just curious about splurges

[Smallsteps]

I am curious how to find a better balance. On this site some of us are counting every penny to put away and payoff debt, myself included. I know all the things I need to putting money away for retirement / and house funds for any repairs upgrades the list seems endless and the amounts needed always rising.
The issue seems to bother me from time to time I see friends/ co-workers and even some family that although they have a big expense coming up they seem to fit in trips/eating out and even overpriced tickets for entertainment. I do not have all the details of their finances but they do not seem to bat an eye.
I mentioned in another post my child getting married later this summer we gave a small amount towards wedding and recently were asked if we could loan or help more with the costs we decided we could help a tiny bit more and could loan money if they were short.
Now just two weeks after that request the couple announced they are planning a camping trip in another state and a day at an amusement park that I know is pricey to get in. My spouse will not back out of a promise but I am wondering if they are short maybe they should forgo trips / eating out etc things we all do when faced with budget shortfall.
I sometimes wonder if my budget is just too tight?? We seldom splurge and even cut back even more lately. I know we earn more / have more in savings then most of these people but I guess I chose to save for things with my money. It is often annoying that everyone else is having a party while I am being frugal. I know one of Ramsey's mottos about living like no one now … then you can live like no one else in the future.

What if in the future I have missed chances that never come around again??

How often do you ease up for the occasional vacations/ celebrations without going off track? like credit cards or diets we never intend on letting things get away from us but sometimes they do .

[bjl584]

I'd suggest incorporating a "fun money" fund into your budgeting. Maybe ease up on a debt repayment and reallocate that cash into a separate category for fun, vacations, eating out, whatever. That way you will be paying off debt, saving, and still be able to live your life and keep your sanity.

[Jluke]

Maybe you do need a line item in your budget for Entertainment.

You also mention savings and debt. I remember your other thread that you update.

Is there an opportunity now to use some of your savings to completely payoff one debt?

That will give you back some cash each month since the debt would have been eliminated.

[disneysteve]

First, don't base your own spending or finances on what anyone else is doing. Most people are broke and in debt. Just because they are doing something doesn't mean they can afford it.

Second, with apologies to Dave Ramsey, I agree with having a "fun" budget even if you are actively paying off debt. You can go whole hog for a while but eventually you feel deprived and lose focus. If you get the occasional dinner out or weekend getaway, it's easier to stay on track. Just make that fun budget an amount that makes sense for your situation.

It is annoying when everyone around you is out having fun and you're not but just keep reminding yourself that they can't afford it. They are racking up debt and putting little to nothing in savings so that they can do all of that spending.

I know someone who is getting married next spring. She is frequently talking about how much the wedding is costing them and how she's working as much overtime as she can to get money for it. Last week she took out some sort of loan to start paying wedding expenses. And then last minute, she and her partner decided to go to Vegas for a few days. And not only are they going but they booked a side trip to the Grand Canyon and a special tour and some other bells and whistles. Well if you need all of your money for the wedding and even had to take out a personal loan, where did you suddenly get the money for 5 days in Vegas?

[jacklpalmer]

You need to live, bro. Having a sound family budget and sticking with it is key. Absolutely. But you have to splurge to some extent. You can put "splurge money" or "fun money" into the budget if that suits you.

Myself as an example - I love board games. I'd spend hundreds of dollars a week on board games if I could get away with it. Is it the wisest move from a financial stand point? Absolutely not. But does that mean I shouldn't buy myself a board game every one in awhile? Also absolutely not.

It's one of my things. I myself have some minor incomes that are not budgeted. Mostly because they're unpredictable when they come in. I cleverly have them auto-EFTed into my savings account. Because my savings account is where my "fun money" is. Just how I do it. When I have a good stock of extra change in there. I do something fun with it.

That may or may not work for you. Sure, I could invest or reinvest that money, but you know what? I got a life to live and it's worth it to me to do something I want to do every now and again. What's life without a little fun?

[Smallsteps]

Thanks for the responses,
I know I am in control and have some budget room for a splurge if I chose.
I just seem to talk myself out of most. Spouse is usually the counter balance but seems to be as confused as I am this time as to why some people can ask for a loan then turn around and announce a vacation.
I honestly think the couple is deluding themselves on how much debt they can handle.
I just sometimes feel like I am the only person sitting there shaking my head as the People around me try to get OT or side gigs and share too much debt info, then decide to take off for some trip or buy some big ticket item.

[Thrif-t]

It's just the way of the world now Smallsteps, no one denies themselves anything. If they want it they get it.

We never had a lot of money for splurges and a lot times had to do free things. I think that is why I'm so Thrif-t even now when I don't need to be.

