Cheap Stupid

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I just wanted to vent about a horrible wedding I went to this weekend. It was so obvious they were trying to be "cheap" and save on a big wedding rather than having a smaller more intimate wedding they could afford.

Starting off the reception was over an hour late in starting and the ceremony 30 minutes late. Supposed to start at 4 pm started at 4:30 and reception at 6 pm started at 7:15. Second after the ceremony we had appetizers on the outside deck, at the venue, and it was covered in duck poop. No one had cleaned it. They served samosa and chicken strips with lemonade, water, and coffee. The catering staff forgot to put out plates, knives, forks, napkins. So people were standing around looking for help and trying to get something to eat off of. But then the lemonade, water, and cups ran out. When I went to ask the catering people they said too bad. There wasn't enough because they cheaped out and instead of ordering enough lemonade they tried to save what $50? CHEAP!

Then we went into the reception late. There were services and then the buffet. It was spicy, no kid friendly food. Personally I ate the food but I like spicy. But everything was LATE. The bride was changing from her ceremony gown to her reception gown and forgot HALF the outfit at the hotel! A big reason they were late.

One the table there was one pitcher of water for 10 people. Lucky our table had 8 adults and my two kids. So it really didn't fill the cups. When we tried to stop the couple of waiters they said they were busy and would get to it. So not enough tap water! UGH. But apparently there was soda but only waiters were carrying around pitchers because there wasn't enough pitchers to leave on every table. There was 140 guest by the way. Then we had to bus the tables and rearrange the tables for dancing at 8:30. So they cheaped out and didn't hire wait staff or pitchers for soda! I mean seriously fill a few coolers with ice and throw in bottles of water, soda, juice and put it next to the buffet and let people grab their own. What would it cost? $200 at most! CHEAP!

Then the cake cutting of a tiny cake at 9:15. They didn't have a knife or server so they used spoons to feed each other and "cut" the cake. They didn't serve the cake. People had to go up to the kitchen area and get cake from the one server working. I asked for a piece vanilla and a piece of chocolate, and was told there wasn't enough cake for everyone so I couldn't do it. I was stunned. Lucky my piece went to one kid and DH got the other kid another piece. I have to say the groom asked me about cakes and I suggested a $100 "cutting" cake for photos then sheet cakes at least 2-3 from Costco at $40/each. WTF! CHEAP!

Then we finally left but we didn't have a photo until the very end with the bride and groom or groom. Ah the terrible photographers who were standing around and not really organized taking the photos people wanted. The couple obviously didn't plan out what photos were important.

If you wonder why I went, my DH was the best man, and the groom was our best man 10 years ago. The groom is our eldest child's godfather, he's lived with us for 3 years before kids, and they've been friends 30 years having grown up together. And yet there was no time for photos with them. The wedding was a nightmare.

If you wondered we received our wedding invitation by email first week of April. And the groom initially said he wanted to use a $20k budget, but my DH and I laughed and said double it. I am going to guess it was around $30k for the wedding and rehersal dinner and another $10k for honeymoon if not more. And they also are honeymooning in New Zealand, and wanted to write on the invitations cash gifts please. Could you be any tackier?

And no I haven't given them a gift and my DH would like to give cash. We aren't sure how much. I don't think they'll last a year so I'm struggling giving them a gift. It's a really long back story, suffice to say the bride got divorced 9 months ago and they've been "dating" 4 years.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

It's difficult for me to imagine that they spent $30,000 on the wedding yet so little was adequately covered. I feel sorry for them. They must have had no idea how to make sure the basics were covered.

[Singuy]

People should only give cash at weddings because weddings are so freaken expensive. I told my peeps cold hard cash because we are Asian. But seriously, stop it with the pots and pans. I am not 100% sure why money is more tackie than registered gifts if "the thought" have been taken out of both instances.

Registered gifts are just a total waste of money. People ends up registering 200 dollar toasters because they end up at over priced macys and have nothing else to register.

Also, it's OKAY to be CHEAP on your GUESTS. Sometimes you just end up having too many people in your wedding because if you don't invite them, you might lose a friend. It is more responsible to be cheap on your guests than to blow your budget and end up in debt. At the end of the day, you are celebrating your friend's wedding..not trying to get a fancy meal after buying them some toaster.

