Family Responsibilties vs Personal Priorities

[myrdale]

This is one of those topics there isn't necessary a right or wrong answer, but I am curious how you all would weigh these decisions out.

My mother drove up from South Alabama Thursday a couple of weeks ago for Mother's Day weekend. Friday morning at 3am her neighbor called and said a tornado went through her front yard. I took Friday off and headed back down home with her to inspect the damage. A shed is totaled, trees down everywhere, fences down also. No damage to the house, and no one was injured. I spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday cleaning up storm debris. The fences around the house are back up so horses (the miniature kind) can safety roam about.

The second half of the property is still gated off. Several small trees down which I can resolve easily. One big tree down that is going to take some work. Even more damage I haven't seen on the adjacent property which is a cousin and aunt's, though we use / maintain the trails about it.

With Memorial Day weekend this coming week, I've already taken off Friday a month ago for a caving trip in Tennessee.

And I am probably looking at a another caving trip the following weekend. So I'm at least three weeks out from driving back down. Rain is an issue. If it rains, then it is pretty much a no go, and it rains a lot down there.

I had my fingers crossed it would pour rain at home, but as of now the weather looks amazing for this weekend. And I'd much rather cut trees in May than in June or July.

It might be possible that I could get down there Thursday night, knock everything out Friday, drive home Friday evening. Then drive to Tennessee Saturday morning.

When do you prioritize other people over your own plans? When do you just say no?

There is no expectation that I have to be there this weekend to do the work. Also the caving club will do this location again, though it might be a year out.

[ua_guy]

It seems like you've helped quite a bit already...if the tree cleanup is not an immediate need on the other part of the property, I don't see why waiting a few weeks would be an issue -- other than the heat, but there's still a chance for cooler weather in June, right? You could get lucky.

I'm all about helping family, but I think there's some needed flexibility. Sounds like your mom is relying on family, or others, to do the work for her, and she can probably wait too. Now, if this was an important medical appointment or big family event, I'd have different advice, but we're talking about tree cleanup.

[Fishindude77]

Sounds like you already did a lot of work and have things in manageable shape so there is no emergency.
Take your planned fun trips and get to that clean up when you can, or pay someone to finish the clean up. If mom has insurance or $$ to cover this stuff, paying someone else makes perfect sense.

[disneysteve]

I wouldn't drop everything and put my own life and plans on hold unless the situation was an emergency - tree down across the driveway blocking access or something like that. I'd also be weighing the options of doing it myself for "free" or hiring someone to do it. Time is money. How much of my time am I willing to sacrifice vs. what it would cost to have someone else do it.

[kork13]

Personally, I'd just take more time off & do both (assuming you have the PTO to cover it). I'm never bashful about taking time off when there's a reason behind it, and you've got 2 excellent reasons -- taking care of family, and making a special trip for recreation.

Admittedly, my viewpoint is colored but the fact that the military has had me separated from my family for about 3 of the past 5 years... So I've had to take 1-3 week trips multiple times a year just to see my own wife/kids. But during the course of all that, I've seen how (relatively) small an impact my absences had on my organization, even as one of the most senior (top 2-3) people in my unit. So take time off when you want to, and definitely take time when you need to.

I'll add to that .... Sometimes, you also need time off from family (like getting away from a controlling MIL during a family trip, in my case). Don't be shy about doing that either. "I'm going out for a run, bye." Or if you can't handle a trip to go see family right now, don't let them guilt you into it. You/your own immediate family always come first. If they just need help with manual labor, there's always people you can hire for that.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Is insurance not covering anything? For that I might be willing to shell out $$$ instead of going down and changing your plans. I could be seeing my family in hawaii this memorial day weekend but instead I'm taking a trip with DH and the kids. I'm not saying I don't want to go but I also need to prioritize my family. I made plans to go twice over the summer to take care of stuff so I am definitely trying my best. And going twice instead of staying longer is more costly. But i have other obligations for the kids and well it's just money at the end of the day. I'd rather not go out to eat for awhile or buy new clothes or something else than have to stay to save the airfare.

So i might be tempted to pay to clean up the debris. That and also getting older in age and my body isn't what it used to be anyway.

[ua_guy]

DH and I have parents with excessively difficult to maintain properties. Thankfully, my folks are pretty well set, and they hire out most of the work nowadays that they can't do all of it themselves. I've offered to help, but they insist they take care of it as they don't want to be a burden. My FIL...we used to help him and his parents do firewood every year, but that was a good chance to see them and spend some time over in their part of the world. They are long gone now, but I miss those days and didn't mind the work at all. DH's FIL, though, is starting to get to the point where he can't do everything. He doesn't have a plan yet and we can't get over there as easily or as often as he'll need. That's starting to concern us quite a bit.

[myrdale]

Is insurance not covering anything?...........
.........So i might be tempted to pay to clean up the debris. That and also getting older in age and my body isn't what it used to be anyway.

Insurance is covering the damaged metal building. Luckily for the major debris (trees 36" diameter on driveway, and those on the shed) between a neighbor with a large tractor, and my sister's father in law with construction equipment, the worst was resolved in a single day. We were extremely grateful for their help.

Most of what is left I put in the category of nuisance, like waist thick stuff. It will take a little time, but I probably won't break too much of a sweat. The one big tree on the back fence line isn't too big for me I don't think. I had purchased a chainsaw a year back just for this reason and I've definitely gotten some good experience with it so far.

With the weather forecast for Alabama and Tennessee for this weekend, I think I am going to try and thread the needle and do everything. Potentially being home Thursday night, cutting all day Friday, head back to Georgia Friday night and leaving out early for the Tennessee trip Saturday.

The debris blocking the trails on the adjoining properties can wait till whenever so far as I am concerned.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Insurance is covering the damaged metal building. Luckily for the major debris (trees 36" diameter on driveway, and those on the shed) between a neighbor with a large tractor, and my sister's father in law with construction equipment, the worst was resolved in a single day. We were extremely grateful for their help.

Most of what is left I put in the category of nuisance, like waist thick stuff. It will take a little time, but I probably won't break too much of a sweat. The one big tree on the back fence line isn't too big for me I don't think. I had purchased a chainsaw a year back just for this reason and I've definitely gotten some good experience with it so far.

With the weather forecast for Alabama and Tennessee for this weekend, I think I am going to try and thread the needle and do everything. Potentially being home Thursday night, cutting all day Friday, head back to Georgia Friday night and leaving out early for the Tennessee trip Saturday.

The debris blocking the trails on the adjoining properties can wait till whenever so far as I am concerned.

what ended up happening? How far was the drive?

[bjl584]

I'd move forward with my own plans. Sounds like you already took care of the pressing matters immediately following the storm. The rest of the cleanup needs done but can probably wait a bit.

[myrdale]

Just an update on how all this played out.

I left work Thursday evening and drove to South Alabama. Woke up Friday morning and had all of the fences cleared by noon. Drove back to Georgia Friday afternoon. Woke up early Saturday morning to drive to Tennessee for the caving trip. I cut that trip short (was supposed to camp out there and cave more Sunday) due to significant rain and having to drive through a creek bed to reach the location.

As for trees down on the family property blocking roads, that can wait till 4th of July or better yet Thanksgiving or Christmas to worry about clearing once it is a good bit cooler.