children

[Goldy1]

I was just wondering how finances played into your decision to have children, how many, or maybe you don't have any yet, and have thoughts.
I was married in my mid twenties, and waited by choice to have my first child at 33. We had a home and my husband had a job with benefits the entire time so waiting was more of a lifestyle issue. Basically I enjoyed being kid free and wasn't sure.
After a very healthy pregnancy and "easy" delivery I love my life as a mom. We were fortunate to not need any reproductive help, and conceive immediatley. My son is three and a half and I just turned 37 so time is not on my side in terms of havng another child.(I will say I can run and keep up with him all day and feel good)
I think having one child is so much easier financially. Say my husband got laid off and we have one child;our house is paid off, and we have some modest savings;maybe we can just both get a lower paying job and not really have to struggle.
There just seems more pressure to have a full time higher paying gig with two kids or more.
I have never had to wory about money in my life. I always had money for food and shelter. I guess I see two teenaged kids eating and wanting mall trips and cars, and I just don't know.

[MonkeyMama]

On the 2-kid thing, I think it just depends. If you are going to spoil all your kids rotten, then it gets rough.

Though we had kids on the young side, we waited until we were financially secure.

I don't find there to be a huge difference financially with one versus 2 kids (we have 2). We are committed to public schooling. Our biggest expense has hands down been health insurance, but it the expense is the same whether we have one or 5 kids. When they are teenagers they will be working and paying for the extras (besides food, shelter, clothing). College is not a biggie where we live - lots of low cost/good options. {It's a tradeoff - cost of living is high - but there are perks that come with that - like several great public colleges}.

I do think that having one child is extraordinarily expensive (did I mention the health insurance and lost wages?), but with the second there are just a lot of hand-me-downs and stuff. I come from a place where my spouse has been home 10 years - largely because in the early years 100% of his income would go to taxes and daycare anyway. So I feel there is not doubt having children is a HUGE financial setback. But I haven't noticed much difference with a second child. Admittedly, they are just a couple of years apart. Which may add two years to when spouse considers re-entering the workforce. But when you've been home 10 years, what's 2 more years? A bigger gap has its pluses and minuses - it might even out in the end.

I don't think honestly that finances had a lot to do with why we only had 2 children. It had everything to do with the *when* we had children. I don't think a third child would add that much to our financial load. The pricier stuff really comes down to luxury versus needs (vacations, cars, private educations, etc.)

[DebtFree&Broke]

The only way finances play a part in how many kids we have is how long it takes us to save up the $7500 deductible. We are planning on 5 kids 2 1/2 - 3 years apart.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Finances didn't play a role thus far and probably won't. I have two and we waited until we were emotionally ready and in a good place in our relationship and careers. That being said I have the privilege and luxury of staying at home with two kids and probably more.

I want 4, my DH isn't sure he says yes to 3 (one more), but won't commit more than that. His reasoning isn't financial but time and energy. Do we think we can handle 3? Is the third difficult?

I've found at least from friends, many people stop at one or two because of energy and time more than money. They feel that the ones or one they have is difficult and takes a lot of time. This weekend I was with two friends who have 2 boys each and they both said they wanted 3, but their second sons are really difficult compared to their first. So in both cases it's on hold. Financially both can afford more kids but they said they were nervous about having another like their second kids.

I'm sure finances plays a role for many people, but I'm equally sure age, ease of conceiving, time and energy play equal roles as well. My DD best friend's mom wanted 3-4 kids but has only one with her husband now because it took using IVF to get pregnant and she didn't want to do that again, and the issue was with her husband not her.

FWIW, now that I have two I, and I'm getting older I wouldn't do anything to have more. If I weren't able to have more I'd accept it since I have two already.

[Nika]

To us the huge cost could be daycare. That is more money than college.

In NYC average daycare is 2K+ a month, and thats for core hours, which are not enough since everyone has a long commute.

Plus, getting two kids ready and dropped off in daycare every morning, to be at work by 7:30 (hour and 15 minute commute for DH), including bad weather months and when it is completely dark outside.

And, we don't have an extra room. Our apartment is a junior 4 (which, for those outside NYC, means 1.5 bedroom). Our moms also live 2 hours away (each way) and both work full time, so they could only help so much in terms of coming over.

