Having Kids

[LivingAlmostLarge]

When you decided to have children or not, were there any financial plans in place? Did you decided to limit the number of children you had because of finances? Or did you not do fertility treatments because of finances?

What influenced your decision to have or not have children?

[Scanner]

We have decided to limit the # of children because of finances. 3 college educations is just too daunting, not to mention trying to put away enough for retirement.

When I look at my friends, all the DINKS (Double Income No Kids) seem to be doing the best.

It looks like America will continue to import it's kids. . .

[pearlieq]

It's definitely a financial decision for us, and I wish it would factor in for everyone, but sadly it often doesn't, and some people still think it's taboo to think of kids in terms of money.

In these days, kids are luxury. 200 years ago, families needed to be large to help share the workload. These days kids are a pure financial liability in 99.9% of cases. That doesn't mean they're not a joy and a great reward, but they consume resources rather than contributing to the family's economic gain. And so the decision needs to made carefully.

For DH and I, our limit is 2 kids. If we wind up having twins the second time around, so be it, but we won't actively try to have more than 2. That decision reflects many beliefs of ours, and money is definitely a part. We feel like we can support two--two band instruments, two sets of braces, two bachelor's degrees, etc.

If our priorities were different, DH and I could likely support a whole housefull of kids. But we would prefer to have comfortable retirement savings and disposable income for luxuries and fun stuff more than we would like a large family. We think 2 is a reasonable balance between both desires.

If we're not able to have kids naturally, we're willing to pursue the most basic of fertility treatments, but that's it. Part of that decision is financial, and part of the decision is for other reasons. The same would apply for adoption--we may someday consider adoping a waiting child, but don't feel like we would ever purse an infant adoption--either domestically or internationally. Again, partially due to the exorbinant costs associated, and partially for other reasons.

As with anything, it's a question of priorities. DH and I are somewhat ambivalent about having kids. We would love it if they came along, but also feel like we could really enjoy a childfree life.

If having children was the most important goal in my life, I would be willing to do or spend whatever I could to pursue the goal of kids. If my lifelong dream was to have a large family, we would draw up a budget to support the maximum number our finances would allow.

[Broken Arrow]

I wasn't ready for kids, but my ex was.

There was no financial planning for us. We didn't have that kind of mindset at the time.

[MonkeyMama]

Yes, we wanted to be well off financially before kids. Very important. We jumped the gun a bit as we were doing better than expected and just felt "right." But with the planning we were both able to take significant time off work to be there for the kids, which was important. Sometimes I think if we had waited 5 more years (our original plan) we could have more semi-retired when we had kids - been home with them much longer. But then again I am glad we decided to go for it earlier. There is something to be said about having kids when you are young! IT is exhausting. Hard to find that balance between youth and financial security.

We settled on 2 and a lot of it is pretty financial, but regardless of the finances, I don't think we would have more kids.

Pearlieq makes a point. Kids were never big to me & I was surprised when dh said he would not go to extreme measures to have kids (he has always really wanted kids). We talk about it because his cousin has been unable to conceive and has gone through lengthy expensive fertility treatments (she will likely never bear children). Of course they wanted a large family and will do whatever it takes. They are simultaneously spending loads of money on medical treatments and adoption because they want a big family and are hedging their bet that they may never conceive. We talk about how we would have given up long ago, but it wasn't as important to us, which is key.

You would be surprised though how common in-vitro fertilization is. For everyone I know who conceived naturally it seems I know 1 or 2 people who did in-vitro. Most of them were lucky it worked on the first try at $10k or so a pop. Due to the success rate I see from friends I would maybe have considered it if it came to that. But it is an intense process to go through, and many had twins of course which doesn't exactly make it any cheaper (plus more risk to your health and the babies, etc.). A lot to think about if it is worth going to the more extreme measures.

[neatdesign]

Our poor financial health is probably the only reason Mark and I haven't started a family yet. What saddens me is that we're already in our mid-30s and nowhere near being financially stable enough to even THINK about having kids. By the time we're in a position to move forward on that front, we'll probably only have one kid, even though we'd both be happy with two.

