children

[Redraidernurse]

Any family that is able to set aside $600 a month towards their children's eventual college costs is already a truly blessed family financially In these kinds of discussions you can't really measure the costs of raising children and the financial impact as the playing fields aren't level.

The most important this about decisions on having children is if you and your spouse can't personally afford them, then don't have them. Having children and expecting food stamps, welfare and all other types of social programs to provide the costs of raising your children, just puts an undue and unjust burden on those paying taxes and struggling to afford their own children. I think that is the biggest thing that makes me angry is the countless children being born to families/ single mothers that can't afford them and have them expecting the government to provide for them. I love children and wanted many, but knew that there was a limit financially as to what we could deal with.

Thank you for saying that, we are blessed. My husband makes about $70k/year but we live on about half of that so we can save for their college and our retirement.

[Gailete]

Thank you for saying that, we are blessed. My husband makes about $70k/year but we live on about half of that so we can save for their college and our retirement.

Sounds like you and your family are proving a point that it is possible to live and survive on a limited income (by choice since you are only living on half of what you bring in) even with the mom staying home and caring for the children. A stay at home mom can actually save more than many working moms can make especially the savings in daycare! It is just my husband and I now on a limited income, much of it sucked up by medical bills.

I realize it is a bit off topic, but I've been beginning to wonder if I had wandered into a forum for people not like me (even though I've come here for years now), when single folks making 60K are thinking they aren't making enough to survive on and families are having trouble making ends meet with even bigger incomes. Ten years ago I was making what you are living on and I can comprehend just how tight you are trimming your budget to manage that with 4 of you, since at that point it was just me and one son. I do realize that no matter what your income most of us all can use some advice on saving. I need advice on stretching as well. I've always lived frugally, but getting hit with a chronic disease that not only takes the starch out of me but renders me incapable of doing most of the money saving things I've done most of my life is really tough and I feel helpless to squeeze the budget any more than I am.

Sorry, back to our topic.

[JoeP]

The only factors that came into play were: job security and available cash for child-rearing expenses. We are fortunate that we both had and continue to have high-demand jobs, and we both had 10-15+ years experience in our fields at the time. We also had a situation that enabled us to use family for daycare (they actually demanded it!) so there were no costs there besides occasional gift certs for fine dining as thank yous.

If we had to have a SAHM situation, or daycare expense, we would have still done it. The downside would have been staying in the same very small house.

[dawnwes]

We have 3 kids. The first two I had at ages 31 and 33. The third is adopted (he was born when I was 37).

Now, I have all boys, so things may be different, but my kids HATE the mall or shopping of any kind. They do like electronic gaming things.....XBox, 3ds, Playstation, etc.....and that is costly, but overall, a simple, "Sorry son, you will have to wait until a birthday to get that or save up for a while longer" suffices.

I worked full time until my oldest was 7 and my middle son was 5. We then moved to a lower cost of living area of the country and I stopped working.

Finances were not really a factor in having more than one child. My husband and I have always had good jobs that paid enough to not only survive but live comfortably.

Dawn

[dfeucht]

go ahead with having kids and find a way for me to continue to bring in money while staying at home with them. We're leaning towards option 2 since I do have a job that I could do from home pretty well.

I know working from home when I am responsible for our kids is nearly impossible. I am sure some can do it, but it isn't as simple as it may appear.

My wife and I had planned on two kids mostly for lifestyle, partially for finances, but we were blessed with twin boys in our second pregnancy, so the best of intentions...

I guess in the end finances were not a major factor for determining when/if to have children, and how many to have, but I do think it is definitely something that responsible parents consider.

[Thrif-t]

We waited till we bought our house and had it furnished before deciding to have kids. Then after the 3rd handful we were done. Like a previous poster we didn't want to take a chance getting another like our 3rd. Then after he finally got old enough and settled down, well then it was so easy with them all older that I didn't want to go back to the baby stage. So really finances didn't play a part in it. But now that we have college on the horizon I'm glad we stopped at 3. We always planned on 4.

[Gailete]

after the 3rd handful we were done

I wonder how many of us would have had more children if our first one was like the second or third one? LOL. My first was the 'perfect' baby. Slept through the night at 3 weeks, wonderful personality, happy, etc. The second one was a problem even before we left the hospital as he didn't want to nurse, didn't want to be held, cried, didn't talk till he was almost 2 so he screeched, pinched and poked--he was autistic. I don't think I could have handled a baby after him as he was off to special school, and took lots of time and energy. I love him and he is a wonderful young man, but those early years-WOW! I have always felt bad that I never, ever was able to rock him to sleep in my arms, something that is so natural with most children but he couldn't stand to be touched or held.

At this point the only reason that I wished I could have had more is the grandchildren seem awful slow to be coming. My first son got married last year and is almost 32 and the younger I doubt will ever be married. Even if the first has one, it will be too far away for me to have much contact with them.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I can honestly answer that my first is DIFFICULT sleeper and super stubborn. Already with my second I can say she's an easier baby. I was exhausted because my first never slept at night. If I had another like the first we'd stop even though I wanted four. But now after my good second even my husband said we can have another easily. He said also that we'd have the second sooner if the first had been easier.

