When to stop helping family financially?

[skives]

As the title says when do decide to stop financially helping family out even if you have the money to do so?

[disneysteve]

I would only help someone financially if it was a matter of life and death or if I truly felt it was temporary and I knew they were good for the money. If I felt their situation was due to their own poor choices I wouldn’t get involved.

[crazyliblady]

As the title says when do decide to stop financially helping family out even if you have the money to do so?

I don't generally help family by loaning them money, because I know I would not get it back. If I help anyone with money, it would only be with a gift, and I would prefer that it be anonymous. I don't want to be seen as a piggy bank that they can draw upon. Most people that I know with money troubles got there through self infliicted means and not tragedy.

[Fishindude77]

People get into tight spots and jams occasionally and its sometimes out of their control. I have no problem gifting a family member some $$ to help them out in these circumstances and have done it a number of times.
If they're making a bunch of poor decisions, life choices, etc. I won't support or enable that type of behavior by funding it..

[Jluke]

When it becomes detrimental to your financial success and stability.

when they come back for help after you bailed them out before.

[mumof2]

I think it depends on the person and their circumstance....most people no..but some family yes

[EmelineG]

For me, the answer is obvious - never. Perhaps this is the upbringing of parents, but in our family it is not customary to refuse. Maybe this is due to the fact that no one gave reason to doubt their reliability, but if one of my relatives asks for an amount that I can afford, then subconsciously I am ready for its loss.
P.S. I think that if something was of a sad systemic nature, I would have a different opinion

[myrdale]

The obvious answer is: "When you can no longer afford to help them, when you are enabling them, and when they are acting in opposition to your stipulations".

The less obvious answer is the variable of who they are in relation to you. Child, Parent, Sibling, Extended (Aunt / Uncle / Cousin / Grandchild), Inlaws.

If it is your child, they are working their butts off, they are saving their money, following your guidance, and still struggling is a lot different that if they are sitting on the cough playing x-box all day and not working while smoking dope.

If it's your brother who recently lost his job, is facing foreclosure, and has a kid with cancer is different than your sister who makes those comments about "It must be nice to be as rich as you" while continuing to rack up credit card debt.

If its a widowed parent who was left destitute after loosing their spouse, and lives frugally and is on a diet of bologna sandwiches is not the same as the parent with the gambling problem who took notes from your sister.

Regardless of the situation, it may be your brother-in-law can go jump off a boat.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

When you feel taken advantage off. Case and point my in - laws treat us terribly and take advantage of us. I desperately try to set boundaries and have been pretty good at fending off their attempts to take advantage of us. My DH is getting better at ignoring them. They basically refuse to pay for anything and expect us to pick up the tab for EVERYTHING. I do mean everything.

I mean we went to the CN tower and i had a citypass and my in-laws still expected me to buy them tickets and pay for everything after showing up 2.5 hours late to meet us. Then we went to niagara falls and my in-laws just stood there and expected us to pay for everything. And meals? Well we pay because there is no way they are going to reach into their pocket and pay for anything. They also order the most expensive item on the menu and don't care. They also expect us to shell out for their hotel and when we went on a cruise they wanted to come and expected us to pay. We refused. They wanted to stay in our hotel but decided only 2 weeks before the trip to come.

I had previously offered since I had booked a 3 bd vrbo last September but cancelled in April when I changed our plans but they couldn't make up their minds so i cancelled it and got a solid hotel. And yet they were upset when less than 2 weeks before they wanted us to get a bigger rental car and hotel room.