Cheap Stupid

[riverwed070707]

I know it's hard, but try to be compassionate even if you aren't feeling it.

Weddings are stressful and not everyone manages them successfully. The important thing is to enjoy your time together. Of course you hope for a better experience for the guests, but they most certainly weren't deliberately trying to make things go awry.

The gift is not payback for how much money they spent on you. It's supposed to be a gift of congratulations and generosity. After all, you were there for the event, ate the food, etc. Give them an acceptable gift (you don't have to go over the top) and move on.

I agree. Sounds like the wedding was poorly planned but LAL also sounds extremly judgemental. Can you imagine how your DH's best friend of 30 years would feel if he read this? As a wedding planner, I can say that wedding caterers fall short a lot unless you shell out big bucks and I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of these issues were the caterers fault. Some of the other details (like the duck poo) may just be things the couple wouldn't have thought might have been an issue -- some people are just more detail oriented than others.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Oh I'll tell him when he gets back. He's being an ass. I don't pull punches. Four years ago when he was sleeping with his wife before she got divorced he ask if he was an ass.I said yes. My DH yelled at me in the car and said I shouldn't be so honest, but I said I wouldn't lie and say he's a good guy. He was an ass then and he's an ass now. I said he's dating a married woman, the lady was going to marital counseling but sleeping with another guy. What a winner she was.

Honestly he's a good guy making a few stupid decisions. He really wanted to marry her and did this insane wedding expecting people to fly out with less than 4 weeks notice, mind you he asked my DH april 12th to be the best man at his wedding. He expected him to fly to canada for the bachelor party.

So please don't tell me I'm judgemental, yes I am. I have a right to be when he's being an ass and his CHEAPness has impacted others. More than one friend switched vacation plans around for HIM. My DH helped him get a one flight when on May 2nd he hadn't booked his ticket yet to his own wedding (cold feet?) My DH drove him twice to the airport when he missed his May 3rd morning flight and got on the evening flight instead and his wedding? May 10th.

And we paid a premium for travel, car rental, etc. It's graduation season. But hey decide you want a fancy wedding at the last minute? Talk about how "people aren't responding to the RSVP in a timely manner." Don't book a hotel with a rack room rate until 2 weeks before the wedding?

Yes it was exactly what I expected.

[kork13]

I literally just got marriend 2 weeks ago... It really is all about planning. My wife & I started planning everything back in September, long before we even announced our engagement. We planned most everything ourselves, kept it small & controlled, and did things ourselves as much as possible. We did things all across the country, due to our family/friends being all over. We got married in Illinois, wedding dinner there, reception at or home in Oklahoma, and a reception in Utah at her family's home. Our total budget was about $10k.

The wedding itself was free in a church, dinner for ~35 attendees $550 in a local restaurant. The OK reception cost us $500 for food & supplies, another $500 for tables decorations, and preparing the house/yard... We had about 50-70 people at that one. We made our own wedding cake (rice krispies cake, since she hates actual cake), and also prepared most of the rest of the food as well, with alot of help from family/friends.Utah reception was larger, about 150 people, but even still, it only cost about $2.5k.

Add on about $1k for travel (including the honeymoon), $800 for photography, and another $2k-$3k for our clothes, announcements/invitations, & a bunch of other incidentals, we've been very happy with how it all turned out. Plus, keeping the cost of our wedding/receptions low allowed us to go on a fantastic 8-day Alaskan cruise for our honeymoon ($3k all told) with the rest of the money we had saved up for all of this. Simple was awesome. We loved it, our family/guests loved it, and it was affordable without us losing our minds. Ultimate victory.

[Ima saver]

We had a wonderful wedding. We got married at my home. I wore a long gown and my husband wore a suit, clothes we already had. We had a full bar and a bartender. (We got the money by holding a garage sale) Friends and family brought the food and the cake. We had a wonderful party and then we left for our honeymoon. Total cost of the wedding was about $100.

Oh yes, we have been married 37 happy years this week and I would not change a thing!

[hamchan]

We spent around 1000 for 25 people. It took a lot of planning, DIY and thinking outside the box. It turned out well and there was a lot of food leftover, so apparently we had plenty.

I made my own invites which cost about $20 and about the same to mail them. We bought dresses for my daughter and myself, and my husband's outfit at various outlet stores. Less than $200 total. Hairstyling for dd and myself was $100. Did our own nails and makeup.

We found an officiant on craigslist for $125. Had the ceremony in a park for free. We had our reception in a birthday party room at the pacific science center for $150. We brought all the food and decorations. Kept it very simple so setup was fast and our guests got to hang out in the museum while we set up.

The wedding was at 1pm and the reception ended at 5, so we did not do a full meal, but there was still plenty of food. Lots of our guests have food allergies so we kept it very simple. We had everything pre cut and ready in baggies in a cooler and just had to put everything onto clear plastic trays from party city. All of the trays, cups, plates and flatware were under $50. For food we had a big cheese platter with seven kinds of cheese and grapes, pre cooked shrimp (bought frozen) and cocktail sauce, a big veggie tray with dip, chips salsa and guacamole, rolled up Boar's Head cold cuts, crackers, mixed nuts, sherbet punch iced tea and water. My mom made cupcakes, and we paid an extra $50 for a liquid nitrogen ice cream demo, which we also got to eat. The only things we ran out of were punch and guacamole, but not till near the end of the reception anyway. I bought a few small potted orchids for 10$ each for the tables. We brought our laptop for music.

Lots of people took pictures. I didn't bother with a photographer. There were plenty of nice photos. There were lots of kids there and they thoroughly enjoyed it. My dd and I made up little goody bags for them with crayons, a notepad, bubbles, a few small toys, which cost us less than $20 total. I wish we'd had the means to invite more people but it was a nice wedding, and very fun.

