Should both the wife and husband work?

[disneysteve]

Unless there are small children in the house...I have to question how on earth people feel comfortable staying at home while their other half works.

Seriously...without a child, what duties are you doing at home that cannot be done either on weekends or after work? Are peoples time management that poor?

Ok...lets say the person that stays home takes care of all the household duties, laundry, cleaning, cooking. Cleaning/laundry takes a relatively short amount of time unless you're a slob. Lets just say that equates to 8 hours a week. Then theres cooking. Unless you're making 5 course meals every single night, cooking does not take long...and if you're someone who eats a lot of salads...that takes even less time. So cooking/cleaning dishes comes to 10 hours a week if you're really bad at it.

What are you doing with the rest of your time?? Volunteering at a church or salvation army type place? Wow, congrats. As your other partner is dealing with reality you're off in la la land because when it comes down to it...you simply cannot handle the real world. Let me get the smallest violin out and play you a song. Volunteering is great dont get me wrong...but the fact is people need money to survive. The quicker you can increase your finances the closer you are to the end game which is retirement, that you both can enjoy together. Why put all the weight on one person?

If you're at home with your wife or husband and she/he starts cleaning up around the house...do you just sit there and watch? Sadly some probably do...but I would like to think that most would like to put in a helping hand and pull their weight. Same goes for the workforce. Doesnt matter if one makes $100k and the other makes $30k, you have to pull your weight. If thats all you are capable of making, so be it.

The fact is...everyone has stress in their lives. Suck it up and deal with it...and if you have trouble dealing with it, then there are deeper issues that need ironed out.

Wow! What an incredibly inappropriate and offensive post. I'm not going to waste my time even responding beyond that.

[bigdaddybus]

Unless there are small children in the house...I have to question how on earth people feel comfortable staying at home while their other half works.

Seriously...without a child, what duties are you doing at home that cannot be done either on weekends or after work? Are peoples time management that poor?

just as a response to this part. I know quite a few men that want their wives at home, kids or not.

Alot of these couples I know both had white collar jobs, got married, and the woman quits work when married or at the first kid with no plans of ever returning to work, even when the kids are school aged.

Maybe its just because I live in the mostly conserative midwest, but their are alot of stay at home moms driving new Tahoes and wearing workout clothes all day to drop the kids off at school, go to the gym, out to lunch with their girlfriends, picking up the house, picking up the kids from school, and getting food for the hubby when he gets home.

nothing wrong with that if that is what the couple wants. Honestly, I am glad I have a wife that works as hard if not harder than I do.

[rennigade]

Maybe its just because I live in the mostly conserative midwest, but their are alot of stay at home moms driving new Tahoes and wearing workout clothes all day to drop the kids off at school, go to the gym, out to lunch with their girlfriends, picking up the house, picking up the kids from school, and getting food for the hubby when he gets home.

I still stand by what I said previously but I will add that it seems this is an "older" generation type of thing. All of the people I know that are my age and do have kids do not even stay home. The kids go to daycare and both parents work even though some wouldnt have to. Most have a partner who has a high/highest degree and works in a lucrative field.

I guess the whole stay at home thing was simply accepted back in the day. I understand someone waning to take off after a child is born...but long term...ehhh, really? Especially when they go to school all day?

Bigdaddy...what you said above...and I dont want to offend anyone this is just my opinion...those people are very weak lost individuals. I work in a high income spot in DC. When I walk around outside, especially at lunch, I see plenty of very attractive mid aged women in their workout clothes eating with their other attractive friends. Usually with some shopping bags in arms. Its very obvious what their purpose is in life. I honestly do not envy those people one single bit. They're like a fragile baby crawling around completely dependent on someone else.

I know this doesnt apply to everyone but for the older couples I know that have a Stay At Home Female (cant call them a sahm anymore, the kids have been gone for decades,) it was always about control for the men. The women literally get an allowance each week. Very sad.

[disneysteve]

When I walk around outside, especially at lunch, I see plenty of very attractive mid aged women in their workout clothes eating with their other attractive friends. Usually with some shopping bags in arms. Its very obvious what their purpose is in life. I honestly do not envy those people one single bit. They're like a fragile baby crawling around completely dependent on someone else.

