Did You Have A Full Picture Of Your Significant Other's Finances Before Marriage?

[dawnwes]

I've summarized some of the more important things I believe that's made our marriage work out pretty well. It may not work well if there is no absolute trust and respect between the spouses.

If my wife wants to do something, I'd never would truely think it is crazy. If it is important to her, then it becomes important to me. I trust in her judgement. Sure, we consult each other on major issues, but ultimately, each must decide whether it should proceed (and if so, chances are, the other will support).

That's what make marriages so strong because you have just doubled your abilities.

As for answering phones, I don't see the problem at all. In fact, it is also a benefit of marriage where now you have double the chances of answering the cell phone.

Same with co-workers. We spend a lot of time at work; so it only makes sense to introduce the spouse to them, which is easy to do at work parties or dinners. In fact, at all my work in all those different companies, we talk a lot about our family life at work.

I never said there was a PROBLEM with answering each other's phones, I just thought it was odd.

DH's phone rings mostly for business reasons, I sure as heck am not answering his business calls.

Mine rings mostly because my girlfriends are calling. He has no desire to have a conversation with them on the phone so he lets it be.

I don't CARE if he answers it, it just seems weird.

Same with work. I will meet his coworkers for things like Christmas parties, but really, I am not driving up there, paying $20 for parking, and walking around his office introducing myself with cookies......weird.

Doubled my ability to do what exactly? Rule the world? I have no idea what I have just doubled.

My husband and I have been married 21 years. We have no plans of ever divorcing. We have a strong marriage, but we have followed none of the advice you have given. None of it.

[rob62521]

I would say being on the same page financially is important. DH and I talked about finance before we married and we have had few arguments over money.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I definitely feel love is a feeling but staying married a choice. I choose to make the effort to be together and be a couple.

[sv2007]

My husband and I have been married 21 years. We have no plans of ever divorcing. We have a strong marriage, but we have followed none of the advice you have given. None of it.

I can almost foresee a problem in your future: speaking in absolute terms and even lumping another person into that guaranty. Sounds like it works for you, which is nice.

We are also married at 20 years, this will be our 21st. We probably live very differently than you; so it goes to show there are multiple ways of achieving a happy marriage. One thing that we don't do is speak for the other person, especially in any absolute terms.

[sv2007]

I definitely feel love is a feeling but staying married a choice. I choose to make the effort to be together and be a couple.

Why? If it is better to not be a couple, then why put in the effort to stay together?

Or perhaps it is a labor of love and not really something you dread? If not, then why stay together?

[sv2007]

I do not believe in a soulmate. If my husband died tomorrow I can't for sure say I would never marry again.

There's this saying- ignorance is bliss, which it can be dangerous in many situations but in the case of marriage, perhaps it is a safe thing. In a way, if you've never known the soulmate experience, then you have not lost anything. Although, I'd say you may have married too early and missed out, but perhaps you did find the right person and just reacts differently. Not that it matters since you seem very happy.

[GoodSteward]

I'm not sure I'm following some of the thought processes with the soulmate idea. You are making it sound like your marriage is amazing with 0 work because working on a marriage means making choices to benefit the other person. Those choices may come without thinking because you care so much for them you don't have to think too hard or "make yourself" do it, but they are still choices. Perhaps that is what you are interpreting about the idea of "choice." It makes it sound like you HAVE to do what you are doing, which doesn't make sense when you are in love. You just want to do these things...there is no other option. Technically you are still choosing to go out of your way to do something for them, although for someone like this it doesn't feel like a choice. It just feels normal.

To me, it sounds like you have a very fulfilling marriage, which most people either don't have or won't have until they work at it. Like I've said before, most people are selfish and look at marriage at what they can get out of it. This is very typical of young people being married. Also, this is why I don't agree with people getting married too young(like I did). Often, once someone feels they are no longer benefiting from the marriage, they shift focus elsewhere and eventually find it harder and harder to stay with them. Loving someone, and liking someone, are not the same. They should be in marriage, but it can defiantly find some separation, especially after an argument! lol

sv2007 - What you are describing most won't ever have in a marriage, not without a lot of work. If this came easy for you consider yourself very blessed and understand this isn't typically normal, sadly. At least not from my experience as a minister. You happen to have an above average one. Kudos!

[GoodSteward]

Here is another way I guess I could explain love is a choice. Love is shown, or expressed. You may feel it overflowing inside you, but it has to come out to build up the other person and show them. Therefore, you have to make choices that express love, or else it would stay inside you all the time and make the other person feel rejected. Perhaps this makes more sense? No? lol I tried.

[DaveInPgh]

sv2007 - What you are describing most won't ever have in a marriage, not without a lot of work. If this came easy for you consider yourself very blessed and understand this isn't typically normal, sadly. At least not from my experience as a minister. You happen to have an above average one. Kudos!

OR Ignorance is Bliss as he previously stated.

He also stated that him and his spouse do not speak for each other, especially in absolutes. We have know idea what she is posting on internet message boards to complete strangers.

[dawnwes]

There's this saying- ignorance is bliss, which it can be dangerous in many situations but in the case of marriage, perhaps it is a safe thing. In a way, if you've never known the soulmate experience, then you have not lost anything. Although, I'd say you may have married too early and missed out, but perhaps you did find the right person and just reacts differently. Not that it matters since you seem very happy.

Again, you are contradicting yourself. There is no such thing as a soulmate. That is tantamount to love at first sight. It doesn't exist. You can most certainly find the RIGHT person and the person you should be with. But if that person passes away, especially at a young age, it would be nice to find another person you are compatible with to be with.

I married at 29, so nope, no young marriage for me. I was told numerous times I was too picky and I should "settle." But I just hadn't met the right person yet.

[dawnwes]

I can almost foresee a problem in your future: speaking in absolute terms and even lumping another person into that guaranty. Sounds like it works for you, which is nice.

We are also married at 20 years, this will be our 21st. We probably live very differently than you; so it goes to show there are multiple ways of achieving a happy marriage. One thing that we don't do is speak for the other person, especially in any absolute terms.

HUH? What absolute terms did I speak for him?

I have no idea how you live differently than I do as we haven't discussed how we live.

Now you are just making stuff up.

[dawnwes]

OR Ignorance is Bliss as he previously stated.

He also stated that him and his spouse do not speak for each other, especially in absolutes. We have know idea what she is posting on internet message boards to complete strangers.

At this point it isn't even making sense.

[Petunia 100]

I can almost foresee a problem in your future: speaking in absolute terms and even lumping another person into that guaranty. Sounds like it works for you, which is nice.

We are also married at 20 years, this will be our 21st. We probably live very differently than you; so it goes to show there are multiple ways of achieving a happy marriage. One thing that we don't do is speak for the other person, especially in any absolute terms.

I really feel this remark was out of line. For goodness' sake, you are not able to "foresee problems" in anyone's marriage based on a comment on a message board forum! Ridiculous and offensive.

This thread has really gone off the rails.