getting over expectations of gifts

[Mjenn]

It seems your issue has very little to do with money/gifts and a lot do do with other things.

The thing with family is you cannot choose um. They are just there. I think it is sad that you think your husband would be better off without these people in your life, I think grandparents are such a huge asset to a baby and, well, they won't be around forever.


I do vent to my husband about my parents (who are pretty nutty and drive me nuts), as he does to me about his (whom I find less nutty). However, I would be really angry if he suggested I cut out all contact with them for any reason. I just want him to support me and be my sounding board. Sometimes if things go badly, he will stand up for me. Otherwise, he just sucks it up those few weeks a year we see them and gets on with it.

I will, however, mention that as I am also 8 months pregnant, I take things a LOT more personally than I normally do. I get weepy over stupid stuff, and I had a nervous breakdown when we ended up with unexpected visitors in the middle of a family crisis. So I do understand a lot where you might be coming from. Remember, this too shall pass!

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Pbbbbthbt! I agree that guests who leave their clothes sitting around for the host to pick up , who drink all the alcohol, who leave dirty dishes laying around are bad guests. I'd get out there to help my DIL (or SIL!) to clear the driveway of snow regardless of pregnancy, yet all the more eagerly in the case of pregnancy....I think LAL's in-laws sound like users.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

dea, I think I don't like users. Plus I have anterior and previa placenta. My Ob said to take it easy, but how can I when I have such lovely user in-laws?

Mjenn, I did not tell him to cut them off. I am not going to do to them what they did to my FIL's parents! But I am going to tell them to not come for 6 months if they piss me off. Sorry about the family crisis, but are you shoveling snow and picking up after two healthy 50-osmething people? Wiping their arses basically? I mopped and swept the entry way and my DH wdid when he was hoome. They came in walked around, and left their stuff everyway.

Joan, yes they are users. I never called them that before, probably because I could tolerate it when healthy and in great physical shape.

Whent aking down our Christmas tree no one offered to help, my DH. So I did , and he got up and said, gee, is LAL the only person not handicapped? He shoveled alone when the 4 of us were home, and again he said, gee I had no idea you couldn't pick up a shovel?

My in-laws have no shame about not doing anything. My DH can't embarrass them into it. So why bother? Like why bother tipping?

[cschin4]

When taking down our Christmas tree no one offered to help, my DH.

So what? I don't help other people take down their trees. I think your ideas of what they "should" be doing are a bit much. Why don't you worry about what you should be doing, which is merely treating them in a kind and loving way for the sake of your spouse. That doesn't mean you have to spend tons of time with them or be buddies with them. Be respectful and stop looking for reasons to be pissed off all the time. It ain't pretty on a pregnant gal.

[PrincessPerky]

First off, your Ils sound like royal PIAs...

But how about instead of asking AFTER you shovel the walk why they didn't help, you ask on your way out the door for one of them to join you?

They still might say no, but at least you know they are Directly refusing to help.

Truth is, I am a lazy slob...no my house isn't that bad, but if a real neat nick, or even a half decent housekeeper could see me sitting her with my glass and bowl still here, they might think I had no intentions of ever cleaning it up. And if it weren't for kids, I might very well not bother till I had to wash em cause I ran out of other dishes. So if I am at your house and do not pick up my cup, I am just feeling far to comfortable, not expecting you to do it for me.

So use words, don't expect them to read your mind, nor to be as clean and neat as you are. If they honestly respond to direct requests 'hey on your way out please take this cup' with a no; you can apply for a reality TV show of your own, somewhere there is an audience that will love watching your ILs be idiots.

Though I suspect they are more likely to meekly take their cups to the sink. (no they aren't going to wash them when they get there, don't push your luck!)

[Snippa]

But how about instead of asking AFTER you shovel the walk why they didn't help, you ask on your way out the door for one of them to join you?

I wondered this, too, LAL... have you tried this? Or just felt it wouldn't help... sometimes we know people well enough to know it wouldn't matter what we said, but other times we don't say anything because we *think* we know how they'd respond. Just wondering...

Dee