What you're describing certainly isn't what most of us are talking about. My wife isn't out shopping, buying designer clothes, lunching with the ladies, and being a "fragile baby". She's a perfectly competent, capable, educated woman. We are just fortunate that I earn enough that she doesn't need to work. I wouldn't be happy with what you are describing either.

[bigdaddybus]

I still stand by what I said previously but I will add that it seems this is an "older" generation type of thing.

I guess the whole stay at home thing was simply accepted back in the day. I understand someone waning to take off after a child is born...but long term...ehhh, really? Especially when they go to school all day?

Actually, I have seen this quite a bit with the 20 something couples I am friends with. I think it is a "I'm not doing the keeping up with the Jones, thing. We are doing our own thing." Caring more about family values, and a relaxed low stress lifestyle than dollars.

To me, as a 39yr old man who grew up as a latch key kid going from the daycare years, to the babysitter at home, to coming home from school to an empty house while my parents were off building their nest egg........I find this very appealing and I admire those couples who do what they want instead of following the heard.

[cschin4]

Unless there are small children in the house...I have to question how on earth people feel comfortable staying at home while their other half works.

Seriously...without a child, what duties are you doing at home that cannot be done either on weekends or after work? Are peoples time management that poor?

Ok...lets say the person that stays home takes care of all the household duties, laundry, cleaning, cooking. Cleaning/laundry takes a relatively short amount of time unless you're a slob. Lets just say that equates to 8 hours a week. Then theres cooking. Unless you're making 5 course meals every single night, cooking does not take long...and if you're someone who eats a lot of salads...that takes even less time. So cooking/cleaning dishes comes to 10 hours a week if you're really bad at it.

What are you doing with the rest of your time?? Volunteering at a church or salvation army type place? Wow, congrats. As your other partner is dealing with reality you're off in la la land because when it comes down to it...you simply cannot handle the real world. Let me get the smallest violin out and play you a song. Volunteering is great dont get me wrong...but the fact is people need money to survive. The quicker you can increase your finances the closer you are to the end game which is retirement, that you both can enjoy together. Why put all the weight on one person?

If you're at home with your wife or husband and she/he starts cleaning up around the house...do you just sit there and watch? Sadly some probably do...but I would like to think that most would like to put in a helping hand and pull their weight. Same goes for the workforce. Doesnt matter if one makes $100k and the other makes $30k, you have to pull your weight. If thats all you are capable of making, so be it.

The fact is...everyone has stress in their lives. Suck it up and deal with it...and if you have trouble dealing with it, then there are deeper issues that need ironed out.

Well, first of all, another couple does not have to "justify" to me why the live the way they do. They don't have to "justify" how they do or don't use their time. They don't have to "justify" anything at all about their way of living to YOU. If it works for them and they pay their own bills and they are happy, then not sure why you personally even have so much angst about something that doesn't concern you.
We do what works for OUR family. ANd, if other people around us don't "like", it , they can go pound salt because they dont' pay our bills. But, we have run the gamut, both full time, one spouse home ,one spouse full time. One spouse full time, one part time. One spouse unemployed trying to start a job, one spouse working 2 jobs and on and on. We adjust and change to the needs of OUR family and I would suggest others do what works for them as well and forget about what people "think" because I don't give a rat's behind what people "think".

[danielhermann]

The husband and the wife should both work if both of them qualify as great workers and really contribute to improving their area of activity. If they are mediocre workers and their net savings is nothing substantial [ earnings less necessary expenditure to work + taxes] it is better they stay at home. Once you have kids, it is a completely different story. Nobody, however professional can give the same kind of input and support as a parent. In my opinion, one of them needs to stay-at-home or at least work flexible hours.Staying at home and being there for others is a job few people can do well. Remember only if you are not hassled in your personal life, only then can you deliver in your professional life.

[HalfDozenDaily]

Wow. My husband and I both work and I *still* find this super offensive!

People can do whatever they want. If someone wants to work and someone wants to stay at home and take care of things, who cares?

