Should both the wife and husband work?

[HalfDozenDaily]

Not to stray too much OT but I really wish people would stop throwing out this supposed fact. The divorce rate in this country is not 50%. Never has been. That figure is a much-perpetuated myth. As with many sound bites, it's based on faulty data and doesn't take into account the whole story. For example, people who marry under the age of 20 have a much higher divorce rate. People without a college education have a higher divorce rate. People in lower socioeconomic groups have a higher divorce rate. But the overall rate nationwide still isn't 50%. And for folks who marry later, are at least of average income, and have a good education, the divorce rate is actually far lower than 50%. Some studies have put it in the 10-15% range.

Sorry for the rant. It's just a pet peeve of mine.

I think in the end, it comes down to your own morals & values. I am "only" a highschool graduate, i've been with my husband since I was 18 and i'll be 40 in a month. We'll be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary this summer. We're also lower income, but far from "dirt poor". Far too many people get divorced for the dumbest things now (and no, i'm not talking about violence, etc..) but because they're "bored" or "aren't happy". Well, you have to make yourself happy. So in the end, it comes down to who you are, and how important you value your mate & the sanctity of marriage.

[hamchan]

Here's the thing. You can only control you. If your spouse doesn't hold up their end and refuses to do so, there's not a thing you can do. I left my last marriage because my ex expected me to work full time and then come home and do everything else as well. He refused to help at all with our daughter or any of the household stuff. No amount of begging, pleading, crying or ultimatums changed things for more than a day or two. I realized he was comfortbale with the situation and would never change. I never regretted leaving. And I am so glad I was employed.

My current husband would like very much to be able to contribute more financially and around the household buy he is very sick and is limited in how much he can physically do that. If I wasn't able to earn a decent income we'd be utterly screwed.

[bigdaddybus]

Like others have said, I think it depends on the people.

11 years ago my wife took 16 weeks off work (combo of paid and unpaid leave)when having our second child. The plan was for her to quit her entry level job at 30K a year (Top Fortune 50 company with full benifits including pension) and stay at home with our two children. She became liscenced to watch another 2 children to help supliment our income. It was a big decision and we discussed it alot before she decided to do it.

After 10 weeks I came home from work to find her crying in the corner "I love our kids, I just dont love other peoples kids" was what she said. " I want to go back to work"
We lined up daycare and she returned to work after the 16 weeks. The kids are now 12 and 13 and we have never regretted the decision. Also, my wife makes over 2.5X the money now as her career has advanced so that worked out well too.

I think some people, my wife included, just have to have adult interaction, and stimulating conversations throughout the day and without it they get very lonely.

[jaynorth]

RE: should....

yeah of course! Two is always better than one. your family income will be boosted. If your wife does not work, what she is supposed to do all day other than getting bored? Work keeps your life style healthy.

[gradi]

I think it depends on the family . I dont see anything wrong with both working to make sure that the household has what it needs to survive.

[scfr]

Whatever people choose to do, I do believe it's important that both spouses/partners be prepared to step in should something happen to the other. My mother with no advance warning became a widow with several children in her 30's. Had it been the other way around, my father would have become a widower with children at home that would still need to be fed, clothed, bathed, and otherwise cared for.

Whether it's lots of life insurance, a job, or marketable skills, both need to be prepared to shoulder the financial burden of the family.

And whether it's a great-paying job with the names of nannies & housekeepers in the Rolodex, or knowing how to cook, clean, do laundry & have the numbers of the pediatricians etc, both need to be prepared to take care of the needs of the children and the household.

[Petunia 100]

I think in the end, it comes down to your own morals & values. I am "only" a highschool graduate, i've been with my husband since I was 18 and i'll be 40 in a month. We'll be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary this summer. We're also lower income, but far from "dirt poor". Far too many people get divorced for the dumbest things now (and no, i'm not talking about violence, etc..) but because they're "bored" or "aren't happy". Well, you have to make yourself happy. So in the end, it comes down to who you are, and how important you value your mate & the sanctity of marriage.

