Do you ever just not fit in because you're frugal?

[wnlbutterfly]

I think they were probably speechless. When someone says their car is paid for now days, in a society that promotes always having a car payment, you just don't know what to say. Too bad they don't ask your wife for advice, that would be the smart thing.

We had a big spread of years between our children. I think the only thing I kept between the 2nd and last was the crib. I knew he would be the last baby and I wasn't about to buy brand new (other than the mattress for the crib...yuck). I called him my bargain basement baby. Either yard sales or on sale, and of course after two children I knew what I really needed and what I could do without. He is 12 now and survived.

I have an aunt that recently paid off her car (beater), and her DH started in with "time to look for another". She told him no...this one was fine (that mentality of always having a car payment). Well....guess what? They took another $1,000 loan against because their 30 yr old son (who makes twice what they do) got himself into a bind AGAIN. OMG! Can you spell "sucker?".

[AlligatorBaby]

Yes, I can relate to your wife!

We are having twins in October and almost everything I have bought is used from Craigslist or yard sales. There were only a few things I wanted new and that was the cribs and carseats for safety reasons and the stroller so it would last as long as we needed it to. In our living room that we don't use that much is housed all of my good finds for when the babies are older and I don't want to go searching for deals (harder in winter) like the highchairs, exersaucers, and a couple other big toy items. Everything originally was about $125 each but I didn't pay over $15-$25 for any it. But I have some friends who are pregnant and they are totally against "used, dirty" stuff for their baby! Even though I am proud of my finds, I get a little embarrased so I lied when they saw my stuff and said that it was given to me by family (which is somehow more ok even though it is still used!). And BTW, everything looks and works like brand new!!

Also most of my baby clothes (except a few things I found on clearance or was given to me) are gently used. It looks fine! All they do is spit-up on it and they grow so fast but of course all my friends turned their noses up at used clothes. Oh well, I also saved a TON of money!!!!!!!!

The "changing table" is just a dresser I got for $10 from a yard sale and I got a tall dresser with hutch at the used furniture place for $40. It looks so cute all cleaned up and painted white with matching hardware that we got it! But my friends all ordered from the boutiques.

And I was out with one said friend at the mall (I hate going there, so boring for a frugal person like me!) and she "had" to buy this beauty counter Clinique brand face wash set that was $80! Then she was going on about how she had to use it, especially now that she is pregnant and has worse skin and so it makes the $80 worth it and she is expecting me to agree. Yea right!

Boy that got long, guess I needed to vent!!!!!

[disneysteve]

disneysteve,i am sure that when your wife leaves the room they say well of course she has no car payment or worries her husband is a doctor,totaly missing any of the wisdom your wife has attemped to share

Sadly, I'm quite sure this is part of it. They probably figure (as so many people do) that since I'm a doctor, we can afford whatever we want. Of course, if that were the case, why would my wife be talking about shopping at yard sales and thrift shops when they are talking about $275 diaper bags? It totally doesn't make sense. If we had all the money, we would be the ones buying that stuff.

[PrincessPerky]

Generally we tread cautiously around folk and are occasionally surprised by folk who are frugal in any way. But mostly we are looked on as weird for any frugal practice that cannot be explained as 'tree hugging'

So if your wifes workmates are hip, she can point out the new tree hugging trend and how that 300 bag is so not good for the environment..then they can go buy a 400 organic bag instead.....

[cschin4]

How can so many people be so totally clueless?

Steve - I can understand why people are "clueless". I myself have succumbed to alot of this "you need" type marketing much to my dismay. I now look at all the stupid, stupid stuff I thought I needed over the years and am disappointed that I succumbed to this nonsense. I figure better late than never. But, I can easily see how people get caught up in this lifestyle without thinking.

[cschin4]

I grew up with very modest means. And, it was just "understood" that you would always have a house payment and a car payment. Paying off one's car or home was not something anyone did and was viewed as outside the realm of the possible and the norm. I think with more education people can learn that finances can be managed. But, this is more the exception than the rule.

[ScrimpAndSave]

My friends know that I am frugal...and I give a little advice here and there (if they ask for it). They know my car is paid off and my only debt is my house (after I close on it next month). They comment that I "do things the right way"...I have very smart friends...but they don't all make the best financial decisions.

[geojen]

I had a moment like this on Saturday. My friend from high school was visiting, and I mentioned that we were just "getting ahead" and found out we have a huge ($1100) car repair we have to make this week. It's always something, is what I said. She was like, wow, you guys don't have wads of money lying around, and seemed shocked and a bit disgusted. Meanwhile, she doesn't know that we are paying 750 bucks a month extra on paying off debt, and had a deer in the headlights look when I mentioned we will be out of debt save our mortgage in 3 years, maybe less.

