Just back from the funeral home, feedback requested

[TexasHusker]

Went there at 9am today to talk about "pre-planning." This is really a good idea because it allows you to do some planning while you are unemotional. But as for cost savings, it was only about 5 percent to pay everything upfront. The funeral home guy was very candid and said "I wouldn't pay in advance...we've got everything written down and the prices will be good...just call."

-The casket is around $3800 and change.
-A nice spray of flowers for the top around $250.
-Digging and filling a grave is $2000 or so - that's the cemetery's charge
-A few other odds and ends, and it's $8200 out the door
-A burial plot with concrete crypt is going to be around $3K-ish

To honor my father, I am going to do his funeral and memorial in a pretty non-traditional way: When he dies, we will have a graveside service and burial for family only. The next day, we will be having a full barbeque catered lunch at our church for all friends and family, paid for by my dad's estate.

Instead of a bunch of crying around and sad songs, we are going to make it a celebration with good food and maybe a slide show, and I'm going to have an open mic for folks who would like to share a favorite memory.

My dad will be in such a better place than he's been in so many years, it will finally be time to celebrate instead of mourn.

Am I completely off my rocker on this?

[snafu]

It's important to honor your father's wishes. It seems he would like his passing celebrated, as a life well lived with much love from family, friends and colleagues.

[disneysteve]

The casket is around $3800 and change.

Am I completely off my rocker on this?

You're not off your rocker at all. I think what you describe sounds wonderful.

My only tip, as I mentioned previously, would be to check online for the casket price. You can probably get an identical one for 1/2 to 2/3 of that price, maybe less. It's just a matter of if you want to take that extra step to save $1,000 or more.

[TexasHusker]

You're not off your rocker at all. I think what you describe sounds wonderful.

My only tip, as I mentioned previously, would be to check online for the casket price. You can probably get an identical one for 1/2 to 2/3 of that price, maybe less. It's just a matter of if you want to take that extra step to save $1,000 or more.

Yeah I thought about that. However, there's a guy here who hand makes very nice rustic pine caskets. My dad really likes the rustic look, so I figure it's worth it to support someone local who takes pride in his work, as well as my friend at the funeral home. The funeral home folks are local and are really good people - no b.s. This is their 4th generation now.

[disneysteve]

Yeah I thought about that. However, there's a guy here who hand makes very nice rustic pine caskets. My dad really likes the rustic look, so I figure it's worth it to support someone local who takes pride in his work

That’s different. In that case, $3,800 sounds like a great deal. I think your whole plan is excellent.

[AJSimon]

What did the funeral home guy mean when he recommended not pre-paying and said, "We've got everything written down?"

[TexasHusker]

What did the funeral home guy mean when he recommended not pre-paying and said, "We've got everything written down?"

He just wrote all the stuff down I wanted and put it in a file. He said they practically never raise prices so it's all good. He didn't make me sign anything.

[QuarterMillionMan]

Very well planned indeed. What is the expected cost of the catered barbeque? My parents already picked out their catered foods as well when it is their time down to the exact foods.

[msomnipotent]

I would advise you to let friends and family know in advance that it is supposed to be a celebration and not "a funeral". My grandmother insisted on having a party and no crying was allowed. So we did our best and had a kind of party atmosphere and laughed a little. It was rather unfortunate that only the immediate family knew her wishes because it rubbed a lot of the other people the wrong way. It has been 10 years and some are just starting to speak to my mother again. But your family might be a lot more normal than mine.

[TexasHusker]

Very well planned indeed. What is the expected cost of the catered barbeque? My parents already picked out their catered foods as well when it is their time down to the exact foods.

Who knows. A $ grand or two?

[FLA]

the prices sound fair and the BBQ sounds like a celebration of his life, I think he would be proud.

[Thrif-t]

Sounds great!!

My in-laws pre paid for their funeral but you know what? The funeral home changed hands, but the new place honored what they paid and deducted from today's costs. So fil owed a little more for mil funeral.

Because of their experience I wouldn't prepay.

[disneysteve]

My in-laws pre paid for their funeral but you know what? The funeral home changed hands, but the new place honored what they paid and deducted from today's costs. So fil owed a little more for mil funeral.

Because of their experience I wouldn't prepay.

There are lots of reasons not to prepay. The funeral home could go out of business or get sold. The person's wishes could change. Folks could move. I have relatives who bought cemetery plots in PA but later retired and moved to FL. When my aunt died, she was buried there. My uncle followed years later. I don't know what they did with the PA plots but I'm guessing they sold them off somehow. Fortunately, they hadn't pre-paid their whole funeral. The savings isn't that big to be worth the risk. Obviously, the funeral homes only offer it because it benefits them.

[Thrif-t]

I think most people do it to not burden their children with it. That was my in-laws reasoning anyway.

Dh and I are just going to be cremated, and then the kids can have a memorial mass for us. Nice and easy for them.

[disneysteve]

I think most people do it to not burden their children with it. That was my in-laws reasoning anyway.

Absolutely. That's the appeal to the customer for sure. And I think that makes a lot of sense in that regard. Plus that way you get what you want, though honestly, after I'm dead, I'm not going to be around to care.

My wife knows my preference would be to be cremated and have my ashes dumped in Seven Seas Lagoon at Disney World but I know she'd never actually do that.