[Singuy]

These are great stories but I think the OP would be pissed off if she arrives at a wedding eating cheese crackers. She doesn't do cheap weddings okay?

[hamchan]

Oh yeah, I'm sure there are a lot of people who'd have hated our wedding. But I'm pretty picky about the company I keep.

[HappySaver]

Your wedding sounds wonderful hamchan.
I'm sure I would have loved it.

As long the guests weren't freezing. I've been to two evening outdoor weddings now where it was far too cold and without enough (or any) heaters. That was rough. One I understood, the other not so much.

[hamchan]

On the contrary, it was in the 90's that day. I actually got sunburned. Who even thinks about sunscreen in Seattle? I sure don't. We planned it for August because there was the least chance of rain, and It worked out a little too well. We also made sure the area of the park we were in had lots of existing seating. Our wedding was attended by more than a few homeless guys and Asian tourists ( who took lots of photos too).

[Reggie]

It sounds like you just don't like the couple. My DH and I I love going to weddings. Listening to vows, being around people in love and just the overall celebration of love is wonderful. We've been to weddings where the food wasn't that great, we just didnt eat it. We've been to cash bars, we paid for our drinks. I'm so lucky to have married a man that can have a good time absolutely anywhere. Just enjoy life and have fun. Sometimes it's a five star affair and sometimes it's White Castle.

[riverwed070707]

It sounds like you just don't like the couple. My DH and I I love going to weddings. Listening to vows, being around people in love and just the overall celebration of love is wonderful. We've been to weddings where the food wasn't that great, we just didnt eat it. We've been to cash bars, we paid for our drinks. I'm so lucky to have married a man that can have a good time absolutely anywhere. Just enjoy life and have fun. Sometimes it's a five star affair and sometimes it's White Castle.

well said!

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Kork bravo! Sounds well organized and probably turned out better than spending 3x that much and having it not work out well.

I love cheap weddings. I grew up with it Singuy, and I actually got married for $25 at the justice of the peace. So I'm not against doing it for nothing. Best wedding ever was DH and I. Right now we joke that when we renew our vows one day we're going to run away to Vegas and do it with Elvis.

I've done beach wedding potlucks and love it. I adore the weddings in the garages back home. I adore those weddings. Hamchan your wedding sounds delightful.

But this was something else. I've never been to a wedding where the food and drinks ran out. And I've been to BYOB and it's awesome. I've always brought a 12 pack of heineken (considered premium beer in hawaii) and ice chest with ice. And one lb of poke in the plastic container.

So nope nothing against paying for booze or bringing food/alcohol. But going to a wedding without enough lemonade and wedding cake? Next time I'm stopping at Safeway and buying soda, chips, and snacks.

[klarose]

I posted on your blog, but I will just copy it here to make it easier.

I didnt find that much wrong with the wedding from my POV. I mean it was rude to run out of stuff, but the other things I have no problem with.

I had a large wedding, and I didnt have any staff to serve you drinks. You got up, and went to the coolers and got your own drink. Which is perfectly fine and accepted around here. Meal was served like an assembly line buffet, they didnt bring it to you.

Neither did we hire staff to bust up our tables. My wedding party removed tables for the dancing, and they cleaned up and put away everything afterwards as well.

What is wrong with having sheets cakes for the guests? The fancy tier cakes are expensive. I had a large but frugal wedding. I had a mid sized tier cake, then had what they call a grooms cake. Which is just a decorated simpler cake. I also had some sheet cakes. If I was to get a tier cake that was big enough for all my guests it would of had to been 6ft tall. lol.

We ate all of the cake at my wedding. I didnt even get a piece. We had planned for enough, but our friends have a hearty appetite, so Im guessing they all took several large pieces.

No one served you cake. You got up and went to the cake table.

We also "hit up guests" for our honeymoon. It is called a dollar dance around here, and its quite common. You pay a dollar or more, and dance with the bride or groom.

Every wedding I have ever went to has been like mine. Maybe its just because I live in the simple Midwest. *scratches head*

I just do not see what the big deal it.

You keep saying things like how their cheapness affected others...

Your forgetting that it was THEIR wedding. They can do it however they want. It wasnt about you, or anyone else. It was for them. They didnt owe anyone food, or cake, or waiters... You were a guest, and you were free to leave. They werent holding there and torturing you.

I just dont get how anyone can complain about a free party. I would be royally offended it a friend had a big rant about my wedding, because I didnt spend enough. Or because they didnt like the food.

My wedding only cost around $2,000 for about 250 quests. I heard not one complaint.

[klarose]

It sounds like you just don't like the couple. My DH and I I love going to weddings. Listening to vows, being around people in love and just the overall celebration of love is wonderful. We've been to weddings where the food wasn't that great, we just didnt eat it. We've been to cash bars, we paid for our drinks. I'm so lucky to have married a man that can have a good time absolutely anywhere. Just enjoy life and have fun. Sometimes it's a five star affair and sometimes it's White Castle.

My thoughts exactly.

[klarose]

Here is my reply from your blog.

Well that was poor planning on their part. But still. It was their party, they could have chosen to have no food if they wanted.

I needed money to remodel my house, I asked for Lowes giftcards or money for my wedding presents. Everyone was happy to oblige, and I have no regrets. Now I can invite people over, and show them how their gift help build our home.

Again this is just all my opinion. I am pretty outspoken, and do not get offended easily. So all the proper wedding etiquette is kind of silly to me. I think couples should be allowed to have whatever kind of wedding they want. It boogles my mind that someone would actually complain about how an invitation was written, or what kind of food was served. (Not you, but other people I have heard complain.)

Disclaimer: Written from a small town, country, tom boy, with questionable manners.