It's how I feel. I think weddings are a waste of money and are totally lame. Having a wedding in China is much better. You end up making more than what you spend on the wedding

[disneysteve]

I am going to guess it was around $30k for the wedding and rehersal dinner

You aren't describing a 30K affair, even with the rehearsal dinner. You might be describing a 10K affair.

My favorite cheap wedding story is the one we went to in a firehouse social room (which is fine) but partway through the reception, they made an announcement asking everyone to please bring any empty glasses back to the kitchen so they could be washed and reused. Really? It would have been better to start using plastic cups.

[rennigade]

You aren't describing a 30K affair, even with the rehearsal dinner. You might be describing a 10K affair.

Our reception was at a winery in PA...included all the tents, seating, cups, silverware, food/drinks, etc...only came to $11k...and we had around 110 people. Ours was the complete opposite of what the op described...we had a great experience.

If I tried to pull off a reception like I described in Washington DC...yeah...I could see it going horribly wrong for $11k.

[MonkeyMama]

Ugh. I am guessing they got in over their heads and cut corners at the end.

It strikes me as "not well planned" above all else. We did a very nice wedding for under $10,000. I am guessing most people thought it was twice as expensive. (Our wedding was in a very high cost region). The bulk of the cost was food and catering. You have to get that part right. What we didn't spend money on was the stuff no one would notice or care about. (Like chair covers, fancy napkins, limos, photographers, whatever. Admittedly, most the vendors were friends who did for free or cut us a break). I wasn't even smart enough to use a sheet cake. I suppose I could have done it even cheaper!

That's the thing. There is cheap and there is frugal. I like to think with frugal that no one knows the difference from the outside. $30,000 could have bought them a very nice wedding if they had a better plan.

[MonkeyMama]

P.S. I don't have any cheap wedding stories, but I am of the generation of "just get in debt up to your eyeballs and worry about it later". If anything, all the weddings we have been to were on the ridiculously extravagant side. One of the last weddings we went to, the marriage lasted a whole 9 months.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Joan it was poorly planned and rushed. They aren't organized to begin with and this was a disaster.

Singuy, sorry no. Being Cheap is no excuse. And yeah asking for CASH is TACKY! You aren't supposed to expect any wedding gift period. And yes I know Asian custom and the TRUTH is you give what you can afford. Idiots plan on getting enough cash to cover a wedding, and certainly not a crappy one.

DS, normally you'd be right but $8k venue. Then he said $6k food and I'm guessing photographer $7k or more. I'll tell you finally tally in a few weeks but I could guess maybe $30k for everything and they underspent. It's also HCOLA.

Rennigade exactly very expensive area.

MM, but what would your wedding cost in today's dollars? I know you were married longer than I was and ours was $5k for the reception in hawaii. But we did lunch and we also did all inclusive hotel. We didn't try to make it cheap we paid about $100/head for our reception.

Then there was the dress, photographer $5k, other stuff and all in was $15k 10 years ago. But these guys tried to cheap out on everything and it could have been done cheaper by having less people. Don't invite so many people if you can't afford it.

God sodas in a coolers would have been $200? And sheet cakes $100? Cheap. It's so minimal to make things "frugal".

I grew up poor in hawaii so typical wedding was beach or someone's garage with potluck luau. With beer and soda in coolers and you bring a dish. And it was GREAT. I never had a horrible experience like this. This was like going to an expensive restaurant and it sucked.

I'd rather have gone to a potluck and not worried about food and drinks than a wedding where you are expecting a meal with food and water not running out and all the cake you want. Sorry but that screams cheap over people who do a wedding with little money and yet it's AWESOME party.

[MonkeyMama]

MM, but what would your wedding cost in today's dollars? I know you were married longer than I was and ours was $5k for the reception in hawaii. But we did lunch and we also did all inclusive hotel. We didn't try to make it cheap we paid about $100/head for our reception.

Considering I got married in the height of the tech bubble, and the economy is currently in the toilet, I don't expect the cost difference to be much. (Is also why we have not experienced much personal inflation the past 15 years). I could be wrong. But, I have no doubt I could do a mighty fine $10,000 wedding today. Exactly the same? I don't know.

