Has gift giving and receiving become less enjoyable?

[disneysteve]

I've heard a lot of people say that gift-giving isn't what it used to be because most people just go out and buy what they want. I suppose that's partly a sign of a healthier economy and people having some money in their pockets, partly a sign of the easy availability of consumer debt, partly due to the ease of online shopping, and more.

I suppose some of it is the whole instant gratification thing too. I don't want to think of something I need, tell my wife and daughter, and then wait weeks or months to get it for my birthday or Chanukah. It isn't that often that I want something. When I actually identify an item I want, I just get it.

It also seems that people no longer want or like surprises when it comes to gifts. They don't want to have to fake excitement and make it seem like they're pleased when they're not. And they don't want to have to deal with the hassle of figuring out where it was purchased and returning the item. But it's also not really all that much fun to tell your parent or partner, "I want XYZ" and then have them buy you "XYZ" when you know that's exactly what you're getting.

I got one holiday gift that was a surprise - a gift card to one of our favorite restaurants. I got it from my staff at work. I assumed they would give me something as they have in prior years but didn't know what it would be. This was a great choice as my wife and I eat at this place about once every month or two so the gift will definitely get used. I guess that's why gift cards have become such a very popular option. As long as you know the recipient shops or dines at that store or restaurant, they're likely to appreciate the gift card more than a tangible item they may or may not want or like.

It just seems like the whole gift-giving process has lost a lot of its appeal over the years. Is it just me or have others noticed this too?

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I think because it's too easy to buy what you want. DH and I have had this problem for 15 years. Not waiting or buying what we wanted. We just bought roof rack and ski rack for DH's car. I also bought new snowboard boots. Now I probably should have made it all "Gifts" but we just sort of have been thinking and pulled the trigger.

[cypher1]

I've been saying gift giving is a waste of time for years, but I understand if you want to give to your kids. I mainly only give gifts to my parents (gift cards), nieces/nephews (cash), secret santa between siblings and brothers-in-law, and even that can add up.

It's not so much the money factor, but more the time and consideration for each item. Yes, I'm lazy when it comes gift giving. I'm so glad my parents stopped giving us little gifts here and there. While I appreciate the thought, I'd usually donate or toss out with decluttering a year later.

But it never ceases to amaze me what some parents spend on their kids for the holidays. I just built a gaming PC for a friend's kid who just turned 10, since he's really into Fortnite and already has an xbox. I kept it under 650 for parts, but that doesn't include cost of the monitor, speakers, mouse, and keyboard. On the other hand, another married couple didn't buy each other gifts this year, and wanted to contribute more to traveling next year.

[MonkeyMama]

I feel gift giving has become less enjoyable, but it's all the excess. I grew up with very simple Christmases where I'd maybe be lucky to get a couple of $20 gifts.

I think there's just element of being comfortable, already having what we want, and people trying to endlessly outdo what they have done in the past. My in-laws are the polar opposite of how I was raised, and has probably very much ruined gift giving for me. That whole thing is just a vortex of insanity. Including my MIL sending me an ALL CAPS "EMERGENCY" titled email because she didn't like my wish list a couple of years ago (she never does). I legit thought someone was in the hospital.

Of course, we have it easy. My parents are not insane. All of the other kids in the family have insanity on both sides. So I have been forbidden from ever buying anything for any of the kids in my family. I do actually enjoy some level of gift giving and feel this is pretty extreme. But it's how it is. Talk about taking the fun out of it!

We've had two wins in recent years.
1 - We did NOTHING for Christmas this year. Just dealing with a lot of personal crap and didn't have the time or inclination. We are always pretty mellow about the Holidays (buying the kids maybe one $20 gift each, something they could really use or enjoy). I would have thought doing nothing was more of an extreme/bah humbug kind of direction, but also not a big change for our usual. But... It was amazing! It forced us to be more thoughtful and creative and we had the best Holiday. (Including, my son made a sculpture for my other son. It was absolutely unexpected and hilarious). Other than that, we baked for each other and had some extra quality family time.

{My kids are very content and could care less if they get any Christmas gifts. This is true age 10+, at least. We've never made it about the gifts}.

