How to explain your budget to your friends?

[nick__45]

WOW!

We go to get togethers for the social interaction. I can eat PB&J and be happy if the company is good.

I can't imagine writing people off my list for *only* bringing chips. I don't keep score at all.

Now, if we are talking about people who don't pay a dime and expect to eat half my food in a restaurant all the time, I could see finally saying something.

I had a friend who always wanted to get two meals and share so that we both got half of each meal. It was fine until I realized she ate twice the food I ate. I typically order a meal and take half home.....not when I went out with her! But I finally just said, "You know, I prefer to just get my own meal," and it was fine.

Dawn

PB&J at social gathering? Could you make a video of it and be serious about it and post it on here so I can actually see how ridiculous it looks. It must be either a girl or kid things or both. Around here, I don't know anyone doing PB&J and even mentioning it as an option is probably one way to get blacklisted. Of course, I only deal with people I went to college with or work with. Some of them may not make money but they have class. Additionally, men behavior differently and I have never see anyone doing PB&J at work. Actually, PB&J here means Probation Before Judgment.

The OP is about going out to eat and that requires money. The economy operates by people spending money. If no one spends money, everyone here would be out of jobs. That goes for you too disneysteve. Why would you want to do PB&J when you can just say no and stay home.

As far as meal sharing, I don't think guys are suppose to do that. I wonder if the left leaning members here would think lowly of me because I refuse to share a meal with a dude. Girls can do the meal sharing thing but I figure that would get old. Guys shouldn't do it at all unless it is an appetizer meant to be share before actual meals are ordered. Wings or fries are good example. I am glad with you about stop the food sharing once you realize you got scammed by a cheapskate. However, I think you would save money if you order the portion just right for you so you never have to take anything home. Restaurant food never taste that good once it gets home and a big portion of the bill is in the preparation and presentation of it. I never have anything left to take home but my out-tings with friends usually last 4 hours so the the price I pay for my meals and drinks (no more than $75 and mostly under $50) are hardly noticeable when considering the entrainment I get out of it. Depending on the situation, I can actually charge for the time I spend at social gathering if it is work related.

[nick__45]

Don't worry about wasting your time. You're not invited.

It is your loss to have such an incredibly poor attitude in life.

I am quite sure I have never had friends over who left wishing that I had hired a caterer rather than cooking for them. I have no idea what your personal background is but from much of what you post, your view of the world is one I simply can't relate to.

Steve,

I am seriously doubting you here. You do realize that you cost yourself more money thinking of ways to nickle and dime yourself, correct? You make doctor's salary and wants to spend like ###. I would be afraid to visit your office because I would be wondering if you spend right money to make sure your equipments are up to standard, your staffs are properly trained, and your facility is sanitized.

While I do realize that this forum is about "saving money" and that is a great thing. However, some of you are down right cheapskates, at least verbally. You make going out a simply dinner sound like it would send you tumbling into 2nd Great Depression. Some of you even suggest coming up with reason for folks to feel sorry for you when you decline to go out with them. It is a dinner, either say yes or no. It is not going to kill you financially but there is no shame in saying you can't swing it financially.

Some of you even have the audacity to come up with ways to save with your cheap social gathering. The cheapest social gathering is the one you don't have. If you are going to have a social gathering that involves food and drink, pizzas aren't going to cut it. Do you guys realize your cheap and ridiculously you sound. If a 25-50 dollars dinner with your co-workers or friends send you into a financial abyss, then you have a much more seriously problem. I do recall some of you were/are quite vocal in support of pet owning and justifying with with all types of reasons. How many of you realize that pet ownership cost more than friendship investment/gathering.

By the way Steve, resorting to joke is actually not a weak way of debating an issue. I am sure you realize that either one of us would ever have a financial or social impact on the other. This should make open debate easier. While I have no doubt I am more frugal in practice than most folks here would every be, regardless of how frugal their keyboard present them as, I will not knowingly be a cheapskate and penny pinching.