[Permanent Temp]

Well our wedding bottom line was too make sure there was enough food for everyone so we did a buffet. The whole family stepped in to make it work. I have been to too many weddings where catered food is either awful and or there is not enough of it to fill you up. And the veggie dish if there is one is usually a dish of raw veggies or poorly cooked rice. I knew that wouldn't fly with me or my family.

The venue was family owned, the family helped make the veggie meals as we have a decent number of vegetarian and vegan family members and guests and I wanted to make sure they would have nutritious food to eat. We got a grocery store in the area who does hot lunches to provide the salad, pork shoulders, roasted chickens and rice. The catered food ran us about $700. My aunts helped by covering the cost of fancy plastic ware. Some church ladies stepped in and helped serve all the food. And the cake was made by a family member since they are a professional cake maker. They delivered it and set it up too (that was the gift from them to us.)

Also I produced my own paper save the dates (so everyone knew the wedding would be in our home state and not in the state we currently live in so no travel for them.) And I designed actual invite myself as well. Total cost of $70.

Myself and family decorated the chapel and the reception ourselves, I purchased all the items from party stores/crafts on the internet, fabric stores, and dollar stores and then donated the material to the venue (they have events there a lot so I thought it would be nice to give the nice white tablecloths that were purchased specifically to fit those tables, the centerpieces were just bubble vases so versatile for sure.) We got a pro photographer who was just starting out so that cost us less than 1K but the photos were gorgeous, he also didn't mind at all of taking pictures of me with friends or family. We had flowers for everyone in the wedding party at a local shop and that was less than $500. We also paid for the rehearsal dinner at a local pizza place that serves beer (its what we could afford and no one seemed upset about it ) Gave out gifts to the bridal party and had edible favors for everyone at the wedding with hand cut and handwritten thank you tags.

The venue (a church) didn't allow dancing or obviously drinking so we had an "after party" at a family members house. We bought a few 40 racks of beer and all the left over food from the reception (we over purchased so there would be enough to bring to the party).

To have a wedding at venue in that city is generally about $15-25K. We spent $5K.

I managed to pull off a great wedding at a fraction of the price but I was meticulous about every detail. I had a lot of family resources at my disposal and I planned this for over a year from thousands of miles away.

I don't think money spent "makes" a wedding. Planning does. And you can have a bigger wedding for less if you plan for it as well. If these people had considered the fact that they were in an expensive area and got more inventive or creative with the venue that would have helped. It sound like awful terrible planning. I had a lot of help on my end because my aunt is a party planner (I forgot serving knife for the cake too but my aunt remembered phew). And I bothered to look into wedding etiquette. My guests were my priority throughout the planning process.

This couple clearly did not know any wedding etiquette although most people do not until they have gone through the process themselves. This couple clearly had their priorities as honeymoon first wedding is an afterthought.

This couple should have sat down with a realistic budget on what they could provide per person. They could have looked at sites like these to figure out what quality they could get out of what they set aside: http://2000dollarwedding.com/2008/07...reception.html http://www.intimateweddings.com/blog...to-be-average/

Some people just get all the pieces and think it will just work out. Weddings are difficult to plan and even more so in an expensive place with a tight budget. Often times creativity is in order. It is quite clear these people didn't care. They put together as many basic elements as possible and apparently hoped people would shower them with cash (possibly for their honeymoon) its a damn shame that that happened. Lesson learned here is if you have a small budget and want lots of guests make sure you have enough cash to feed everyone and hold it in a non poop covered area. Make sure we met your photog before and discuss photos and always consult a wedding etiquette book to make sure your not committing any faux pas. And if you can't afford to host all those people save up the money until you can or have a smaller event. And if at all possible consult wedding choices with someone else who has gone through the process as they could help you with the smaller details (like a server set!)

[FrugalFish]

Hmmm, I wonder if the bride and groom were so fixated on their experience that the experience of their guests didn't even register with them? Did they seem to realize that the situation was falling short of the mark?

I recall a co-worker's wedding DH and I went to a few years back- one for the books, as they say. The wedding took place in an empty unit at a strip mall, and then the reception was in a single wide trailer belonging to someone in the bride's family. There was a serve-yourself bar that consisted of a card table covered with liquor bottles and plastic cups. It was okay with me though as there was plenty of cake to go around. A lot of other people seemed to be having a good time with the bar. I felt REALLY out of place, but it wasn't my day so we flowed with it and were happy for the couple.

