Just back from the funeral home, feedback requested

[GoodSteward]

This is a great idea, and I would like to mimic this myself when that day approaches.

[Fishindude77]

Sounds like a good plan to me. Your dad is lucky to have someone like you taking care of him.

[TexasHusker]

Absolutely. That's the appeal to the customer for sure. And I think that makes a lot of sense in that regard. Plus that way you get what you want, though honestly, after I'm dead, I'm not going to be around to care.

My wife knows my preference would be to be cremated and have my ashes dumped in Seven Seas Lagoon at Disney World but I know she'd never actually do that.

I've wrestled with cremation, but I feel it might be disrespectful to his many friends, relatives, and generations of folks yet to be born, who might actually gain solace by visiting his actual grave now and then. One of the downsides of cremation is that we rob people of this. There's something to be said for a final resting place of a body, appropriately memorialized with a handsome headstone and a few nice words.

[disneysteve]

I've wrestled with cremation, but I feel it might be disrespectful to his many friends, relatives, and generations of folks yet to be born, who might actually gain solace by visiting his actual grave now and then. One of the downsides of cremation is that we rob people of this. There's something to be said for a final resting place of a body, appropriately memorialized with a handsome headstone and a few nice words.

Just to be clear in case it came across that way, I was in no way suggesting that you should consider cremation for your father.

As for having a grave to visit, I'm personally finding that to be a very generational thing. My mother's generation puts great value on that. She visits the cemeteries of her loved ones several times a year. Others her age do the same.

My wife and I and our peers do it very little if at all.The only times I've visited my father's and brother's graves were when I took my mother to the cemetery. I've never once gone on my own. I don't think my wife has been back to her father's grave since his unveiling (when the memorial plaque was dedicated). That was nearly 24 years ago. We simply don't feel the need to be at that spot to remember them or feel closer to them in any way.

My daughter and her peers think the entire concept of burying dead bodies in hermetically sealed boxes where they will never decompose and return to the earth is insane and entirely unfriendly to the environment (and they certainly aren't wrong about that). I can't see her ever going to a cemetery and I think that line of thinking is part of why the cremation rate is higher than ever. It was 5% in 1970. It's now just over 50% and still climbing.

One option for someone who feels having a physical memorial is important but aren't into burial is to get a nice memorial plaque at a cemetery. Many have buildings devoted to this purpose today. Honestly, I "visit" the memorial plaques for my father and brother at our synagogue somewhat regularly as compared to their actual gravesites which I haven't been to for a couple of years.

[TexasHusker]

Just to be clear in case it came across that way, I was in no way suggesting that you should consider cremation for your father.

As for having a grave to visit, I'm personally finding that to be a very generational thing. My mother's generation puts great value on that. She visits the cemeteries of her loved ones several times a year. Others her age do the same.

My wife and I and our peers do it very little if at all.The only times I've visited my father's and brother's graves were when I took my mother to the cemetery. I've never once gone on my own. I don't think my wife has been back to her father's grave since his unveiling (when the memorial plaque was dedicated). That was nearly 24 years ago. We simply don't feel the need to be at that spot to remember them or feel closer to them in any way.

My daughter and her peers think the entire concept of burying dead bodies in hermetically sealed boxes where they will never decompose and return to the earth is insane and entirely unfriendly to the environment (and they certainly aren't wrong about that). I can't see her ever going to a cemetery and I think that line of thinking is part of why the cremation rate is higher than ever. It was 5% in 1970. It's now just over 50% and still climbing.

One option if for someone who feels having a physical memorial is important but aren't into burial is to get a nice memorial plaque at a cemetery. Many have buildings devoted to this purpose today. Honestly, I "visit" the memorial plaques for my father and brother at our synagogue somewhat regularly as compared to their actual gravesites which I haven't been to for a couple of years.

No you're good. I have no problem with others getting cremated. Burying bodies does give me the creeps for sure.

There are lot of benefits for cremation.

One of my biggest problems with the traditional burial is that they still aren't offering memory foam as an option in the casket.

[disneysteve]

One of my biggest problems with the traditional burial is that they still aren't offering memory foam as an option in the casket.

Honestly, I'm surprised that isn't an option. I bet if you asked, they'd get it for you.

[FLA]

My wife knows my preference would be to be cremated and have my ashes dumped in Seven Seas Lagoon at Disney World but I know she'd never actually do that.

can you imagine how fast cast members would come crawling out of the woodwork if she tried to do that? but it sure seems like a fitting place for you!

