Did You Have A Full Picture Of Your Significant Other's Finances Before Marriage?

[Singuy]

All I can discern is that marriage is nothing more than an economic arrangement for Singuy.

If my wife say had 20k worth of CC debt buying her ex-boyfriend designer whatever..I am just here ready to pay for all her ex-boyfriend's gifts. That I am making a distinction.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

It depends on how you view marriage. Partnership and share burden or separate. Either is fine as long as you both agree.

If my DH divorced now and had to pay child support and alimony I suppose Singuy he'd be supporting a lazy wife and kids out of his money right? I don't think it works entirely that way. There are many joint decisions and not all make financial sense but people make the best decision for them at the time.

A more interesting question is if you were marrying a guy with an ex wife and two kids to support would you do it? Or woman who is being responsible and paying? Or is it a strike against them and their income and something to be resentful of?

[Nutria]

If my wife say had 20k worth of CC debt buying her ex-boyfriend designer whatever..I am just here ready to pay for all her ex-boyfriend's gifts. That I am making a distinction.

Since it wouldn't even occur to me to marry someone who bought her ex-boyfriend $20K of stuff on a CC, the point is well and truly moot.

[Nutria]

A more interesting question is if you were marrying a guy with an ex wife and two kids to support would you do it?

No, I wouldn't marry a guy like that..

And there would have to be some really long and in-depth talks about more than just money were I to marry a woman with two children still at home.

[disneysteve]

she wants to do it on her own

See, that couldn't happen in our house. My wife couldn't (nor would I want her to) pay something "on her own" because she'd be making those payments from our JOINT account. All of the money belongs to BOTH of us. We don't keep separate accounts.

[disneysteve]

If my wife say had 20k worth of CC debt buying her ex-boyfriend designer whatever..I am just here ready to pay for all her ex-boyfriend's gifts. That I am making a distinction.

I would not marry that person so this example is irrelevant to my stance.

[97guns]

Since it wouldn't even occur to me to marry someone who bought her ex-boyfriend $20K of stuff on a CC, the point is well and truly moot.

so a potential spouse carrying debt is a discerning factor yet your belief is marriage and finances is united, it does not add up. how could debt supercede love?

[97guns]

See, that couldn't happen in our house. My wife couldn't (nor would I want her to) pay something "on her own" because she'd be making those payments from our JOINT account. All of the money belongs to BOTH of us. We don't keep separate accounts.

i guess thats why it works for us

[Nutria]

so a potential spouse carrying debt is a discerning factor

Shame on you for assuming that all debt is equal.

yet your belief is marriage and finances is united, it does not add up. how could debt supercede love?

Where did you get the idea that I (and Steve) think that the decision whether to marry someone is only based on that gooey, undefined looooooove?

[disneysteve]

so a potential spouse carrying debt is a discerning factor yet your belief is marriage and finances is united, it does not add up. how could debt supercede love?

It's not the debt itself that's the problem in this example. It's the source of the debt.

I wouldn't marry someone who I felt was irresponsible with money. Racking up 20K in CC debt to buy your boyfriend gifts is pretty irresponsible. That would be a huge red flag to me.

[disneysteve]

i guess thats why it works for us

Exactly.

I'm not saying that couples can't have separate finances. I'm just saying that it isn't how we do it and, quite honestly, I don't understand how it works. But if you do it and it works for you and you are both happy with the arrangement, that's fine.

[Singuy]

See, that couldn't happen in our house. My wife couldn't (nor would I want her to) pay something "on her own" because she'd be making those payments from our JOINT account. All of the money belongs to BOTH of us. We don't keep separate accounts.

We get it Steve..and like I said, 97guns or myself is not going to let anyone in the family declare bankruptcy on any debt. It's only separate by illusion. This way the spouse will feel a sense of accomplishment and should feel more free financially from each other which is something I encourage. This to me is the best life insurance policy..knowing that my wife can continue to raise my children without me.

Too many cases in which you see the women feeling lost in the world after a divorce or a husband's passing because during marriage, they just cooked and clean. They have no idea about all the finances going on, how much debt is in the house, or how to produce additional income.

[Nutria]

Too many cases in which you see the women feeling lost in the world after a divorce or a husband's passing because during marriage, they just cooked and clean.

Life insurance FTW!

They have no idea about all the finances going on, how much debt is in the house, or how to product additional income.

That's not the fault of keeping combined accounts.

[Singuy]

Life insurance FTW!



That's not the fault of keeping combined accounts.

Life insurance is just a sum of money. People can blow through 500k in a year. Continuing to practice in a financially responsible way is better than any life insurance.

It's not the fault of combining account, but can be the fault of one person doing all the finances and the other person not involved at all(which happens in a lot of traditional families).

[disneysteve]

Too many cases in which you see the women feeling lost in the world after a divorce or a husband's passing because during marriage, they just cooked and clean. They have no idea about all the finances going on, how much debt is in the house, or how to produce additional income.

That's a totally unrelated topic, and I agree with you 100%.

My wife knows what we have, where it is, how to access it, etc. The problem is with couples where the husband controls everything and the wife knows nothing. That's not a healthy relationship in my opinion.