DH and I got married in Vegas. Cost about $100. Not as much fun as a hoe down, but cheap and legal, and nobody was disappointed

[ua_guy]

Wow, sounds kind of a belaboring just to be there! I've been to a few poorly-planned weddings, some of which were pretty expensive, too. I don't understand it.

I have yet to get married, but planning is in the works. We've decided it isn't going to be an expensive affair, at all. The marriage will be done at the courthouse, and we may gather close friends and family for a party ("gathering")to be held on a TBD date afterwards hosted either in our own home, or we may rent a nearby space in a public recreational area. There's a little lodge-style building with some nice event rooms overlooking a small lake, to rent for a nominal fee. We might have 25 people in attendance. And we're planning on a budge of ~$5k max, to be paid in cash. We have a lot of donated help and plan to be creative and frugal. We will not skimp on food or alcohol.

[snafu]

I hope the bride and groom had a good time at their wedding. I'm guessing the bride arranged the venue and left the details up to them. I doubt the groom had much involvement in the event. The invitation to an important event like a wedding sets the tone for what guests can expect. Do you think the bride was even aware of guest's problems? From your description this bride is a dud as a planner. The fact that she spent money on two outfits for herself and forgot to take a part of the second outfit speaks volumes.

The wedding industry has emphasized big, expensive parties and couples seem buffeted by things that happen to stick in their minds. We gone to weddings that struck us as really strange. The latest was a black theme. We were asked to dress in black, all the major participants likewise wore black. It was at a small hotel and someone mentioned the buffet was $ 100. a plate. It was so ordinary, reminded me of Toastmaster dinners $ 10. a plate [green salad, slice of over cooked roast beef, glob of instant mashed potato, nuked carrots and glue-like gravy]. I don't remember cake but dessert was home baked cookies made by friends and a nice ice cream bar.

Weirdest was Caravan. Our city has a famous rodeo and the various shopping centres put out western decorations and host a free pancake breakfast in their parking lots 7: AM - 10 AM when the stores open. Caravan is an entertainment promoter who supplies a big stage, western bands, singers, amateur square dance groups and works like the dickens to get customers in the 'Western Spirit' to participate in singing, dancing, and having small children ride ponies in a corral. Yes, the gingham looking invitations asked us to join their western theme, enjoy free breakfast and entertainment with the wedding to follow in the south paring lot. The marriage ceremony followed the food and dancing and I was surprised they got a justice of the Peace to conduct their vows and sign documents surrounded by cars and strangers. The bride's mom held a gift opening event in her home the following morning with 'continental' breakfast/brunch and wedding cake. It was probably a $ 100 wedding.

We lived in China and were invited to several weddings. We happened on one of those thousand brides and groom weddings on the steps of a huge park in GZ. The personal weddings were very involved and carried out at several venues with the bride and groom changing costumes for each venue.

[HappySaver]

I know it's hard, but try to be compassionate even if you aren't feeling it.

Weddings are stressful and not everyone manages them successfully. The important thing is to enjoy your time together. Of course you hope for a better experience for the guests, but they most certainly weren't deliberately trying to make things go awry.

The gift is not payback for how much money they spent on you. It's supposed to be a gift of congratulations and generosity. After all, you were there for the event, ate the food, etc. Give them an acceptable gift (you don't have to go over the top) and move on.

[Singuy]

I know it's hard, but try to be compassionate even if you aren't feeling it.

Weddings are stressful and not everyone manages them successfully. The important thing is to enjoy your time together. Of course you hope for a better experience for the guests, but they most certainly weren't deliberately trying to make things go awry.

The gift is not payback for how much money they spent on you. It's supposed to be a gift of congratulations and generosity. After all, you were there for the event, ate the food, etc. Give them an acceptable gift (you don't have to go over the top) and move on.

+1 to that

If it's a ****ty wedding, it's a ****ty wedding. If it's a great wedding then call yourself lucky. Frankly you should be happy for the couple getting married. Who cares what they feed you or how it's planned. It's a party for a massive amount of people and it's hard to cater to EVERYONE.

You have the right to complain if they told everyone to bring something expensive because it's going to be a great gatsby wedding..but turned out to be a cheap as hell POS. If they didn't say such a thing, then perhaps your expectations were just a tad too high.