Stay at Home Income loss

[Goldy1]

There is such a thing as thinking too much. no offense intended as I think too much myself but it is true. lol

[zetta]

I have no idea either. I thought when I was younger I would work for sure. Now I'm not so sure.

If you're undecided, the smart thing to do is set your career up to give yourself options either way when the time comes. Take a work from home job if you can get it. Even better would be a job that has the option of transitioning to part-time. Find out how mom-friendly the companies you interview with *really* are (although it's best not to ask during the interview!) Avoid jobs that have an expectation of working 50+ hr/wk. If you decided to take a "sabbatical" for a year or two, make it a point to hire a babysitter so you can go out for lunch regularly with old coworkers. Plan your strategy for getting back in before you take time off.

Two books that really helped me when I was facing this decision were:
Mommy Wars -- despite the title, it's a fairly balanced set of essays by women who either chose to work or stay home, and how they felt about it looking back
The Second Shift -- talks about how women still end up doing the majority of childcare and housecare even when both spouses are working full time, and how that constitutes a "second shift" of work for women after their day job is over. (It doesn't offer many solutions, but The Lazy Husband is a good one for strategies on getting your husband to contribute more on the homefront.)

Another book I like:
Maternal Desire -- this one is more from a psychological and sociological point of view, and explores various aspects of women's "desire to mother". The whole work vs stay-at-home debate tends to center on whether it impacts the child and how it affects a woman's career, while giving little importance to women's own desires.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Yes my DH has explicited said he's wanted kids. More so than I have. I put the brakes on to be sure about many things including our relationship, financial position, and physical time present with the child.

I have to read that the mommy wars. And I believe in the second shift as well, many of my coworkers complain non-stop about how much they do for their husbands.

Nope, you cannot plan for anything skydivingchic. You cannot plan that your husband won't stray even if you work. Or find someone else. You just take it as it comes.

There are no guarantees in life and you just hedge your bets. And I do believe that not having children (both of us) gives us an outsiders perspective. One which I'm not sure how to judge.

[Goldy1]

Yes, I have read such as the second shift. I am not a man bashing person at all, an dI have a kind supportive husband. He picks up after himself, and he lived in our home alone an dmaintained it, but I do pretty much everything now. If I tell him to do something he will do it but I have to tell him.
When I was working 32 hours and had a 45 minute commute(I was also adding in extra hours working at home) I made alist of all the household chore that had to be doen in these categories 1)daily ie cook or order and pick up carry out 2) weekly ie. vacuum, laundry, dust, wuck wip clean of bathrooms 3) at least monthly ie. wax expensive furniture we own, deep clean bathrooms (the lsits were quit elong)
Sure you can hire a maid but I heard they aren't all good and they aren't going to pick up after you.
I found I was so bogged down by the daily stuff it was hard for me to do the monthly ever.
This is us with no kids too. Sure I got out of work afte rluch time twice to put in 32 instead of 40 hours but at least oen day was spent til 2 or later at grocery store. He thinks doing the occasional big or small home repair is "his part" of the house duties. lol. Dont' get me wrong, he does some stuff, but I made the list to sho whim all I do.

[simpleyme]

I have to say I chose well as me and my DH are still together and my children are all but grown but even had something had happened to our marriage I would not have regretted having the children,I always wanted them ;-) even the last unplanned one LOL
I am actually getting worried about being a empty nester soon ;-)

[PrincessPerky]

Nope, you cannot plan for anything skydivingchic. You cannot plan that your husband won't stray even if you work. Or find someone else. You just take it as it comes.

There are no guarantees in life and you just hedge your bets. And I do believe that not having children (both of us) gives us an outsiders perspective. One which I'm not sure how to judge.

Nice way to put it...life happens, you do a bit of planning against bad stuff, but mostly we live our lives the best we can.