And yes, it still pays for me to work, no matter how creative one gets with counting child care, taxes, dry cleaning and train pass, and even lunches at work.

It is just really hard to work full time and provide the best of care for our baby. But we are managing well right now, adjusted to a good arrangement, got compressed schedules, occasional work from home, etc.

It will be incredibly difficult to have a second one, but I have not dismissed the idea. Still thinking about it. Maybe when LO is a tiny bit older.

[phantom]

My husband and I are 33 and 30 respectively, and we've been putting off having kids while we accomplish as much as we can financially. Our basic stumbling block is that we have a big house that we love, we want me to be a stay at home mom, and there's no way we can afford the mortgage on our house on just my husband's income. We can't see a way to pay off the mortgage in much less than 9 years, and waiting that long to have kids isn't really an option. So, the two remaining options are to either downsize the house or go ahead with having kids and find a way for me to continue to bring in money while staying at home with them. We're leaning towards option 2 since I do have a job that I could do from home pretty well. But, there's no reason we couldn't change our priorities once we see what it's actually like to have a kid and decide to sell the house. Still, it's tempting to wait one more year and one more year while we take another chunk out of the mortgage and add a bit more into our retirement savings. At some point, we're just going to have to admit that we'll be old and gray before we're in the "perfect" position to have kids and just go make it work with what we have.

Everyone I've talked to who has a bunch of kids insists that the money and energy it takes to handle additional kids is not at all linear. (2 are less than twice as hard as 1, 4 are less than twice as hard as 2, etc.) But, I'm still not convinced I want to try raising more than two myself.

[Goldy1]

We've brought the subject on the oard before and concluded it's not strictly a financial issue. I mean, if you want more you will find a way if it's really in your heart. That does sound kind of "preachy" thugh. I mean you will find a way but it could be hard financially.

I guess I appreciate the prespective that the 2nd one is not a huge hit financially. The biggest financial loss was for me to stay at home and quit my job. I was only making about $12 an hour. It sounds like a pitttance, but the work wasn't too hard. It wasn't highly rewarding, but alright(medicial assistant trained on the job although I have a teaching degree(hard to get a job)
The money I made really did contribute and help with saving coupled with my dh's income. However, it wasn't a huge financial decision to make me quit(I wasn't giving up much money)

I think private schools, and paying for ivy league schools are out of my reach for my child so that won't be an issue.

time and energy:Yes!!!! lol
I have one totally healthy 3 year old boy advanced for his age. I have buddies who have kids with minor to major health issues or delays in development and that takes time. He's well disciplined(I think it's in large part to the enormous amount of attention we give me). That being said, it can be very mentally difficult staying at home despite the fact I go to playdates, beling to mom clubs, do activites at home with him. I miss using my mind more at times Most of the cleaning, shopping, and even lots of the books I read relate to him! I love it, but I am surprised more don't have one kid. It's really a nice lifestyle. no matter how draining or challenging the day is, he will evenually go to sleep (I have to just get one down) and I will have peace.
It's fun though. It gives me zest for life. This week we went to a cider mill and a pool. I never did that before kids.

The only people I know who have one kid do so bc they had them at advanced ages and are experienceing secondary infertility.

[Blessed]

Finances didn't enter into our decision to have kids. We married young and had a pretty quick surprise pregnancy. We didn't have much money and it wasn't going to stretch. I started reading every book I could get my hands on as far as being frugal went. We flipped our shifts so we didn't have to pay for daycare. Things were going ok.

Baby #2 came as a happy surprise again despite birth control again. Dh had gotten a slightly better job so that was good! I ended up on bed rest for the last 4 months. Boy were things lean but we really learned to stretch a dollar and work as a team. Because of dh's new job us working opposite shift was not a possibility any more since my job had to be days. We decided that I would just work a few hours a week and keep doing all the money saving stuff and enjoy our kids.

As the kids got older dh's job got better. Things got better and better financially. I'm glad we had them young even if we did struggle a bit financially. If we would have waited until we felt financially secure we would just now be having them in our 40's.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Because there is something very special about a sibling to play and grow up with. Not just playing with mom at the playground but looking longingly at other children. I had that moment while pregnant with my second and I promised my DD1 that she'd have a playmate soon. I am an only and I have to say it's lonely. My DH is very close to his brother and though he does give us headaches it's still nice to have him.

