Having Kids

[sweeps]

As with most of these discussions it also depends where you live. If you're living out in the boonies and your house costs $75,000, then it's obviously easier to get by than if you live in a city or the suburbs where the cost of living is substantially higher.

"It's all relative."

[cschin4]

Actually, a child did die recently because of lack of dental care and abcesses that infected his brain. I think the dental care has become a luxury as dentists were alot "smarter" than doctors when it came to accepting patients for treatment, etc. IThey are not obligated to treat anyone they don't want to, at least not in my area. And it is increasingly difficult to get dental care when you need it most. If you aren't already a paying patient, there aren't any "on call" dentists who are obligated to see you.

[Broken Arrow]

I agree that you'll never be prepared for kids. If you wait until you're fully prepared, you'll miss the window of opportunity. You make adjustments, not just with your finances but with your time, your hobbies, your social life.

I completely agree as well, although I do think that some financial planning, if whenever possible, is also a wise course of action.

[Broken Arrow]

So now Mary has 4 kids to support on about $15k per year plus some child support. Housing consists of whatever old rental house they can get for cheap. They've moved twice in the two years. She has a car, but heaven knows what will happen when it breaks. They have terrible insurance (but hey, at least they have some) and they're always trying to decide which bills to pay this month.

...

The worst is that in his life there will just be the constant worry about money and doing without. It's sad when a kid knows what a repo man is or how often you have to pay the power bill before they cut your lights off.

I don't think someone needs to have perfect finances before having kids. But I think being solvent, however modestly, should be a pre-requisite.

P.S. Should we even talk about the fact that she's pregnant again (new boyfriend)? Twins this time...

Good Lord, that's scary! Yeah, I really do feel bad on some level for her, because that's not going to be easy there, even if this is what she wanted out of life.

My own situation, while not even that dire, paints a similar picture. I currently make mid-30k, and my ex is around the mid 50k. IF we were together and IF we managed our finances wisely, we should have been OK financially. However, because we are NOT together, and because we did NOT manage our finances wisely, I would have to say that we're doing rather badly as well.

For example, while this isn't the end of the world, we most certainly don't have any college savings for our oldest son, who just turned 17. If he plans on going to college, he's going to have to do it on his own with grants, scholarships, and loans.

As for my younger two... *sigh* I think we still have a little bit of savings for them, but my ex is not financially responsible, sad to say, and my 30k is barely enough to keep myself afloat. I'm not squandering mine I don't think. I am at least pushing very aggressively towards retirement savings and debt reduction. Of course, with less than 40k to work with, it is not without its limits.

So, although I wouldn't go so far as to say that my family is suffering, we most certainly have not met certain financial milestones that I think is important for all adults-- especially parents-- to meet.

However, I would also like to think that I am still young enough to turn my own ship around, and will still be able to provide some financial support for them in the later years.

[disneysteve]

If he plan on going to college, he's going to have to do it with grants, scholarships, and loans, period.

Don't forget about work! Lots of college students work their way through with on-campus or off-campus jobs and summer jobs. Assuming he goes to a reasonably priced in-state school, he could probably earn enough to cover most of his costs.

[Broken Arrow]

Don't forget about work! Lots of college students work their way through with on-campus or off-campus jobs and summer jobs. Assuming he goes to a reasonably priced in-state school, he could probably earn enough to cover most of his costs.

Oh yes, he is most certainly interested in working... but perhaps not for the same kind of purposes that you and I have in mind. I encourage and is offering to help him in all this, but in the end, it's up to him to make it happen.

[getforfree]

I came from a large family and we had to share a bedroom. 4 people in it, taking turns for a space to do the homework, always noisy. I just hated it all.

And me, having to be the oldest and babysitting the youngest and doing chores while most of my classmates were just playing outside. I mussed out a lot because my parents decide to have lots of kids.

Yes, we were never hangry or cold without clothes. But most of my friends, who had 2 kids in the family, had their own room, quiet comfortable place and didn't have to work as hard, even if their parents were making less than mine, because there were less people in the house.

Man, I was always jealos of that. And I don't want my kids to go thru so much trouble and hate me for having too many and not being able to give them what most of their friends have and what they would consider a normal life. And I don't want them to have to work while in college and ending up dropping out, I got AA only, because of finances.

[KarenSue]

Financial plans? Ha! I had my daughter when I was 21 and we lived in a small apartment at the time. We saved our money and bought our first home before she was 2. When she was 4 I quit my job to be a stay at home mom, and we had our 2nd when she was 5 1/2. When our son got older I worked at a school so I was off during the summers and holidays - same as the kids. We never had them in any kind of daycare - my MIL took care of our daughter before I quit my job.

