Are you ever jealous of people who spend differently than you?

[disneysteve]

Do you ever look around, talk to friends and family, and hear all of the great things other people are doing and even though you know they can't really afford it, still feel a bit jealous of their lifestyle?

I suspect most of us frugal folks have felt that way at one time or another. I frequently have to remind myself that we're saving for the future, we paid cash for college tuition last year and this year. We have no credit card balances and only a small balance left on our mortgage. And we have about 3/4 of a million dollars in savings and investments. We may not have a pool in our backyard or shiny new cars or granite counter tops. We may not have HBO or the lushest lawn in the neighborhood or a brick paver driveway. But we have financial security. My wife has been able to be a SAHM for most of DD's life. And we are still able to enjoy plenty of great things and experiences.

There are just those days when that pool looks awfully inviting.

[rennigade]

disneysteve...wait until you retire in FL to get your pool. That way you can enjoy it almost all year round rather than 3 months a year living in jersey.

Off the top of my head I cant really think of anything that my friends are buying or doing that makes me jealous. I guess if anything my one friend has no money and a lot of debt...but continues to buy motorcycles. Ive only ever rode dirt bikes so im not sure I would even like one but its always something I thought about getting for whatever reason.

[disneysteve]

disneysteve...wait until you retire in FL to get your pool. That way you can enjoy it almost all year round rather than 3 months a year living in jersey.

True. Actually, the pool doesn't really interest me that much. I'd be more likely to go for the large screen TV, leather sofa, etc.

[MonkeyMama]

It's probably happened but it's not a common thing. We spend our money how we want to and I could really care less what other people are doing. If I wanted to do what they were doing I would do it?

In the end we work less and seem to have more disposable income and nicer things than most of our friends. So it does not come up a lot. I've never viewed frugality as deprivation. For us, it just means being more efficient and being able to prioritize what is important to us. The important stuff is well funded. We've always had a lot of luxuries (the ones that were most important to us). I am more likely to get "it must be nice" comments than to be jealous.

[Fishindude77]

I guess it's natural to be a little envious of someone who has a better lot in life than you, but certainly not worth agonizing over. No matter how wealthy you get, there will always be someone a little higher up the food chain.

[wonderwoman]

Have you considered making just a few upgrades to your life? For instance, the leather couch and TV you mentioned could both be found used in good condition. It would only be a few thousand dollars spent (maybe even less). Hardly enough to notice in the grand scheme of things..

[97guns]

My cousin spends his monthly salary on bills and garbage every month, doesn't save a penny and is actually in the red every month. If it wasn't for credit he would be homeless and yet he tells me that every man wants to be like him with his Harleys, new truck and all the toys. He lives in a fantasy world where he works until the day he dies, I live in reality where you actually plan for your future, they should all be jealous of me but the only thing they can see are toys, toys are the status symbol of America.

[disneysteve]

No matter how wealthy you get, there will always be someone a little higher up the food chain.

I'm not talking about people who earn more. I've never been a "keep up with the Jones" person. I'm talking about folks who earn considerably less.

Obviously, I totally get that they aren't being responsible with their money. They aren't saving adequately for the future. They're taking on consumer debt for luxury purchases. I get all that. But still, every once in a while, when I hear them talking about the pool or the new 60" TV or the cruise they just booked or whatever, a tiny piece of me thinks, "Maybe we're the ones doing it wrong."

I've got no plans to change anything. I was just kind of "thinking out loud" with this post.

[97guns]

Living the "better life" is not better if you are a slave to your unfunded assets

[phantom]

Occasionally, I do get twinges of jealousy when I see people spending more freely than me. Mostly, I get gadget envy. There are so many neat things out there that would make my life marginally better, but whose cost I just can't justify.

But, more than that, I get jealous of the people who seem to have their values completely figured out, question things that everyone else considers normal, and really get exactly what they want out of life. I've managed to cut the small unimportant stuff out of my life, like cable and eating out all the time. But, I constantly go back and forth on things like whether or not the house I live in is worth its costs.

[BuckyBadger]

I don't get jealous of people in my tax bracket in general - probably because we're the ones that other people hate.

We're DINK, we worked through college and grad school so no student loans, and we currently spend quite a lot of money every month while still putting enough a year into retirement investments that we should be able to retire or semi-retire at 50.

Some day this might change, for example if we have kids, but we're happy with where we are right now. I could see other people not liking us very much, though...

[Weird Tolkienish Figure]

Do you ever look around, talk to friends and family, and hear all of the great things other people are doing and even though you know they can't really afford it, still feel a bit jealous of their lifestyle?

I suspect most of us frugal folks have felt that way at one time or another. I frequently have to remind myself that we're saving for the future, we paid cash for college tuition last year and this year. We have no credit card balances and only a small balance left on our mortgage. And we have about 3/4 of a million dollars in savings and investments. We may not have a pool in our backyard or shiny new cars or granite counter tops. We may not have HBO or the lushest lawn in the neighborhood or a brick paver driveway. But we have financial security. My wife has been able to be a SAHM for most of DD's life. And we are still able to enjoy plenty of great things and experiences.

There are just those days when that pool looks awfully inviting.

*shrug*

People have different values.

I didn't like the Fight club movie, but the quote about the stuff you own owns you is so true.

You don't just buy granite counter tops, pools, boats, etc. That stuff buys you. You'll end up spending all your free time dealing with the stress of the upkeep of all that crap, worrying about damage, etc.

We were driving around looking at houses and we saw some beautiful "McMansion" type houses and all I could think of was the time and money that would go into the upkeep of those places and heating it, etc.

When you embrace the frugal lifestyle you are purchasing a lower stress lifestyle, with the knowledge that the best things in life are free.

That being said, I would never live like a pauper if I could help it.

[Jluke]

When I am considering a purchase, I fall somewhere between "Just because you can afford it, doesn't mean you have to buy it" and "You only live once".

Plus, I'm always told that I can't take my money with me when I die.

Looking around at others, I wonder how they can afford stuff and what they are doing differently. Maybe they are in debt, maybe they aren't. Maybe they just aren't planning for the future and are spending their money and leveraging debt to enjoy it NOW.

I also know that I am a saver and could easily skip a monthly ROTH contribution and buy something fun.

Only time will tell who did it "right"

[Weird Tolkienish Figure]

Not everybody makes it to retirement. Last job I worked there was a guy there who had a headache for like a month, turned out he had brain cancer. He was dead 3 months later.

Nonsmoker, normal weight, healthy in every conceivable way from appearances.

Don't think it can't happen to you.

Something to think about...

I think life is about balance.

Not only that, but a lot of people die right after retiring:

"55-Year-Old Retirees Die Sooner Than 65-Year-Old Retirees"

http://www.webmd.com/healthy-aging/news/20051020/early-retirement-early-death

It's all about balance IMO.

[Fishindude77]

Good point about "life balance". We need to enjoy some of the fruits of our efforts along the way.
That can be done responsibly while still building a nest egg.

For instance, if you have things on your bucket list that require physical endurance, you better find a way to check them off while you are younger and physically able, or it will never happen otherwise.


I think many folks are living in a state of denial. Deep down inside they know they are doing the wrong things financially and know that at some point they are going to slam head on into the results of these bad decisions, but they continue down the same path. Creepy as it sounds, I think some are thinking that they'll just die before they hit rock bottom. The unfortunate reality is, that with today's good healthcare, many will live to old age longer than they can physically work and will be dirt poor in government funded housing and living situations they won't be too happy about.