Feeling discouraged

[HundredK]

I've been overcome this last week with feelings of discouragement. As most of you know, we're digging out from a huge pile of consumer debt, and we have made massive lifestyle changes to accomplish this. We've been on this path for a while (even before finding this forum), and I've felt really positive about most of the changes we have made. Moving to a cheaper place, cutting general expenses, that's all been fine.

The most recent cost savings measure we've taken is to have only one of us travel for business (husband and I have a business that we have always both traveled for). And I'm bordering on depressed over this. I love to travel more than anything else in life. It's baked into my being. Now, with the husband traveling while I stay at home or vice versa, it isn't the same. I have seen my husband only 2 days out of the last six weeks, with no end to this pattern in sight. It isn't fun to travel by myself, and it certainly isn't fun to sit at home while he's traveling. It makes me feel like we are missing important experiences together, and that causes me to feel empty and sad. There's no joy left.

I know there aren't many who will be able to find sympathy for me, and I don't blame you. I just wanted to put this post up, because the thought of saying "screw it, debt isn't so bad" is lingering at the edge of my mind, and that's not something I want to give into.

But I am sad, and this sucks.

[creditcardfree]

I think it is smart to acknowledge your feelings. Is there a way to split the work so sometimes he's the one at home and you still get to travel? Are there ways to cut business costs so you could both still go? I don't know enough about the type of business to suggest much else.

[bjl584]

I think that you should compromise and maybe travel together HALF of the time.

No need to go to extremes. The debt will still get paid off so long as you have a plan in place. It just might take a little longer. But, I wouldn't make things so extreme that you are experiencing depression.

[disneysteve]

I think this makes perfect sense and it's great that you're acknowledging it. That's the only way to look for a solution.

We don't know details about your travel, but perhaps you need to slow down a tiny bit on the debt repayment to address this problem. If the lifestyle cutbacks are too severe that you can't tolerate them, the overall effort is destined to fail.

What could you do? Maybe you can't both go on every business trip but you could go together occasionally. Does all of the business travel involve air travel or is some of it done by car? If by car, the cost of an extra person is minimal since the transportation and hotel are already covered. The only added cost is meals and it's easy enough to economize there.

What about hotels? Could you guys stay at less costly places? Hotel prices have gotten pretty high in recent years but there are still a lot of bargain places out there. Sure, they aren't as nice as the costlier places but maybe that's the compromise you need to make here. Motel 6 instead of the Marriott so that both of you can afford to go.

You guys just need to work on finding a better balance, even if it means taking a few extra months to get the debts paid off.

[Jluke]

Are the business and personal finances separate? I guess it would go hand-in-hand but maybe that is something to address.

As for travelling together, as others suggested, going cold turkey like you did was great for the debt, but appears to be bothering you.

Potential compromise is travel together once a month and/or depending on frequency go together on the trip(s) that cost the least amount of money (road travel vs flights).

if you haven't already, put together a timeline for when you expect your debts to be paid off. that will give you a visible end to your goal.

hang in there - you got this!

[disneysteve]

Are the business and personal finances separate? I guess it would go hand-in-hand but maybe that is something to address.

When you own the business, the line between business and personal is always very, very fuzzy.

[DaveInPgh]

Digging yourself out of the huge debt is clearly important, but your marriage and happiness is more important. 2 days out of 6 weeks is not good for a marriage. And how much of those 2 days were spent with one or both of you thinking about preparing for the next trip, instead of relaxing and enjoying that time together?

I think you have some good suggestions above. Of course more details about your business, where you stay, etc. would be helpful for future advice.

[Petunia 100]

But I am sad, and this sucks.

Personal finance is personal. Perhaps this is an area where it is worth it to you to splurge, at least occasionally. Is it worth being in debt a little bit longer to take some of these business trips together? If yes, then budget more for travel and do it.

[HundredK]

Thanks all for the kind words. I need to talk to my husband and see if maybe we can come up with a slightly different plan. I know he's not enjoying this either. I won't see him again for two more weeks at the earliest. I guess at least we married well if we actually miss each other being apart after all these years (silver lining?).