We scraped and scrounged a lot.

If we didn't have kids, we would be way better off financially. I would have been able to work steadily instead of taking time off to stay home with them. We went through paying for...

diapers, formula, doctor visits, baby equipment
shoes, clothes, school supplies, musical instruments
lessons (dance, gymnastics, music, horseback riding, cheerleading)
medications, braces, bedroom furniture, food (for friends, too)
gas (driving back and forth everywhere in the world it seemed)

And that was just the first kid...

Now the kids are 12 and 18 and the 18 y.o. has her first apartment and is in the process of moving out. As much as we have sacrificed of our time, money (and sanity), if I could go back I would probably have had one more in between the two that we have. I can't imagine not having children. I'm the youngest of 5 and my husband is the youngest of 6.

Was it worth it? Yes.

The way the 18 year old has been driving us crazy lately, I may have a different answer for you tomorrow! Just kidding.

[PrincessPerky]

you can make 100k a year and still not have enough saved to put your kid through college.....on the other hand people who make 30K often do have lots put away....it is more about the financial responsibility of the parents than the income.

Like I said we now get to make more than 30K and we DO have a three bedroom house (paid a lot more than that 20% of income though!) we also do have retirement and savings for the kids (as well as an EF) might not be as big as if we made 100K, or it might be the same and we might just waste the other 70K , can't tell till I get to walk in those shoes....anyone wanna trade salaries for a month? (kidding)

[Ima saver]

I chose not to get pregnant and I adopted instead. If I had the power to do it over, I would not have adopted and just stuck with cute puppies!!!

[LuckyRobin]

My sister has four kids and has been a SAHM for twelve years of their lives. Up until a year ago the most her husband made was $23,000 a year. He did have decent medical and excellent dental benefits. He was underpaid for years. They owned what was an 1800 squarefoot $100,000 home on 1.5 acres of land when they bought it, with a 40% down payment. They had no debt at all other than their mortgage. She homeschools.

Her eldest child did Running Start and got his AA for free by the time he was 18. He then took a correspondence course while working and supporting himself, living with a frugal roommate in a frugal state (not this one!). Her second eldest just turned 16 and he will be doing Running Start for free in the fall.

They have always lived frugally. They have some meat and potatoes as well as plenty of rice, TVP, and vegetables. She is excellent at squeezing a dollar, finding cheaper sources of groceries, using coupons and rebates for toiletries, and using ammonia or bleach (never together) for cleaning, as well as vinegar and baking soda. They had no cable, no internet, no cell phone, one landline that made local calls only with no frills. They had a well so no water bill, and septic tank so no sewer bill. Their property taxes were low because they were a mile outside the city limits.

They have never owned a new car. Because BIL worked in an auto parts store for so long he had great contacts when good used cars came up, so they always had nice cars that were well-maintained but at least 8 years old when they bought them for very little money.

All four of her children are boys so there were a lot of hand me downs, and she got hand me downs from my eldest sister to begin with. On rare occasions some clothing didn't make it to her fourth son so she did buy some new stuff for him if she couldn't find it at yard sales or consignment stores or Value Village and Goodwill, but the new stuff was usually Garanimals or the like, not expensive name brand things. He was given a lot of OshKosh jeans from grandparents (which my son eventually got handed down in near perfect condition).

They always have tithed 10% of their income to church and saved $2000 a year. It wasn't easy but they did it. Now they sold their house and moved away for a new job that pays what he is worth, that has excellent dental and medical, 401K with 6 percent matching at 100%. They have $200,000 in the bank from the sale of their home, sitting in a CD at almost 6%. They don't plan to buy a house again for at least a year, since BIL is now a trouble shooter and will be bouncing around for some time until he finally settles into one position. They make more in interest than they pay for their rental house each month.

Sis has not gone wild, she has improved the groceries quite a bit with better cuts of meat, but otherwise she continues her frugal ways. She has opened a spousal IRA and continues to save as much as she can (a lot more now) and to tithe.

So, she had the big family she wanted, they struggled but were happy, healthy, well-behaved children who love each other very much. No one ever went hungry. If an unexpected expense came up, usually medical, she would take a night job at the manufacturing plant and work 4 10 hour shifts until the bill was paid off.

It can be done. It isn't easy, but if you want a large family and are willing to do what it takes to support it, and go without luxuries but not necessities, she proves it can be done.

[PrincessPerky]

Wonderful story Robin! thank you for sharing.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Robin, thanks. I didn't think it was too much to have kids, glad it turned out well.