[skydivingchic]

arthur - I understand that having kids changes the considerations. It does not however, change the fact that taking oneself out of the workforce for years at a time comes with a set of risks (loss of income, harder to get back in if necessary, forgoing raises and 401k matching in the meantime, etc.) Each person/couple has to weigh those risks against the benefits, in this case of having a stay at home parent. It sounds like LAL is fully aware of the risks and that is what she is struggling with right now. Given that she is going into this with her eyes wide open, I'm sure that she and her husband will eventually get to a satisfactory solution. I stand by my opinion, however, that the risks of making oneself dependent on another person's income are much too high and I will continue to advise people I care about to avoid doing so. I’ve seen other women suffer the results of doing so and its not pretty.

LAL – Certainly I understand that working does not guarantee that a spouse will not stray (or any number of other possible scenarios). But if one is working and has established a safety net (i.e. adequate EF and income), it is a whole lot easier to walk away from the relationship if the need arises. Same goes for walking away from a job. If my company chooses to put an Atilla the Hun equivalent on top of me as my supervisor, or they ask me to do something unethical, or they stop giving me work I enjoy, I have a safety net (adequate EF and highly marketable professional certifications) in place such that I can walk away tomorrow. I guess that is what I’m trying to say – besides the fact that I enjoy my work, it provides a safety net when life does happen. Living without that type of safety net would scare the crap out of me. I’m sure you’ll eventually settle on something that works for you and your family.

[workingmamma]

LivingAlmostLarge-

I can understand you wanting to stay home and I think you would be wise to look into this. I have been working at home for 4 years now and what brought me home was my little guy. He was 1.5 years old and we ended up with him in a bad daycare situation so I had to make a decision to either jepordize my son or pull him out and do something different. My job in the corporate world was not understanding so I chose my son over the job and quit. We still needed that 2nd income so I began to research and research until I could find something to do.

I know hold down a full-time job working in my own home office and have in the mean time had my 2nd little man. He sits right here at 2 months while I work and I can enjoy knowing he is safe and loved while I am still making an income. If you could get something established before you have the baby you would be one step ahead of the game. But there is jobs out there where you can work around your little ones and not hire a nanny. I sure could not afford that.

I use a great website that has thousands of leads that do not require a fee and also gives me the support I need.

[cptacek]

I use a great website that has thousands of leads that do not require a fee and also gives me the support I need.

Care to share?

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I'm curious. The biggest problem is replacing also a large income. It sort is scary to think of giving up a lot of money.

[workingmamma]

Care to share?

Hello I wanted to give you site but it is not letting me post. It is jobs based from home. If you put all that together and add net on the end you should be able to get there If you have any problems let me know. I like this one because they have thousands of leads with no fee required and support along the way. That is something I have not found anywhere else.

[workingmamma]

I'm curious. The biggest problem is replacing also a large income. It sort is scary to think of giving up a lot of money.

I agree that when I made the decision to stay at home my biggest fear was the uncertainity of giving up a job I had been at for 7 years and was comfortable. My DH was not real happy with me at all when I made that decision but now he loves it.

Here is how I finally weighed it all to the DH and after he took a hard look at it he agreed with me. I took my income and then took away what I was or would be paying in daycare, eating out, and gas money. It was sad when I seen what I was actually making once I removed those things. I now make as much per pay check as I did then plus don't pay daycare, gas or food.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

But I would make a lot more than daycare, eating out, and gas money. Substantially more.

[zetta]

LAL,
You might look at it (and explain it to DH) this way:

Imagine someone offered you a once-in-a-lifetime chance to travel around the world, all expenses paid. You would have to quit your job and earn no income for two years, then could earn about half your old salary for the next three years while you continued to travel. There's no guarantee that your career would ever return to its original track, but with some planning and a little luck you will be able to find rewarding work when you return to your home country. You have to start the trip within the next couple of years, if you wait the opportunity will be gone. The alternative is to stay in your current situation and take small trips whenever you could fit them in.

Whether it is worth it all depends on how much value you place on travelling the world. Would you take the trip?

[skylovessea]

I would love to stay at home with my son AND make money, but I have yet to find a legitimate SAH job. If you can find one that is easy enough on you to become a mother, then I'd say go for it. There is nothing better than being with your kids while you still can!