how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

[lrjohnson]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

That is actually a very offensive thing to say to me as it obviously implies that I do think of these occasions as merely a financial transaction.

My point remains that I only choose to attend weddings of those I truly care about, so I am as generous as I possibly can be.

The reason I am frugal is so that I can be generous with those I love. Not to horde it all for myself.

I agree I didn't phrase that well at all. I was upset myself because somehow your post seemed to indicate that I'd be giving little because I didn't know people well. I apologize.

Because I offended you, I'm guessing that's what you lobbed back the "horde it all to myself" line. I guess I asked for it as I was snippy. But really, since I indicated I gave $150 as a gift the last time, when the meal cost $6.50 per head, I'm not sure that it's right to imply that I want to horde my money, or that anyone who doesn't pay attention to the price of the meal wants to horde money.

My point, originally, was that I didn't think that the cost of the dinner or the wedding in any way should dictate the prices of the the gift given. I don't have a probvlem with people being generous. What offends me is the idea that the generosity is dictated by the scale of the wedding. I would have give the $150 whether they eloped or had a $30,000 wedding.

[Gruntina]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

Mother in Law wanted to know what we wanted as wedding gifts because many people are calling her up.

I did not know what to say because we did not registered. My fiance came in and said " I rather get a bad gift than to ask for one".

[LuxLiving]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

Would it be rude to say, "We are trying to fix up the house, so either cash or a gift card to Home Depot or Lowe's, but whatever someone wanted to do will be great with us"???

In my opinion the answer is no. I'd much rather gift someone in a way that will actually benefit them. I remember getting silver tea service items when I married. UGH! I'm not into tea nor serving it - while it was a lovely gift and thought it just did not suit our personalities or lifestyle!

[Coleroo]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

I'd much rather gift someone in a way that will actually benefit them. I remember getting silver tea service items when I married. UGH! I'm not into tea nor serving it - while it was a lovely gift and thought it just did not suit our personalities or lifestyle!

Lux, I just got married back in June. We were engaged for almost 9 months and have a huge family - my aunt was insistant at first that I register for a china place setting so people could get me china. She thought I was odd because I didnt want a $20 spoon or $300 plate!! Expensive china does not fit my lifestyle or desires... all I wanted was the blue willow plate sets mom picking me up at BILO for $2.50 a set! I know china is important to some families and people, but I couldn't fathom having dishes I was afraid of dropping, afraid of eating off of, afraid of letting the dog use one of them (as her own personal one of course..lol)... and then to have to spend more money on a hutch to store them in.. to collect dust... ? I had just rather had something more useful than china. Thankfully I didnt let my aunt guilt trip me and I didnt register for china. And my 6 place set blue willow old timey plates from bilo have served us well!

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

It depends on the wedding where it's held, close friend or not and stuff.

[Aleta]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

Coloroo: You are so wise. My son and his wife did the same. Their wedding planner suggested that they choose gifts from the registry's that were $50 and over. My daughter-in-law just wanted stuff she could use, not store up. They wanted gifts that others could add to if that was all the money they had to spend. Plus, any money from the wedding could be used in any of the registered stores to purchase whatever didn't get purchased at 10 or 15% discount. Needless to say that they received everything that they could have possibly wanted because they were frugal and wise in their choosing of gifts. They had a very exclusive wedding on one of the private plantations in South Carolina and believe me the wedding was beautiful. The most beautiful part was their graciousness.

[vsjhoc]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

Here's an idea: Register so that guests can donate to your chosen charities instead of giving gifts you don't want or don't need. From JustGive's website:

"The new trend for giving charitable gifts has extended past corporate donations and holiday gifts. With more and more people getting married later in life, there is a new trend for soon-to-be-married couples asking for charitable donations in lieu of traditional wedding gifts. JustGive (www.justgive.org), a nonprofit organization dedicated to increasing overall charitable giving by making it part of our everyday lives, has streamlined this process by offering a unique online Charity Wedding Registry for couples looking to create a wish list of their favorite nonprofit organizations that they would like to help...

... JustGive's Charity Wedding Registry allows couples to choose from any of the 850,000 charities in the U.S., add personal information about themselves and their wedding, send an email to friends and family notifying them of their registry, and access password-protected reports that detail who has donated to what charity on their registry so they can send out timely 'Thank You' cards. The couple is also notified via email whenever a donation is made in their name."

[Gruntina]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

[QUOTE=LuxLiving]Would it be rude to say, "We are trying to fix up the house, so either cash or a gift card to Home Depot or Lowe's, but whatever someone wanted to do will be great with us"???
QUOTE]


I would not put registry or this wording in your invitations. You might want to pass this information to Parents of the bride or groom and let them spread the word around if any one asks them for gifts suggestions.