If you put the time in you can find fun things to do that don't cost a lot or any money. But most are too lazy to do that.

Oh well, I'm glad I'm like I am. I don't have any debt and I'm loving life and having fun too. It was worth the lean years to be where I am today. Just keep chugging along you'll get there

[creditcardfree]

I would feel the same way. Offer a loan to someone and then see them splurge would be very disheartening. A promise to one of your children is fine, but now you have new information for future requests with this couple.

I do agree with budgeting fun money. If paying down debt reward yourself with something when you meet certain designated milestones in your debt payoff journey.

You will never regret paying off debt. But we all deserve some fun once in awhile. Life is too short to ignore that entirely!

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I think you need to have fun along the way with paying off debt. Or else I think if you have a large debt and small shovel you'll never feel like you are accomplishing anything. It's a change in habit.

Like dieting. You can starve for 1 month or you can change your eating habits for the rest of your life and live on the new "budget" that has eating out, trips, etc, so you never really feel deprived. Instead it's just the new norm.

[msomnipotent]

Thanks for the responses,
Spouse is usually the counter balance but seems to be as confused as I am this time as to why some people can ask for a loan then turn around and announce a vacation.
I honestly think the couple is deluding themselves on how much debt they can handle.

Several of my family members have done that to me and it drives me crazy. I know they think, "Well, I just handled that problem so now it is time to celebrate", and then they are right back to the problem when it comes time to pay for the celebration. On the flip side, people that really don't know my finances assume that I'm spending all of my husband's money and sending us to the poor house. Notice that I said "my husband's money".

I "barter kinged" my way up from a china set I paid $50 for at an estate sale into a motorcycle. I'm going to try to trade it for a PWC this year if I ever get around to it. I traded a bunch of junk jewelry and $20 for a Honda scooter, and that will get tossed into the deal if I need to. Craigslist has a pretty active bartering section, so if you can't afford it, try to trade for it.

If you want something like a vacation, pick a date and reserve the hotel room. Budget for the vacation just as you would a bill. The hotel has to be paid by this date, the airline tickets have to be paid by this date, the car rental gets paid next, etc. Having a travel related credit card might help. Most cc's offer discounted gift cards you can buy with points that can help with gas and food costs.

[Smallsteps]

It is NOT that I could not swing a small vacation or splurge ( we are living on about half our income) but always feel like it is doing more paying debt or saving. It is hard to turn off the what would this amount do to my balance mode.
I guess some might think I am jealous … but in fact I am just confused as to why so many do this.
It is none of my business what they chose to do with their money...….. but don't bend my ear with stories of student debt or the fact they may never afford to buy a home or they hope your car makes it a few more months, but then have the latest gadgets or fads or go to every concert, event or restaurant in town. Seriously do not ask me for a loan and then do this.
I might just snap and tell them off.

[disneysteve]

I am just confused as to why so many do this.

I've asked this question for years. I don't think you're ever going to get a logical answer because there's nothing logical about the behavior. If someone knows they are broke and struggling to make ends meet and still continues to spend money they don't have to get things they don't need, there's something seriously wrong with them. I will never understand how someone maxes out their credit card or overdraws their checking account or buys a house for 6 times their annual income or leases a car that costs as much as their annual income.

My mind just doesn't work that way.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Sigh remember my friend Ms N? She is in debt and bought a new car which I thought fine because the one she had a lot of miles. She bought used but only 1 year old because she only plans on keeping it 4 years until 5 years old and then trading it in for another 1 year old car. Her payments are 5 years. I pointed out that she should keep it 10 years.

She asked me how long I plan on keeping mine? I said 10 years. But I also bought a 3 year old used car and 7 years seems short to me personally. I pointed out that cars are barely used at 5 years and she said hers are always POS at 5 years.

This is how she and her husband got into so much financial problems. I did suggest a slightly older used car around $10k. She preferred to spend $21k. And she could have gotten one for $19k but cream instead of dark blue and she preferred that color. And if she's going to drive it she should like it.

So this is how people stay broke.

[Smallsteps]

That is incredible that if in a financial mess to pay more for a color preference. Seriously a car is just a tool in my world.
I have only had 1 car in my life that I really liked. alas it did not matter when some guy plowed into me it was totaled in 30 seconds. Live in a crappy driving area where people tend to merge without warning i just stay with functional anymore.

[jacklpalmer]

I don't loan money to people on principle. I've been burned by that behavior, only to find that people suddenly "don't have the money" to pay me back later.

Does that make me selfish? Sure, maybe a little. But in the wise words of Shakespeare; "neither lender nor borrower be."