Having Kids

[SnoopyCool]

Allow me to be the odd woman out, but we were married only 2 years before we had the first of our four children. I stay home and dh works. DH is also finishing-up school, which is no easy task while being a father (I was finished just before we were married). This was a leap of faith for us and it has worked out beautifully. We may be what many of you might call poor (and perhaps perpetually so), but we are on our own feet and there is no amount of reassurance that money could give us that could top what the Lord has promised and thus provided. I could not imagine not having the life and spirit in our home that our children provide. We have so much joy!

Having said that, I can concur that there are expenses that come with children that need to be considered. I also think it ignorant to jump into something when you know you absolutely can't and you have no faith in a higher power or yourself to accomplish the task.

[PrincessPerky]

My husband wanted to wait till we had 'our ducks in a row' I told him that would never happen...we were young and spending like DINKS (dual Income, No Kids) and niether one of us was growing up anytime soon...then I got pregnant, and we grew up a bit....only financially, truthfully we are still a couple of kids...with three kids (the better to play all day!)

As to cost...the money we used to spend on us, we spend on them...no more weekly wine splurge, instead we put it away for the Dr visit we know will come soon enough.

However...We spend the same now with 3 as we did with none.....there was plenty of room in the budget...not to say life isn't tight, but I would rather tight and spend all day with my kids watching them grow and learn than all day at work so I can afford that maid. (course he now makes all the money, and I make none)

But if on the other hand, if you want to wait till your ducks are in row, and that day never comes, that is fine, not everyone has to have a kid...We don't all have to have a house full, nor do we all have to stop at one or two, or whatever someones magic number is.

On fertility treatments, I would forgo them both due to finances, and the fact that there are so many wonderful children waiting to be adopted...and the cost depending on how many attempts at fertility are often less...Not to mention no morning sickness (or any other sickness caused by the fertility 'stuff'...just the same up and down roller coaster of wait)

[Coleroo]

I feel like the odd ball out here - but I come from a heritage of larger families. I dont think finances play a big part in how well a family or their children turn out. I went to a private school with lots of upper class kids and more of them turned out "bad" and ran amuck during high school than those from my "side of the tracks". I think it has a lot more to do with parents selfishness nowadays and the fact that the "me generation" is having kids (or, rather, trying NOT to). Who made the rule that each kid has to have his own bedroom nowadays? Sure, its nice, but not necessary for a healthy family. Who made the rule that lots of toys, big houses, nice cars, fancy foods, and fancy things are needed to have kids? My mother and father (both in 1942 and 1947) both came from large families - 9 kids in mom's family and 5 in dads. They never had more then 2-3 bedrooms, had a garden, loved beans and biscuits, visited the doctor when they were actually sick, and grew up healthy, happy, loved, and with a great heritage. They were "poor" but never lacked for the real things in life - food, clothing, shelter, and parents who loved them. I (unfortunately!) was an only child and I would give my right arm to have the fellowship of brothers & sisters that my parents have now in their later years of life. I couldn't imagine how life would have turned out if my grandparents would have decided they were "too poor" (because they lived in a 2 bedroom house) to have children. My family means the world to me...

Kids wont die if they dont go to the dentist 2 times a year... kids wont die if they dont get a physical every year (yeh, its nice but its a "luxury" that doesn't guarantee them to be any more healthier than ones who can't afford it)... kids wont die if they have to share their room with their brothers or sisters... kids wont die if they have to use their backpack more than one year... kids wont die if they have to use the 30 cent spiral notebook instead of the 10$ trapper keeper... kids wont die if they have to wear handme downs instead of hollister. What kids need is love from 2 parents, a secure environment, clothing to cover themselves, shelter from the elements, nurishment for their belly (vegetables, milk, meat), and education. All the rest is luxury.

I understand the premise of where this "must be financially secure first" view is coming from - but I take the stand of my close cousin and her husband who are in their mid 30s... "If you wait till you think you are ready, you will never have any kids...because things always crop up to where you realize you are never as ready as you 'could be'". (btw, they had 3 kids in their early 20s...when they would be considered by most standards "poor" - today, 15 years later they are worth over a million dollars due to the father's successful sale of his growing business). If they would have waited they would have missed out on the 3 beautiful daughters they had.

Someone with a good work ethic and strong desire will succeed in becoming financially secure regardless of their children status.

[sweeps]

I agree that you'll never be prepared for kids. If you wait until you're fully prepared, you'll miss the window of opportunity. You make adjustments, not just with your finances but with your time, your hobbies, your social life.

[DebbieL]

I come from a family where I was the youngest of 5 kids. I absolutely LOVED coming from a big family (although it wasn't all that big then - I'm 37 and it was much more common then). I loved my siblings. If we ever did without anything (and we really didn't), then we were unaware of it. I wouldn't have traded it for anything.

I on the other hand only have 1 child (she's 14) and no plans for more. The reasons were partly personal, but mostly financial. It is a different world today. My parents were able to do everything, drive new cars, have no debt, buy a house, raise 5 kids on my dad's income. Today? I can't make enough to even think about buying a house here at current insane prices (average last month was $573K). 5 kids? No way!

