Should both the wife and husband work?

[bride2b]

In your opinion, should both the wife and husband work when married? If you have kids, should they both continue to work, or should one stay home to raise the kids? How did you decide this in your family? Did it work out well, or do you wish you had done it differently? What's the most important issue to consider when making this decision in your opinion?

[lorraineb]

I think this varies from family to family. Personally, I think having a parent at home for kids, especially when they're young, is important, but we do live in a two income to survive society these days. You need to sit down with your partner and find out each other's views on this. Talk it out and see where you agree. If there is a difference, find a compromise. There is a lot of this in marriage.

[Like2Plan]

That is a family decision- what is right for your family. You and your spouse have to decide what is right for you.

[snafu]

Whether to work or not is best based on specific circumstances, values and customs of each couple. It's likely a negotiation resolved before the wedding. What do you want to do?

Personally, I would have been bored to tears as a newlywed in our 1st apartment. I loved my job and was delighted to use my education to extend learning and life experiences. After 6 weeks as a new mom on maternity leave Dh wasn't surprised when reliable child care permitted me to relinquish benefits and return to work. Baby #2, different circumstances, different outcome, had a different job working non traditional hours, no reliable care for infant and 3 y/o. Kept busy as a volunteer working [at home] for our community. Went back to work part time when DS1 went to playschool/pre-kindergarten PT. When I was on mat leave we drastically cut expenses.

[cschin4]

People need to worry less about "shoulds" and focus on what works for THEIR family. Working can take a lot of forms. I think life circumstances change and you adjust accordingly. There may be a time when one is working full time and one stays home. Or one works part time and another full time. Marriage and life changes. Just because one spouse works full time now, doesn't mean circumstances might not dictate a change. There were periods of time when I was the sole supporter and DH was in school or unemployed. There were times we both worked full time. There were times when he worked FT and I worked PT. And, there were times when he worked FT and I stayed home. Roles change throughout marriage. The notion that everything in marriage is 50/50 is absurd. You work TOGETHER to maximize your life. And, maybe one spouse is currently pulling more weight in wordly terms but life changes and maybe later on your spouse is sick and then you work more or whatever. I think everyone would be better off to do what makes their life the best and stop trying to work the agenda the world says too.

[disneysteve]

There is no right answer to this question. It depends on the individuals, your wants and needs, your finances, etc. My wife has never been career-minded. She worked for years before we got married and for another couple of years after we got married. Then she became a SAHM for 10 years when we had our daughter. Then she went back to work for about 8 years and this past year, left the workforce again. That's just what worked for us and it is still evolving. When DD goes off to college in the fall, it may change again.

I know women who had absolutely no desire to ever stay home with their kids. I know women who couldn't bear the thought of leaving their kids to go to work. It is a very personal decision.

This is a decision that only you and your husband can decide.

[kalikala1980]

Depends on the family. Personally, I'd be bored to tears being a housewife. I definitely wouldn't want to stay home with a screaming baby all day either.

[cardtrick]

I wouldn't want my wife to sacrifice her career to raise our kids. Besides, what if we got divorced at some point? She is going to really hate me after that. I'd rather just spend the money on daycare.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

bride2b, how about sharing some of your own thoughts about all your marriage, family, and finances related questions?

I'm in the camp that believes that decisions about who works, how much, where, and when are up to the couple involved. I like what cschin4 said, "People need to worry less about "shoulds" and focus on what works for THEIR family."

Even once a decision is made, it can be changed...hopefully together. Sometimes new factors come into play. We need to be flexible and able to work out alternative ways of getting by and taking care of ourselves and our families.

[hamchan]

Having been divorced once, there is no way I'd compromise my earning power to stay home. Kids or no kids. That is an unbelievably precarious and potentially dangerous situation for a woman.

[disneysteve]

bride2b, how about sharing some of your own thoughts about all your marriage, family, and finances related questions?

I'm starting to wonder if OP is a troll. Came on one day and asked a bunch of similar and somewhat provocative questions and hasn't been back. Good conversations though.

[HalfDozenDaily]

I'm with the "to each their own" group.

I'm a SAHM of 4 kids, (homeschool as well) and have been now for almost 20 years. Do I regret it? Not even for a moment... you can't put a price on your children's lives, you never get that time back. The time with my children has been worth living beneath our means, going "without" what the "Joneses" have (yearly vacations, 2 cars in the driveway, etc...) as well.

That being said, I do earn a small income from home with my sewing (custom orders) and with my photography. It helps to afford us some nice "extras" and pads our savings accounts throughout the year as well.

I've never felt as though we "have it rough" by living on my husbands modest income. I couldn't go through my life working 9-5 "just in case" my marriage fell through the pot... my husband & I are in it for the long haul, and while I understand why some women, especially those who have "been there, done that" would never think this was a "smart option", for me it's the only way to go.

So.. again, to each their own.

PS - As a SAHM, I can assure you, with kids at home you have very little time to "get bored". lol!

[cschin4]

Depends on the family. Personally, I'd be bored to tears being a housewife. I definitely wouldn't want to stay home with a screaming baby all day either.

I don't really understand this. Why would a baby be "screaming" all day? There were periods when I cut back significantly so I could be at home more. I liked being home with my children as much as possible and it gave me time to really take care of the home, do more cooking, etc. And, everyone was much happier and life was less stressful in many regards. I was never bored at home. I always found plenty to do and it gave me some time to pursue other interests as well. I don't need to go to work to keep from being 'bored".

[HalfDozenDaily]

I don't really understand this. Why would a baby be "screaming" all day? There were periods when I cut back significantly so I could be at home more. I liked being home with my children as much as possible and it gave me time to really take care of the home, do more cooking, etc. And, everyone was much happier and life was less stressful in many regards. I was never bored at home. I always found plenty to do and it gave me some time to pursue other interests as well. I don't need to go to work to keep from being 'bored".

My first thought was "this person obviously has no children". lol! I agree with your post... I love being at home and have 4 kids, none of whom "screamed all day".

[disneysteve]

I don't really understand this. Why would a baby be "screaming" all day? There were periods when I cut back significantly so I could be at home more. I liked being home with my children as much as possible and it gave me time to really take care of the home, do more cooking, etc. And, everyone was much happier and life was less stressful in many regards. I was never bored at home. I always found plenty to do and it gave me some time to pursue other interests as well. I don't need to go to work to keep from being 'bored".

My first thought was "this person obviously has no children". lol! I agree with your post... I love being at home and have 4 kids, none of whom "screamed all day".

Let's not be critical of other people's choices please.

Some women are happy to be stay-at-home moms. Some women would go nuts doing so.
Some women aren't the least bit interested in having a career. Some women are very career-oriented.

If you want to stay home and you can afford to do so, that's great.
If you want to work and can handle the child care costs, that's great.

There's no right or wrong answer here. It's a personal decision.