2 - My in-laws started a charity tradition a few years back. What we had said many times was, "We don't want anything, we'd rather help the less fortunate" and was more what we had been doing with our kids. So the first year (that MIL agreed to do this) my MIL bought a billion gifts AND gave us some money to give to charity. I've felt very many times, "She's not getting it". It's nice and I like the change, but there was lack of *getting* it. Until this year. This year there was a very noticeable shift. The gifts were very reasonable. If I was happy with it, this must have been extreme 180 for my MIL. (I got *one* material gift and a couple of gift cards. About the same for my kids). We focused far more talking about all of our charity choices ($250 per person to spend) and all the good causes we were excited about. We were able to donate $3,000 (as an extended family), and it was really neat.

There's definitely something more exciting about giving to people who really need and appreciate their gifts.

[kork13]

I have to agree with everyone... Gift giving (and especially receiving) has become alot less entertaining for me over time. I basically just buy what I want/need when it makes sense. For me, gifts basically serve as a way to give (or receive) things that people wouldn't normally get for themselves. Those are really the only "fun" gifts IMO. I still think that good, fun gifts need to be unexpected surprises. I hate building a "wish list" for people to just buy me things.

This all just goes back to my desire to just make holidays & birthdays & whatever else more about time & fun with family & friends than about the constant giving of gifts and other assorted junk.

[Keshet]

I was thinking about this week because of Hanukkah. My husband insists on giving me a present a night, which I feel is for children. I wonder if part of the loss of the excitement of gift giving and receiving is just a part of growing older.

[Like2Plan]

We just returned from a trip to Disney World over Christmas (and, no, we didn't go on Rise of the Resistance because it required getting up earlier than Oh-dark-thirty-and we didn't want to work that hard. Younger, more energetic family members did go and they said it was amazing. ). We didn't want to bring a lot of stuff since we were flying (and we would have to haul it back home). We brought a 24 inch tree with lights and decorations. We are all adults now in our immediate family so we just brought 1 small gift for each person. We each had a little 4 inch stocking that were mainly filled with a few Lindt chocolates. (Santa also added some favorite Disney snacks and set them nearby). Most of the gifts exchanged this year (after we returned home) were practical things like clothes, earbuds for iPhone, a few gift cards, books, kitchen stuff, and the like.

Probably the gift I got the biggest kick out of giving this year was the Lego (Duplo) train set we gave our 2 year old grand niece (although we didn't get a chance to watch her open it--we just dropped it off. Honestly, I would have loved to help her set it up-LOL). Our nephew's family was staying at the Ft. Wilderness camp ground and they took us around on their golf cart to see all the lights which was pretty cool. I thought it was an amazing Christmas week.

[Smallsteps]

I have to agree with everyone... Gift giving (and especially receiving) has become alot less entertaining for me over time. I basically just buy what I want/need when it makes sense. For me, gifts basically serve as a way to give (or receive) things that people wouldn't normally get for themselves. Those are really the only "fun" gifts IMO. I still think that good, fun gifts need to be unexpected surprises. I hate building a "wish list" for people to just buy me things.

This all just goes back to my desire to just make holidays & birthdays & whatever else more about time & fun with family & friends than about the constant giving of gifts and other assorted junk.

I feel the same way in the giving front. It is always a pain trying to come up with surprise ideas and so then I end up buying from list they gave me so why wrap it or anything they know what it is.
Last year I took my daughter to buy new basic kitchen items. She went through aisles and picked them out and this year i literally took a tag off the potato masher I bought last year so obviously she had not touched it.
On the receiving end people tend to buy me crap that just collects dust or is waiting to be thrown out.

When my kids were little one of them bought me a certain candy....I guess I must have been overly fake in how much I liked it because I get the same candy for about 20 years now .... I intensely HATE this candy so much now. I tried sharing with everyone to just get rid of them.......I guess I will throw them out like last year I am sure i will get them again next year.
I have tried saying PLEASE no more EVER but it falls on deaf ears.

I left most all gifts up to my husband this year (i had zero holiday spirit)............. he showed me some great ideas online........I thought that is what he bought....... nope he picked something else WHY did I need drop everything to come look at this or that and he even woke me up once to "show me this cool thing" and he did not even buy that ?

This was one of the most depressing holidays I have had in a long time and the only surprise is we both came home very ill since daughter and SIL were sick. That was a surprise as they never mentioned they were ill in discussions before we traveled there.

[disneysteve]

When my kids were little one of them bought me a certain candy....I guess I must have been overly fake in how much I liked it because I get the same candy for about 20 years now

Years ago I apparently mentioned to a patient that was liked vodka. That year she gave me a bottle of Absolut at the holidays and I really appreciated it. But then she gave me a bottle every year for about 10 years. I don’t go through a bottle a year so I ended up with a shelf full of Absolut in our basement pantry. We finally gave away a couple of bottles to friends when we found out they used it more than us. We still have at least 5 bottles.