Perhaps. Or perhaps they have very valid reasons, but feel it is a very private matter and decline to disclose the reasons.

[disneysteve]

If your wife does not work, what she is supposed to do all day other than getting bored?

I'd love to have my wife respond to this one but let me assure you she is never sitting around getting bored. She has more to do than she has time to do it. Think of it this way. What do retired people do? Do they sit around all day getting bored? Of course not. They fill their lives with a wide array of important, interesting, and personally fulfilling activities. They just don't get a paycheck for doing any of them. I can't wait until we can afford for me to retire. I promise you I will not be bored. There is so much I wish I had the time for that I look forward to doing when I'm not tied to a job.

[cschin4]

yeah of course! Two is always better than one. your family income will be boosted. If your wife does not work, what she is supposed to do all day other than getting bored? Work keeps your life style healthy.

Not necessarily. IN fact, I think that many marriages are so stressed and falling apart BECAUSE everyone is working and no one is home tending to the things that make a home a home. Many couples are happier if one of the spouses doesn't work or only works part time. It makes for a more relaxed home life where there isn't so much stress and chaos and time crunches to get things done. There is more opportunity to engage in cooking, baking, and putting on a family dinner. Or, more time to keep the house clean and organized. And, overall that cuts everyone's stress level down.

[disneysteve]

Not necessarily. IN fact, I think that many marriages are so stressed and falling apart BECAUSE everyone is working and no one is home tending to the things that make a home a home. Many couples are happier if one of the spouses doesn't work or only works part time. It makes for a more relaxed home life where there isn't so much stress and chaos and time crunches to get things done. There is more opportunity to engage in cooking, baking, and putting on a family dinner. Or, more time to keep the house clean and organized. And, overall that cuts everyone's stress level down.

There is a great book called "The Two-Income Trap: Why Middle Class Parents are Going Broke" written by Elizabeth Warren and Amelia Warren Tyagi that talks about this very issue. I highly recommend it. Here's a snippet from the book:

Astonishingly, sending mothers to work has made families more vulnerable to financial disaster than ever before. Today's two-income family earns 75% more money than its single-income counterpart of a generation ago, but has 25% less discretionary income to cover living costs.

Speaking personally only, because again this is a very individual decision, our household is absolutely far less stressful when my wife is not working. We've done it both ways several times over the past 21 years and things are always much calmer and more in order when she is home.

[bigdaddybus]

I live in a neighborhood with alot of high income heads of the household. School principle, retired college professor, lawyer, owner of a trucking company, AVP in a large company, and physican are a few of my neighbors I know.

In situations like this, I think it is easy to dismiss the spouses income, as its likely a minor piece of the family budget. (less than 25% of the income, if they work)

In my household the income split is 55%/45%. It would be a huge hit to our lifestyle and saving rate if one of us stopped working. I agree both working or one staying at home is not for everyone. I make alot of dinners, give kids baths, help fold laundry, help with homework, etc as I realize my wife works as hard as I do. I know so many men that expect their wives to do most everything at home and work.....that I see is a big problem.

[rennigade]

Unless there are small children in the house...I have to question how on earth people feel comfortable staying at home while their other half works.

Seriously...without a child, what duties are you doing at home that cannot be done either on weekends or after work? Are peoples time management that poor?

Ok...lets say the person that stays home takes care of all the household duties, laundry, cleaning, cooking. Cleaning/laundry takes a relatively short amount of time unless you're a slob. Lets just say that equates to 8 hours a week. Then theres cooking. Unless you're making 5 course meals every single night, cooking does not take long...and if you're someone who eats a lot of salads...that takes even less time. So cooking/cleaning dishes comes to 10 hours a week if you're really bad at it.