Hence probably why I would want more than 1. No I truly believe that if you want kids you make sacrifices you didn't think possible. I see a lot of families making a lot less money and having more kids and the mom stays at home and I know they are obviously making huge sacrifices. By the same token not having kids is not for everyone.

[Nika]

I see a lot of families making a lot less money and having more kids and the mom stays at home and I know they are obviously making huge sacrifices.

I belong to the baby forum, and I would say more than three quarters of moms there are on some kind of assistance. (WIC, foodstamps, medical, housing, etc.) And they go on having more kids. I would not call that "sacrifice". It is more of "I'll do what I want, it will be fine" because the state won't let the kid starve and everyone knows it.

The most frustrating part to me is when new kids are made not because their parents wanted a baby more than anything in the world, but simply because they are not disciplined enough to use birth control (that, for many who don't understand the concept, means using it 100% of the time, not occasionally). Or that phrase "we weren't trying, but we weren't doing anything to prevent it". How is that not "trying"? I wonder what do they call "trying" than? Only "in vitro"?

grrrr. I can't take hanging out on that board any more.

[Gailete]

I don't think we rally thought abut the finances of it. I had my first baby at 25 and the second 3 years later. I breastfed, cloth diapered, and did home daycare for other kids while mine were small. We struggled financially and not just because of the income coming in. Where things got rough was when we got divorced and there was child custody problems, support problems, and the cost of maintaining a home on one salary problems. But it can be fairly cheap to raise kids when you don't feel like you have to provide the world for them. I wished I had had the money to help with collage expenses, but they financed the extra schooling that they wanted.

I think that the best way to afford kids is for both the parents being on the same side of the page when it comes to money, savings, and what to spend on the kids. Also for the husband to recognize that the wife that breast feeds, takes care of dirty/wet cloth diapers, makes baby food themselves, cans and freezes garden produce, etc. is saving the household $100s a month. I had a husband at that time that as far as he was concerned the money he earned was his and it was my responsility to earn the grocery money and any money that I needed for my needs--such as clothes for me most of which I made myself. A horrible situation to be in and a huge reason why eventually there was a divorce. Please understand that I just glossed over an incredibly bad situation only to prove a point. Not all marriages are fairy tales and may split up leaving lots more financial problems and lots of kid problems post-divorce.

When and how many kids to have is something that really needs some deep communication before a marriage and after. Just the same with money and its use.

[Jimhassel]

Yes absolutely. Finance plays a huge role in the lifestyle that you lead or the way you expand your family. I am damn sure about it as I have seen one of my friends who used to live with his wife in a small house with almost no luxuries. But when his business flourished they have not only got all luxuries of life but are a happy family including their three daughters, all of whom study in prestigious schools and colleges.

[Redraidernurse]

In some ways yes, in some ways no. We are both 27 and have 2 children, but hope to have 2-3 more children. I think children are a great joy and a huge blessing. I never want to look back in life and regret not having more because of financial constraints. My husband is currently the only one working. I worked after the first child, but after the 2nd one decided to stay home, which has been great for family life and our marriage. We are saving now for their college, we save $300 for each child (so $600 total) every month its automatically put into separate 529s. We would hope to help pay for their college in a big part, if not all. As far as other financial obligations, once you buy all the "baby" stuff for one child, the second one is pretty cheap. Ours are both boys and we have reused everything from the first.

[Nika]

For family with one working parent having second baby is not much more expensive.
For a working family second child is almost twice as expensive due to childcare -- it costs a lot more than college.

[Gailete]

Any family that is able to set aside $600 a month towards their children's eventual college costs is already a truly blessed family financially In these kinds of discussions you can't really measure the costs of raising children and the financial impact as the playing fields aren't level.

The most important this about decisions on having children is if you and your spouse can't personally afford them, then don't have them. Having children and expecting food stamps, welfare and all other types of social programs to provide the costs of raising your children, just puts an undue and unjust burden on those paying taxes and struggling to afford their own children. I think that is the biggest thing that makes me angry is the countless children being born to families/ single mothers that can't afford them and have them expecting the government to provide for them. I love children and wanted many, but knew that there was a limit financially as to what we could deal with.