[moneybags]

Kids wont die if they dont go to the dentist 2 times a year... kids wont die if they dont get a physical every year (yeh, its nice but its a "luxury" that doesn't guarantee them to be any more healthier than ones who can't afford it

You won't die if you don't go to the dentist 2 times a year, but I grew up in a family of 8 kids. I didn't go to the dentist between ages 6 & 16. We couldn't afford it. My siblings and I are now paying the price of poor dental care growing up. Caps, implants, crowns, gum problems, etc. I prefer to have my kids in twice a year to protect their financial future. The preventive care avaliable now is a must in my opinion. As for the annual physical, I prefer that also as early detection is crucial in medical care.

I do agree that you don't need your own room, cell phone, lots of toys, etc. as those are "luxuries".

[DebbieL]

My daughter never saw a dentist until last year (she's 14) because I couldn't afford the dental coverage. She is now covered under my husband's benefits. I was really scared that she would need some major work or something. Guess what? She's never had a cavity yet, and needed nothing done! Yeah! I was relieved. I always made sure she takes good care of her teeth, because I couldn't afford the dental work (plus it's just good hygiene). That and fortunate genetics gave her good teeth. I am glad to be in a bit better of a financial situation now, and she does go twice a year to the dentist now.

[disneysteve]

I work in a very poor area where folks generally can't afford dental care (even if they can afford cigarettes, beer and lottery tickets). Anyway, these folks, kids and adults alike, have the worst teeth you can imagine. In fact, a great many adults, even relatively young ones, have few if any teeth remaining. The kids have mouths filled with rotted, decayed teeth. It is really quite a serious problem. A lot of it also comes from them living on junk food because it is so cheap.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Um, I don't know then how so many families have 3+ kids making the median $45k/year in US. If there are so many financial needs for these children.

I do think that a lot of it is what we think we need to provide for our kids beyond drs, dentists, etc.

[sweeps]

I would like to meet a family that is earning $45k/yr or less with 3+ children and not making some tough choices to make ends meet.

As a side note, I consider savings an important part of a family's budget. So if a family is not saving for retirement and/or college, than they've made a tough choice as far as I'm concerned.

[disneysteve]

Um, I don't know then how so many families have 3+ kids making the median $45k/year in US. If there are so many financial needs for these children.

You are correct that median income is about 45K but keep in mind that according to the US Census Bureau, the average family size is 3.14 people. So a family of 5 earning the median income would be out of synch with the average family size. That has to impact spending decisions significantly I would think, though I can't speak from experience here.

Can it be done? Sure. Millions of people are doing it. But something probably has to suffer in the process whether it is college or retirement savings, health care, nutrition, education, etc. You can't do it all with 5 people to feed and clothe and limited funds. Remember also that the national savings rate was below zero last year. Maybe big families with small incomes play into that statistic, but I'm just speculating here. No stats to back this up. Merely "thinking" out loud.

[PrincessPerky]

I would like to meet a family that is earning $45k/yr or less with 3+ children and not making some tough choices to make ends meet.

Pleased to meet ya Sweeps , my name is Perky, here is GMC my oldest, JC my girl, and UE my youngest......

Tough is choosing between food for the kids vs food for the husband, haven't been that bad off ever. Savings and retirement might not look like your pretty picture, but it is there.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Probably you are right. I guess I only hear large families who say it can easily be done to live on. But you don't ask if they are saving for retirement, for sure not college. They definitely feel college is a luxury.

[pearlieq]

Um, I don't know then how so many families have 3+ kids making the median $45k/year in US. If there are so many financial needs for these children.

First of all, as Disneysteve pointed out, that's not actually a scenario that reflects the medians in our society.

Secondly, they aren't making it. A family making 45k with three kids is going to be cutting some serious corners. They're likely in debt and don't have much in the way of savings.

I doubt if you interviewed a family of 5 making 45k a year, they'd be telling you that everything is hunky dory and that they didn't have money problems.

You may find an exception or two along the way, but in general that's very precarious position to be in, and I certainly wouldn't choose it for myself of my family.

At any rate, OP, no one here is trying to stop you from doing whatever you want. Kids don't have to cost a fortune, but the cost is significant enough to factor into the decision.

[pearlieq]

This thread keeps making me think about my nephew, and it's making me sad.

DH's brother comes from an economically depressed rust belt town. Two years ago his girlfriend got pregnant. They tried to keep up their relationship for the baby's sake, but it didn't work and they broke up.

My nephew's mom (let's call her Mary) has 3 kids from a previous marriage. She works as a checker at Kroger for about $8/hr and luckily her mom watches the kids. My BIL works as a CNA for about $12/hr.

So now Mary has 4 kids to support on about $15k per year plus some child support. Housing consists of whatever old rental house they can get for cheap. They've moved twice in the two years. She has a car, but heaven knows what will happen when it breaks. They have terrible insurance (but hey, at least they have some) and they're always trying to decide which bills to pay this month.

I feel so awful that this is what my nephew's life is going to be. Forget college--he'll be lucky if he gets to go to preschool. There won't be any soccer team, or summer camp, or art lessons. But while that makes me sad, it's not the worst of it.

The worst is that in his life there will just be the constant worry about money and doing without. It's sad when a kid knows what a repo man is or how often you have to pay the power bill before they cut your lights off.

I don't think someone needs to have perfect finances before having kids. But I think being solvent, however modestly, should be a pre-requisite.

P.S. Should we even talk about the fact that she's pregnant again (new boyfriend)? Twins this time...