We could debate more but I highly doubt the point. I simply think it is cheap to invite people over for a gathering and have pizza and you feel it is a perfectly fine thing to do and objecting to it would equate to having a poor attitude in life. I honestly can't believe you're a family doctor.

[cschin4]

Wow! I didn't know inviting someone over for pizza was a bad thing! My bad!

[cschin4]

Working professionals aren't kids and should operate like working professionals

Um, that sounds a bit snobbish. And, i am not inviting people to my home as a "working professional" whatever that is but inviting friends. I would agree that if you are hosting the boss and this is a work related event, then you would treat it differently. But, i disagree with you tossing about terms like "cheap" because you are not as casual. Perhaps you live your life differently and that is fine. But, to each his own. And, as for not going out for dinner, just say no thanks, i think "I can't afford it is highly annoying"

[cschin4]

One instance of "Cheap" in my opinion, my son was invited to a children's birthday party from 3pm to 6pm at the local YMCA. They were going to swim in the pool, play in the gym and have a party room. I "assumed" they would actually serve something like pizza or bit of a substantial food. INstead, they only served cake and juice boxes, my poor kid was starving to the point of feeling sick when he got home. That is when i thought "CHEAPSKATE"!

[dawnwes]

You are missing my point.

Why would I have PB&J (or hot dogs or burgers or whatever) when I could stay home and have steak? Because I am NOT THERE for the food! I am there because I deeply and truly care about the people I am meeting for whatever occasion it is. It isn't about the food was my point. It is about the friendships and fellowship.

My friends are not about the one upsmanship, they are about loving one another and spending quality time together.

I often have get togethers at my home with the friends who are dear to me. I don't care what they show up with as long as they come.

I don't have time to waste on people I need to impress.

And yes, we are professional workers, but that doesn't define who we are. DH and I both have MAs, in fact, I have two of them.

And I already responded to the "eating out" thing, which you ignored completely.

I really don't think you would want to come, we are pretty down to earth folks.

Dawn

PB&J at social gathering? Could you make a video of it and be serious about it and post it on here so I can actually see how ridiculous it looks. It must be either a girl or kid things or both. Around here, I don't know anyone doing PB&J and even mentioning it as an option is probably one way to get blacklisted. Of course, I only deal with people I went to college with or work with. Some of them may not make money but they have class. Additionally, men behavior differently and I have never see anyone doing PB&J at work. Actually, PB&J here means Probation Before Judgment.

The OP is about going out to eat and that requires money. The economy operates by people spending money. If no one spends money, everyone here would be out of jobs. That goes for you too disneysteve. Why would you want to do PB&J when you can just say no and stay home.

As far as meal sharing, I don't think guys are suppose to do that. I wonder if the left leaning members here would think lowly of me because I refuse to share a meal with a dude. Girls can do the meal sharing thing but I figure that would get old. Guys shouldn't do it at all unless it is an appetizer meant to be share before actual meals are ordered. Wings or fries are good example. I am glad with you about stop the food sharing once you realize you got scammed by a cheapskate. However, I think you would save money if you order the portion just right for you so you never have to take anything home. Restaurant food never taste that good once it gets home and a big portion of the bill is in the preparation and presentation of it. I never have anything left to take home but my out-tings with friends usually last 4 hours so the the price I pay for my meals and drinks (no more than $75 and mostly under $50) are hardly noticeable when considering the entrainment I get out of it. Depending on the situation, I can actually charge for the time I spend at social gathering if it is work related.

[cschin4]

I had friends over last weekend, i made steak salads. Yum. The week before that i made hot italian sausage sandwhiches with green peppers and onions and french fries in my deep fryer.

[disneysteve]

The OP is about going out to eat and that requires money. The economy operates by people spending money. If no one spends money, everyone here would be out of jobs. That goes for you too disneysteve.

This discussion has gotten off on a tangent that has nothing to do with the OP, so apologies for that.