To answer other questions:

- Most of our travel is air travel, so it is more expensive for both of us to go, sometimes significantly so. Much of it is international, which of course is far more expensive than domestic trips.

- Hotels are largely dependent on where we travel. We have been scaling that back as much as possible, but obviously we need to be in a safe location.

- Huge expense with travel is the dogs. The cheapest place we can find to board them that we would be willing to leave them is about $80 per night. So a 2 week trip adds over $1,100 that we wouldn't need to spend at all if one of us stays home. I know many of you might find $80 a night exorbitant, but they're our kids, and I won't leave them somewhere that I'd worry about them. And for the area we live, it's reasonable.

- Our business expenses are kept separate from our personal expenses, but any money we manage to not spend on business obviously goes into our personal account (post taxes of course). Steve is right, that line is very very fuzzy when you have a sole proprietorship.

-I do have a very detailed timeline which has us paying off our debt in 2020, but hopefully underestimates the amount of income we will have, and hopefully means we can pay it off earlier. That feels like too long. The rational part of my brain knows that it takes time and will build good habits and that it is worthwhile to do this all the right way and be patient and see it through. But it's really hard right now.

-Our business is service based, and we don't charge back our actual travel expenses to the client. It's all baked into the contract price. So if we can conserve money by having just one of us travel, it's more money toward our debt.

[disneysteve]

It sounds like 2 weeks is a typical trip duration. Is that accurate? If so, maybe both of you going every other trip or every 3rd trip would work. That would have you apart for no more than 4 weeks, which beats 6 weeks. Or both go on the domestic trips at least where airfare is a lot cheaper and just one go on the international trips. The point is to find a better balance that works for you.

Have you looked into Airbnb as an option instead of hotels? That could save you some money.

Something else to consider which would help with the time apart and help control the pet boarding costs would be for you to join him but not for the whole time. Maybe you only fly out for a week and then come home while he stays on.

[Snydley]

I suggest trying rover.com to find someone to stay at your house with the dogs while you travel- I bet for a two week gig you could pay 1/2 or less of what you are paying now.

[FLA]

I think that you should compromise and maybe travel together HALF of the time.

No need to go to extremes. The debt will still get paid off so long as you have a plan in place. It just might take a little longer. But, I wouldn't make things so extreme that you are experiencing depression.

this makes sense to me. A hotel room costs the same for one or for two and I'm sure you've found ways to eat on the cheap while on the road.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I'd travel half the time. Why don't you travel? Are you a non contributing member of the business? Is it his business and you are traveling for pleasure? If not I see nothing wrong with you going to help with the work. It is important to keep up skills.

[HundredK]

I'd travel half the time. Why don't you travel? Are you a non contributing member of the business? Is it his business and you are traveling for pleasure? If not I see nothing wrong with you going to help with the work. It is important to keep up skills.

We are both contributing members of the business. We used to travel everywhere together, always. But that's expensive and we're in a lot of debt. The savings in dog kenneling alone from one of us staying home is substantial. Add to that the cost of additional airfare, eating out, and so on and so forth, and it becomes prohibitive. And it is possible for one of us to do work from home while the other is on location, so this is our solution. Going into it, we thought that for sure we could cope with this for a few years until we're out of debt. But now, I'm not so sure that's true. But I'm already not so pleased with my plan of paying everything off by 2020 and traveling more would extend that even further, so I don't know what to do. Just keep plugging along, I guess.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

What about hiring a pet sitter? Usually those are cheaper than $80/day. I sympathize because we're on continually chemo until our dog dies. And I just shelled out $350 today for his treatment. It's been over a year since he started. You do the math for our dog.

Anyway are you not given per diem for work? Why is there such a discrepancy for traveling for work? Shouldn't everything mostly be covered and only the dog boarding not be? That the airfare, etc all be covered?

And if it's not covered it'll be a business expense correct?