I come off as an a$$ hole when I talk about personal finance. halp.

[tiffany85]

I just don't get involved in other people's finances. One of my fave sayings is..."not my circus, not my monkeys!"

If they want to buy a new car, or day trade, it really doesn't affect you. I'd give them the "hmm, how nice", and keep it movin'...now, if someone asks your advice, and you actually care about this person, then yeah, don't be mean. Thy're looking for help, and think you're qualified to give it. But no matter what, solicited or not, you can't make anyone change their behavior. So why waste your breath or energy?

This is exactly what I want to do!!!! EXACTLY.Please, master, show me your ways. I'm serious. This is exactly what I want to do. Now how do I stop caring?

[disneysteve]

Good points anvil-saver36
Realize that our entire economy is built on people being stupid with money.

That pretty much sums it up. Something like 70% of the GDP is based on consumer spending. The economy is built on people spending, spending, and then spending some more.

If you choose, very wisely, to not buy into that, good for you. Just don't expect others to follow.

The things that I hear coworkers say on a daily basis make me want to slap them silly, but I mostly just keep my mouth shut and stay out of the conversations. I could easily show them how to live so much better and save and invest so much more money, but unless they actually come to me and ask me for that help, I'm not going to offer it.

[Weird Tolkienish Figure]

That pretty much sums it up. Something like 70% of the GDP is based on consumer spending. The economy is built on people spending, spending, and then spending some more.

If you choose, very wisely, to not buy into that, good for you. Just don't expect others to follow.

The things that I hear coworkers say on a daily basis make me want to slap them silly, but I mostly just keep my mouth shut and stay out of the conversations. I could easily show them how to live so much better and save and invest so much more money, but unless they actually come to me and ask me for that help, I'm not going to offer it.

That the economy is based on consumption, is not necessarily in and of itself a bad thing. I mean the economy exists to consume. What other purpose would it serve really? Even the goal of being wealthy is because you need money so you can consume.

The problem in our society is overconsumption, consumerism, and the idea that spending money bring you happiness. Personally I don't mind consuming if it is something I cannot do myself or just hate doing. For example, I bought some tools at HD and Harbor Freight because the alternative (trying to do it without those tools) would be miserable to me. I also don't make my own soaps or food, etc. And I need transportation and shelter. And some hobbies.

On the other hand, avoiding the "keeping up with the joneses" mentality makes you both poor and miserable.

[scfr]

With very few exceptions, I just bite my tongue. When I want to vent, I do it some place safe which means 1 of 2 things: 1) to my husband or 2) here at SA.

For example, I just saw a post from a young woman moving out on her own looking for Keurig machine "cheap" because she doesn't have a lot of money to spend but "really wants coffee." Instead of asking "what's wrong with a No 2 plastic cone filter that you can get for a couple bucks and ground coffee?" I said nothing. In her mind, making coffee at home with a Keurig might be "frugal" because it's less expensive than going to Starbucks. In my mind, a Keurig is an indulgence that is not for a young person just starting out on their own, but I said nothing. I waited until I was here at SA to make my snarky comments.

[FLA]

One of my fave sayings is..."not my circus, not my monkeys!"

Now I have a new fav saying, thanks!

[Weird Tolkienish Figure]

With very few exceptions, I just bite my tongue. When I want to vent, I do it some place safe which means 1 of 2 things: 1) to my husband or 2) here at SA.

For example, I just saw a post from a young woman moving out on her own looking for Keurig machine "cheap" because she doesn't have a lot of money to spend but "really wants coffee." Instead of asking "what's wrong with a No 2 plastic cone filter that you can get for a couple bucks and ground coffee?" I said nothing. In her mind, making coffee at home with a Keurig might be "frugal" because it's less expensive than going to Starbucks. In my mind, a Keurig is an indulgence that is not for a young person just starting out on their own, but I said nothing. I waited until I was here at SA to make my snarky comments.

We got our's as a wedding gift and we pretty much love it. We have both the "fill your own cup" and we can usually get some ready made cups at a decent price.

What's great about Keurig (the old non-DRM models at least) is that you can also use it as a general purpose hot water dispenser. Way easier than an electric kettle. Every night I make myself a sleepytime tea, lol. No little cups involved whatsoever.

[disneysteve]

For example, I just saw a post from a young woman moving out on her own looking for Keurig machine "cheap" because she doesn't have a lot of money to spend but "really wants coffee."

My wife has a Keurig. She does buy pods to have a variety but for her every day drinking, she buys ground coffee and uses the little gizmo that lets you use your own coffee in the machine. That gives her the best of both worlds - the convenience of the Keurig with the savings of buying bulk coffee.

[scfr]

My wife has a Keurig. She does buy pods to have a variety but for her every day drinking, she buys ground coffee and uses the little gizmo that lets you use your own coffee in the machine. That gives her the best of both worlds - the convenience of the Keurig with the savings of buying bulk coffee.

You may have missed the "young woman getting her first place" part of my comment. Sorry, but your wife doesn't fit in that category any more than I do, and at our stage in life a Keurig is not the indulgence that it is for a 18-21 year old just setting out on her own. No offense, Mrs. Disneysteve! (We're probably the same age.)

[Singuy]

The only time I go all out is when people roll their eyes and lecture me about my frugal spending habits(usually by calling me a cheapass).

[disneysteve]

You may have missed the "young woman getting her first place" part of my comment. Sorry, but your wife doesn't fit in that category any more than I do, and at our stage in life a Keurig is not the indulgence that it is for a 18-21 year old just setting out on her own. No offense, Mrs. Disneysteve! (We're probably the same age.)