I agree with you on the economy point but staying home and cooking meals involves spending money, too. If we have another couple over for dinner, we still need to buy food, drinks, maybe a bottle of wine, etc. It isn't like we are growing our own or going out hunting and dragging home our meal.

As far as meal sharing, I don't think guys are suppose to do that.

Hmmm. I've been a guy for nearly 47 years now and I never knew there was a rule book.

I think you would save money if you order the portion just right for you so you never have to take anything home.

This is a great idea - seriously. If you can find a way to convince restaurants to stop serving portions that can easily feed 2-3 people, I'd fully support it. I think the outrageous portion sizes greatly contributes to our obesity epidemic. People tend to keep eating as long as there is still food in front of them. My wife and I went out to dinner last night and we both brought home half of our meals. Neither of us could possibly have eaten all that was served to us. That's why we will often share meals. We didn't last night partly because it was our first time at this restaurant and we didn't know how big the portions would be and partly because we weren't in the mood for the same thing.

Depending on the situation, I can actually charge for the time I spend at social gathering if it is work related.

You are mixing totally different situations here. The rest of us are talking about gatherings with friends and family, not business dinners on an expense account (or at least tax deductible). Very, very different.

[KiwiJo09]

how do you guys explain to your friends that you can't do something because it's not in your budget? Like if they ask to go out to dinner and it's not in your budget? Thanks

I go through this a lot with my family. I have $30 a week to go out to eat with my hubby, but my family will want to go out after I'll already spent my $30. I just tell them that I can't afford it. They may not understand a budget, but they will understand not having money for it.

[nick__45]

I had friends over last weekend, i made steak salads. Yum. The week before that i made hot italian sausage sandwhiches with green peppers and onions and french fries in my deep fryer.

That's a dinner. Not pizza that can just be shoved into an oven but real meals that took some effort and consideration.

[cschin4]

That's a dinner. Not pizza that can just be shoved into an oven but real meals that took some effort and consideration.

OK, but it depends on your relationship. I wouldnt' view my friends as uncaring if they ordered a pizza. I think you may view that as such. But, dont' ascribe disparaging motives to people when you really don't know their intent. I think you are doing that and i think that may be the lens you view yourself but it seems like you are going to take issue with perfectly fine, nice people by doing so.

[disneysteve]

That's a dinner. Not pizza that can just be shoved into an oven but real meals that took some effort and consideration.

I never said anything about ordering pizza (not that there is anything wrong with that either). I talked about making pizza. We use fresh dough and freshly chopped toppings like mushrooms, onions, peppers, spinach, olives and different cheeses. When we had a party recently, we also made barbecue chicken pizza and a couple of other specialty pizzas. It took a lot of effort and consideration and our friends all loved it.

As for ordering pizza, for a casual get together, that's fine too. Maybe we want to get together to watch a movie or sporting event on TV or just hang out together. That's what friends do sometimes.

[gatorgal]

OP, my friends are understanding when I tell them that it just isn't in the budget right now. However, we do plan pretty far out when we want to go to dinner so usually it gives me plenty of time to save up. I keep my circle of close friends small so I don't find myself with constant invitations to do things I either don't want to do, or can't afford to do right now.

As far as this pizza thing goes, I go for the company and I like pizza just fine. I wouldn't like having to be so uptight and judgemental all the time. Homemade, frozen, or take-out, it is the memories that you create with friends that make a person full with happiness, not what was on the table.

[couchrobt]

Men and women know that investing funds you don’t have on items you don’t need will only get you in problems, so don't Most friends who obtain a bank card just to spend for nonsense may be a fantastic thing for developing up their credit rating, but it is essential for anyone to learn about spend thrifting on their very own at the same time.

[florent]

How to explain your budget?

First and foremost, discard your ego when telling your friends you can't do something because it's not in your budget. Don't consider negative input, as you are making good decisions for yourself. Great for you that you are saving!

And you tell them just like that! "That's not in my budget, I can't do that" ...maybe nextime, maybe next week, maybe when can do something cheaper.

You're also a good role model for your friends, way to go.