What made you want to have kids?

[ExcuseMyIgnorance]

I grew up thinking having kids was just what everyone does. But about a year ago, I decided to challenge everything about life. Now I don't know if I'll have kids. I can see it would be cool having someone to carry on the family legacy. But other than that, I really don't like the idea of raising kids. I'm good w/ them (or so I'm told) but it's just such a major responsibility. I don't look at parents w/ envy. I'm usually trying to make sure their kids don't sneeze in my face.

So why did you have kids? And please don't say, "So I have someone to talk care of me when I'm old."

[Nika]

Having kids is very hard - it can be exhausting and will take up most of your resources - and that's when you are sure you want them. It is a 24 hour a day responsibility that is at the forefront of every decision you make in your life.

But everyone, no matter how high their position is, or what their achievements are, think that their kid is the most amazing thing they have done in their life. And until I had one myself, I thought this was what you were supposed to say, but after I had one, I understood how true it is and what kind of love we are capable of, and how amazing human beings are.

But by all means, if you are not sure, don't feel obligated to have kids. There are enough people in this world, and children should be conceived when they are wanted and loved, not because it is a step in adult person's milestones according to our society.

[ua_guy]

The decision not to have kids was easy. I wouldn't make a good parent and I'm not ashamed to admit it, nor am I selfish enough to say 'screw it' and have kids anyway, like so many people do. Occupying a terminable branch of family tree is just fine. There's no sadness or wrongdoing in not having kids, and I disagree that the goal of the human race is to fill the earth with as many people as we can. There's not enough resources as it is. So there's that.

And the whole "so they can take care of me when they get older" thing really plays like a broken record. There's no promise they will do that, and I'm not sure why people are so afraid of growing old, or dying. Your kid won't save you, and I don't think I've ever known anyone that's made it to old age with nobody to care for them anyhow.

[Fishindude77]

The wife was more ready than me and kind of pushed me along, but I am glad we had them while we were young. At 55 and 53 we are now empty nesters and really enjoying it.

I've got a coworker who is 59 and has a 12 year old. He'll be going to HS graduation at about 65 years old. Not saying that is 'bad' but glad we didn't go that route.

[ExcuseMyIgnorance]

i wanna have kids, but the problem is that i'm not married and i have no boyfriend.most of my colleagues and peers have already had kids,so i wanna have one. is that a reason?

NO!!!

[dawnwes]

NO!!!

Why is "just wanting them" not a reason? I don't think that many parents will tell you they agonized over the decision and finally decided because of some big epiphany.

I always knew I wanted to have kids. It wasn't ever a "should I or shouldn't I" thing.

I got married at 29 and my oldest was born 2.5 years later. My middle child was born 2 years after that. My youngest is adopted, so we obviously wanted him.

[phantom]

New parent here...

I decided to have kids because I always thought the idea of raising kids sounded fun. I like the idea of having a little person or two who is all mine to help and watch learn and grow. I also like the idea of having a new excuse to play with My Little Pony and Star Wars toys and to see all the great kids movies and to read all the great children's books. (Not that doing those things for my own pleasure was ever a poor excuse, but sharing them with the intended audience is special.) Unfortunately, my kid isn't old enough for much of that yet, but it's still pretty cool to see her enjoying the simple things babies enjoy, and she'll get to the rest eventually. People keeps saying I'm going to miss her being small, cuddly, and immobile, but I can't wait to see her doing more and more things on her own. I've never been one to get sad and nostalgic about my own younger years, so I doubt I'll get that way about hers either. I like to just enjoy every moment as it comes.

I think it's smart to consider whether or not you really want kids rather than just having them because that's what people do at a certain age. Having kids is great in a lot of ways and having kids is terrible in a lot of ways. Some people are willing to take the terrible to get the great, and some would rather not. Either decision can be perfectly valid, even if the people making the decision can't really articulate their reasons for it. I think it's fine to say, "I just really want kids," or "I have no desire to have kids." All Joy and No Fun is an interesting read on the good and the bad of parenting.

-Edited to correct grammar-

[ua_guy]

Why is "just wanting them" not a reason? I don't think that many parents will tell you they agonized over the decision and finally decided because of some big epiphany.

I always knew I wanted to have kids. It wasn't ever a "should I or shouldn't I" thing.

I got married at 29 and my oldest was born 2.5 years later. My middle child was born 2 years after that. My youngest is adopted, so we obviously wanted him.

Not to state the obvious, but a lot of our country's problems are traced back to people bringing kids into the world without much forethought, or for nefarious reasons.

[dawnwes]

Not to state the obvious, but a lot of our country's problems are traced back to people bringing kids into the world without much forethought, or for nefarious reasons.

But the question was simply, "What made you decide to have kids?"

It wasn't, "Why do you think your reason was good enough to procreate?"

[avil_saver36]

Wanting kids is part of our biology/our instinct. Without wanting kids, our species could not have survived. I think that's the primary reason why most people have kids teenage pregnancies notwithstanding.