Understood. A $75 Keurig is certainly not the most economical choice for someone just starting out. The could spend under $20 and accomplish the same thing.

[QuarterMillionMan]

I find myself to be self-confident and empowered to have a good handle on my finances. On the other hand someone who with a lot of debt might not have as high a sense of self-worth. Suze Orman always said, "net worth is a reflection of self-worth."

[Weird Tolkienish Figure]

Suze Orman always said, "net worth is a reflection of self-worth."

Wow that is stupid... so my self worth is determined by the size of my bank account?

[LivingAlmostLarge]

[QUOTE=LizfromtheBronx;412744]I just don't get involved in other people's finances. One of my fave sayings is..."not my circus, not my monkeys!"

This is seriously my favorite quote now. I will use it not for finances but in general when my friends bring up stupid ****.

[corn18]

I don't call people fat and tell them how to eat. I just lose 60 pounds and am in better shape than I was when I was 22. Let them decide if they want to be fit or not. If they ask me about how I did it, I tell them but don't act arrogant. I truly want them to want to lose weight and exercise.

Same goes for money.

[FLA]

I've been thinking about this. In certain situations, I say something. If it looks like my dad is about to make a huge bonehead move with the 401k-like vehicle he has from being a State worker. He gave me great financial advice growing up, I figure I owe him, even if he doesn't want to listen. Turnabout is fair play! Or if they are not handling some huge expense properly. Like when the doctor put my mom on two life-prolonging meds that each cost 5k a month. And they just figured, if it takes 10 k a month to keep her alive, they'll do it. BUT they don't even MAKE anywhere close to 10k a month! I call the doc's nurse and explain this and ask if there are drug company subsidies available for these 2 drugs? Yup. It's been at least 5 yrs, they haven't had to pay a penny. So they may hate me interfering but I've saved them a ton of money over the years.

the only time I speak up and do have full blown, unstoppable Financial Tourettes is with my brother. He's 42, a computer genius, in high school, working part time, he made double my dad's salary. He has had such amazing jobs that paid so much and he is in debt up to his eyeballs. He's had wonderful opportunities, he worked for Sir Tim Berners-Lee, actual web inventor, had the opportunity to work with people I adore, like Noam Chomsky. Lived in Boston for 20-plus years. Ignored real estate opportunities because he didn't feel like it, meanwhile Boston was costing more for lodging than LA and NYC. If he had timed it right, he would've walked away with a nice chunk of change. After years of offering to help, because he eventually just stopped opening mail, shoving it all in a lawn and leaf bag, he said yes.

I get there and he goes, "gotta grab some papers from the car." OMG, he had armfuls of unpaid parking tickets, I started adding those up, all the penalties for ignoring them all, I thought I was going to stroke. I said, "you do realize, some of these letters mention JAIL TIME?" "That will never happen, they just put a boot on, I pay some, they take it off." "But you didn't open these, you had court dates." "It's Boston, no big deal, I'll write them a check. Besides the car is dead, they can have it. Are you gonna be this naggy the whole time?" He leaves a dead car in a spot that gets tickets and that's the plan? That is not a plan! It's a cheap Honda, 10 years old, he never once changed the oil because "I don't believe in oil changes. Oh, maybe we can go new car shopping while you are here!" This is what I had to work with???

It turned out to be 2 lawn and leaf bags of unopened mail. I ended up staying a week, contacted all his debtors and set up payment plans, got his interest lowered on most, he had a bad skiing injury and ended up in a hospital not on his insurance plan, that bill was like 60k. They agreed to take $20 a month interest free til he pays it off (or dies, because he will never pay that off, lol). We were gonna do a budget, trying to put the max towards debt. I mentioned he should stop eating out twice a day, he reacted like that would be cruel and unusual punishment. I finally lost it and yelled, "do you even realize how good you could have it? You could have been retired 2 times over by now if you had bothered to use your 401k, bought a home. I do not understand how you can make so many times more than me (like TEN times more than me), yet are so in debt, have a crappy apartment and your car is dead because "I don't believe in oil changes"! And you have jail threats and missed court dates and you don't care!" All from stupid **** like always picking up the tab, having the latest high tech crap, he truly had nothing to show for all the money he spent except a ginormous tv and complicated set up. That was his ONLY asset! He did stick to the payment plans, I highly doubt he put anything into his 401k (I did set it up and picked a few index funds, he just had to turn in a form to get started) but he was slowly going in the right direction.

Then he meets a girl. Crap, here we go again. She moves in but he literally pays every single thing, every bite of food she eats, he bought, no rent, nothing. And she's a freaking lawyer with a good job! I cannot respect a woman who does what she is doing. She's probably saving all the dough she can so she can retire in ten years and dump my brother's stupid ass. I know I helped him when he was depressed and could not deal with the mess he made and he did do better. But this woman paying nothing just adds to his expenses, why would you want to be with someone like that? She'll bail eventually, and when he fills 2 bags again, I'll wait for the call and try to fix it.

I'll give him credit, he realized he should not be buying a car when he does not need one in his city. But I'm taking the credit back because I found out the Honda is still sitting the same spot collecting tickets! How can someone who truly is so smart and successful be such a financial mess?

so I take it back, it's ok to gently intervene if you are worried about elderly, ill parents. It is not ok to keep bringing up finances no matter how much of an ass**** your brother is, you have to wait for him to bring it up. And then Tourette's your ass off, you'll feel better, lol, until he conversationally tells a funny story how his credit rating is in the 400s. Walk away.

hope you are an only child!