[LuxLiving]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

I was actually speaking to your question Gruntina - aren't you the one who is getting ready to marry someone w/a house that is needing fixups???? and the one who has folks asking family members what they can buy you?

I'm an 'older' married lady of many years! But, of course we may have a 25 year anniversary celebration next year where this question could come up!

[Gruntina]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

I was actually speaking to your question Gruntina - aren't you the one who is getting ready to marry someone w/a house that is needing fixups???? and the one who has folks asking family members what they can buy you?

I'm an 'older' married lady of many years! But, of course we may have a 25 year anniversary celebration next year where this question could come up!

I am not sure if I quoted that question as I was searching back and I believe I did not. But if I did... my apologies. I also noted that quote you had in your message was retyped rather than taken from a message.

Yes I am getting married and yes our house is in dire need to be fixed up so it’s supported and not fall to the grown. But still my needs in the house have nothing to do with the wedding and the joyous celebration associated with that.

I would like a home depot card but ... that is not something I would ask of people except for my parents since they have been asking me for months. I personally think it’s tacky to put registry information or wanting specific gifts in invitations.

[LuxLiving]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

Oh I wasn't suggesting it be put in an invitation...I thought you said your mother in law was asking you what you'd like as people had been calling her.

I was thinking maybe it wouldn't be offensive to your fiance to tell his mom that -- you are looking to fix it up and if she wanted to pass that info along to others since they are already asking.

Sorry I was asking a question and then answering it myself in the quotes. Confusing! My fault.

[katwoman]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

Around here it's the norm to offer gifts for both the shower and the wedding. For the shower you give something off the registry and for the wedding you give money. It works out very well and I really like that system.

I'll usually spend about $75 on a shower gift and another $75 check for the wedding. More if someone is close to me, less (but never lower than $25 for shower/$50 for wedding check) if we're not close.

Yup, being a Chicagoan I can second most of this.

For the shower I pick up a $100 item at BB&B or LnT and use a 20% off coupon. The item is always on their registry, however. They get what they ask for and I have no probelm with that.

For the wedding it's $100 in cash. Let me clarify - that's my contribution alone. If I'm someone's date to a wedding, I have no idea what they put in the envelop. I feel it's just good manners to try to cover the cost of the plate.

And just so everyone knows - I've never been married and I've been to a lot of weddings. I don't begrudge what anyone wants or expects from their wedding. It's their day and they're entitled to their dreams.

[PrincessPerky]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

Gruntina, as a gift searcher, I would rather know what on earth you wanted, and be free to follow or not, than be searching blindly in the dark..though I dito the word of mouth to MIL or mom not in the invitation...and I understand if you disagree, I used to to some extent....just I now think that giving ideas is for the giver, not the recipient...

Right now I am trying to come up with something to give my mothers husband...really I would much prefer to know than to spend loot on a gift he feels obligated to keep (most people are not like me, ditching happily with thanks the gifts that don't fit my life).

[Gruntina]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

Luxliving - sorry for misinterpreting your message to begin with. I see your point.

Princess Perky - I also see your point.

I would want to know what the person really wants if I was too to spend money on a gift for them. How would I go about it without getting the image of bridzilla and be gracious?

I probably feel differently for my wedding because 90% of my guests are flying in from another state. I am surprise so many can come to the Bay Area with the location being so expensive for hotels and food and etc. I am more than happy that they can be at the wedding to celebrate together.

So far the people asking Mother in Law about what gifts we would want, I do not know them and never had met them. They are friends of the Mother in law and they are not invited to the wedding. This feels akward.


But I have been thinking more about this since this forum… Maybe my fiancé and I should register at a reasonable place to make it easier on other people…. I would have to convince my soon to be hubby first smile.

[Coleroo]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

Coloroo: You are so wise. My son and his wife did the same. Their wedding planner suggested that they choose gifts from the registry's that were $50 and over. My daughter-in-law just wanted stuff she could use, not store up. They wanted gifts that others could add to if that was all the money they had to spend. Plus, any money from the wedding could be used in any of the registered stores to purchase whatever didn't get purchased at 10 or 15% discount. Needless to say that they received everything that they could have possibly wanted because they were frugal and wise in their choosing of gifts. They had a very exclusive wedding on one of the private plantations in South Carolina and believe me the wedding was beautiful. The most beautiful part was their graciousness.

Thank you Aleta.. you're much too kind. I bet that wedding WAS gorgeous - we have some very beautiful plantations scattered here in South Carolina! Im sure you were so proud!