From the baby forum I see a lot of people couponing and just living cheap with kids.

[Goldy1]

I have one three year old. On the whole time and resource issues, that's tough for me. I am a real hands on parent. No tv til he was almost three, and now just a half hour a day. I paint and run in the yard with him. I have facebook buddies with three kids and they are always watching movies at two years old etc etc. and I just can't do that. I don't judge anyone else in the least, and my friends who parent different are no better or worse than me, but from my obervations it is more taxing on me. I breastfed. I would do it again, but it was sooo much harder time wise, and they don't stay full long. He woke up so many times for that, and many times during the day. My baby wantd to be held constantly. I am shocked when I see babies tottling along at playdates exploring on thier own for 2 hours. Mine would have nursed three times and required me to be standing up(oh don't sit) and walk him around. You can't have even daddy sit for long when you do that. (I guess I spolied him)

I wish I was more hands off, but I know how I am.
I think things would be easier and harder with two;easier with one with no bickering, but it'd be nice for him to have a playmate but that's a roll of the dice.

My baseball loving husband is on his way to see the Tigers in thier first playoff game right now with a buddy. His brother who is 2 years older doesn't give a squat about sports so he didn't ask him to go. They never see each other. They didnt' play together as kids due to different interests and personalities(they do get along)

[Gailete]

Goldy, Never feel guilty or whatever for being a hands on mom! I love hearing about kids with no TV time when little, etc. I don't understand the theory of plop the kid in front of the TV business. Probably since I grew up with very limited TV and much more hands on activities, plenty of books, etc. I am saddened so often seeing kids that have had no parenting, no impulse control, nothing and I suspect much of that lays at the feet of the TV. Kids need to nknow who their parents are.

[ecoadapt]

I believe planning on how many kids you want is a good example of how responsible you can be. I don't think it's bad to have another child. I think by the way you said it you can afford to do so. So go for it!

[Abiezer]

Finances did not enter into our choice to have kids. We wedded young and had a pretty fast surprise maternity. We did not have much money and it was not going to expand. I started reading every book I could get my hands on as far as being frugal went. We flipped our shifts so we did not have to pay for daycare. Things were going ok.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

You can be hands on with more than one kid. Mine is almost 3 and doesn't watch tv everyday and limited to 30 minutes. And there are people with one who watch tons of tv. I think it doesn't matter how many kids you have what matters more is the type of parent you are.

That being said, I'd still like a couple more.

[elessar78]

Only a small part. As far as we are concerned the kid didn't really add that much to our household expenditures. There are ways to pay for college, you don't have to give your kid a full ride. Also, being a college grad myself and ALL the other immediate members of my family having a master's degree or higher—I can say that the advanced degrees are overrated.

Maybe it'll swing back around in 20-30 years but skilled labor is highly in demand right now. People think they want a white-collar desk job but most are probably ill suited for the 9-5 grind. So there are other ways of making a good living.

On another angle, I coach youth soccer and I find the money parents spend to be on these club teams exorbitant. Over $1000/year on the low end for tuition allow, not including other costs like travel, time, uniforms, hotels, dining out, etc. It's prob. a $3000 endeavor per kid, per year ON THE LOW END. I know clubs that charge $5000 a year for tuition alone in big metro areas. My niece, God bless her heart, after probably $20,000 (she's 13) she still sucks—not her fault completely but her coaching has sucked.

[Gailete]

You can be hands on with more than one kid.

This is so true! The decision to have more than one kid stems from many more factors than finances. It's root is what kind of parent do you plan to be. If you are going to be your child's best friend and buddy and cater to all their needs, then yes, probably one is all you can afford financially and time wise. While I only had 2 kids, I grew up in a family of 5 and saw some of the 'tricks' that my mom used in raising us. The biggest one is that we all shared her attention, she expected us to entertain ourselves or she would find us chores to do, we were expected to help with housework, very limited TV viewing when we actually had a TV. My mom managed to can and freeze food, make most of my sister's, mine and my her clothes, etc. When I was raising my 2 I did daycare at home. I also expected kids to play, I did grownup things while keeping an eye on them. I remember seeing an ebay listing once for a very expensive sewing machine that a young lady was selling. Apparently since she had a toddler at home she didn't have any time to sew and so she was getting rid of the machine until the kid was older. I was stunned. I was a prolific sewer while the kids were little and I wasn't neglecting them either. If a mother can't take time out for her hobbies when she has a young one in the home, then that child is being given way to much attention or the mom is just making excuses and a toddler is a good one. Yes, I do understand that some children have special needs and I had one of those as well.

When I see so many kids today not able to do the simplest chores I know that no one was teaching them by example how to do things. Each generation of this nation's kids are getting dumber and dumber about practical matters of keeping a home and it is very sad to see. Does $5000 a year to play soccer really make up for not helping mom in the kitchen to learn how to make cookies, how to wash dishes, how to pull weeds out of a garden, and so on? I don't think so.