~ Jenney

[disneysteve]

Sure, money was part of the decision. We didn't start a family until I was established in my job for a couple of years, we owned our home and had built up some savings. Also, we wanted DW to be a SAHM. We didn't want someone else raising our kid. We also stopped at one kid for a variety of reasons, but money is certainly one of those reasons.

[getforfree]

We have 2, and I don't want more, mostly for financial reasons, but also, I can't tolerate noisy and crowded places.

Dh wants another one, but I don't. Unless I become and istant millionaire, than maybe. Then I would have enough money and time for them, and if I get too tired of them, I would be able to hire the best babysitters in the world.

I rather have only 2 than 5 or more, and than have my kids complain all the time, why there is so many of them and not enough of everything for them.

Plus, I can't wait untill they will be old enough to not need a childcare, so I wouldn't have to make my work schedule around everybody else's and finaly have a normal job.

[AngeloAntonino]

We made sure we were not unnder too many financial constrainsts before we started having children. However if we new it was going to take us 4 yrs to conceive our first child (including 3 cycles of IVF) we proabably would have started trying sooner.
I believe every couple should at least have a financial plan for life with children, before they start having them. This will make them aware of possible sacrifices that need to be made. To get an idea of what it costs to have babies, simply go and ask people who have them.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I definitely don't buy kids are expensive, because I've found a lot of people have kids on very little money. I think they cost money, but a lot? Depends on the lifestyle you want to provide.

[sweeps]

Kids do cost a lot of money -- if you're doing it right. Taking them to the doctor and the dentist, feeding them healthier things than macaroni and cheese, giving them sufficiently warm clothes in the winter, saving up for college tuition, etc. That stuff adds up.

[MonkeyMama]

Um, I have to go with Sweeps. The lost wages (or the alternative being expensive childcare) and health insurance means we have lost about $30k-$50k/year income. Not exactly cheap. We definitely do not spend a lot on toys and clothes, etc. But that is not the stuff that will get you. Food, clothing, shelter, health, orthodontia and education are not exactly cheap.

[pearlieq]

Kids do cost a lot of money -- if you're doing it right. Taking them to the doctor and the dentist, feeding them healthier things than macaroni and cheese, giving them sufficiently warm clothes in the winter, saving up for college tuition, etc. That stuff adds up.

Amen!

Doctors, dentists, braces, glasses, good food, clothing, school fees, school supplies--that's about the bare minimum.

There's also the issue of housing--it's hard to raise 2 kids in a one bedroom apartment. And you have to live in at least a decent school district, which usually costs more. Otherwise you can shell out for private school. Also, it's awfully hard to strap 2 carseats and all the associated paraphenalia into a sub-compact.

Then there are things that aren't absolutely necessary, but add a lot to a kid's life. Things like sports and activities--soccer fees, band instruments, and camp aren't exactly cheap.

You can have kids and raise them with the bare minimum, but I wouldn't want to do that. I'd rather be able to provide experiences and opportunities for 2 kids than just do the bare bones for 6.

[getforfree]

food, clothing and toys are the cheapest items on the list. If I count only that, it adds up to about $100/months for 2 kids/toddlers, but kids need much more than that.

[cschin4]

I am sure this is not "wise". However, if you wait until you have all your ducks in a row to have children, then you may end up not having any! I doubt most people thought, OK, everything is paid for, let's have kids.
In reality, I think that if you want children and it is important in your life, then there may be no time like the present. The fact is that women's fertility takes a steep decline after age 35. Yes, many women have children after that, but it is something to contend with. And, most people don't think infertility will happen to them. They may put this off only to find out that they do have a problem conceiving.
Children are expensive and if you have children, then you have a lifelong commitment, have to provide for them, etc. You may find yourself living a less luxurious lifestyle than others, may end up working more, etc.
I have 3 children. Frankly, the first child is the "most expensive" one. After you have that one, you have acquired all the "stuff" so subsequent children really are not that much more costly. But, keep in mind that you may have a child with a disability, medical problems, etc. There are no guarantees in life.