how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

[fairy74]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

I must agree with lrjohnson and princess perky....if someone is choosing to have a $100 per plate reception they clearly have money to burn or have not learned to say no to their children's every whim (in the first case good for them, and I'll enjoy the wedding while still spending the same amount on the gift, in the second case, too bad for them and I'll bring the same kind of gift)

The true spirit of a wedding is love and a community pledging to support that love. It does not require expensive gifts. Brides who get this are thrilled with all gifts from small tupperware items to the largest gifts.

[skinnybudget]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

In the past we've spent $20-$50 generally, but for my sister's wedding we spent more. If we go to any kind of party where our meals are paid for, we try to include at least as much as our meals are. Dh's aunts and uncles are all in the age range to have 60-70-80th birthday parties, then 1st birthday parties (these are big events) and other similar events we do this. When we had Ds's 1st birthday party, most families gave $20-50 and closer families gave $100-200 range. We ended up being over $1000 ahead when all was said and done. I'm not really sure what this has to do with the OP though!

[Gruntina]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

[QUOTE=fairy74]I must agree with lrjohnson and princess perky....if someone is choosing to have a $100 per plate reception they clearly have money to burn or have not learned to say no to their children's every whim QUOTE]

I agree but then again... how do guests know how much each plate cost? I would not tell people the cost of my wedding or how much each plate cost for guests.

[fairy74]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

yes, I agree with Gruntina, it is tacky to tell people how much their plate is costing, however I have noticed some brides' parents dropping hints...doesn't affect how much I spend on the gift, but it may "guilt" some people into spending more...

[LuxLiving]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

Depends - on an extended family member it MIGHT go to $40. An acquaintance at church I generally give a clear glass serving platter which can be obtained in the $5-15 range depending on where I'm shopping at the time. Clear glass works as it can be used w/most any motif someone comes up with. Sorry, I'm not breaking the bank for an acquaintance, and to some of you that may appear that I'm being cheap. For our budget these kinds of price levels are reasonable. We gift ONE gift to the couple - either at the shower or the wedding, but not both. Now when it comes to my kids then the story is and will be different - but not $100 a plate different.

[fairy74]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

Right on LuxLiving, I agree with your system of doing it...

[Aleta]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

I totally agree with you Lux Living. There was a time that people invited those to their wedding to share their special day and for the most part the parents paid for the wedding. Today, it has become a business. It has totally lost its meaning. If you're ever to stay on a budget, you could never give the amounts that I have seen here today. We've all become an ungrateful society and have forgotten to become humble enough to except gifts of any kind.

My son and his fiance were married in an extemely exclusive plantation where they only permit two weddings a year from those who own property there. They went to Williams-Sonoma and places like that and asked for a number of pieces for each item they chose. My son told me that if someone could only afford two spoons that that was OK with him. He didn't want people to not be able to buy a gift because of their circumstances. My son and his wife threw their own oyster roast at their own expense the night before the wedding. I have never seen two people more gracious than those two and I have to tell you that my son didn't come from a home with a lot of money. She did, but not him. I have never seen a more beautiful wedding than what those two had and most of it was because of their total unselfishness.

[savvy06]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

We always try to be fair and cover at least our meals, $80 - $150, depending how well we know them and always give cash.

For family we've given much more than that.

[Amanda W]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

In the past in my non-frugal days, I would always give $100. I'm planning on cutting that down to $50 for close friends/family members and $25 for acquaintances. I also only give one wedding gift per lifetime. I have a friend who's been married twice in the past three years and did huge registries for both. Tacky!

[MarianneJ]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

That $100 has to cover 2 plates, so not $100 per plate. Our wedding was as frugal as I could possibly make it, but it also had to be kosher so more expensive than many other options. Our wedding was probably the least expensive kosher wedding reception in the history of Judaism , and it cost us about $35/plate. I consider $50 per plate (so the $100 my DH and I give) as low as possible while still trying to cover the expense of the new couple. I hate knowing that I am not really giving them a gift because they will be paying more for my presence than what I can comfortably give. If I am physically attending someone's wedding then I am obviously a close relative or best friend of that person and I am going to be as generous as I possibly can. Do you all attend alot of weddings where you hardly know the couple or what?

If you can handmake a gift or take the video/pictures that is AMAZING. I would appreciate that more than any amount of cash. My whole point is that, if I am giving cash then I am going to give as much as I can since these are people who I love and care about.

As far as my own wedding, if others had not been involved our wedding would have had 100 people LESS and cost us much less, but you've got to also keep the parents and in-laws happy. Everything is give and take, especially if you want to try to keep a happy family before you are even a member!

[lrjohnson]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

Do you all attend alot of weddings where you hardly know the couple or what?

I only go to weddings of those I'm close to. Two in my 18 years as an adult. Because I'm close, that's exactly why I don't think of attending as a financial transaction.

[LuxLiving]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

In our area of the country for the most part weddings are not sit down dinners. There is generally the wedding proper in the church and a small reception w/cake and mint/nuts, punch afterwards perhaps in the church dining hall.

[Beccagold]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

It's amazing how different things are depending where you live. I'm on Long Island and I normally spend $50 on a shower gift, and $250 cash for a wedding gift. More if its close family/friend.

[MarianneJ]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

I only go to weddings of those I'm close to. Two in my 18 years as an adult. Because I'm close, that's exactly why I don't think of attending as a financial transaction.

That is actually a very offensive thing to say to me as it obviously implies that I do think of these occasions as merely a financial transaction.

My point remains that I only choose to attend weddings of those I truly care about, so I am as generous as I possibly can be.

The reason I am frugal is so that I can be generous with those I love. Not to horde it all for myself.

[kealina]

Re: how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

As far as my own wedding, if others had not been involved our wedding would have had 100 people LESS and cost us much less, but you've got to also keep the parents and in-laws happy. Everything is give and take, especially if you want to try to keep a happy family before you are even a member!

lol... i know what you mean... our guest list would have been even smaller if we hadn't bothered to ask our grandparents and parents if there was anybody we "needed" to invite.... they were still not quite happy because we didn't want them (we paid for the whole thing) to invite people who weren't close friends that we hadn't known growing up and stuff like that...

still, our wedding ended up small and we appreciated that...
also, on the topic of gratefulness... i think as we are frugal we were a lot more unassuming than most who get married might be about gifts... we didn't want anybody giving us a gift they couldn't afford...

not everybody is scamming or trying to get gifts... if we invited people it was because they were family, we wanted them to be there or our parents/grandparents really wanted them to be there...