What are you doing with the rest of your time?? Volunteering at a church or salvation army type place? Wow, congrats. As your other partner is dealing with reality you're off in la la land because when it comes down to it...you simply cannot handle the real world. Let me get the smallest violin out and play you a song. Volunteering is great dont get me wrong...but the fact is people need money to survive. The quicker you can increase your finances the closer you are to the end game which is retirement, that you both can enjoy together. Why put all the weight on one person?

If you're at home with your wife or husband and she/he starts cleaning up around the house...do you just sit there and watch? Sadly some probably do...but I would like to think that most would like to put in a helping hand and pull their weight. Same goes for the workforce. Doesnt matter if one makes $100k and the other makes $30k, you have to pull your weight. If thats all you are capable of making, so be it.

The fact is...everyone has stress in their lives. Suck it up and deal with it...and if you have trouble dealing with it, then there are deeper issues that need ironed out.

[adviceseeker]

It depends. Married couples or partners should talk about this and both should agree to whatever the decision will be.

In my case, my partner and I are both working in order to survive financially. If one of us will stop working, financially, we will not be okay. We both agreed to this from the time we have been together. It is also much better that each one of you have a source of income to eliminate one from asking the other one for money.

[BuckyBadger]

Unless there are small children in the house...I have to question how on earth people feel comfortable staying at home while their other half works.

Seriously...without a child, what duties are you doing at home that cannot be done either on weekends or after work? Are peoples time management that poor?

Ok...lets say the person that stays home takes care of all the household duties, laundry, cleaning, cooking. Cleaning/laundry takes a relatively short amount of time unless you're a slob. Lets just say that equates to 8 hours a week. Then theres cooking. Unless you're making 5 course meals every single night, cooking does not take long...and if you're someone who eats a lot of salads...that takes even less time. So cooking/cleaning dishes comes to 10 hours a week if you're really bad at it.

What are you doing with the rest of your time?? Volunteering at a church or salvation army type place? Wow, congrats. As your other partner is dealing with reality you're off in la la land because when it comes down to it...you simply cannot handle the real world. Let me get the smallest violin out and play you a song. Volunteering is great dont get me wrong...but the fact is people need money to survive. The quicker you can increase your finances the closer you are to the end game which is retirement, that you both can enjoy together. Why put all the weight on one person?

If you're at home with your wife or husband and she/he starts cleaning up around the house...do you just sit there and watch? Sadly some probably do...but I would like to think that most would like to put in a helping hand and pull their weight. Same goes for the workforce. Doesnt matter if one makes $100k and the other makes $30k, you have to pull your weight. If thats all you are capable of making, so be it.

The fact is...everyone has stress in their lives. Suck it up and deal with it...and if you have trouble dealing with it, then there are deeper issues that need ironed out.

Wow. My husband and I both work and I *still* find this super offensive!

People can do whatever they want. If someone wants to work and someone wants to stay at home and take care of things, who cares?

When two partners make fairly equivalent salaries it usually makes sense for both to work. But if one person makes enough to support the family in the lifestyle that the agree they want, it is up to them if the other one works.

If my husband made the same as both of us put together and I only had skills that qualified me for a $30k a year job I probably wouldn't work. Between work clothes, taxes (which would fill in at the top of our tax bracket and probably reduce that $30k by about 40%), commuting expenses, and the extra spending that occurs when two people work full time (such as more dinners out and spending more on convenience things) would take that $30k down to just about zero.

But either way your post was pretty rude.

[hamchan]

Interestingly enough, when I was growing up neither of my parents worked outside the home. They were plenty busy. My dad earned the sole income as an artist. He also did his own accounting and whatnot. My mom raised animals for meat and eggs, grew a huge garden, preserved the food so it would last the winter, sewed and knit clothes for us, volunteered at church and my school. My dad did all the home repairs he could, hunted and fished for meat, woodwork, maintained the huge property, and was a volunteer pastor at our church and at the juvie in town. They still live this way. They make around 12-15K a year.