[Snydley]

It seems people are not bothering to find any fun, surprise gifts for one another anymore. I guess everyone is too busy running in circles with their endless to-do lists.

I was talking with co-workers about Xmas shopping and they were exchanging amazon links to stuff with their spouses so the other could order. Each could order those exact things themselves- how is that a gift?

My husband and I like to buy each other surprise gifts for Xmas. I'll give him some general ideas, like this year, I told him I'd like a new pair of earrings and I named two stores that I like. He went with my daughter and she picked out a pair. He also often picks out a new book for me that he thinks I'll like. For him, he really likes to cook so I bought him some new spices and finishing sauces. He said his favorite gift this year was from our daughter, who wrote him a note saying she'd like to get into model trains with him and they can use her playroom to set one up around her lego buildings (he had trains as a kid and mentioned getting into it again). We gave our daughter a bunch of fancy tools, toppings for cookies, as she is really into cookie decorating lately. She didn't ask for this and was very excited for the gift.

Its ok if your not into giving gifts, but if you are, I think it's important to take a bit of time to give a few nice thoughtful surprises to one another.

[srblanco7]

I have to agree with everyone... Gift giving (and especially receiving) has become alot less entertaining for me over time. I basically just buy what I want/need when it makes sense. For me, gifts basically serve as a way to give (or receive) things that people wouldn't normally get for themselves. Those are really the only "fun" gifts IMO. I still think that good, fun gifts need to be unexpected surprises. I hate building a "wish list" for people to just buy me things.

This all just goes back to my desire to just make holidays & birthdays & whatever else more about time & fun with family & friends than about the constant giving of gifts and other assorted junk.

It's a challenge each year to find gifts (goods) for our family - exacerbated by DW's birthday being very close to Christmas. As others have noted this is likely because if we need (or want) something during the year, we generally just purchase. We've discussed transitioning gifts from "goods" to "experiences" - for example, a family vacation during the Holidays. Anyone else taking this approach?

[Smallsteps]

It's a challenge each year to find gifts (goods) for our family - exacerbated by DW's birthday being very close to Christmas. As others have noted this is likely because if we need (or want) something during the year, we generally just purchase. We've discussed transitioning gifts from "goods" to "experiences" - for example, a family vacation during the Holidays. Anyone else taking this approach?

I tried this approach for the last couple of years........... this might work if people have the same schedules but it is almost impossible to schedule even a nice dinner out due work challenges.
I still have a couple IOU's out there that we never managed schedule.

[disneysteve]

It seems people are not bothering to find any fun, surprise gifts for one another anymore.

Very true. I think there are a lot of reasons for this. Sure, some givers don't want to put in the effort, but that's only part of it. Recipients also don't want to get a bunch of things they don't like and have to keep anyway so as not to hurt the feelings of the giver. Or they have to run around trying to return things to get what they actually want. Either way, it's not enjoyable.

One year I bought my wife something I thought she would like and she was disappointed that I didn't get her something she had actually asked for.

Just yesterday, we had lunch with friends and the one guy had asked for an electric meat slicer for Christmas. His family did get him one but it wasn't the one he wanted, so he is returning it and using that money toward the one he does want. I'm sure everyone involved would have preferred giving him the right one in the first place.

But I also agree with you that handing over a list and saying, "Here, buy me these things" just doesn't seem all that exciting.

I'm not sure what the answer is.

[Like2Plan]

We've discussed transitioning gifts from "goods" to "experiences" - for example, a family vacation during the Holidays. Anyone else taking this approach?

Ironically, the holidays are about the only time we can reliably schedule a vacation if we want our son to come with us. He is told when he can take vacation--typically there is not a long lead time. This year, it was only about a month prior and the time off was in mid-March. But, he quite often gets the Christmas holidays off. The holiday time is not an ideal time to go to a lot of places due to crowd levels, but if you do a lot of advanced planning it can turn out okay.

[kork13]

This year, it was only about a month prior and the time off was in mid-March. But, he quite often gets the Christmas holidays off. The holiday time is not an ideal time to go to a lot of places due to crowd levels, but if you do a lot of advanced planning it can turn out okay.

I prefer NOT to travel during Christmas & other major travel periods for just that reason. When I can travel/vacation during off-periods like Jan-Mar & Sep-Oct, and other "unpopular" travel times, I'll do it. Travel is cheaper, and crowds are lighter.