Should I lend my friend money?

**bjl584** · 04-10-2014, 09:39 AM

Do not lend your friend the money. Especially since it will cause you to have financial hardship of your own if you do. I would not drain my emergency fund or put myself in any other type of financial stress to help someone else out. In the most honest and polite way that you can think of you need to tell her that you simply can't afford to help her. Tell her exactly what you posted. That giving her money would strain your finances. Maybe you can offer to help her find other ways to raise money. Sell some things, pick up part time work, etc.

**rennigade** · 04-10-2014, 09:47 AM

Whether you lend her the money or not...the friendship has already taken a hit. If you refuse to give her the money, she'll probably be angry. If you do give her the money, she probably will not pay you back then you will be angry. The lesser of the 2 evils is not giving her the money...and or gifting her the money knowing you will not see it again

I wouldnt give her the money. Lets say you do bail her out for a couple months...after the money runs out then what?? Shes going to lose the house sooner or later. How does she plan on accumulating money once yours (if you give her money) runs out?

Just tell her you're not in a position to loan anyone money. Simple as that. She doesnt need to know how much you have in an EF.

**JoeP** · 04-10-2014, 09:48 AM

If you lend her the money, then she will see you as someone who can rescue her. Then a few months later, she'll probably hit you up for money again, and then maybe you'll say no. After that you've lost money and a friendship (although it can be argued that a friendship that is broken over money was never a true friendship to begin with).

What is the nature of her inability to pay? Can you do anything to help her get into better financial shape so that she doesn't have to humiliate herself by having to ask for money, and doesn't have to put her "friends" in awkward positions?

**Eagle** · 04-10-2014, 09:50 AM

Originally posted by questions View Post

I find myself in a very difficult situation. I have a friend who is in dire financial need. If she doesn't find a way to get several thousand dollars in the next couple of weeks, she's going to lose her house. She's put me in an extremely awkward position by asking me to help her out in this situation. I have the money, but giving it to her would mean draining much of my emergency fund.

We've been good friends for 15 years and I don't want to ruin the friendship. The issue I have is that even though she promises that she will pay the money back, I don't see how she ever will be able to with the current situation. She says that things will change and that shall be able take the money back to me, but I don't have the confidence that it will work out.

I've been getting quite a bit of pressure from her, and I know that she really wants me to lend the money. I also can tell that if I refuse that it's going to cause an issue with our friendship. This puts me in an awkward situation where I feel that my decision will determine whether we are friends in the future are not.

I was wondering if you could give me any advice on how to proceed in such a situation.

Don't lend her the money. Sounds like it's going to cause an issue if you lend the money or you don't lend the money. She shouldn't expect you to pay for her mistakes in my opinion.

I've lent money to friends before and it didn't work out well. Instead, the most you should do is give her a small monetary gift which you can afford. By bailing her out you are putting your family at risk.

Is there anything your friend can try to do to generate cash? Sell some stuff or get a part-time job?

**ua_guy** · 04-10-2014, 09:51 AM

It would be one thing if you were made of money and had plenty to spare, and if you were completely willing to forive if you never saw repayment. It sounds like you're putting yourself at risk and will be decimating your emergency fund in the process. Not a good idea, and a good friend will understand.

**kyoko** · 04-10-2014, 10:56 AM

It is really a tough situation, but my principle is I only lend money to friends if I can afford it and am ok even though I never see that money again. If this puts in your own financial trouble, and you have to take out of your emergency funds, it is not a good idea.
You concern about the relationship, but if she fails to return your money, you think you can keep your relationship?

Like someone mentioned, you would want to tell her honestly that you simply can't afford to lend her such a large amount of money. You can kindly ask her if there are anything else you could do for her, letting her know that you really concerns her situation.

Good luck!

**Bob B.** · 04-10-2014, 11:08 AM

Another voice saying to not lend the money.

I'm fortunate in that I "lent" $50 to a guy when I was in high school. I didn't ever see the money again. While $50 was a lot of money to me at the time, I'm glad I learned the lesson so cheaply at such a young age.

And remember, if the friendship ends, it was not you that ended it.

**Petunia 100** · 04-10-2014, 12:09 PM

She isn't your friend. A true friend will not pressure you into "lending" money you cannot afford to lose and they cannot afford to repay. A true friend will accept the first "no" as your final answer.

**DVDFreaker28** · 04-10-2014, 12:56 PM

You can call me an idiot but I have always lend my co-worker money because she always struggles and she never pays me back which I do not care, I guess I am too nice huh?

**dczech09** · 04-10-2014, 01:53 PM

Sit down and have a conversation with her. Be gentle about it, but you should be communicating these points...

- You feel bad that she is in such a rough situation.
- If you were in a position to give her money, then you would.
- You don't lend money...ever! While you are okay with giving money if you have it, you will not lend it.
- Giving her money would adversely affect you, so you cannot in good faith give her money.

The point this that you are not in a position where you can help you. You cannot give away such money without it harming you. Thus you cannot do it because your first obligation is to yourself and your family.

If she does not understand this, she is not a real friend.

Is she dealing with long-term financial problems? Something tells me that this is not an unusual situation for her. Like she has been dealing with financial problems for a while. Perhaps you can provide her some counsel or you could pay for her to take a class on money management? That would not cost thousands of dollars and may provide her more benefit. Just a thought

**ua_guy** · 04-10-2014, 02:00 PM

Originally posted by DVDFreaker28 View Post

You can call me an idiot but I have always lend my co-worker money because she always struggles and she never pays me back which I do not care, I guess I am too nice huh?

I don't think any of us know your situation or your coworkers, and we're not here to call you an idiot. I would be concerned that you might have a coworker that could be taking advantage of your level of compassion. At any rate, it's dishonest if there was an expectation for repayment.

**corn18** · 04-10-2014, 02:44 PM

This is a terribly difficult situation for you. Yes, it sucks that the friend asked. But it's also good that they asked. Unless they are an arse, I hope it was incredibly difficult for them to ask for help. If you think that's true, then you should seriously consider helping.

I have been through this and it always sucks. But I changed my approach and it has helped me immensely. If I can afford it (sometimes even if I can't but it won't kill me), I give them a one time gift. I make it clear this is a gift and I do not expect repayment. That's what friends are for. But I won't be making any more gifts. Or loans. Period. If you ask for more, I will nicely say no.

**AggieLife** · 04-10-2014, 05:25 PM

What Tom said makes a lot of sense. i wouldn't loan them all of the money. Explain your situation and maybe give them the gift, saying you don't expect repayment...

You shouldn't have loans between friends and family. It just makes for trouble. Good luck

**cschin4** · 04-10-2014, 06:48 PM

Nope. Don't do it . If she can't afford the house better to lose it and she can get an apt and get herself back on financial track.

Should I lend my friend money?