[Captain Save]

Went there at 9am today to talk about "pre-planning." This is really a good idea because it allows you to do some planning while you are unemotional. But as for cost savings, it was only about 5 percent to pay everything upfront. The funeral home guy was very candid and said "I wouldn't pay in advance...we've got everything written down and the prices will be good...just call."

-The casket is around $3800 and change.
-A nice spray of flowers for the top around $250.
-Digging and filling a grave is $2000 or so - that's the cemetery's charge
-A few other odds and ends, and it's $8200 out the door
-A burial plot with concrete crypt is going to be around $3K-ish

To honor my father, I am going to do his funeral and memorial in a pretty non-traditional way: When he dies, we will have a graveside service and burial for family only. The next day, we will be having a full barbeque catered lunch at our church for all friends and family, paid for by my dad's estate.

Instead of a bunch of crying around and sad songs, we are going to make it a celebration with good food and maybe a slide show, and I'm going to have an open mic for folks who would like to share a favorite memory.

My dad will be in such a better place than he's been in so many years, it will finally be time to celebrate instead of mourn.

Am I completely off my rocker on this?

He probably could tell from your demeanor that you're not here for the BS ..

Sounds pretty reasonable to me..

[disneysteve]

can you imagine how fast cast members would come crawling out of the woodwork if she tried to do that? but it sure seems like a fitting place for you!

Nah. It would be quite easy to do. I have absolutely no doubt that it happens dozens if not hundreds of times each year. Put the ashes in a mundane container, like a travel water bottle. Rent a speedboat and head out onto the lagoon. It would be a pretty simple matter for her to discretely pour them into the water.

[msomnipotent]

Nah. It would be quite easy to do. I have absolutely no doubt that it happens dozens if not hundreds of times each year. Put the ashes in a mundane container, like a travel water bottle. Rent a speedboat and head out onto the lagoon. It would be a pretty simple matter for her to discretely pour them into the water.

I read that it is pretty common to spread ashes at Disney, yet still frowned upon in that establishment.


I had planned on donating my body to science so I could be a skeleton. I would think that it would be beneficial to show what RA does to a body. However, I read that most of the bodies are left in various climates to decompose for forensic study. I can see the value, but it isn't for me. I'm very interested in being turned into a few diamonds, but I know my daughter would never get over it if she lost one. I'm perfectly fine with being cremated and buried in a quiet spot with a bench and some planted flowers, preferably not in a cemetery. They creep me out.

[Gailete]

I had planned on donating my body to science so I could be a skeleton. I would think that it would be beneficial to show what RA does to a body.

Oh yeah. They really need to get a handle on this wicked disease!

My preference is to be cremated and my ashes scattered in the woods out back of our house mixed in with wild flowers and each year a part of me would be showing.

[Thrif-t]

My only requirement after being cremated is to put my ashes somewhere all together. I don't want little bits of me here and there. Dh's grandparents are spread all over an island that they vacationed at, that's not for me, I told the kids one spot and dump, you pick, just keep me all together

[disneysteve]

My only requirement after being cremated is to put my ashes somewhere all together. I don't want little bits of me here and there. Dh's grandparents are spread all over an island that they vacationed at, that's not for me, I told the kids one spot and dump, you pick, just keep me all together

If I were to be cremated, I really don't care what happens to my ashes. It's not about me at that point. It's about my family, what would be meaningful to them. I don't want to dictate that they put me somewhere that we all loved to go and have that ruin that place for them.

[Like2Plan]

I've wrestled with cremation, but I feel it might be disrespectful to his many friends, relatives, and generations of folks yet to be born, who might actually gain solace by visiting his actual grave now and then. One of the downsides of cremation is that we rob people of this. There's something to be said for a final resting place of a body, appropriately memorialized with a handsome headstone and a few nice words.

DH and I have been working on our family tree for a few years now. We visit a lot of cemeteries as part of our search for ancestors. We have thought about this aspect as well. We want to be cremated, but we would like some sort of headstone, too. We are doing this for DH's Mom. (Her ashes will be buried next month in a plot she pre-purchased as per her wishes)

I used to be bothered by cemeteries in my youth. But, the more cemeteries we visit the more natural it seems.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Texas are you sure your dad wants to be buried? I love the party idea. My family does parties. My grandfather wanted NOTHING. But then we had a party because he was always the life of the party.