out to dinner with me after a two long weeks working in the desert. They make up all kind of excuse about spouse not giving them money or they can't afford this or that. I told them to "man up." and do what they want and if they don't want to go out and have a good time then they should consider dressing and driving cars to reflect that. These guys drive new German cars and dress very well for desert work and claiming to have no money for out-ting while talking about being players and pimps in their days.

You ever stop and think maybe these guys just don't want to go out to dinner with you after work? I understand the concept of networking and keeping connections, especially in office politics. I have a few project managers I don't want to see outside of office, and have turned them down for invites. Unless its my manager or director asking, I', probably going out with my immediate co workers/friends. At the same time I understand for people to keep most co-workers/private life as separate entities.
Also you can't judge a person(s) by the car they drive, the clothes they wear. Assume all you want, but you should still respect their decision at the end of th day.

[krantcents]

Ask them to stop by for dessert is another answer.

[landon.bruno]

You can tell them that you spend some percent of your budget on this and that. Don't tell them in figures since they are not CA's and that may cause a little embarrassment too.

[dawnwes]

When I was single my crowd ate out ALL THE TIME. I sometimes would eat before I went so that I just needed to order a small appetizer or a soda. I was there for the socializing, not the food.

Now that we are a family of 5, we sometimes share meals (between our own family) when out with friends, or we order the less expensive items.

I am an extrovert and hate to turn down invites for hanging out with people based on money, so I budget what I can and make it work somehow.

Dawn