[Scanner]

I don't know if I don't fit in or not.

I don't think I do.

Remember that commercial way back when where everyone is sitting around at an elegant table saying, "Pass the Planter's All-Fruit, please." "Can you please pass the Planter's All-Fruit?"'

Then a guy says, "Can ya please pass da' jellee?"

And they all faint and react in horror and disgust?

That's me.

More than my frugality, people and professionals look at me like I have 2 heads when I tell them I water fast for 36 hours 1x/week for health purposes.

They think I am a few french fries short of a Happy Meal.

But that's a chiropractor for you - we are all kind of cukes anyway. I just try to get my cuke's worth .

[Radiance]

I know that for many standards I have not been exactly frugal. But I do get a lot of gievance from my friends.
I am always the one with the cheaper car, because a car it's a car, it's a car.
I am also looked at as 'weird' because I didn't buy a van as soon as I found out I was pregnant.
I am always educating everybody about how little a baby really needs. (I know, I know, I had a $20 allocation for toys...) But I still don't have a theme decorated nursery, diaper bag, or a changing table and I regret I ever bought a stroller which is the only thing wit wheels parked on my garage collecting dust.
With the years I got used to comments like "You have to do everything different!" "Oh but you are the exception", etc, etc.
I take pride on my uniqueness and I like to think I inspire others. sometimes, I get the ugh? Sign that at least I made them think.
I invite them to think and I challenge them on their thinking.
How can you eat that, they ask, when I am eating my big salads. Well, I reply, I have plenty of nutritionists and doctors backing me up. How can YOU eat THAT? I say while I point at their McDonalds bag.

I am big in tolerance, I don't think they are any less intelligent or even clueless, they are just unaware. And yes, sometimes stubburn too
I guess I don't fit in, but I am ok with that.
It seems I don't need to fit in to have good friends that love me no matter how non conventional I can be.
My two cents,opps, those were not on the budget!

[disneysteve]

"Oh but you are the exception"

How often we here that around here. Lots of us seem to be the exceptions, so we all don't fit in, except when we're here.

[mom-from-missouri]

We are the same way with 4H. I have our kids enrolled in horsemanship, since my DH had horses when we married and we were not used to them. We wanted to learn to ride correctly and be safe.

We use used tack. We are not color coordinated, no false horse tails, no dyed hooves......

We go to the one required horse show each year that is local.

Other parents go every week to a show and have numerous saddles, matching blankets, bridals, halters, ropes and change colors for each show. One lady told me her horses cost them around $1000 a month.

Ours are on water and grass. We maybe average $20 a month, except when the get their shots once a year and their hooves trimmed.

[disneysteve]

mom-from-missouri: You allude to something that always annoys me - when people say how expensive some activity is, whether it be horses or having a baby or going to Disney World or whatever. The truth is that lots of people MAKE those things expensive, far more expensive than they need to be.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

That's me! I am hunting for used baby books or am hoping for freebies. Problem? My DH doesn't want me to tell people about the pregnancy so I can't exactly get free stuff (like a baby book!)

But I know people don't need that crap after they give birth so why couldn't I maybe score a freebie instead of buying even a used one?

I bought a baby bjorn used for $9 on ebay including shipping. I figure it if doesn't work out I'm a meal out.

And this way I don't have to have my friends hand me downs, when she wants more kids and feel obligated to give it back. Yeah she offered to loan it to us because they want to have a second soon.

I am also eyeing a neighbors stroller if they didn't get rid of it. I know it would be perfect again if we started telling people I could maybe get my hands on it used, free great, paying a little would also be awesome.

Plus I'm the weirdo stockpiling diapers and wipes already. So my DH won't have to worry in the middle of winter about trying to do it alone.

[disneysteve]

Plus I'm the weirdo stockpiling diapers

I would advise against doing this as you may be throwing money away. You have no way of knowing in advance what size the baby will be or which brand will fit best and leak least at each stage of growth. We changed brands a few times during the course of the diaper usage. The brand that fit well as a newborn wasn't so great when she was a few months old, and that style didn't work when she started walking.

As for wipes, that's probably okay though it may be possible for them to dry out. Of course, you can just make your own. I think we got the "recipe" from The Tightwad Gazette, though most of the time we used the store brand ones from a local supermarket.