When two partners make fairly equivalent salaries it usually makes sense for both to work. But if one person makes enough to support the family in the lifestyle that the agree they want, it is up to them if the other one works.

If my husband made the same as both of us put together and I only had skills that qualified me for a $30k a year job I probably wouldn't work. Between work clothes, taxes (which would fill in at the top of our tax bracket and probably reduce that $30k by about 40%), commuting expenses, and the extra spending that occurs when two people work full time (such as more dinners out and spending more on convenience things) would take that $30k down to just about zero.

But either way your post was pretty rude.

AMEN!! Totally agree with you BuckyBadger!!

Wow... how judgemental can you get... if one spouse wants to stay home and the other approves, WHO REALLY CARES!? Seriously... get over yourself. lol!

[HalfDozenDaily]

Perhaps. Or perhaps they have very valid reasons, but feel it is a very private matter and decline to disclose the reasons.

Oh absolutely!! But I do know couples who have divorced for reasons that were probably "fixable" but chose to divorce, in which case they get to deal with the financial repercussions of that.

[cschin4]

I think a lot of couples are divorcing BECAUSE both spouses work and everyone is so exhausted and burned out and there is no time for the kids or each other. I have seen that scenario quite frequently.

[lamar411]

Unless there are small children in the house...I have to question how on earth people feel comfortable staying at home while their other half works.

Seriously...without a child, what duties are you doing at home that cannot be done either on weekends or after work? Are peoples time management that poor?

Long time lurker, first post. But I have always thought this, and kudos to the guy for putting it out there. Maybe it's just me, but I hate the feeling of not pulling my own weight. Being at home while my spouse worked would be horrible for me. I would feel bad right away. Yes, sometimes it doesn't make sense due to other factors (commute, expenses, salary) so I see what many are saying, but for the majority, thats not the reason they don't work. Yes, every family is different and they have there own reasons, but I will be honest and say I don't understand this choice.

[cschin4]

There are many ways to pull your own weight. And, I think marriages, that ONLY view that pulling your weight is paid employment, that they may have trouble down the road because our employments change through job cuts, downsizing, etg. Or, a spouse gets ill or is injured or disabled for a period of time and so forth. It isn't about WHO pulls the most weight. It is about working TOGETHER as a TEAM to get the job done and advance the family. And, sometimes one spouse may be busier than the other and vice versa. And, of if you truly believe your circumstances aren't going go change you are wrong. They will. Nobody knows what is coming down the road.

[hamchan]

To me this is even MORE reason former both spouses to work at least part time as long as they are able to. Sometimes life makes the choice for you, and if you have been staying home for years, then suddenly have to carry the entire financial burden of the household PLUS the childcare and housework, that is bad news. Ask me how I know. It is hard even without having stopped working. I cannot imagine trying to go from staying home to what I am having to do now.

[HalfDozenDaily]

I think a lot of couples are divorcing BECAUSE both spouses work and everyone is so exhausted and burned out and there is no time for the kids or each other. I have seen that scenario quite frequently.

I agree... everyone is soo busy and working so hard 'cause they have to pay for their lifestyle of a huge home, multiple cars, vacations, designer clothes, etc... that family becomes a second thought sometimes. It's sad...

I've been a SAHM for 20 years, never EVER would my husband ever suggest that i'm not "pulling my own weight". He likes that i'm a SAHM and his friens are all envious that he comes home to breakfast made (he works the night shift), has someone to put a hot dinner on the table on time, a clean house (mostly... lol!), happy kids, etc... I also have a small "side business" with my sewing and bring in a side income, but it's never been that I "have" to, I want to, but if ever I decided it was enough, he'd be 100% ok with it.

When it comes down to it, it's OUR FAMILIES CHOICE. I cannot believe some of the ignorant assumptions about SAHM's... wow. Do people really thing all we do is "shop & hang out at Starbucks"? Honestly... Ignorance is bliss I suppose...

[hamchan]

You're making assumptions about dual income families (that they are doing it for vacations, multiple cars and luxuries) and then complaining about people making assumptions about you because you SAH?