Of course, there is the financial aspect. When I was in my late 20s, I didn't want kids. Without having kids - I thought - I would get to enjoy all the luxuries of the world. We had our first baby unplanned just when I was turning 30 and my wife was enrolled in grad school. It was the worst possible time for us and we did indeed struggle and were month to month almost for a couple of years.

Now that baby is an angel and she gives us all the joys we never imagined. Watching how she is growing up and how she is learning and picking up the ways of this world is a very fulfilling and rewarding experience. There are a lot of parents out there who really screw up parenting (my own parents included) in various ways. Perhaps we will do the same by subjecting our angel to our own expectations of how she should live her life - who knows. Still, I will take that risk and try to manage her childhood and our parenting as best as possible.

We are quite wealthy with 1 child, but now, we are aiming for the second. We will again struggle a bit (not as much as before, but struggle nonetheless) and there will always be a risk that the child is NOT an angel. But wanting to have a child when we can afford it comes from within. It's just natural.

I however strongly feel that everyone should really evaluate their situation before jumping into it. The world is full of bad parents, and not falling in that category is really critical. The best thing a bad parent can do is never become a parent in the first place. Unfortunately, parenting is never taught anywhere - we were not taught either and I am not sure if we are indeed doing a good job ourselves. The least all of us can do is not have kids if we don't have the financial means.

[MaryTres]

One reason is to live vicariously through them and hopefully seeing them grow up to be even more successful than I am. Personally, I always wished I had played the guitar starting from a younger age so when my son reaches around 4 I want to enroll him in some lessons. My plan is to enroll him into as many things possible however including sports and other extracurriculars!!

[phantom]

One reason is to live vicariously through them and hopefully seeing them grow up to be even more successful than I am. Personally, I always wished I had played the guitar starting from a younger age so when my son reaches around 4 I want to enroll him in some lessons. My plan is to enroll him into as many things possible however including sports and other extracurriculars!!

I remember watching the Olympics at the age of 10 and realizing I was already too old to start training be an Olympic gymnast and vowing my own children wouldn't miss a similar chance. I remember learning a language in high school and vowing I'd start my own children on a language when they were younger so they'd have an easier time of it. I remember learning to play go in college and vowing I'd start teaching my own children to play as as they were old enough to not eat the stones so they could get better than me. But, now that I actually have a kid, I think more about opportunity cost. Sure, young minds are primed to learn just about anything, but they can't learn everything. I'd still like for my kid(s) to be exposed to a great deal of opportunities, but I'm going to make a conscious effort to limit structured activities.

[natasha.cornelius]

Wanting kids is part of our biology/our instinct.

I think that instinct was left out when I was created. I can't even remember there being a time when I enjoyed being around babies. They are cute from a distance, but I have no desire to hold them or anything like that. I admit that it's a little odd, especially when a baby is brought into the office and people surround it ooh'ing and aww'ing and I urgently feel the need to get out of there.

I don't mind kids when they are older and well-behaved, because I enjoy playing with legos as much as the next six-year-old so that can be fun.

I am only 28 years old, which means most people tell me "You'll change your mind about wanting children." But I really don't think that's true in the slightest.

[phantom]

I think that instinct was left out when I was created. I can't even remember there being a time when I enjoyed being around babies. They are cute from a distance, but I have no desire to hold them or anything like that. I admit that it's a little odd, especially when a baby is brought into the office and people surround it ooh'ing and aww'ing and I urgently feel the need to get out of there.

I don't mind kids when they are older and well-behaved, because I enjoy playing with legos as much as the next six-year-old so that can be fun.

I am only 28 years old, which means most people tell me "You'll change your mind about wanting children." But I really don't think that's true in the slightest.

I would point out that interest in babies is different than a desire to have kids. I've never been one to ooh and aw and get excited about babies, and I've never felt any desire to hold someone else's baby But, I figure that babyhood is a small part of a child's life, so my lack of interest in babies never stopped me from wanting kids. Also, I think seeing a baby for a brief moment is boring, but seeing a baby grow over time is more interesting. Conversely, I could imagine someone thinking babies are totally awesome in small doses, but not wanting the work that goes with them or not wanting to deal with teenagers somewhere down the road.

To each his own though. If you don't want kids, there's no reason for anyone to insist that your feelings are going to change. There's always a small chance that one's mind could change about pretty much anything, but people who insist someone else's mind is going to change over time are often wrong and always rude.

[ExcuseMyIgnorance]

I think that instinct was left out when I was created. I can't even remember there being a time when I enjoyed being around babies. They are cute from a distance, but I have no desire to hold them or anything like that. I admit that it's a little odd, especially when a baby is brought into the office and people surround it ooh'ing and aww'ing and I urgently feel the need to get out of there.

I don't mind kids when they are older and well-behaved, because I enjoy playing with legos as much as the next six-year-old so that can be fun.

I am only 28 years old, which means most people tell me "You'll change your mind about wanting children." But I really don't think that's true in the slightest.

Hahaha. I'm just like you. Someone brought a baby into my cubicle awhile back. I was like... okay. What do you want me to do with it?